Here's chapter 3. Thanks for reading :0)

CHAPTER THREE

Jesse was lost in a sea of frighteningly real dreams. He’d break through one nightmare only to be sucked under by the next. He felt like he was drowning, being tossed and turned like a rag doll. His fever raged out of control, drenching him in cold sweat and sending aches throughout his whole body. At one point he rolled from his bed and landed in a sprawling heap upon the floor, tangled in sheets. He panicked, kicking against the unyielding fabric, desperate to get free. In his struggle he smacked his head against his bedside table and knocked himself to his senses. He lay there, panting. When the room stopped spinning he clawed his way back up onto the mattress.

He squeezed his eyes closed. His head was like a rock upon his pillow. His skull was splitting with an agonising headache, and he felt like his body was tearing itself apart. His gut was alive with butterflies, sending cold shivers along his arms and legs. His breathing was short and shallow, directed by his mounting anxiety. All sorts of thoughts were stampeding through his mind. He tried to get a hold of them but they were too frantic and wild to be stopped.

In all of his nightmares, shadows were chasing him. They whispered things and taunted him, pushing waves of emotion upon him. He found himself dwelling on the fact that he no longer fitted in, that Mutant X didn’t need him anymore; that he was useless. Being alone scared him more than anything, but he was beginning to think that perhaps it would be better if he wasn’t around. Brennan, Shalimar and Lexa didn’t need him. He was being selfish thinking that he needed them. He was a liability, not an asset. He was a burden, and he was getting in their way. He’d been fooling himself believing that he was of use to any of them. Perhaps it would be better if he disappeared…

Jesse opened his eyes and stared a hole through his ceiling.

Disappear…

Disappear…

He shook his head. There were voices in his thoughts. He didn’t know where the voices were coming from. He squeezed his eyes closed. The voices continued. Was he going mad?

Whimpering, he turned over and buried his face in his pillow. The material was already drenched with his sweat. He was exhausted. He’d been in bed for hours but he hadn’t slept at all. His heart was pounding so hard he thought his ribs might break. Every breath hurt and his throat was tight. He couldn’t seem to gain control of his emotions; it was like he was spinning out of control. He didn’t know whether he’d come down with something and the fever was making him distressed, or whether the stress of everything that had happened recently had built up until it had pushed his body over the edge, making him sick. Either way, he was in bad shape, and he didn’t quite know what to do about it.

He tried to still his pounding heart. He practiced some deep breathing exercises Adam had once taught him. For a moment he gained control of his senses, and felt like he might find his balance again. But then the voices started, louder this time. They opened a door to a whole new chain of troubled thoughts that sent his mind whirling. Bad thoughts fuelled more bad thoughts. He was being crushed from the inside out.

Disappear…

Disappear…

Disappear…

Brennan and Shalimar had each other. Lexa had her own agenda. None of them needed him. Lexa was smart; she would fix the computers if Jesse was no longer around. Even in a fight, they could do without him. The only thing he was useful for was defence. The three of them were skilled enough to hold their own without Jesse getting in the way. They’d been in plenty of fights without him already…

An image swam into his mind, bright and vivid. He was staring into choppy water and it was calling his name. He stepped towards it. He was standing on some sort of ledge. He didn’t want to jump off but it felt so wrong being where he was. He was broken, he’d outlived his purpose. It was time to go. Disappear…

Jesse choked back tears and batted at the image and its accompanying thoughts. He even felt wrong being in his own bed. It was so obvious he was filling shoes that were no longer his to fill. He rolled onto his side and hugged his knees to his chest. A minute or two went by, and then he was sucked mercilessly into another nightmare.

8:00AM. Jesse still hadn’t managed to get a decent amount of sleep. He pulled himself out of bed, remembering Brennan’s words and not wanting his friend to worry and come to check up on him. He stumbled to the shower, desperate to scrub the nightmare residue from his body. But the water didn’t to make him feel better. He was cold and he couldn’t warm up. The bathroom was full of steam and his skin red, but for some reason the shower wasn’t hot enough.

There were still some things he needed to patch up with the computers. He knew he should try to eat something, but when he thought of food his stomach curled sickeningly. He paced around his bedroom, fidgeting. Everything felt wrong. He shouldn’t be here. He caught a glimpse of his reflection and nearly jumped out of his skin; he was pale, his eyes red-rimmed, his expression haunted. He felt like he was having a nervous breakdown. His legs were so shaky he worried they might fold any second. I have to get out of here…

The thought snagged his attention. Perhaps fresh air would do him good. He thought about the place where they’d written Adam and Emma’s names. It was peaceful there. He could stand there for a while and try to calm down.

There was a ledge. He could step off.

Gasping, he tried to shake the thought from his mind, but it latched on. Breaths shot in and out of his lungs. He plopped down on the edge of his bed, head spinning. Leaning forward with his head between his knees, he groaned and squeezed his eyes closed. It was like his consciousness had split in two; Jekyll and Hyde. His thoughts didn’t make sense, and yet… what they were suggesting almost seemed right.

He gathered his will and pushed off the bed. He swayed a moment, and then made his way to his bedroom door. The fresh air would have to wait. If he didn’t finish fixing the computers, Lexa would be on his back and he really didn’t think he could take a repeat performance of yesterday. He was on edge already; he didn’t need a reason to snap at anyone. With any luck, he would be able to keep his head down today and get some work done. Perhaps by dinner he’d be feeling more like his old self again.

He pulled himself along the corridor, vision swimming like he was looking through a fish bowl. He was hoping to avoid the others for as long as possible, but on his way to the main communications room he came across Brennan doing some combat training, and Brennan spotted him immediately and shut down the hologram he’d been fighting.

