MC: Eh, the story's a slight AT (alternate timeline) where Cross is still alive/there/with the Order when Emilia and Timothy join, and the year is around 1914 instead of the late 1800’s (everyone’s only two years older, though (Lavi 20, Tyki 28, etc)). There are hints of Yullen, Marinda, Clouds, and possibly Lenad. This story also has no real plot, making it up as I go, while the thought came to me when I was confused by the difference between fiancée and fiancé. Apparently, I've been usually calling the bride-to-be a male... So, also while this story is no real vertebra, it's for entertainment purposes only; I'm practicing my non-existent comedy and my failed attempts at writing proper lemons without COTk's help. Enjoy!~

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That Extra E is for Erotogenic
By Misster Cackles

Chapter One

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Erotogenic: Producing erotic desires or sexual gratification

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I am in a position to give information about your 'weapons of God' that your Order obviously doesn't know of yet. The information is vital enough to where you may reconsider your place in the war and even puts myself in danger of telling any of you. All that I require in return is that a company of an Exorcist to act convincingly as my fiancée for at least three months at short. No harm will come, I assure, and will be safely returned by the end of the time required.

This will be as important to you as it is to me.

Lord Tyré Micah

Below the elaborate signature was the time and location where the chosen Exorcist would meet this 'Tyré'.

If the letter hadn't been so suspicious with mentioning Innocence and the fact that it was sent by normal human teleportation, Komui Li would have thrown it out a long time ago since there were only three women Exorcists within the entire Order: Klaud, Miranda, and Lenalee. This would have given Cross the prefect reason to use him as target practice (there had been something hinting between the two Generals as of late), Marie and Miranda's wedding ceremony was on the date she would have needed to leave, and Lenalee was just an absolute no. Images of this suspicious Tyré taking advantage of his little sister was enough for him to be cursing this man a very painful castration-induced death. And what if Lenalee end up falling in love with him!?

Komui's fists pounded on his cluttered desk at the mere thought. No way was she going!

Anger depleted as fast as it came, the Supervisor leaned back in his chair with a thoughtful noise, wondering how he could send someone just to collect the information without using one of the women who definitely weren't available. Not to mention Tyré had specifically asked for an Exorcist and not a Finder since their newest addition, Emilia, was quite stunning and would have probably worked out just fine.

Now with a sigh, Komui glanced a considerate eye to the letter, to the word fiancée. Why would this guy need someone to act as his fiancée in the first place? Komui didn't like it; Tyré should have sent more information about himself, but it was almost like he knew that they would send an Order member just for mentioning Innocence. And why was it he would be in danger, too? Could he be targeting --?

His one track mind that thought only to keep Lenalee out of danger made him push away any hesitance while reaching for the white-out. They would get their information (perhaps), but this Tyré may have to have a different alternative. So, in the word fiancée, he dabbed the liquid at the last 'e'.

A slow, cattish smile stretched the slightly-out of it Chinese man's face as he examined his wonderful work. He laid the letter down in front of him and called, "O-ooh, Section Chief Ree~eever! Come here for a moment, would you, please?" A moment later, and the Australian’s head poked in, a cautious look on his face.

"What is it, Supervisor? Have you finished your work for today?"

Komui scoffed, pointing a finger in the air, "Of course not! But I need you to give me a list of all the available male Exorcists, asides from Marie." Reever shuffled a stack of papers in his arms and came into Komui's office, setting them next to an already four-foot tall tower of documents. The blonde scratched his head with a puzzled look and then heaved out a puff of air.

"No need," he said. "The only male Exorcists here at the moment, other than Marie, are Cross, Timothy, Lavi, and Bookman." The Supervisor quickly worked out the calculations mentally: Would die on sight, too young, possibly, too old.

'Possibly'? Komui shook his head; he'd have to make it work! Lavi was his only chance right now to save his little sister...

"Reever, please bring Lavi in here? I have a mission for him." As Reever left the room he could hear low maniacal laughter coming from Komui. He shook his head and prayed that Lavi would be alright for whatever mission this was.

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"So I need to act like this man's fiancé to get information about Innocence?" Lavi asked, bewildered. It wasn't getting the information part, but the fact that he was supposed to pretend to love another man. Lavi frowned; that wasn't right... It wasn't that the thought of gay people made him queasy (he had Kanda and Allen making too loud of noises during the night to thank for...ahem, and slightly considering how he was a little curious), but how was it that an average person knew of Innocence? And why was he bribing them?

