|Here Goes Nothing
Author: Zombiegait PM
KakaSaku. Kakashi was sure it was only temporary. Kakashi is often wrong. LJ fic request.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - Kakashi H. & Sakura H. - Words: 3,995 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 1 - Published: 04-01-09 - Status: Complete - id: 4962144
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author Notes: Another request for katanaxmistress over at LJ, this time based on Kelly Clarkson's cover of the song 'Long Shot'. Hopefully it relates at least a little, lol. Originally this was going to be short, but then I decided I need to throw some smut in there and write it in Kakashi's POV, so it kind of tripled in length. XD Hope you like~ :]
Pairings or Characters: Kakashi/Sakura
Warnings: language and explicit sex. as there always should be with these two involved. ;D
Word Count: 3723
Summary: Kakashi was sure it was only temporary. Kakashi is often wrong.
Here Goes Nothing
I realize that there is all this doubting
things we're both scared about that
well never see 'em coming
When did this start? It's not as if I woke up one morning with feelings for my student, after all. As I stand staring at the door in front of me absently, the first moment things were definitely different springs to mind.
It was after a mission I'd come back from fairly beat up. I didn't go to the hospital because I knew Sakura'd be coming by anyway. Sure enough, she showed up right after hearing I was back, even though it was close to midnight, and got to work fixing me up. There was a lot of blood, and it was hard to tell whose it was because there was so much of it dried all over my skin and my clothes, but I wasn't in that much pain. Years of getting the living shit kicked out of you regularly tends to make one or two gashes feel like nothing more than a dull itch. The worst one was along my neck, which actually stung like hell. It was when she healed that one that I first noticed it.
The second I felt her slender hands around my neck, all the air seemed to disappear from my lungs and I had to take a sudden, sharp breath. I managed to fight the shiver that threatened to trail down my spine, but just the feel of her skin on mine sent chills through me. I had little idea as to why, since she had always been the one to heal me up, and this time hadn't felt much different from the others. I quickly realized that she felt it, too, because after the glow faded from her fingers, they still lingered on my skin far longer than is usually considered appropriate between medic and patient.
We were silent for a minute, just staring at each other, before I finally reached up and pulled her hands away. I watched them fall limply to her sides before she turned and walked out. Before she disappeared, she sent me a small, secretive smile before closing the door behind her.
I promptly tried to forget what had just happened by heading to the nearest bar and getting extremely drunk.
After that, I was acutely aware of her, even if I didn't want to be. Every time I turned around, she was there, sending me curious looks and friendly smiles. I tried to put some space between us, but that was fairly hard considering how often we trained and went on missions together. Naruto and Sai didn't notice my awkwardness, but Sakura was nowhere near as dense as those two and caught on fairly quickly.
After nearly a month of this, Sakura cornered me outside the Hokage's office after a mission briefing. She knew I couldn't escape without making it fairly obvious that I was avoiding her.
"Why are you so weird?" she asked, poking me in the chest. I carefully pulled her hand away, trying to ignore how nice her fingers felt in mine.
"You've always thought I was weird," I countered. It was true, but she merely rolled her eyes at me and pulled her hand from mine to rest on her hip.
"You know what I mean."
"Not really," I shrugged. This was less true.
"You've been acting strange for three weeks. Nobody else has noticed, which means--"
"That I'm not any different than usual and you're imagining things?" I interrupted sounding a little too hopeful.
"-- that it's only me you're behaving different around," she finished, her green eyes narrowed as she stared into mine. "So what gives?"
"... I don't know," was all I could say. Maybe it was the tone I used, or the sigh I let out afterwards that made her pause, but I quickly took advantage of her silence to excuse myself. I gave her my farewell, ruffled her hair like I used to when she was twelve, and transported myself back home. I ignored how shaky my hands were and collapsed onto my bed. I fell asleep far quicker than usual, but I still felt exhausted when I woke up.
Perhaps because I was still tired I failed to notice her sooner. It wasn't until she'd slid inside my window and taken a step towards my bed that I realized she was there, and probably had been just outside my room for a while.
"What is it Sakura?" I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my exposed eye.
"It's because of that last time I healed you, isn't it?" My hand froze above my face for a moment before I resumed rubbing at my eye.
