A/N: How thrilling to be able to write a side-shot for my two favorite authors in the fanfic world: Christina & Dawn, authors of The Office. Their oft-imitated, never-matched, multi-chaptered wonder has taken the Twific world by storm, capturing our hearts (and stoking our libidos, natch) in the process. Their Edward and Bella manage to both titillate and entertain- no mean feat, friends.

It was endless fun to write for them, and I hope you enjoy the end result. While Rose isn’t mine, I did flesh her out for this brief moment. If you like it, let me know and thank C+D also, if you please. If you don’t- blame only me, and don’t let it effect your love of The Office in any way. Fingers crossed, the majority will fall mainly in the first camp, and my modest effort will only enhance your Office-loving experience, which was always my ultimate intention.

With much love and hella props to C+D...Moira/EC

~ Early Evening~

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, putting the finishing touches on my makeup and thinking about the evening to come.

Emmett and I were having dinner with the rest of the family, and a couple of guests, at my in-laws. I love my husband’s family even more than my own, but there were generally fireworks of one sort or another when we were all together. There’s no way to have that many different personalities in one room for any amount of time without something happening, and I knew tonight wouldn’t be any different.

The doorbell rang, and I heard Carrington squealing, so I knew our sitter Vicki was here. I bent over the re-buckle the strap on my shoes when I felt Em’s hands on my hips, chuckling as he pulled me back into him.

“Emmett Cullen, we do NOT have time for this now,” I whispered, loving the feel of my big husband showing me how much he wanted me.

“Babe, you didn’t really think I could come around the corner to a view like that and not try to get a piece, did you?”

I turned to him and melted into his arms, wishing that we did have time to do all the naughty things I knew we were both thinking about. We’d only been married for two years, but I was pregnant for part of that and now we had a toddler. There were plenty of reasons why we wouldn’t still have a spark, but we did- now more than ever, it seemed.

His big hands slid down my back while he trailed hot kisses up my neck to whisper in my ear. I felt goose bumps rise where his lips touched, my nipples hardening almost painfully and my panties threatening to combust. Damn, why did this dinner have to be tonight?

“Rose, there is no way I can sit at this dinner with my family when you look so fucking amazing. Don’t you know that all I’m going to be thinking about is how much I want to give it to you?”

It would be just as difficult for me, and I realized that I wanted a taste of my husband now, before he was off-limits for the next five hours or so. I pushed back away from him to walk across our bedroom, stopping to look out the window into the garden below. I could see Vicki playing with Carr in the sandbox, and I knew they wouldn’t be back in the house anytime soon.

I turned to look at Emmett, licking my lips and looking up through my lashes. He was still standing by my dressing table, but when he saw my expression he started to walk towards me. I met him halfway, using momentum to push him backwards and onto our bed. He sat up and reached for me as I knelt as his feet and grabbed for his belt buckle, but we both froze when Carrington’s high-pitched scream sounded through the house.

“Mommy! I want my mommy!”

I was halfway down the stairs before she’d even finished screaming my name for the second time, and I rushed to take her from Vicki.

“Carebear...what happened, honeybunch?”

I was looking her over from top to bottom frantically, but I couldn’t see anything wrong.

“Dere was a ‘pider, mommy...a big, pat ‘pider,” she cried into my shoulder.

I felt relief wash over me immediately, and I heard Emmett laughing softly as he came down the stairs to join us. He wrapped his arms around us both, and we stood there for a few moments, murmuring reassurances to our baby girl until her crying had tapered off.

At just the right moment, Vicki offered to play Carr’s favorite game, and she kicked to be put down to run off into her playroom. I smiled my thanks to Vicki as she walked after her, and turned to put my arms into the jacket that Emmett was holding.

He gave me a crooked smile as our eyes met, and we linked hands as we headed out the front door. Neither of us needed to say a thing; we both knew this was going to be a very long night.