Jesse groaned. He wasn’t in the mood for Brennan’s questions. He wanted to be left alone.

“Hey,” Brennan said, wiping sweat from his brow. He narrowed his eyes, assessing Jesse’s appearance. “How you feeling? I was just about to come and check that you were okay.”

Jesse felt annoyance rush over him. He squared his shoulders, suddenly defensive. What was Brennan doing wasting time worrying about him? That was so stupid. “I’m fine,” he stated through gritted teeth. “I’m going to finish fixing the computers.”

“Have you had breakfast?”

What are you, my mother? “I said I was fine.” Jesse went to walk past his friend.

Brennan stopped him with an outstretched hand. “Hey, I was just asking. You still don’t look too good. You sure you’re okay?”

Jesse moved away from Brennan’s hand, not wanting to be touched. Brennan didn’t believe him. Jesse could see it in the taller man’s eyes. What would it take to convince him? Jesse’s thoughts darted all over the place. He hated when he had to repeat himself. He hated when the others questioned what he said. “I’ll prove I’m feeling better, come on. Let’s do some training together.” The words were over his lips before he could stop them, and it was hard to hide the challenge in his tone.

Brennan pulled a face, thinking Jesse was joking. Then his expression changed as he realised the suggestion was serious. “What? No, Jess. I mean, you haven’t been feeling well. If anything, you should get checked over.”

Jesse’s frustration boiled. He pushed past Brennan and jogged up the couple of steps onto the slightly raised training floor. Brennan and the others always thought they knew what was best, and they were always telling him what to do. If Jesse didn’t make Brennan believe that he was fine then Brennan would drag him into the sick bay and treat him like a kid. They were always treating him like a kid. Jesse was tired of being the one who constantly needed looking after. “No. I’m good. Let’s go.” He made his words firm, swallowing back bile as he spoke. The floor rocked and swayed beneath him, but he moved around, trying to dance with it. Perhaps if he kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Brennan wouldn’t notice how unsteady he was.

Brennan hesitated for a long time. He shook his head and kept his distance, telling Jesse that it wasn’t a good idea.

Jesse wondered whether they ever thought he had good ideas. He argued back, pushing Brennan to come up and fight him. “We haven’t practiced together in ages. Come on.” Jesse willed his body to co-operate. He just needed to hold out for a few minutes. Then he’d go and finish working on the computers and hopefully Brennan would leave him alone.

Brennan regarded him seriously. He ran a hand through his short hair.

Jesse was losing his patience. Come on come on come on...

Finally Brennan sucked in a long breath, obviously judging that he wasn’t going to win the argument. “Fine,” he stated. “But only if you’re sure you’re up to it.” He jogged up the steps to stand a few feet away from Jesse, facing him. Some of the creases in his brow smoothed out. “Don’t expect me to go easy on you.” He twitched a smile.

Jesse pushed a grin back. “Bring it on.”

They regarded one another for a handful of heartbeats. Then Brennan threw the first punch, and Jesse ducked, just avoiding the blow, and threw one back.

Thirty seconds went by.

Forty-five.

One minute.

Jesse was starting to lose his balance. He was having trouble keeping up with Brennan’s moves. Numerous times he barely ducked or darted out of the way. His vision was swimming, and his limbs felt heavy. He stumbled, toppling away from Brennan’s incoming fist.

Brennan stopped abruptly, eyeing Jesse with renewed concern.

Jesse doubled over, panting, resting his forearms on bent knees. He wanted to sit down. His body was screaming at him to lie down. But if he did, Brennan would probably freak out and drag him off to sick bay.

“Okay, that’s it,” Brennan said, shaking his head and catching his breath. He approached Jesse. “Come on. I’m not buying it. Let’s get you checked over.”

Annoyance and anxiety flooded through Jesse and he staggered backwards.

Brennan raised a brow.

“I’m not going.” As far as Jesse was concerned, Brennan could shove his motherly attitude. “I said I was fine. I’m just tired.” He backtracked down the stairs, nearly tripping over his feet. He couldn’t explain his need to put distance between him and his friend. He needed to get out of here…

The voices were back. His head began to pound achingly.

Brennan came closer. “What do you mean, you’re not going? Jesse you’re not well. Do I need to spell this out to you? Don’t be an idiot.”

Jesse snapped. “Stop telling me what to do!” He began moving towards the nearest staircase. He had to get away. “God, can’t you people leave me alone?” His voice wavered, shaking like a frightened child’s.

Brennan came after him, though his movements were cautious. He stared at Jesse uncertainly. “Okay, okay. Calm down.”

Jesse grabbed the stair rail and pulled himself upwards. His palms were sweaty and his knuckles white. The stairs swayed beneath him.

Brennan continued slowly towards the stairs. “Jess, I think something’s happened and you’re sick and we need to find out how to make you better again.”

Jesse didn’t want Brennan to come after him. Why couldn’t Brennan take a hint? He turned and scrambled up a few more steps, gripping the rail for dear life. He couldn’t breathe properly. Panic was mounting within him. He began to hyperventilate.

Disappear disappear disappear…

Jesse fought the blackness encroaching upon his vision. “Shut up!” He cried, letting go of the rail and pressing his palms against his ears.

Brennan’s frown increased in intensity. He closed the distance between himself and his friend, darting up the stairs. "Jess-?"

Tears began to leak from Jesse’s eyes. He wanted the pain in his head to stop. He wanted his thoughts to stop whirling. He caught a snapshot of Brennan’s expression, in front of him now. He felt like a stranger in his own body. For a moment, he forgot where he was.

And then he phased; a decision that he hadn’t consciously made. He dropped through the stairs like a rock. The fall was short, and he hit the ground, hard.

Everything went ink black.

tbc