|The Day Caius Started Taking Yoga Classes
Author: SulpiciaDoesntApprove PM
The title says it all. Random stories about the Volturi finding themselves in crazy situations doing things they would never do. Includes philosophic Felix, drunk Sulpicia, speechless Aro and a creepy baby.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Caius & Aro - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,734 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 06-22-09 - Published: 03-31-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4960803
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
The title says it pretty much: STUFF THAT THE VOLTURI WOULD NEVER DO
Randomness + weird/impossible/crazy ideas + bad fanfiction + the Volturi = CHAOS (not Caius) Beware the EXTREME RANDOMNESS!
Disclaimer: I do not own. Except the crazy ideas and the insanity to even consider writing this.
Heidi and Felix in the tower room feeding
Heidi: "What's wrong Felix?"
Felix only sighs. With a grave expression on his face, he looks down at the dead human at his feet, but refuses to touch it.
Heidi: "Aren't going to finish your meal? Because if you don't…"
She eyes the fresh body hungrily.
Felix: "… don't you empathize with your food sometimes? Like, it almost makes you regretful to take an innocent young life?"
Heidi: "… regretful?"
Heidi looks confused now.
Felix: "You know… like, sometimes I feel like a brute. Like a monster."
He turns around to look at her.
Felix: "Don't you sometimes feel like that too?"
Heidi takes a while to consider that.
Heidi: "Actually, no."
Heidi: "No. We are what we are."
Felix: "And that would be?"
Heidi's tone is serious, but there's a hint of a smile on her lips. Felix gives her a sour look.
Felix: "This is not funny! You are mocking my misery!"
His lower lip quivers and he has clenched his fists.
Heidi: "Oh please! Since when do you whine about our diet?"
She is getting angry. Felix is too. He throws his arms up in the air in a dramatic gesture.
Felix: "It's a question of deep philosophical interest! Are we truly evil or do our actions make us? Does free will exist? Is there a God or not?"
There is a moment of silence.
Heidi: "Look, are you going to eat that now or not?"
Felix glares at her.
Felix: "… Oh fine!"
They both start sucking the blood from the lifeless body.
Felix, the philosophic eater.
Similarities to Edward Cullen's "la tua cantante conflict" are not entirely unintentional. It's all in good fun. ;)