Across the desk Komui nodded a serious affirmative. His face was leaning against his interlaced fingers as though deep thinking, but Lavi knew better to think that there was anything deeper than the nothing in the Supervisor's insane head. "That's correct, that and you fit the description the most on what he's requested; red hair. No one else has red hair," Komui said matter-of-factly mixed with a tone that Lavi had a hard time reading.

"Cross has red hair."

"Cross would rather go bald until he's an old man and its white than to pretend he loves any other gender than women...and himself."

"Cross can grow a backbone if it's for the sake of the mission and important resources."

"Cross scares people."

"Cross scares you."

"Cross would shoot the client after he shot me."

"Cross would shoot the client after he got the information after he shot you."

"Cross would shoot you if he ever heard you were trying to set him up on the mission."

At the evil gleam in Komui's eyes, Lavi's blood ran cold, knowing that the reason Cross would have heard anything was because the crazy scientist would have told him himself. And he knew that there was no other way. Dejectedly, Lavi stomped forward like an pouting kid and snatched the black mission folder and the letter that appeared in Komui's hand. He glared at the neatly handwritten message and scanned it, mouth opening in disbelief.

"It doesn't say anything about red hair!" Lavi hollered.

Komui looked unconcerned, a smirk on his face as he raised his hands up in mock defense, "You accepted the mission when you touched the folder! Can't undo what's been done, Lavi!" The redhead made a face, but looked down at the post script for the location and time details.

Lavi muttered, "I should totally get half of what he's paying you..."

The scientist laughed satanically, "Paying? Well, he's paying by the information!" Lavi's jaw didn't seem to working properly that night and it dropped again.

"What about the money for the Finder to get a hotel?"

"A Finder won't be going with you since this is suppose to appear real." Komui explained, that damned smirk egging Lavi to wipe it off for him. "That would also obviously mean that you are to stay with him, as well." The single jade eye widened.

"What if I don't act like we're together?"

Komui snorted, "Then of course you'd blow the chance to get out what he knows that we don't." Lavi mumbled under his breath and took another unhappy look at the scrawl, more so at the name, and as though reading his mind the Supervisor said in a more sane tone, "We've already tried looking him up, but there is no history or data, or much less of a picture on this guy. His name isn't on anyone's registry so he isn't known to any of the other nobles, either."

Lavi rolled his eye, "Thanks. That helps." The older male blinked, not following, but the redhead sighed and left it at that. He tucked the letter in his breast pocket and under-armed the folder, making a mock salute to Komui before leaving the room with a, "You better pray that this mission is worth your existence. Later, 'Mui."

Well, Komui thought, it was worth his existence if he could keep Lenalee from going. Another crazy smile stretched his lips.

His existence was sweet.

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A few days later when Lavi jumped down the steps onto the platform in the train station, suitcase in hand, his heart was erratically beating with nerves. You see, when he had three days to think over what the mysterious Tyré Micah looked like - if he was handsome, smooth, and totally worth this trip, or if he was short, last-man-on-Earth-to-have-sex-with...less than pretty - then he began to wonder what Tyré would be looking forward to in him. Long before the train slowed down at the station, Lavi had been fiddling with his hair, biting at his lip to make it redder, and constantly changing clothes to what may be suitable. He settled with his casual clothes he wore around the Order, and soothed the redness from his lips.

The redhead had also read the letter over and over again to where he could recite it backwards and inside-out, so with no hidden-in-the-message details he was also curious as to what Tyré's plan was while Lavi stayed within the city (he hardly doubt that just because he was hiring a fiancé that he would also take into account that they were to act as lovers outside of publicity (which was why Lavi also scrounged up some money to get himself a cheap room)).

Lavi peered over the crowd, searching for someone that would appear to be expecting someone from the train, yet the mass was draining quickly. He was craning his neck to see the group by the stairs when a voice came from behind him, a hauntingly familiar, smooth tenor making his blood freeze over.

“Please tell me, for your Heaven’s sake, that you’re not here alone.”

Lone eye widening, the redhead whipped around, automatically reaching for his Innocence. He jumped back away from the Noah’s reach (like that mattered with his speed) and shielded himself behind his growing hammer. Tyki Mikk only looked lightly amused but that was mixed greatly with irritation. He inhaled on the cigarette that was in his mouth, one hand coming from the pockets to remove it.