~ The Dinner Party ~

It was a short drive to Carlisle’s and Esme’s, but we were both still so frustrated that it seemed to take forever. When we finally pulled up to the house, Emmett came around to open my door and help me out. As I stood, he grabbed me and pushed me up against the car, making me dizzy with desire almost instantly. I gave into it for a moment, but had to force myself to slide out from under him and run for the house. One more minute and we would have ended up slipping into the downstairs bathroom for a quickie. The thought of him taking me like that was exciting; the thought of getting caught fucking like teenagers at my in-laws’ was not...at ALL.

Carlisle opened the door just as I reached it, and I said hello and hugged him quickly before slipping into the powder room to make sure I was presentable. Nothing like impromptu driveway groping to make you insecure about how you look.

I walked into the kitchen to find Emmett with a big grin on his face, trying to steal an enormous chunk from one of the loaves of bread on the counter. I swatted his hands away, noticing that Edward looked like his panties were in a twist over something...again. I loved my brother-in-law, but sometimes he was wound so tight he drove all of us crazy. How Bella put up with him was beyond me, and I laughed to myself thinking of her nickname for him.

“Do you want to send your mother into a fit by ruining the dinner she has planned? You be nice tonight, Emmett. No teasing or joking with Bella. You know she has to be nervous enough about all this. Lord knows she puts up with enough crap from this one,” I said, pointing at Edward.

Edward looked like he was going to have an aneurysm, and he actually shouted at me in response.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything to her.”

This was interesting- he was even more wired today than normal, and I decided a little teasing was in order. I leaned back against the counter, crossing my arms and raising an eyebrow as I challenged him.

“Oh really, Mr. Sweetheart? Would you like to know what Bella calls you? What they all call you?”

I paused for a moment, relishing catching Edward off guard and wondering how he’d respond. I couldn’t keep the smile from my face as I dropped the bomb on him.

“Beautiful Bastard.”

Emmett almost doubled over with laughter, but Edward looked as though he was going to explode.

“Why exactly is this so funny to you?,” he barked at his brother, turning to glare at me. “And how did you know?”

“Jasper, my friend we ran into at lunch last weekend? He’s engaged to Bella’s friend, Alice, the one that works for Gucci. Apparently she started calling you that the day you started. Pretty clever girl, if you ask me.”

At that point, Carlisle and Esme joined the conversation, and if I didn’t know better, I would have said that Edward was on the verge of losing it. He was normally so calm and collected, but now he was sighing and running his hand through his hair. Even for him, this was an overreaction to a bit of teasing, and I watched him closely as Carlisle called him over to speak privately. Something strange was going on with Edward, and I was going to figure it out if it was the last thing I did.

The doorbell rang, and Carlisle and Esme went to answer it while the rest of us stayed put. Everyone said hello to Mike when he walked in, and we made small talk while Carlisle took drink orders.

Mike was an old classmate of Edward’s, and Esme had high hopes for him and Bella. He was good-looking and seemed nice enough, but as I watched him talking with Edward, it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.

Without even seeing him interact with Bella tonight, I knew what the problem with Edward was: he must have feelings for her. Of course! It was just like the boys in grade school. He didn’t know how to handle it, so he acted like an ass around her. I gave myself a slap in the face mentally. How could I have missed it?

This was going to be very interesting, and I wished I could talk to Emmett about it, but I wasn’t worried. Unless I missed my mark, we would have plenty to catch up on later.

Edward excused himself after a few moments, and the rest of us continued to chat until the doorbell rang again. Heading out to greet Bella, I caught Emmett’s eye and smirked. He looked puzzled, but I just winked at him and shook my hips a little as I walked ahead, still thinking about what he’d said back at our house. Between my epiphany about Edward and my plans for Emmett later, this was turning out to be a great night all-around.

Bella looked gorgeous in a Gucci sundress from the latest collection and an adorable pair of platform peep-toes that I’d been eyeing myself just last week. Mike’s eyes almost came out of his head when he saw her, but if she noticed she didn’t let on.

Edward appeared on the stairs just as Esme suggested that we head out to the patio for cocktails, and Bella greeted him politely. I didn’t really hear more than that of their exchange, but I snuck a look at them as I turned to join everyone else and saw her touch his shoulder as she walked by. She was laughing and he looked even more tense than ever. Ahhhh...so it wasn’t just one-sided, then. How interesting.

