Disclaimer and note: This is another beginning that I really want to turn into a full blown story. Posting it seems to have gotten some of the creative juices flowing. And, as you should know by now, I don't own anything Harry Potter-ish nor any of the Muppets, which are owned by the Henson company.

Muppet's Harry Potter

Harry knew he was in trouble. And the worst thing about it was that he had no one to blame but himself. Well, that wasn't true; he could blame his _friends_ who hadn't given him any information. He could blame his so-called family who had been obnoxious to him so far this summer. So sorry that watching someone you know and like (could he consider Cedric a friend?) killed right in front of him and watching a madman who has now tried to kill you four times get resurrected might cause nightmares. A little comfort might go a long way to alleviating the guilt and nightmares; then he wouldn't wake the whole household up with his screaming.

But honestly, he had to blame himself. He just had to get out of that hell hole, and so he did. He took the Knight Bus to Leaky Cauldron, went to Gringotts, got some Muggle money, got out of the Wizarding district as quick as possible, took a train to a nearby town (Iver Heath), bought some new clothes that fit, and decided to buy himself a good meal for a change. And then he'd consider going back home, but not necessarily. The discussion with the goblins had made him aware that he could stay at a hotel for the whole summer and not put too big a dent in his account. Hell, he could spend the whole summer in a hotel on the Riviera and not make a significant dent in his bank balance.

It was while looking for a restaurant that the Death Eaters found him. He started running. Years of dodging Dudley's gang came in handy. What he didn't have was the knowledge of the area -- where the shortcuts were, what hedges he could slip under, which fences were easy to climb (a skill Dudley had never mastered). He ran around a corner -- he had to, the road had reached a T, with a large brick wall right in front of him. The sign on the wall said "Pinewood Shepperton Studios." He kept running, but kept looking. Nothing! No other streets for too long. Then he saw his escape! He ran across the street, looked at the bags of his new clothes, tossed them over the wall, and started climbing the tree. Someone hadn't trimmed the lowest branches close enough to tree -- the remains of them stuck out enough to be footholds. Up and over the wall, and he was safe, he hoped.

He collected his bags, and made his way towards the back of a strange shaped building. It looked huge. This end was flat, but the long side flowed into the roof, which curved over the whole thing. The sign over the door said "Studio 4." Harry still felt too exposed so he made his way to the door. It was unlocked. He slipped inside.

It appeared to be some sort of warehouse. There were scores of tripods; racks of spot lights. A huge set of shelves that reached to the ceiling, a good twenty meters above filled with chairs, tables, dressers, refrigerators, stoves, and even kitchen sinks and commodes. Harry wondered if this was a warehouse for storing disassembled houses. Moving farther into the building he knew he had to revise his thinking. He came to an area filled with fake palm trees, tropical plants, piles of plastic skulls, and half grass huts. Looking in one through the missing part, Harry saw it was just a fake, designed to look good from one angle. He also found a large stone idol. Touching the ancient looking object, he discovered it was Styrofoam -- shaped and painted to look like an old stone statue. He finally came to a door leading further into the building. Opening it revealed blue. From the floor to the ceiling was a bright blue cloth, stretching most of the way to the far walls. He walked along it, wondering what it was for, listening to voices from the other side.

"Are the horses ready this time? The barrels back far enough?"

"Brian, I still think the carriage should knock the barrel of gunpowder over and blow up the town."

"And I still say no. Quiet on the set! Action!"

As Harry looked around the end of the blue cloth he was surprised to see a village. Numerous buildings were arranged around a crowded cobblestone road that went past a dock. Next to the dock was the upper part of a sailing ship. The part that would have been in the water was either under the floor or didn't exist. There were more people on the deck -- and a large blue eagle? There was a boy and a sailor next to the large bird. The townsfolk were dressed in clothes similar to what he had seen in Diagon Alley -- from the Victorian age. Yet right in front of him were a dozen people dressed in modern Muggle clothes. There were lights hanging from the ceiling illuminating the street and ship. There were men with huge cameras on wheeled platforms. One was looking at the strange group on the ship, another looking down the street -- beyond the buildings was more of the bright blue cloth. A third was near the base of the ship, in what would have been water, looking at the dock. The floor where the water should have been was also bright blue. A carriage drawn by live horses came racing down the road and stopped at the dock. He realized someone on deck was talking.

". . . .Lollygaggers will suffer his wrath!"

"Wrath? I-Is this captain bad-tempered?"

