Author's Note: And now for the next installment of the epic adventures of Gary Stu!

And it's officially closed for OCs.

The Story With No Plot

Chapter 32

By JVM

The next morning I woke up pretty fucking groggy. I was half-naked, in one of Bebe's many beds, my glasses were almost off, and there were several paper punch cups on the floor... oh, fuck, CLYDE YOU ASSHOLE DID YOU SPIKE THE PUNCH AGAIN? Gah Clyde can be so nice sometimes, but sometimes he's almost as bad as Mr. Cartman. Now let me remember what happened...

"I have to go." Lizzy said, biting her lip and walking out Bebe's front door before anyone could question it. I yawned and sat back by Wendy.

"Enjoying the party?" Wendy asked quietly.

"Kind of. You?" I asked.

"I guess..." Wendy frowned.

"C'mon Wendy, don't feel so bad." I said, "Just try to have some fun tonight. Let loose." At that, Lucy and Craig came over holding hands. Craig flipped us off in greeting with his free hand. "Hey you two."

"Hey, what's poppin', guys?' Lucy asked.

"Nothing much." Wendy shrugged. I nodded.

"What the hell's wrong with you two?" Craig asked.

"Well, let's see, my boyfriend dumped me for a total airhead slut and as a result my popularity has fallen to triple zero, and my only real friend now is John over here, who's a total nerd, only further cementing me down at the bottom, but what do I care, at least someone talks to me now..."

"Jesus, Wendy's going Daria on us." Craig rolled his eyes.

"I just love sarcasm." I said truthfully.

"Awh, don't be down." Lucy said. "Today's a special day."

"Oh yes, it is. Right, Craig?" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh... doy. Luce, come over here." Craig pulled Lucy a few feet away by a table. I couldn't hear him but I knew what it was... you see, it was sort of Craig and Lucy's personal anniversery, so to speak. It was a year ago Craig realized he loved her... true, it wasn't for a while later til he actually asked her out. But that made it a surprise. And he got her-

"OH MY GOD CRAIG THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER I LOVE YOU-" Lucy was hugging Craig shitless and he was smiling like he just scored.

Craig got Lucy plane tickets to visit her family back in New York.

There wasn't a lot of time for happy basking...

"What's up, dick?" Eric Theodore Cartman, fatter than ever, not wearing his trademark cap and hair combed into that 'innocent' look, appeared.

"Oh no, not you, not now..." Wendy facepalmed.

"Son of a bitch!" Kimberly cursed.

"Get the hell out of here Cartman, you weren't invited!" Bebe said, hands locked with Kurt.

"Neither was Kurt." Cartman said, crossing his arms.

"He's my boyfriend, he doesn't need an invitation, he practically lives here!"

"Shut up you blonde bimbo!"

SMASH! Remind me Kurt can throw a chair from halfway across the room, and hit the target. Because that's a very useful piece of information, especially now.

"Ay what the fuck was that for, hippie?" Cartman cried. The crowd cleared a bit and Kimberly walked out. "Well, if isn't the-"

"Half-bred, mixed, biracial, mullato asshole she-bitch. Yeah, I've heard that bit before. Do you perform it in front of mirrors?"

"No, no, the Eric Cartman show is filmed in front of a live studio audience."

"Really now? How do they tolerate your pathetic accent? I doubt your ratings are high in Israel. What network had the balls to put you on air? Er, DIDN'T have the balls."

"Shut your trap, bitch. I have an announcement."

"Wow."

"What?"

"I didn't know you were going to make such a big deal about coming out of the closet."

"Fuck you, hippie!" Cartman looked around, "My fellow classmates... students... peers... friends... the punch you are drinking is a very special mix... I gave it my own personal touch while Bebe and Kurt were making out in the closet." Said teens blushed epicly, "It is all tainted... with vodka."

"I shouldnt've had the 17th glass." Kenny passed out.

"Oh My God, They Killed Kenny!"

"You Bastards!"

"I'll kick your fucking ass!"

"Wow, twice in one story, huh?"

"Cartman, you should just fucking kill yourself." Kimberly was being bold today, Sally not far, having ceased crying for once, her hands at her side as her blue eyes stared in disbelief. "Nobody fucking likes you except your mom who's too slutty to have any fucking time for you. We all HATE you. I hope you burn in hell, but hell wouldn't even have you... you're too fat, you wouldn't FIT in hell." she spat, "You can go fuck yourself, you got that? FUCK YOURSELF." Even Cartman was a little awed, "You have no reason to live, Cartman... no girl would ever want to TOUCH you, and that's what life is about - finding love, having a family. But you're too fucking evil. No girl would ever love you. Do you hear me? NO GIRL. Consider yourself dead already!" she strut out.

Cartman was dumbstruck, "Yeah... whatever ho." he walked out slowly. Dear God, is... is he actually (emotionally) hurt? Jesus Christ, Cartman's never been like this since the fourth grade.

Everything returned to normal. Except Sally wasn't crying anymore, and had found the ability to stand. Oh, and Kenny gave another attempt at groping Sera. Then again, that is, somewhat, normal by now. Gah, you know by now Kenny would leave any other chick... he's Kenny god damn McCormick, He NEEDS pussy. Clyde's taking bets on when Sera will put out. My personal guess is she's had enough vodka that if Kenny can get her into two or three more cups she'll be too drunk to control herself. A lot of the couples were drunk enough to be kissing heavily or at very least dancing raunchily by now. I had a few, but I wasn't drunk. Wendy didn't seem to be either. Ivy and Kyle hadn't drank all night and were in a corner talking romantically. You know, the usual "I love you more" shit

"Gah, a drinking contest?" Tweek twtiched, tearing chunks of blonde hair everywhere, Elly-Kat by his side.

"C'mon Tweek, it'll be fun." Craig said, giving Tweek a friendly punch in the shoulder.

"Ok, ok, I'll try it." Clyde pulled out a water bottle, poured out all the water, then filled it with the vodka-filled punch and handed it to Craig, who began drinking. He then did the same for Tweek, who drank as well. The two had a brief contest... Craig, ironically, puked and passed out. Lucy took him to safety. Tweek on the other hand, proclaimed himself a champian, and kept drinking as far as I knew.

And I guess I had too much vodka to remember what happened... dammit! I could've been laid and can't even remember!

To Be Continued...

Author's Note: I apologize for the recent irregularity of updates... I have *too many fucking chores* and summer school makes you VERY VERY TIRED so I sleep a lot, then I have to do chores until the dead of night, and then I feel too shitty that if I write it's just emo ramblings =/

Characters belong to:

JVM - John Vanson, Adolf Cartman

Cartooncutie17 - Ivy Valmont, Maddison Vanson

Kootie Bomb - Lucy Montgomery, Bugs Montgomery

BiracialBeauty -Kimberly Shao

Mutt13 - Mutt Duncan

xNao - Sera Fabiano

Kalika Barlow - Avarice Lecter

Master of Buckets - Kurt Mathers

I Luv Coffee Addicts - Kelly Ellwood

Tweek's Panda - Mandi Smith, Desirae Smith, Seth Testaburger, Jessica Testaburger

xxtoomuchcoffeexx - MacKenzie Kent

(anonymous) - Jonathon Farrell