|Dirty Old Men
Author: Crimson Siyrean PM
After being forced to take seduction classes, the girls decide to take revenge on the opposite sex by showing them just what they've learned about using their feminine wiles. Unfortunately, it doesn't take long to realize that perhaps they've bitten off a bit more than they could chew when getting involved with an older man. Large Ensemble Cast Genma/Hinata Kakashi/Tenten mainRated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Hinata H. & Genma S. - Chapters: 38 - Words: 152,410 - Reviews: 1,283 - Favs: 651 - Follows: 727 - Updated: 10-10-12 - Published: 04-12-09 - id: 4987326
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
All female Chunin go through it at some point in their careers, Seduction Classes, but that doesn't mean they have to like it. The girls of Konoha decide to take revenge on the opposite sex by showing just what they've learned about using their feminine wiles. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for them to realize that perhaps they've bitten off a bit more than they could chew when getting involved with an older man. Perhaps in the end they haven't learned it all...
Love, lies, rumors, and heartbreak quickly spiral out of control as both the girls and the men try to make sense of their confusing love lives. Large ensemble piece. Kakashi/Tenten and Genma/Hinata will be the main focus, Shino/Ino, Sakura/? secondary.
A/N: I'm going to say it right from the beginning, the theme of this story is female empowerment- and that includes looking at those who take it too far as well- It's also all about that time period where the rookies go from being the youngins, to being included as equal peers among the older generation. So many fics tend to skip this time period, personally I love exploring that side of their life. So yes, there's much crack pairings to be had, but also a nice does of character development mixed in as well. (I'm presently rewriting this first chapter because it really is awkward, I appologise for that)
Dirty Old Men
"Sorry I'm late," Kakashi said, smiling while hopping through the window to the now crowded Hokage's office. His smile turned curious when he saw the room was filled with his fellow Jounins. Silently he wracked his brain, trying to remember if he'd forgotten an important date or event that would warrant such a gathering.
"How good of you to finally join us," Tsunade ground out, giving him a scowl as he added himself to the group. "Now that you're all here, perhaps we can begin."
The group looked on expectedly. All present were current instructors, though team leaders may be the proper title, since all of their students were now Chunin or higher. Kakashi observed his comrades carefully. It seemed some understood what this was about and some did not. Kurenai was blushing quite heavily.
"Now I'm sure you're wondering why I've asked you all—"
The door crashed open with a loud bang, interrupting a thoroughly peeved Tsunade. Kakashi turned to see Anko strutting in, a wide smile on her face.
"Are we ready?" she asked, ignoring every ones looks and taking a spot next to the Hokage.
Tsunade frowned. "I haven't even begun yet since we had to wait," she said, looking pointedly at Kakashi. He shrugged innocently, which did nothing to improve her glare. "Anyways, as I was about to say, it seems the village has been putting this off for some time now …"
Again she was cut off, this time by an obviously uncomfortable Kurenai. "It's not Anko instructing, is it?"
"Yes it is," Tsunade snapped, making it clear to the room that she would not tolerate being interrupted again. "Anko is sufficiently qualified, experienced, and has a way with fitting in with the younger generation. A big sister figure would be best, I think."
Now Kakashi was fully intrigued.
There were a few mutters around the group. Some of the men were looking sheepishly out the window, others shuffled away from the intimidating woman, cringing slightly. Anko was a competent Special Jounin, no doubt; it was her reputation in other areas that tended to make some men somewhat uncomfortable in the womans presence. Kakashi smiled at her pleasantly.
He then shifted his focus back to Lady Tsunade. She was going on about something but the man for some reason just found it too hard to concentrate. Seeing so many of them there, gathered around... It reminded him of the fated Chunin exams that took place four years prior, the results of which were still being felt throughout the village. But their teams weren't Genin anymore, now they were all Chunins and capable shinobi. The seeds of the next generation were growing up, it was only a matter of time before they replaced their old senseis' in this crowded room, for what ever reason it was they were there for.