"Yes." There was no reason to lie if she already knew. My arm fell across my stomach as I felt the bed dip beside me, and I tried to concentrate on the ceiling instead of how close she was and how easily I could touch her if I just reached out my hand.
"... Me, too," she said after a few minutes of silence. I said nothing, and as if unsure if I had understood her, she added, "I've felt different around you since then."
This was news to me. I hadn't noticed any difference in her at all, but that may have been because I was too busy trying not to notice her in the first place.
I sat up but didn't face her, too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I was certain my awkwardness was just a passing fancy, a bit of lust misdirected at someone I had no business being attracted to at all. But Sakura was a gorgeous twenty year old, not that little girl I used to teach. There were plenty of men for her to be interested in, and I figured that the only reason she had come to me was curiosity, and perhaps desperation. I had overheard Ino blabbering about Sakura's lack of action fairly recently, though the second I realized who she was talking about I had immediately fled and tried to take my mind off of it by dragging Naruto out to spar.
I was stirred out of my thoughts by the feel of her hand on my neck. I stiffened before quickly grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her away.
I wasn't going to take advantage of her temporary curiosity just to satisfy my temporary lust.
She said nothing, but slowly removed her hand from my grip and stood. She walked to the window she had come in through, but as she climbed up onto the windowsill she paused and looked back at me. Her expression wasn't angry, but I could see the confusion in her eyes and a bit of hurt in her small frown. I was struck with the odd temptation to reach out and call her back, but squashed it down as soon as it popped up. After another minute of silence, she disappeared, leaving me even more exhausted than I was before.
Maybe because I had failed to explain myself, or just because she's obnoxiously stubborn, she seemed to have taken what happened that night as my being shy, and was suddenly determined to gain a place beside me in my bed. I found this particularly unfair because, while she could have any man she wanted, she was purposely torturing me.
My temporary attraction to her had yet to fade, so the constant flirting and come ons she made me suffer through whenever she was around me were much harder to ignore than they would have been otherwise. Naruto and Sai, the oblivious idiots they are, even managed to notice, and I was relieved when she toned it down after that. Unfortunately, that meant whenever she caught me alone, her hints were twice as bad as before.
Almost two months after the night in my room and her campaign to fluster me began, things finally came to a head.
Sakura had found me at the bar I frequently went to in hopes of drowning all thoughts of her out of my mind. I was sitting on a stool at the counter, asking for my fourth shot when she practically slid into my lap and downed my drink as soon as it was set in front of us.
"What are you doing?" I hissed as I leaned away from her.
"Giving you an invitation, obviously."
She looked over her shoulder at me, and her cheeks were unusually pink. I'd never thought of her as much of a drinker, so I was surprised to see how drunk she was. But the surprise wore off quickly, and I was far too aware of her ass in my lap, rubbing against me and turning me on. I don't know how many people in the bar had seen her come up and sit on me, but I was far too concerned with my growing desire to care as I lifted her up, slid off the stool and dragged her outside after me.
I went out the back way, and confident that no one would see us, tugged my mask down as I pushed her against the back of the bar and kissed her hard. She moaned and leaned into me, hands trailing up my chest until they were wrapped around my neck. Her fingers slowly traced through the hair at the back of my neck and I growled before reaching down and running my hands up her thighs. I hadn't paid attention to what she was wearing before, but from the feel of it against the back of my knuckles I could tell it was a dress, short and silky, and easily moved out of my way.
Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that I was doing the wrong thing. I should push her away, tell her this curiosity she had directed at me needed to stop, and go home to try and forget this ever happened. But at the same time, I thought this could solve my problem. I would satisfy my lust while satisfying her interest in me, and then we could go back to being colleagues with a little secret shared just between us.
That, and she had slid her fingers beneath the fabric of my boxers, and the scent of her arousal was suddenly all I could smell, and I knew I was unable to stop now.
She tasted like alcohol, and I didn't particularly like the taste on her, but who was I to complain? Instead I broke away from her mouth and started pressing kisses along her jaw and her neck, while my hand was trailing further and further up her leg until I could tell she wasn't wearing any underwear. She whispered something in my ear, sounding breathless and hot and sexy, and I felt my erection stirring in my pants as the tips of her fingers felt through the hair leading from my abdomen to my crotch.
