Author: Kitsune Hanyou PM
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Its a scientific law, the same as "Equivalent Exchange". Ed brought his brother back, and Ed, Roy and Al all feel differently about it. Continued from "Returned."Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Drama - Alphonse E. & Edward E. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,495 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 05-05-09 - Published: 03-26-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4949358
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: All right, all right, I caved. I got so many people telling me that "Returned" needed to be continued, that the final line was not an ending, that I've decided to continue. I got two scenes that stuck in my head when I was ordered to continue, so why not? So much for me writing a "one-shot". You can understand this one on its own, maybe, but some of the things the characters will talk about happen in that story.
This is a three chapter fic, which will flow nicely into the sequel to Returned. So, for the peeps who wanted them, here it is. I've been experimenting with first person in my actual, "get paid for it" writing, so here's a fanfic attempt at it. This first chapter is for Ed, I gave him something different to feel guilty for. I think that sometimes, we forget that those two are just kids, and kids don't exactly make the most sound thinkers. These are going to be pretty short, in comparison to most of my fics.
Chapter One: Monster
Summary: No one is that selfless.
I did it. Just like I promised, I got Al's body back. Only…we got caught. Human Alchemy is a capital offense, with swift trails and even swifter carrying out of sentences. But I have Mustang! Heh, what would I do without the bastard colonel?
When he told me you were dead, little brother, I…I'd go through automail surgery every day if I never had to feel that pain ever again. I didn't know what to do.
Actually, that's a lie. I knew exactly what to do; but my arms were tied apart. They even had this stupid fucking glove over my flesh hand. I couldn't move. I…all I could do was lay there. Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye both just left me tied down. I finally broke the restraint on my automail arm, I transmuted the bed something that sort-of resembled your armor body, but this one was only an inch or so taller than me. You were always saying how you hated being so big and clunky.
I transmuted a blade onto my automail and was ready to draw the arrays over my body and on the armor in my own blood when it hit me. You died, Al. I got you body back, but because of what I did, you died. I killed my little brother. Even if I got your soul back, I'd be condemning you to never feeling, you'd be stuck in the armor forever, because I'd know that I couldn't ever give you back your flesh and blood body.
Could I really do that to you?
I transmuted the armor back into the gurney and sat next to it crying. I don't know how long it took before the first nurse came in, but when she did, she screamed for help. Funny, isn't it? They saw the blade on my automail and thought I was going to kill myself. Honestly, that hadn't occurred to me until they were wrestling me to the ground, removing my arm and telling me that I had shit to live for. The only thing I had thought about was getting you back.
They put me back onto the bed, tied down again and left me there. I got to thinking. I decided that if I needed to die, I didn't deserve to die as quickly as stabbing myself or slashing my wrists. After everything I've done, I deserved to suffer. I decided not to eat or drink anything.
A whole day passed, with me just laying there. You told me once that you didn't hate me. The longer I sat there, Al, the more I started to blame and hate you. How horrible am I, Alphonse? The longer I lay there, the more I thought about everything you had said to me. How you told me that you should have spoken up about that night we tried to bring mom back.
What kind of monster am I, brother? I killed you and I tried to blame you for it? I was so angry at you, little brother. I was supposed to protect you! I failed, and then said in my head that it was because of you that I messed up! That maybe if you had said that you didn't think bringing back mom was a good idea, you'd never have lost your body and I wouldn't only have one arm and leg! I'm sorry, Alphonse! I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
Then Mustang came in and told me you were alive. That nurse said you were crying for me, Alphonse. I was sitting there thinking all of this was your fault and you were crying, alone, hurt and scared? And when I saw you, tried to comfort you, you cried out, as if I'd hit you. You looked so small, Al. Small and fragile. Mustang and that nurse helped me get you out of there, but I didn't know what to do!
Everything hurts you, little brother. Being hot, being cold; I can't even hold you to comfort you! I don't know how to help you learn to walk again. I don't know how to do anything!
And you cry, tell me that it hurts to feel, that you want it all to stop?! You want to be back in that damn armor?! Like I never should have risked my life to give you your body back?!
I got your body back. It was never mine to give.
I'd never tell, but I tried that scary, "sensory deprivation tank" thing that nurse said might be helpful for you. I don't see how you can stand that horrible thing. As soon as I closed the cover and laid down in that body-temperature water, in pitch-blackness, I couldn't even hear my own breath with my ears under water. And with the water the same temperature as my body it was almost like I couldn't feel that my face wasn't underwater. I started to panic immediately, I couldn't feel, couldn't hear, couldn't see…
Is that what I did to you, Al?
Is that what it was like when you were in the armor?
I am a monster. A selfish, foolish monster.
I didn't want to have to live alone after what we tried with mom. I didn't want to live alone with the fact that I'd failed, that I failed and murdered my brother in the process. I forced you into that tank and locked the cover.
And as soon as I thought you were gone, I blamed it all on you. I'm sorry, Alphonse. I'm so sorry.
If it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to you.
I just hope you never find out that your brother really is a monster.