Kakashi frowned, realising that he hadn't been paying the slightest attention to what the woman was saying. But then, it had been a rather early morning for the Jounin, and Mr. Ukki really had needed that special fertilizer he'd picked up from Ino earlier...
"So you all need to inform your female students to meet Anko out side the Academy at nine am the day after tomorrow. Most of your teams will have the next week off for them to complete their training, obviously there will be some exceptions which can't be helped. That is all."
"Uh…" Kakashi interjected, still not knowing what was going on. "I'm afraid I'm still a little unclear as to what this is all about."
"Women's classes, Kakashi," she exasperated. "All Chunin over the age of fourteen that haven't yet completed them are required to attend."
"Ah," he answered, knowing a slight blush was forming under his mask. Yes, they were growing up fast, it seemed.
"Isn't fourteen a bit young?" someone in the back asked.
Anko grinned in a way that made a few more shuffle back. "Last I heard the tradition of the Chunin initiation was still alive and kicking, or alive and fu-."
"Enough, Anko," Tsunade interjected.
"Chunin initiation?" Gai asked. "I don't remember anything about there ever being an initiation."
Asuma coughed in a way that sounded suspiciously like a laugh and Kakashi couldn't help but smirk. Though Tsunade had avoided coming straight out and saying it, he had an idea now what 'women's classes' were about. He was too young when he made Chunin but he knew all about the 'Chunin initiation', as it had come to be called over the years. Basically it all came down to the fact that a shinobi's life was one that could be short, and nobody wanted to die a virgin.
It was just something joked about and likely had more to do with the age of teenagers making Chunin and the massive amount of partying that usually followed passing the exam, than an actual tradition. He guessed it really shouldn't surprise him that this generation was no different from the last, but they just seemed so much more young than he remembered being at that age. Perhaps he was getting old? But now it would seem his biggest problem would be figuring out a way to tell Sakura she had to take seduction classes without getting knocked unconscious in the process. It was a subject that made him feel thoroughly uncomfortable to think about.
Two days later Tenten found herself standing out front the academy surrounded by a bunch of nervous looking girls. She sighed, wondering what really was going on here, clearly Gai had no idea.
"Tenten," he had said to her. "Tomorrow you will be undergoing some special kind of training with Anko. Apparently she views you like a little sister and wants to initiate you to her skills."
"She does?" Tenten had asked skeptically. After all, she barely knew the woman. But long years with Gai had taught her it was best not to ask too many questions lest he start waxing on poetically of the vigor's of youth.
She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Sakura, Ino, and Hinata approach. Perhaps they would know what this was all about. Sakura looked pissed, Ino expectant, and Hinata was blushing a shade which was usually reserved for when Naruto was in the room. This could not be good.
"Finally," Tenten exclaimed, rushing over to them. "Please tell me you at least know what's going on."
They looked at her in surprise. "You mean you don't know?" Ino asked, clearly very shocked and making her feel even more uncomfortable. Obviously Gai had left out something big. "We're here to learn how to use that other weapon god gave us against our enemies."
Tenten went still.
"Is that how Asuma sensei explained it? Other weapon?" Sakura said irritably.
"Yeah, he was pretty uncomfortable with the whole topic. It was kind of funny, him being all manly man and stuff..." She smirked. "I kept making him clarify what he meant, making him all flustered, it was great." The girl paused seeing Sakura's incredulous face. "Oh come on, you know he deserved it. I know you're as pissed as I am about this too."
The blonde paused, if only to catch her breath before commencing her dramatic performance. "I'm like, 'So why aren't Shika and Chouji coming,' and he goes, 'It's a female only weapon,' 'I don't get it' I said. 'Ino you're a girl, you've got something else in your arsenal that men don't.' He then looked at me very pointedly. Of course I knew what he was talking about but hell, if I have to be degraded into taking this stupid class, then he better be man enough to say it."