He looked different from the last time he’d seen him, Lavi noted automatically from the Bookman’s ability. Longer hair tied in a low tail at the neck and darker tanned skin. He looked…older? Not entirely so, but enough to where it almost made him into a whole new person.

Instead of attacking, Tyki rolled his head sideways and huffed out the long string of smoke lazily like he had something better to do. Lavi growled for being treated so indifferently from Allen or Kanda.

“What are you doing here, Noah?” Lavi bit out and the Innocence glowed lightly from his anger.

Very dark caramel eyes glanced at him from the corners with a strange expression, but otherwise he didn’t move when he retorted, “I could ask the same of you.”

“That’s not any of your business, bastard.”

“Then put up your weapon; I’m here on my own accord, as well, though I might as well forget it.” With that he turned around and began walking towards the stairs that led to the aboveground. He waved over his shoulder casually and called back without looking back, “You might as well go home, too, lad; Tyré Micah has just decided it wasn’t worth it.”

A shock jolted through Lavi’s body as he stared in disbelief at the retreating back. Lavi was quick to understand a situation; two and two did not equal fish, so that meant…

Tyki Mikk was Tyré Micah.

...

This was absolutely fucking wonderful.

The Bookman apprentice made a small half whine half groan in the back of his throat as though he didn’t know what to do next. Rational reason said jump back on the train to Headquarters, but logical thinking brought his thoughts back to the message Tyré – Tyki – had sent to them in the first place. A Noah was giving them secret information they had yet to discover about Innocence, and how come? It must been very crucial if even Tyki had said that telling them would put him in danger. Again, why would he risk something like that just to get a pretend date?

Lavi involuntarily shuddered, willing himself not to think of such strange things again. The redhead made another noise before sighing, sheathing his Innocence and heading to board back on to the train. With a hand on the railing, he stared blankly at the step.

Somehow or another he found himself racing to his enemy, yelling, “Tyki! Stop for a moment! W-wait a sec-ugh, move!” He pushed pass a crowd that was coming for the train, taking the stairs two at a time. At the entrance to the station, the streets were bustling with carriages and midday shoppers. Determined, Lavi slowly scanned the area, but couldn’t find the Noah in disguise. Sighing heavily, he scuffed at the ground with a glare and turned to head back to the train before it left.

All he ended up doing was running into the strong built torso of Tyki. Leaping back, Lavi watched as one slim, dark eyebrow raise in amusement.

“You called, Mr. Eye patch?” Cigarette gone, the man’s hands were stuffed in his coat casually. The redhead Exorcist frowned at the older one, but was secretly glad he’d caught him in time to understand what it was Tyki was willing to share with the Black Priest Order.

“Yeah,” Lavi coughed lightly, focusing on the now, “Why were you hoping I wasn’t alone?”

Tyki’s amusement turned blank, “I ask for a woman and they send a…boy.”

Lavi growled at the comparison, but also confused, he said, “Woman? Fiancé is a male; you got what you wanted.”

As soon as he said those words, brown eyes opened wide in surprise before they swept over him slowly, darkening. Lavi tensed under the inspection, only now aware how he had sounded. Tyki’s eyes met back at his face and he let out a low chuckle at his tight expression.

“Perhaps,” he said smoothly, “but how did you get fiancé from fiancée, with two E’s?”

There were no other way to explain it, but Lavi flushed bright red at the mix up. A woman. Of course, that made more sense… But wait; Tyki’s still the one who wrote it! The red from embarrassment went to red of anger.

“I don’t know!” Lavi accused, “You wrote it!”

The Noah looked suspicious and held out his hand, “Do you have it with you?” Lavi nodded silently and fished into his pants pocket and brought out the folded piece of paper that had Tyki’s alias on it. The older one took it from his hand and quietly scanned over it before narrowing his eyes and bringing the paper closer to his face, perplexed. His other hand came from his pocket and scratched at the letter with his nail, a slow smirk of arrogance coming over his face as he returned it back to Lavi.

The redhead glanced through it, eye bulging from its socket when he saw a second E had appeared in fiancé, making it fiancée. A bit of white dust came off from the paper, clear showing that white-out had been used.

One person’s name ran through his head.

Komui.

This was so not worth that sneaky Supervisor’s existence.

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