Disclaimer: This story is based on "Inuyasha," copyrighted by Rumiko Takahashi. No infringement of copyright intended or implied.

Night With No Moon

The muffled whispers followed him as hewalked back towards Kaede's hut, after cleaning up in the river. Women gossiped, describing his appearance-stripped down to a fundoshi and hair braided-in the fields the last two days to those who hadn't had the chance to see him.

Men were gossiping, too, envious of his strength, and of the attention the women were giving him.

Others were grumbling, wondering why the elders had allowed him and his group to stay in the village. It'd been their fault, hadn't it, that the weird, giant ball had appeared over the village, and then nearly destroyed it?

His ears were flattened, but he couldn't not hear. Hunching his shoulders inside his fire-rat, Inuyasha kept his morose gaze on the road. Three days. Three days of working alongside humans, in the stink and muck of the fields. Three days of eyes watching, watching him. And three days of voices. High voices, low voices. Nervous voices, jealous voices, scared voices, admiring voices.

Words, words, words, words!

The only time they seemed to shut up was when they were too out of breath, or had their mouths full.

Their attention, their gossip, made his skin twitch. As if there were insects under his skin, constantly biting and scratching, worse than a cloud of gnats.

Not that there hadn't been gnats, too.

Kaede's hut came into view, and he hurried at little; hoping she was back. He wouldn't mind a sympathetic smile from old Kaede, or sitting by the fire as she stirred the pot. (Gods, that river had felt cold today!) It wasn't the same as being with Kagome. (Kagome, what are you doing now?) But she was comfortable to be with, and he knew she defended his right to live in the village.

Slipping through the entrance, Inuyasha paused, noticing first that Kaede was still gone. Two pots were hanging over the fire, but no one was tending them. The youngsters and Kirara were on one side of the hut, Kohaku frowning in concentration as he drew something on paper with one of the remaining color sticks from Kagome's time, while the other three watched him intently. Shippo looked up, stuck out his tongue, and then returned his attention to Kohaku.

Miroku and Sango were not visible, but their voices behind a screen gave them away. "Miroku, stop it!" said Sango, giggling. "I'm trying to comb-mmph!"

Inuyasha found himself back outside, on the other side of the stack of lumber, trying not to shake, and trying very hard not to hear the couple's intermittent moans as they kissed. He wasn't jealous of them; he told himself. They deserved their happiness. They had gone through so much, had both come so close to nearly dying, he couldn't-wouldn't-say anything, do anything. But, if only he weren't all alone-

Kagome!

He wanted her, so terribly. If only he could touch her, hear her, bury his nose in her hair! But she was gone, 500 years away: he'd never see her again!

Hands clenched, Inuyasha fought to get himself back under control. He wouldn't give into the darkness, the loneliness, not now! It was stupid to feel hurt because his friends hadn't noticed him, of course, they still cared! He was just being silly. He was just tired from all the work he wasn't used to, just on edge from all the stupid gossip dribbling into his ears the last two days.

He forced the black pain and feeling of emptiness back with sheer will. Making his shoulders relax, Inuyasha sighed, raking his claws through his bangs. He'd go take a quick run around the village, he decided. He was tired from all the work he'd done, but he could still manage a quick run. A run, followed by a hot meal-even if it was Sango's cooking, not Kaede's-and he might actually be able to sleep. He glanced towards the sun, intending to judge how much time he had before dark, and had a sudden jolt of realization.

Oh, shit!

It was the night of the new moon.

Fear dropped on him-fear he hadn't felt in many years.

She wasn't here.

For ten moons, ever since that first new moon when she had discovered his secret, and had cried for him, saved him, succored him, Kagome had been at his side during his human time. He had learned that it wasn't the end of the world when people learned his secret, especially if they were his friends. He had survived even enemies finding out.

And now, she was gone, and he was-terrified. Almost as bad as that first new moon that winter after his mother had died, and his uncle had thrown him out of the castle. Fear, loneliness-all alone, no one to protect him, no one to care-

"Inuyasha-Inuyasha!"

He jumped, and then jerked away from the hand on his arm. His hands arched instinctively as he leaped back, ears going flat, snarling. Then, his senses caught up with his reaction, and he found himself relaxing. "Miroku!"

The monk eyed him carefully as he lowered his hands. "Are you okay, Inuyasha? Kirara-um, Shippo said you came in and went right back out..."

Which meant Kirara had interrupted Miroku and Sango, and Shippo-the brat-had been less absorbed in the drawing lesson than he'd seemed. "I'm fine," Inuyasha muttered, turning away to look up the wooded slope, vaguely grateful that Miroku had startled him out of that damn feeling of fear. (Damm it! I'm not afraid! I stopped being afraid of anything years ago!) Pulling his thoughts together, Inuyasha tried to decide where he should hole up. There were a few spots, which he had reconnoitered since his revival (Kagome!), but he'd have to hurry to get to even the nearest of them.

"You aren't planning on going anywhere, are you?" asked Miroku.

He tensed. "I'm-just going for a run."

Miroku snorted. "It's that night, and you and I both know it, Inuyasha." He paused a beat. "Kaede worried that you might be temped to take off tonight."

Inuyasha spun. "You-told her?" he exclaimed. "You told her!"

The monk rolled his eyes. "Of course not. It was probably Shippo-or Kagome. For that matter, who's to say obaa-chan didn't figure it out herself?"

Inuyasha stewed a moment, before shrugging the revelation off. It wasn't as if Kaede wasn't one of the people he could actually trust. "Whatever," he grumbled, turning away. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're not going anywhere." Every bit of humor had dropped out of Miroku's voice. Inuyasha stiffened, and then slowly turned, ears flattening.