Ino waved her hand dismissively. "'I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about,' I said very sarcastically. By then he was starting to catch on though." The girl shrugged. "'Sex Ino, I'm talking about sex'. He said it loud enough to draw the guy's attention however, so I'm like, 'Fine,' and turn to leave in a huff, but as I pass them, I say, 'Sorry guys, I won't be able to hang around late tonight. Asuma sensei's making me take a class on how to be a cocktease in the morning.' Needless to say it had the desired effect. My boys can be a little over protective at times."
All the girls looked at her, impressed and Hinata was even struggling to hide her giggles.
"Damn, I wish I'd thought of that," Sakura said once Ino finished her tale.
"So then how did Kakashi sensei explain it?" Ino asked curiously.
"He was a bit smarter then yours. For one, he made sure Naruto was gone first," she began with a scowl. "He then asked me to stay for a moment and told me about the class without actually saying what it was about. So obviously I asked what exactly it was this was all about, and do you know what he said?"
Sakura took a moment to look over the group of expectant kunoichi, feeling her indignation burned within her. "He said, 'Oh you know, this and that.' I'm serious, that's actually what he said." The girl cracked her knuckles loudly. "So at this point I'm not really thinking anything of it. 'I know lots of this and that's, could you be more specific?' I ask."
She paused for a breath. "And he blushes. I'm telling you, I saw Kakashi sensei blush... You'd think that'd clue me in but no. He says, 'Oh not this kind, or at least I hope not, not that it's any of my business, anyways, it's more like a women's this and a man's that and how a kunoichi can use them to her advantage.' He then suddenly remembered an important appointment he couldn't miss and vanished before I was able to piece the whole thing together. I haven't been able to find him since. Coward."
"Damn," Tenten finally said, cringing at the sound of Sakura cracking her knuckles once more. "Perhaps I was the lucky one. Gai sensei would probably have given me nightmares if he tried to explain it."
"No doubt," said Sakura. "Hinata, at least you had a woman. How did Kurenai sensei do it?"
"Oh, well, um…" Hinata blushed. "She was pretty straight forward about it. Said that all kunoichi went through it at some point, but not to worry because when missions of that nature come up they're careful about who they give them to, and only to girls they know would be comfortable enough to pull them off, so I shouldn't be worried or anything like that."
"Your sensei's faith is astounding," Tenten said flatly.
"Oh it's not that! Kurenai sensei's really great and everything, she just knows this is something I'd be really uncomfortable with. I mean I'm not, you know, I can't…"
Tenten looked skeptical. "Still…"
"Hinata, you're a beautiful girl," Sakura said sensing the girl was uncomfortable when being dismissed for anything. "I'm sure you could have half the guys in Konoha wrapped around your finger if you wanted."
"Hell yeah you could," Ino added, catching on. "Tons of guys go for the shy, innocent type. Makes em feel chivalrous and stuff…"
Hinata looked up, giving them all a small smile. "Thank you guys, but still I don't think I could ever, well…"
"I don't think any of us could, to be honest," Sakura said, ignoring Ino's look of indignation. "At least I hope none of us are ever put in that situation."
The girls all nodded at that and then proceeded to enter the building. The following few days taught them far more then they'd ever hoped to learn about the male gender, instilling a fact that many had already been suspicious of.
All men were in fact pigs.
In the end, all four found their selves gathered together much like they had on their first day, discussing the rather dubious "assignment" Anko had left them. It wasn't really a proper mission, since there would be no reporting or anything, so much as a suggestion, or joke rather, as Sakura put it. Clearly the woman did it purely for her own amusement.
"Now I'm not going to force you, but I strongly suggest you all go out there and give it a bit of a shot. See how long it takes you to get a shinobi eating out of the palm of your hand. See if you can get him to give you willing kiss, and then pass it off as just part of a mission."
"That seems a little inappropriate," Sakura had muttered.
"Actually, if you really want to test your skill, you should make it an older man, a Jounin would do. The age gap will make it harder, plus they'll be more suspicious of your feminine wiles. Extra points if it's someone I know so that I can laugh at them later."