"Is he bad-tempered? The man is a raging volcano. . ." Wait a minute! Was that the eagle who said that? ". . .tormented by inner demons the likes of which mere mortals cannot fathom." Yes, it was the eagle!

"He's got demons? Cool!" said a voice from no one Harry could see from his vantage point. Meanwhile, a footman had opened up the carriage and everything became very quiet as the captain in question prepared to make his entrance. Harry saw a camera move closer to the carriage; a boom with a microphone lowered towards the vehicle. A foot appeared, followed by the rest of the impeccably dressed captain.

"Heigh-ho, everyone." It was a frog.

SNAP

"And cut!" someone from the Muggle group in front of Harry yelled. "That's a wrap, people. You know the drill. Stay in contact in case we have to re-shoot any more scenes. Gonzo, light that cannon and I stick you in the sensory deprivation tank!" Harry looked at the ship and saw a strange, blue creature quickly jump back from the cannon. "Wrap party is Saturday at 4 at the Boar and Hound. Tim? According to my notes we have all your songs. Kevin, you have your schedule at the recording studio?"

"You mean Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!" the blue creature, Gonzo, yelled.

The boy on the deck answered, "Yes, Mr. Henson. Tomorrow at 8."

"Good. Otherwise, it's been fun! See you at the premiere if not before." The movie set had been quiet while Mr. Henson had been talking. Suddenly it was flurry of activity.

"Nobody leaves until you turn in your costumes."

"Watch the wires!"

"Pack the village up. Who has the blue prints for the first James Bond set?"

Many more modern dressed people appeared and began taking the town apart. It was funny, the buildings further down the road were smaller -- the windows, doors, details were just two thirds the size of the closer ones. The large blue cloths started descending from the ceiling. The group of Muggles, including the man who seemed to be in charge were walking towards the far end; it sounded like there were two dozen conversations going on in that group of about a dozen people.

Another group of "people?" were congregating near the bottom of the gangplank to the half ship. A long with the eagle, frog and strange blue creature (that looked sort of like a turkey, but not much), there was a bear, a rat, the man and boy from the ship, and a pig with blond, curley hair. The frog was speaking.

"It's been a great honor working with you, Mr. Curry!" he said, shaking hands with the pirate.

"It's been a blast, Kermit. And you'll see me Saturday. And you," he said, to the boy, "you are going places in this business!" The two humans started walking off.

At that point the organized chaos gave way to real chaos as part of the wall was blown in with what Harry recognized as a blasting curse. A dozen robed and masked people came in through the whole in the wall.

One of them cast a Sonorus charm on his throat, and said, "Turn over Potter and we'll leave most of you alive."

The man in charge, Henson, yelled, "Security." That's when things really started getting weird.

Security was like nothing Harry had ever seen. There were three of them, between seven and nine feet tall, but at least four feet wide. They were all furry, and one wore trousers. Two of them were blue, the other was a more tawny color, and had a club. One of the blue ones had a mouth big enough to put a grown man into, while the other two could have at least fit a man's head in their mouths. They were charging from three directions at the Death Eaters. Their appearance seemed to shock the wizards, because they didn't try anything for a moment. Suddenly one of them was hit by something.

"They're throwing fish!" he yelled holding up a halibut.

Harry raced around the ship, but there was no escape back there -- the blue cloth had covered a blank wall. A rope ladder fell from the ship, and a young, fuzzy looking "person" with glasses said, "Climb aboard, you can hide on the ship."

Harry climbed up the ladder. There were a lot more people on the ship than he had first thought.

"I'm Scooter, by the way. Go through that hatch and you should be safe."

Harry ran down the steps into the "ship." The interior was no more real than the grass hut he had seen before. He did pass a goat holding a skeleton, saying, "They killed Dead Tom."

He didn't see who answered, "Yes, but Dead Tom was already dead."

Once out of sight, he looked up the steps and saw a strange little man with a wicker basket pulling fish out of it and throwing them. "How do you like my boomerang fish?" he yelled. The man ducked as a blue beam of some sort of spell passed over him. While he was down, several fish landed around him. He picked one up and threw it again.

Harry saw a porthole facing the main part of the sound stage. Looking through it, he watched the three monsters chasing some of the Death Eaters. The blond pig did some sort of martial arts kick, and with a "AYE YA!" sent one of the Death Eaters flying. He saw the frog leap in front of a Death Eater and use a sword to disarm the black robed villain.

