Title: All Around Me.
Author: Sakura Sango
Rated: M
Warnings: Character death, angst
Pairings: Dee/Ryo and then later Ryo/Rose
Summary: After the death of Dee, Ryo falls into a deep depression. One that threatens to swallow him alive; however a savior comes from an unlikely source. Rose/Ryo
A/N: This was a request from Katy, I hope this meets what you were hoping for when you told me the plot. The bunny kinda took over and wrote the first chapter out this way.

Anyways any reviews would be wonderful, as I am wondering how this chapter sounds. Feedback is wonderful!

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“If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, someway
If my tears could bring you back to me”
~‘If Only Tears Could Bring You Back’ by Midnight Sons
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‘Uhm, Randy Mclean right?’

Ryo nodded numbly as he stared at the blank wall before him. He stared silently for a second, his face twisted as if he wanted to say something, but had to think of the words. Slowly his mouth opened as he forced his mind to come up with the words he wanted.

He had no idea why, but he just felt so disconnected, his mind blurry. He could swear that he was watching this through some one else’s eyes, as if he was watching a movie. Nothing felt real. Nothing. The only other time he could remember feeling like this was…

Ryo stopped for a second to think about the last time he really did feel like this. It had been a while he realized, but when? Suddenly it hit him like a ton of bricks, the last time he felt so disconnected was when he had lost his parents.

The man could feel his heart break into a hundred pieces as the realization hit him. He knew that this was happening again. He couldn’t do this again. Not again. Slowly Ryo shook his head as he tried to tell himself it wasn’t true, he wasn’t loosing anyone else. But still he could not shake the feeling away, he had been there after all. He saw. He watched it happen!

That was when he realized he still had not gotten the words he wanted out. “Just Ryo.” He whispered, his voice already cracking.

‘Of course, Ryo. Ryo you should sit down for this,’

Chestnut hair shook as Ryo fell against the pure white wall. A hand slid up to his mouth as he tried to keep from throwing up his lunch. His body was already convulsing with dry heaves, bile burning in the back of his throat.

Beside him he could see the blue clad officer shuffle his foot, as if trying to decide if he should offer a shoulder or even a hand to the distraught man. Ryo had to bite his lip to keep from pushing away the officer, who was clearly new at giving bad news.

Instead he tried to focus on his breathing; he forced his lungs to keep taking in new air, even if it hurt him to do so. Breath in deeply to fill the lungs, and breath that air out before you faint. He kept up that pace, forcing himself to repeat the next step before his body could even think of refusing. Icy fingers gripped at his heart and lungs making each beat and breath agonizing.

Part of him wished he could just stop breathing, it had to be less painful. Fingers that were clamped to his mouth, twitched slightly as he thought of the revolver still in his holster. Even that had to be less painful then this.

As if knowing what he was thinking, the cop slid closer to the distraught man, a hand falling comfortingly onto the shaking shoulder, while his other hand silently pulled the glistening gun away from the Ryo. Smoothly he tucked it into the back of his pants waistline, out of sight and out of mind.

‘but there was an accident with Dee.’

How the hell could it be considered an accident? Ryo really wanted someone to answer that to him. This was no freakin’ accident. And the cop knew that too! It wasn’t like Dee had been driving and took a turn too fast. No this was no accident, instead an act of violence.

He wanted to shout out the last thought, forcing the new cop to agree that this was not an accident. It stopped being one when the fourth bullet had slammed into his lover’s body. It stopped being an accident when Dee dropped his weapon, after the first bullet slammed into his left shoulder, and he fell to the ground. It stopped being an accident when the gunman calmly walked closer to the fallen man and took aim for the next three bullets, making sure that each one of those three caused the most harm.

If it had been an accident the gunman should have dropped his weapon and cry as he fell to his knees. The gunman should have shouted about how sorry he was.

Not sneer as he dropped his emptied gun to the ground and raise his hands as to keep the cops from shooting at him. Not laugh about how fragile the police really were while staring at how Ryo cradled Dee’s bloodied form close to his chest, tears falling onto the paling cheek.

No…not an accident. He thought cruelly as silent sobs seized his body, making it slam harshly into the wall.

‘I’m so sorry Ryo, the doctors tried everything they could. Please believe me.’

Tears welled up in the black eyes as the man felt his knees buckle under him. And like a limp doll he fell to the floor below, his body never reacting to the thud as his knees connected harshly to the cold, tiled floor below.

All of the anger left his body, leaving nothing more then a broken man who cried at the thought of being alone. He knew he was making a scene, that every person standing at this hospital was suffering just like him- even if they had not lost a loved one. Yet Ryo could not find it in himself to try to pull himself together.

‘But there was just too much damage. I’m sorry Ryo, believe me I am. But Dee didn’t make it. He…’

Ryo couldn’t listen to the rest of the police officer’s speech. He knew that it meant. Hell he knew at the first sentence. How many had he given to grieving families? How many times did he explain that he knew the pain that they felt. But only now did he realize that he never did. No one could. At least not until they had gone through it.

It was a simple robbery! How could a seasoned officer die at a routine robbery? He was no newbie that was trying to learn the ropes. He knew them!

Ryo wanted to run into the small room where his dead lover lied and shake him. Shake and scream at him for going and getting killed. Getting killed over a stupid crime. Robbery? That was not Dee, maybe him but not Dee, Ryo thought as he shook his head violently.

Chestnut tresses flew out as the silent sobs broke into heart wrenching sobs.

Clutching his hair tightly, Ryo leaned forward folding in half as he pressed his forehead to the chilled floor. The coolness helped clear his head a little, yet he still felt himself wanting to scream at the stupidness of it all!

How could a simple robbery cause this much pain?! Who would shoot so violently at a cop while holding up a stupid family owned convince store?

A broken scream broke from the sobbing man as it finally hit him. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it was never going to change. Dee was gone. Killed in action.

And Ryo was left alone now. He would never get to kiss his lover good night before curling up in bed. Never get to wake up feeling the warmth beside him. Morning coffee would never be made while he grabbed a quick shower. Ryo realized that even their stupid arguments would never exist ever again.

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And that is the first chapter. I know horrible place to end it, but I kind of wanted to end on a sad note- as if it can get happy right away. Anyways I don’t know about this chapter, I may go back and tweak it later. This was more of a sudden inspiration then anything else. So please! Feedback is much needed.

Updates should be coming soon!

But hey I got a good amount of depressin songs to use for the beginnings. Hey, about time the songs came in handy…