"I take it back. Now that seems inappropriate."
"Remember, it's not my fault you have to learn all this stuff. You won't see any men being forced to take something like this. Might as well milk it for all it's worth," Anko finished leaving the girls with the distinct impression that any man in this woman's presence would likely feel the need to cross his legs.
And so there they were, all four sitting together on the grass, under a tree, going over their last assignment.
"You know, I don't think she was really serious," Sakura said, not sure why Ino insisted they make it a group project.
"Oh come on, it might actually be fun," Ino said with a grin. "Though maybe a little too easy. If I wanted to, I could probably get a date with a Jounin tonight, I'm sure."
Tenten snorted. "Yeah but you could pull that off before classes too. It hardly counts."
Ino beamed at the complement. "That's why I said it wasn't a challenge."
"Then how can we make it a challenge?"
"Tenten, don't encourage her!" Sakura snapped back, somewhat scandalized.
"Oh come on, don't you get it, we get a free pass here," she replied excitedly.
"How do you mean?"
"Because of what Anko said, don't you see?" Apparently no one had caught on to what Tenten realized this meant. "Anko's the one who gave us this, "assignment." Basically we can do anything, make a pass at anyone, without getting into trouble. Whatever we do, we can pass the blame to her. It is, after all, her mission. Surely you see the possibilities here?"
Ino was grinning like an idiot, Hinata looked stricken, but Sakura had a look of intrigued about her.
"This isn't just about having a bit of fun either," Tenten continued. "But about building confidence and proving we have the guts and nerve to do anything, no matter what the situation. And the situation could come up, after the stories she gave, there's no doubt that being a woman can be useful."
"This is because you had Gai as your teacher, isn't it?" Sakura replied.
"No, she's right," a small voice added. They were all startled to see Hinata had entered the conversation. "It is about guts and nerve. We're Kunoichi; we should be able to do anything. Something like this should- should be easy. Our teammates could be counting on us, and if we could get the enemy to drop their guard, if only for a moment, just to get the upper hand… well if we don't simply because we're too shy…"
"Well said, Hinata." Tenten replied, grinning. Hinata blushed in reply.
Sakura sighed. "Alright, alright, look, if we're going to do this, we better go big or not bother. I noticed some of those other girls were giving us looks, the kind that said you don't belong here, since we're the youngest Chunins."
"That's right Sakura, get that competitive spirit on," Ino cheered, knowing that once Sakura had decided to go for something, there was no way she'd do it by halves.
"We need to pick Jounin who would shock everyone," Sakura continued. "No one easy. And we have to succeed."
"Well if we really wanted to cross some lines, we could go for our sensei…" Ino said it, though it was clear the idea really didn't appeal to her.
"No way!" cried Tenten.
Sakura smirked. "No, our own sensei would be a little too awkward, I think. After all, even after the assignment, we still have to deal with them... No matter how much they deserve to be embarrassed and humbled."
"I'm liking the way you say our own there." Ino's eyes were twinkling. "You know, I've always wondered what's under Kakashi's mask."
Sakura grimaced. "Yeah well, if we went that way, we'd still have problems. For one, Kurenai's a girl. Two, Asuma is off limits less we want our asses kicked by said girl. Three, Gai, 'nuff said there."
The girls all nodded.
"Look, it's getting late. We all have tomorrow off so how about we meet at my place, eight tonight to better plan the mission," Tenten said, knowing they'd agree since she was the one amongst them who actually had her own place and something about this seemed to draw the desire for secrecy… oh and the large amounts of liquid courage she kept stored in her fridge for just such an occasion.
A/N: The first 3 chapters are mainly set up, the real fun doesn't start till chapter 4. Please let me know what you think, I love constructive criticism and am constantly trying to improve, so by all means, critique away. Though this is a humor fic with crack pairings, I'm hoping to pull off an honest look at gen gab relationships.