Some Death Eaters tried to organize themselves. Unfortunately, the fake building they were standing in front of blew up. The young wizard heard the frog yell, "Good job, Crazy Harry!"

A small rabbit went running towards a Death Eater wielding a cricket bat. The Death Eater, who appeared to be looking around -- Harry guessed he was the object of the wizards' search -- flicked his wand haphazardly and a crate slid between himself and rabbit. The rabbit ran right into it knocking himself flat on his back. Harry winced.

"Poor Bean Bunny," said a voice next to him. Harry turned and saw a bear in a bowler hat.

"Uh, hi," said the bear.

"Hi," Harry answered.

"Please don't tell Kermit I'm hiding. I'm a comedian, not an action hero."

"I won't tell. I'm here with you, you know."

"Right. I'm Fozzy Bear."

"I'm Harry Potter."

"You're the one they're after."

"That's right."

"AYE YA!" Harry and the bear looked out their respective portholes in time to see another Death Eater flying through the air. Tracing his trajectory back to it's origin revealed the blond pig.

"She's got quite a kick," Harry commented.

"And a mean right hook," Fozzy replied.

"AAAAAAGGGGGG!" Harry followed the sound of terrified yelling. It appeared to be coming from something falling from the high ceiling. A sandbag dropped right on a Death Eater, taking him out of the fight. A rat staggered away from the body.

"Next time wait until I'm off it before untying it!" the rat yelled.

Harry heard a reply from the deck above. It was the voice he recognized as the blue creature named Gonzo, "Sorry, Rizzo."

Harry then heard, "Accio frog!"

Suddenly all activity stopped. Harry saw one Death Eater holding the little green figure with a wand pointed at his head.

"One move and the frog gets it!" came a voice Harry recognized -- Bellatrix Lestrange. "Potter! Come out or I start racking up the bodies. Drop that fish, little man!"

"Kermit!" the bear gave a strangled gasp. Harry knew he had to do something, but what?

"I know you're here, widdle Potter! If I don't see you by the time I count 3, your friends start to die! One...."

Harry ran up the steps. "Here I am, Lestrange," he yelled from the deck of the ship, wand in hand.

"Lower your wand, Potter," she replied, "and come down here."

Harry started walking towards the gangplank when he heard a whispered voice say, "Light the cannon." The strange thing about it was that the voice came from the cannon.

As he walked next to it, he flicked his wand sideways and murmured, "Incendio."

The cannon went "boom!" and Harry had a glimpse of something blue flying out of business end. What turned out to be Gonzo slammed into Bellatrix, knocking her out. Harry raced down the gangplank to the frog/Death Eater/whatever pile up. He helped the unhurt Kermit up. Then he gave Gonzo a hand. The little blue creature shook his head and looked at Kermit.

"I told you I didn't need a helmet."

"And I told you that the safety inspectors would have closed us down if you did your cannon act without one." The frog turned to Harry and held out his hand, "I'm Kermit the Frog, by the way."

"I'm Harry Potter."

"The Harry Potter?"

"You've heard of me?" he asked, rather confused.

"Heard of you! Of course I've heard of you. These nuts who just missed ruining the last scene of the movie were yelling your name."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that."

"Is there a particular reason they wanted you?"

"Yes. They're minions of a madman who wants me dead."

"I had one of those after me a few years ago. Wanted me to be his spokes-frog. When I turned him down he wanted to cook me."

"Mine just wants me dead. Then he's going to take over the world."

Bellatrix started to move, but was stopped when the pig gave her a hard kick.

"Oh, Kermie? Who's your new friend?"

"Harry Potter, this is Miss Piggy. Piggy, this is Harry Potter, target of a madman."

"Well, then we better get going, don't you think, Kermie?"

"Going?"

"If we want to save Mr. Potter from his madman before the wrap party on Saturday, we have to get going."

"We're going to what?" the frog asked, incredulously.

"Don't let him fool you," she stage whispered to Harry. "He was going to help you anyway.

"Well, lets go 'do lunch,' and figure out how we're going to defeat this madman of yours. Come along, Kermit."

The pig grabbed Harry's arm in one hand, and Kermit's in the other, and started leading them to the exit.

An old woman appeared at the door and said, "Stop right there! No one leaves. . . ." Harry wondered what this new difficulty was.

". . . Until you turn in your costumes."

"Yes, Hilda," Kermit and a number of other actors of various species answered.