"What did you just say?"

"You're staying with us." He pulled out a handful of ofuda and waved them.

Inuyasha's ears went further down, if possible, as his shoulders hunched. "You-wouldn't-dare."

Miroku abruptly gave him his widest, most charming smile. "Of course I would! And if anyone asked why I had your limp carcass over my shoulder, I'd explain that you'd been pining so badly for Kagome that you'd fainted dead away..."

Inuyasha glowered at Miroku for a long moment, almost ready to challenge the monk's skill and speed. But he knew better. Knew that he couldn't outrun Miroku's spell papers, and not at all willing to suffer the utter humiliation of being carried back to the hut while helpless. So, muttering expletives under his breath-but loud enough for the monk to hear, he stalked towards the hut.

/==/==/==/==/

He was determined to be the complete grump, tucking himself into the darkest corner of the hut and growling at any approach. Yet, he found it impossible to meet Kaede's single eye, when she gave him an appraising look on her return. Nor was he able to ignore the food Sango silently left at his side. He was too hungry from the day's labor, and his stomach refused to listen to his temper. He gobbled the meal down as soon as everyone's back was turned, although it was scorched, and clearly not up to Kaede's level of expertise.

Kaede and the three youngsters quickly retired for the night after the main fire was banked, dividers giving them a semblance of privacy, and some protection from the light of the candle-lamp. Inuyasha more than half-expected Sango and Miroku to start-indulging-themselves, as they'd been doing more frequently within the hut. Instead, Miroku produced a scroll, and started a conversation with Sango, in tones too soft for Inuyasha's dulled hearing to interpret. Heads together, they completely ignored him.

The only entity paying attention to him was the cat. She sat primly on her haunches, her twin tails stretched behind her, occasionally twitching, ears forward. Kitten-sized, Kirara sat there and stared at him, orange eyes glowing. Inuyasha tried to glare back at her, from time to time, but-.

-No one out-stared a cat.

As the night deepened, Inuyasha struggled to keep up his façade of sulkiness, but it grew harder. They had coerced him into staying, and now they were ignoring him? It angered him ... and then, it hurt. It reminded him, of how long he'd been alone. How different it had been the last year. With her. How he had come through pain, through confusion, to love, and found love in return. How hope had been born-

-And taken away.

Leaving him alone. Again.

Kagome. Was gone.

Tessaiga clattered to the floor as a wave of grief rolled over him, as he buried his face in his hands in an effort to stem it. He couldn't be weak! No! Not tonight! Never tonight! He pulled his hands down, making fists, acutely aware of how his nails barely dug into his human flesh, struggling to control these stupid emotions that never did anything but endanger him, the emotions he must never let control him on this night, because there wasn't anyone, anyone who cared, anyone who could protect-!

Something touched his shoulders. Inuyasha flung his head up, tensing, ready to fight, but the grasp of a human arm tightened. Shaking, he tried to glare at Miroku. "What do you want?" he hissed.

"What do you want?" Miroku returned the question. "We thought, that you just wanted to be left alone."

He looked away, panting, unable to answer. The hand loosened its grip on his shoulder, and began to rub small circles on his back.

"Inuyasha," said Miroku softly, "we want to be here for you. We want to protect you-do you really think there's anything out there that can get past Sango, Kirara, and me? And if there is, do you really think your brother is unaware of it? You don't have to be ready to protect yourself. Let go. If just once. Let go."

Let go? Let go of what? Inuyasha continued to pant, unable to do anything but resist the tide of grief ready to inundate him. He was caught, between that, and between his hard-learned habits and instincts, and the fear that he thought he had conquered, but which had never completely disappeared. He hurt, he hurt, but he couldn't let go-

"Here."

He managed to open his eyes. In the faint light, he saw a shallow bowl with a clear liquid in Sango's hand. Even his human-blunted nose could smell the sharp tang of sake.

"N-no," he managed to mutter.

The hand re-gripped his shoulder. "It might help, Inuyasha," murmured Miroku. "You're human tonight. Sake can take the edge off. Can make it easier-to let go."

"We miss Kagome, too, Inuyasha," added Sango. "We-it's all right to grieve."

Inuyasha stared at her, remembering, realizing. Sango and Kagome, whispering together, giggling together. Miroku and Kagome, sitting next to each other as the monk explained the spells he was drawing onto the papers. Friends, companions. Of course, they missed her.

And they were friends. His friends. He could trust them. And he didn't want to feel shut out. Not again.

But, everything in him was so tight, so wound in tension. This night, this human night. She had smoothed the edges, made it easier to bear, but she was gone. Part of him wanted to grieve, wanted to let go. But, the other part of him refused to relent, refused to give up.

Hand shaking, he reached for the bowl.

Three bowls and some time later, the tears broke through the rigid barriers of habit. Wrapped in the arms of his friends, he cried out his grief and terrible loneliness, pillowed against the furry side of a fire cat grown large, joined eventually by a small kitsune who also mourned. Together, they grieved the loss of their friend-a real loss, no matter the knowledge that she was alive and well. Mourned until the humans, at least, fell asleep in exhaustion. The kitsune joined them, and the neko watched.

On the other side of the hut, an elderly woman answered a girl's questions, and then followed her back into welcome sleep, pleased and relieved. In the center of the hut, a boy listened, his own heart aching, and wished that tears could ease his pain.

And, not far outside the village, shrouded in silence, and the darkness of a night with no moon, a listener pondered the puzzle of hanyo blood, and what it meant, to love.

Author's Note: This was written for the Inuyasha FanFic Contest community on LiveJournal, for the prompt, "Under My Skin." It was originally posted on January 19, 2010. It won the contest.