Hello :) I'm very new to this fandom, but I thought I'd give it a go! This fic is set sometime in the beginning of S3. I don't have much time to write, but I'll try to update as regularly as I can. This will be a Jesse-centric fic, and if all goes to plan there will be lots of angst. I like angst :) Feel free to pull me up on anything I get wrong. I don't own the characters, but any mistakes are definitely mine. Thanks for reading!

CHAPTER ONE

Jesse sank. Bubbles fizzed around him. Icy water stung through his clothes, sharp as needles, biting his skin. His right shoulder was an explosion of pain, causing his heart to hammer and his breath to leave his lungs. He was sucked downwards, pulled by the weight of his sodden clothes and boots. He couldn’t take another breath. There was no air to breathe. He couldn’t move.

The last thing he’d heard was the gun going off. The last thing he’d seen was Brennan, running towards him with electricity dancing across his fingertips. And then he’d fallen, propelled by the force of the bullet that had torn through his shoulder. He’d hit the water with an agonising splash and was sucked under. Sinking…

His eyes were pinched closed. Darkness engulfed him. Darkness had been chasing him for days now, hot on his heels. He couldn’t fight it anymore. He was exhausted.

This is it, he thought distantly. I’m going to die...

3 DAYS EARLIER

The bar was a mess of rowdy conversation and loud music. It was Friday night, and half the city seemed to be out socializing. Jesse sat on a wobbly stool, his back to the counter, a cold glass in his hand. Ice clinked against the edges as he tilted it to his lips.

Brennan and Shalimar were locked in a fierce battle of pool. They argued playfully, jeering and casting snide remarks back and forth. Shalimar was winning. Brennan didn’t stand a chance. Jesse twitched a smile as he watched their game, reading their body language, noticing how much they loved each other’s company.

Lexa was leaning against a wall in a far corner. She made a point of watching the pool contest while a sleazy-but-innocent looking young man vied for her attention. Every now and then she’d tease him with a half-attentive look. But the way her arms were folded over her chest showed that she wasn’t interested in him or his conversation. She was, as always, a closed book. Every now and then she’d glance at Jesse, as if keeping an eye on him.

Jesse sighed and dropped his eyes to the floor. He knew he should make more of an effort to enjoy himself because it was the first time they’d been out in ages, but his thoughts kept snagging on recent events and how thoroughly they’d turned his life inside-out. Emma was dead, and Adam was missing, presumed dead. Jesse felt like a huge part of him had been torn away. He hadn’t managed to fill the hole yet. Brennan and Shalimar seemed to be dealing with their grief in their own ways, but Jesse felt like he was wearing a mask; smiling and swallowing his emotions, when the truth was that he was hurting more than he had words for. He’d always longed for a ‘family’, and a place he could honestly call home. Adam had been like a father to him. Emma had been one of his closest friends; as close as a sister. And he’d lost them both.

Ignoring the tightness in his throat he drained the remainder of his drink. The shrunken ice cubes slid around the bottom of his glass, clinking dully. He watched the light glint against them, feeling the alcohol move through his system. Another drink and he’d probably be on the floor. He spun around, placing his glass on the sticky counter top.

A girl approached the bar. Out of the corner of his eye, Jesse saw her glance at him. He didn’t return the look. She took the stool beside him and perched upon it. He listened as she ordered a drink, trying to ignore how close she’d pulled her stool. Eventually she spoke.

“You look like you could use another drink.” Her voice was like honey.

Jesse waited a heartbeat before looking at her.

She faced forward, staring out over the bar at the mirror-backed shelves of bottles. She lifted her glass to her lips and took a long sip before meeting his eyes. Her eyes were dark, shadowed with blue and silver. Her hair was ink black, with bright red running through it like veins.

Jesse regarded her a moment, struggling with the thought that she looked vaguely familiar. He back-peddled through memories, but his mind was too jumbled.

She quirked a half-smile. “That was English for can I buy you a drink?”

Jesse’s thoughts stopped their stumbling. He felt his cheeks flush. “Sorry,” he said quickly, taking a hold of his voice. “I just… For a minute there I thought I knew you.”

Amusement rippled across her features, but her gaze remained steady. She shook her head gently. “No, I don’t think you know me.”

Jesse felt slightly embarrassed. He was tired, his eyes weren’t working properly, and now he was making a fool of himself in front of a pretty girl. He shifted awkwardly.

“We can get to know each other.” She eyed his empty glass. “The night’s still young. What were you drinking?”

Any other night and Jesse would have said yes. He rarely met nice girls. But tonight, his heart just wasn’t in it. Sighing, he pushed his glass away. “Thanks,” he said honestly, and then glanced over at his friends. Brennan and Shalimar had finished their game and had rescued Lexa from her parasitic suitor. Brennan shot him a look, glancing at the dark-eyed girl with approval. Jesse brushed off the subtle nudge from his best friend, shaking his head and turning back to the stranger beside him. “Perhaps some other time.”

She pulled in a breath, obviously disappointed. Running a finger around the rim of her glass she nodded slowly. “Some other time,” she replied, squeezing a measured smile.

Jesse felt bad, sure he’d hurt her.

She surprised him by slipping off her stool and bringing her face close to his. Her eyes shimmered.

Jesse’s breath caught in his lungs as she kissed his cheek. She smelled of jasmine. He almost wanted to retract his words and change his mind. He bit his tongue, his heart hammering.

She offered him one last teasing smile before sliding away. Without a backwards glance, she moved through the crowd and across the room.

Brennan’s expression was a mixture of concern and confusion. He pushed his way to the bar, eyeing Jesse with a raised eyebrow and then looking pointedly in the direction the mystery girl had disappeared.

Jesse pushed himself off his stool before Brennan could open his mouth. “Are you guys ready to go, because I’m about to fall sideways.” As if to prove the point, his legs refused to co-operate and he nearly toppled into the bar.

Brennan took the hint and didn’t ask what had happened between Jesse and the girl. Instead he snorted in amusement at Jesse’s unsteadiness and grabbed the younger man lightly by the elbow. “You’re a cheap drunk.”

Jesse shook his elbow free and made a point of walking towards Shalimar and Lexa, who were coming across the room. He only swayed slightly.

“Time to go?” Lexa asked. It was clear she’d also had enough of the place.

“Time to go,” Brennan confirmed.

“Who was the cute girl?” Shalimar asked cheekily, coming up beside Jesse.

But Jesse shook away her curiosity. “No one,” he replied quickly. He didn’t want to talk about the girl or why he’d turned her down. There was too much going on in his heart, and he didn’t need any more complications.

She got the hint and left it alone.

“You think you can make it outside without face-planting the ground?” Brennan nudged him, changing the topic.

Jesse nudged him back, hard. “Get lost,” he mumbled, grinning. “I’m fine.” But even as he said it, he tripped and nearly fell on the stairs leading up to the exit.

In the washroom of the bar, the girl with the black and red hair stood over the basin and stared hard at her reflection in the streaky mirror. She closed her eyes and licked her lips, as if savouring the taste of something. She gripped the sides of the basin and bowed her head in concentration, recalling the short conversation she’d just had with the blond haired boy at the bar.

He’d thought he’d known her. She’d denied it, but the truth was they had met. She remembered it like it was yesterday. His name was Jesse Kilmartin, and she knew all about him and his group of friends; his little family. How could she forget, when he’d been the one who’d stolen her only family from her? He’d pay for what he did.

She twitched a smile.

He’d learn what it felt like to lose everything.

tbc