Dialogue only crack in which House and Wilson discuss the status of their relationship on the show. Spoilers for Simple Explanation and Saviors.

In Which Wilson Finds House's Recklessness Unamusing

"Hey Wilson. You’re Jewish. Why do you have bacon in your refrigerator?"

"Oh House. You know that the writers only care that I’m Jewish, when it directly pertains to the plot. Otherwise I’m just a gentile heathen like you. Pass me that uncircumsized cock, will you?"

"Sure thing. Can I chew these potato chips in your face?"

"Please do. Then I can reminisce about seasons one and two, when I used to find your rudeness and recklessness amusing."

"You didn’t find my season three recklessness amusing?"

"I did at first. But you’ll notice that whenever things start to affect me directly, I become markedly unamused. Unlike when they only affect you, in which case they’d be hilarious."

"Is that when your voice gets that high pitched, whiny tone and you start grabbing the back of your neck?"

"Your powers of observation never fail to astound.

"I have noticed a direct correlation between your lack of amusement and the degree to which you’re being inconvenienced by our relationship. Do you think there could be something to it?"

"I do. But try not to stare directly into the truth and it will slowly become less obvious."

"Hmm. Like this?"

"Tilt your head a little more. Try focusing on one of the fifth season plot devices, like Kutner’s suicide or Cuddy’s baby adoption. You’ve almost got it."

"Wow, Wilson...when I squint everything gets kind of blurry, and it almost seems like we’re still great friends."

"Amazing huh? Even though we’ve failed to resolve any of our disagreements, since the end of season two."

"Making it all the more impressive."

"Hey House, you know what would be even more convincing? We could share a meal in which you steal food from my plate, and laugh heartily like we did in that season one Christmas episode."

"I’ll cue the emotionally manipulative music."

"We should probably just cut out the dialogue altogether. It would only ruin the scene."

"Better safe than sorry."