"Sakura," I moaned against her pale skin as she wrapped her hand around my penis and began to stroke me. Her pace was maddeningly slow, but the feel of her palm was deliciously soft and the same chills that I had felt that first night her touch had lingered on me were coursing through me now.
It was hard to do anything other than stand over her, head pressed against the stone wall of the bar above her shoulder, and pant as she touched me, but I managed to move my own fingers until I was massaging her naked sex with one hand and squeezing her ass with the other. She shivered against me at the feeling, and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out.
The pace of her strokes quickened, and in response I pressed my thumb harder as I traced small circles against her clit. I carefully slid two fingers between her folds and the gasp she let out almost made me lose control. After she adjusted to the tempo of my digits, her other hand left the back of my neck to tug down my pants and boxers until I could watch as she jerked me off. She was panting almost as hard as me, but I was much closer to my climax than she was. She whispered my name and my hand stilled as I came in her hand after a few more wonderful slides of her palm against my length.
"... See?" she asked after our breathing had slowed. She was still wet against my hand, and I knew she wasn't satisfied yet, but I needed a moment to recover. I said nothing, but I pulled my head back to look at her face and watched as she brought her dirtied hand up to her lips. "We could have done this months ago if you weren't such a chicken."
She then began to clean her fingers with her tongue, and I buried my face back in her neck as my dick, already half-hard, jerked to fullness and my fingers slid out of her.
"Come on," she pleaded in my ear, and I was lost.
I pulled away far enough so that I could hoist her legs around my waist while still pinning her against the wall as I led my penis to her entrance and entered her. She was tight, but I knew this wasn't her first time. I felt conflicted as I thrust my way inside her, not sure if I was happy or not that I was not the one to take her virginity. And then I realized how ludicrous that thought was and banished it from my mind before I enveloped myself in the wonderful feel of her around me.
Her hands were back around my neck, pulling me closer as I shoved myself inside her. She whimpered and moaned with each quick thrust, and I wondered briefly if I had prepared her enough.
"So good," she hummed, and my doubts left me.
As I pounded into her, all of my persistent thoughts and protests that this feeling was temporary disappeared. I was drowning in pleasure and her and I wanted nothing more than to have her every night, though next time in a bed and with less chance of being interrupted by a drunk.
Her fingers left my neck to dig into my back as she came closer and closer to climax, and I dragged one of my hands from its place beneath her ass against her side until I was massaging her breast through her dress. Another sharp moan and suddenly I felt her tightening against my length as I continued to drive into her.
I heard my name fall from her lips before she came and lost control. I swallowed the rest of her cries as I brought my mouth back to hers. My pace became more hurried against the tightness of her walls until I, too, reached my climax and released myself inside her.
"Sakura..." I muttered breathlessly, pulling her as tight against me as I could, reveling in the feeling of her body fitting so neatly and perfectly against mine.
Leaning my forehead against hers, we remained there, me still inside her, for a few minutes, even after we'd each caught our breath.
"You're really handsome without your mask. I mean, you're already handsome, but your whole face is.. um.. yeah, handsome," she began mumbling quietly. I opened my eyes to regard her warily, and I suddenly came back to myself. What had I just done? I pulled my flaccid length from her and quickly pulled my mask and pants back up and adjusted my clothing until it was impossible to tell that I had just fucked my old student against a wall. She, however, did nothing as she leaned against the wall behind her, knees shaky, dress and hair in disarray and her kiss-swollen lips forming a curious frown. "What is it?" she asked, sounding rather sober and unusually tense for someone who'd just gotten laid.
"That's what this was for you, wasn't it?"
"What? Kakashi, what are you talking about?" She reached a hand out towards me but I pulled away and she froze before returning it to her side. She suddenly became aware of her haphazard appearance and began readjusting her dress and combing her fingers through her hair. I tried to ignore the darkening marks on her neck that I had left on her.
"This was just about another one of your bets." She stared at me, confused, but I was positive I had guessed correctly. I wasn't sure why I had suddenly become so defensive, but I was growing angrier by the second. I ran a slightly trembling hand through my hair and over my face as I took a step backwards. "To see what was behind my mask."