We moved to the dinner table not long after that, and that’s when things became even more obvious between them, at least to me. I sat next to Edward, across from Bella, so I was able to observe them both from rather close proximity.

It wasn’t that the conversation didn’t flow easily, because it did, with Mike interjecting every so often with a polite observation or question for Bella. At one point, Mike asked about her background, and what happened next told me exactly how involved Edward and Bella were.

Mike made an innocent, polite comment by way of complimenting Bella on her class standing at Northwestern, and I was amazed that Edward’s response didn’t stop the conversation cold. Was I the only other dirty-minded person at this table?

“Yes, it’s absolutely amazing having Ms. Swan under me. She always gets the job done.”

While the rest of the family ooh’d and aah’d over what they perceived as a compliment, I did my best to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. That sneaky bastard. He didn’t just like her...they were fucking! This was insane; Bella was here to be set up with Mike, and Edward was doing his best to mark his territory, albeit in a very slick way. What were these two playing at?

Bella continued to chat and flirt with Mike, but now that I knew for sure that something fishy was going on, I wasn’t fooled. I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye, and looked down to see Edward’s hand slipping under the tablecloth. I almost couldn’t believe my eyes, because in the brief moment before the cloth settled back, I realized that his hand was resting on a foot. A foot in his crotch. I looked away quickly, but it took everything I had to keep my composure and not blurt out something to the effect of, ‘Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!’. These two were ridiculous; I knew exactly what had to be done, and Mike gave me the perfect in without even knowing it.

“Oh, speaking of lunch dates, you remember my friend, Megan? You met her last month at the house. Mid-twenties, my height, blond hair, blue eyes. Anyway, she asked for your number. Are you interested?”

“Sure. You know I prefer blonds, Rose. Might make for a nice change of scenery.”

That did it, alright. If looks could kill, Bella’s would have dropped Edward to the floor. The table descended into silence, and Bella quickly stood to excuse herself. After a few awkward moments of being scolded by his parents, Edward reluctantly got up to find her and apologize. We listened to his angry stomping through the house before Esme suggested coffee and dessert and everyone gratefully sprang into action.

The table was cleared, with the guys back out on the patio talking sports in no time. I stayed in the kitchen to help Esme get everything together, wondering if she might bring up Edward and Bella, but she didn’t mention them at all. We talked about nothing in particular, brewing the coffee and plating a beautiful cake that she’d made.

It was only as we went to take the trays out to the patio that Esme realized that she hadn’t set aside any napkins. She apologized, and asked if I’d run up to the linen closet on the third floor to grab a stack. I wondered later if she knew somehow what I would find instead, but now I just told her I’d meet her on the patio and started up.

I took the steps quickly, not wanting to keep everyone waiting. I absentmindedly thought about heading home later with my husband, hoping that dessert would go quickly.

I had just put my hand on the railing to the second flight of stairs when I realized two things simultaneously: neither Bella nor Edward had returned to the patio, and I could hear a strange tinkling sound coming from somewhere above. I had absolutely no idea what it could be, and I listened hard as I slowed my progress, but it didn’t repeat.

What I heard next left no room for confusion, though. It was obvious that muffled moans were coming from the bathroom at the top of the stairs. It took me a second to process what that meant; by then I had reached the landing and paused as my thoughts stuttered out. Unbelievable!...they were actually...oh, your ass is SO mine, Edward.

I stood there steaming, plotting what I would say as soon as they opened the door. Picturing the looks on their faces when they saw me. Snickering softly when I thought about how they would struggle to come up with something, anything to say in their own defense. Smirking as I thought about what they’d do when they realized they had nothing. This was going to be epic, and I wanted to remember every last moment of it.

All was silent again by then, and I climbed the remainder of the stairs to wait outside the bathroom door. I listened to them walk across the room, crossing my arms and tapping my foot impatiently. The door flew open, and Edward and Bella stopped cold when they saw me, both looking like they’d stopped breathing. I gave each of them my frostiest look before letting a dangerous smile creep onto my face.

“I think the three of us need to have a little talk.”