Her mouth opened and closed for a few moments before she managed to force out a few words. "What?! I-- No, Kakashi, that's not-- Why would you-- No!"
"Don't lie Sakura. It's unbecoming," I practically spat at her. She flinched and for an instant I regretted it, but that only made me more confused and I quickly shook my head to rid the feeling from my thoughts. But I knew my excuse was a stretch and my sudden anger was fading just as quick as it had risen. There were much simpler, quicker ways to see beneath my mask, and she hadn't made mention of it until after she let me fuck her. But I was panicking, desperate to find some reason why her interest in me was unfounded and this fulfilled, content feeling of mine was only about the sex and had nothing to do with her.
"Shit. This... This shouldn't have happened."
"Why not?" she asked suddenly.
"Because this is temporary," I replied immediately. She blinked before narrowing her eyes at me.
"What are you talking about?"
"This. This attraction I have for you and this stupid, misplaced interest you have in me are both fleeting. I... I shouldn't have let it go this far, when we're both bound to be over it in a matter of time," I sighed, suddenly in the mood for a drink. Luckily, all I had to do was take a few steps over to the door and I could reenter the bar.
I glanced back at her and realized she was fighting back tears, which surprised me, but I remained still and silent as she glared at me.
Suddenly she closed the distance between us, reached an arm back and slapped me across the face. I knew I deserved it, and the sting it left seemed like a proper punishment.
"Bastard! Idiot! Coward!" she growled, and I noticed she was trembling. Whether out of anger or due to the cold as she stood there in her tiny black dress, I didn't know, but either way, I made no effort to comfort her. "You are such a chicken! Ever since that night when you came back covered in blood and I healed you, all I've been able to think about is you. If this -- whatever the hell this thing is between us -- was temporary, I'm pretty sure I would have forgotten all about these weird feelings after a week or two. But it's been months, Kakashi. Months. I wouldn't sleep with someone just to satisfy a passing fancy, though I wouldn't put it past you."
Her last barb stung worse than the slap across my face, but I didn't let it show and she continued.
"You told me yourself that you felt different after that night, so why are you still fighting me so hard? Why is this so hard to believe for you?" Her voice was harsh, but her eyes had softened as she looked up at me. Before I could say anything, she suddenly turned and started walking away.
"Let me know when you're ready to stop being a coward and actually take a shot at this. I'll be waiting."
My eyes widened as Sakura disappeared. I wanted to protest, tell her she was being idiotic and too idealistic. Certainly she wouldn't wait for me. I kept insisting to the empty air around me that it was temporary, and I shouldn't have done what I did, and what I was feeling wasn't the same as what she was feeling, and there wasn't anything more between us than there had ever been, and that she wouldn't wait and there was nothing to wait for and--
"I am so full of shit," I finished quietly, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of my nose.
She was right. I was a coward. The moment I let her fingers linger on my skin because I enjoyed the intimate feeling of her being so close and her chakra pulsing through me, emotions I had always denied myself had blossomed regardless, and I was afraid of them. Because she was important to me, as a student, as a colleague, as a friend. Because I'd never been in an invested relationship before. Because I never thought I'd fall in love, least of all with her.
I looked back up in the direction she'd left and stood in silence for a minute before my feet began to move. I knew where I had to go.
And that's how I ended up here, standing in front of my ex-student's door with every intention of taking that chance I had been so afraid of before. I forget how long I've been here just staring at her door, and I know it's my lingering fear that's keeping me from knocking. But I have to shake it off. Even if things don't work out and she moves on like I'm so terrified she will, I know I won't regret it nearly as much as I will if I don't just move and take what she's offering before it's too late.
I raise my hand to the door and slowly knock three times. Almost immediately, the door swings open, and even though she's changed our of her tiny black dress and into less flattering pajamas, I still think she's beautiful. She's frowning up at me, but I can see the hopeful look in her eyes and I smile behind my mask.
Here goes nothing.
it's a long shot but I say why not
if I say forget it I know that I'll regret it
it's a long shot just to beat these odds
the chance is we won't make it
but I know if I don't take it there's no chance
'cause you're the best I got
so take a long shot
- Long Shot, Kelly Clarkson