|The Romance Conspiracy
Author: The Pen Vs The Sword PM
Ok, I wrote this at first just to have Sonic answer the question of why Sega won't let him and Amy get together. But as it continued, more jabs at other games were thrown in. This isn't meant to be cruel or anything, just humorous.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Sonic & Amy - Words: 1,393 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 17 - Published: 04-21-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5010524
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sword:...Hello? Pen? Author?...Anybody?...I'm all alone. I think I'm gonna cry. *sniffs* Huh? Who are you? *runs to the audience* Oh! You're here for story time aren't you? Well, there is one story the author just made, but I don't know if I should introduce it on my own...Then again, I love stories. Ok! This story, for once, has no song to go with it. Its a funny story that answers some of questions that we all have. Like what is the moon made of? Why am I so hyper? What's that smell coming from the second row? Oh, and why aren't Sonic and Amy together in the games? Anyway, here is it!
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to the author. The characters in the story belong to Sega and all characters referenced belong to their respective companies.
The Romance Conspiracy
"Just one date?"
Amy had been following Sonic for the past hour, trying to get him to go on a date with her this week. So far, the hero had simply put his hands behind his head and strolled through the forest.
"Well why not?" Amy questioned, her cheeks puffing out in a huff.
"Because Sega won't let us," Sonic replied.
"What do you mean?" Amy asked, catching up to Sonic and standing in front of him.
Sonic opened one eye and sighed at the curious look that Amy gave him. "Okay, I guess I'll explain it to ya. Sega doesn't want any romance in their games, shows, comics, etc. At least nothin' serious."
Amy's eyes popped open. "What? Why?"
"Simple. They market it ta kids and are afraid of influencin' them. That and some people there wouldn't want me settlin' down." Sonic kept walking, while Amy processed all of this.
"Wait! What about Sally? And Blaze? Elise? Me?" she pointed out as she caught up to him.
"Well, at first I think it was cause Sega didn't want people ta think I was...y'know. Racin' for the other team." Sonic explained while Amy nodded in understanding. "Now, I think they just like ta mess with me. Throwin' in another girl in each game that I'll never be with."
Amy and him walked in silence while she thought about Sonic's explanation. "But wait. How can they not want any romance? Didn't they put Tails and Cosmo together? And Knuckles and Rouge?"
"Yeah, and look what happened. They killed her."
"I thought that was just to make sense with the show," Amy asked. Sonic shook his head slowly.
"Nope. Tails told me Cosmo and him were gettin' close. Soon after, they kill her." Sonic drew his finger across his throat for emphasis. "And as far as Knucklehead goes, they just made him a rival with Rouge, And it adds comic relief, but it can't go any further than that. They won't let it." Amy turned away, feeling a tear run down her face.
"That's why I try not ta get to close ta ya Ames. I don't know what would happen."
"But why?" Amy asked, a few tears running down her face. "Why do they do this?"
Sonic shrugged. "Who knows? Could be for the kids or the fans that don't want romance. Could be cause they don't care. I think the real reason is cause they like it this way. They want ta keep me free and wild like the wind cause most of them feel like losers in a bad marriage. Same goes for some of the fans too."
Amy giggled at that. But then she hung her head. "That's awful that they treat us like that."
"Well, we're not the only ones. Remember when I got invited ta that Brawl thing?" Amy nodded. "Well some of it happens ta those guys too."
"Really?" Amy asked.
"Yeah. I remember one guy, named Fox something, told me that him and his girlfriend were gettin' close, but soon after, they had her leave him. And he was left all alone and she hasn't been heard from since."
"That's cruel." Amy commented.
"That ain't the worst. There's this guy named Link. Big hero, nice guy, a bit shy and rarely talks. According ta him, every games he's been in, he's had ta save countless girls and this one princess every time. But as soon as he's about ta get some reward from them, he's put into some other adventure. But the worst treatment was what Mario got."
"Oh yeah, you told me about him. Some red and blue plumber right?" Amy asked, putting her finger to her chin in thought.
"Exactly." Sonic replied, as they continued on. "Well, each and every game he's been in, he always has ta rescue Princess Peach. Which isn't that great cause she's really dense."
"What do you mean?"
"Well," Sonic scratched his head, "she manages ta usually get kidnapped by this giant turtle and when she gets rescued, she never throws him in jail or ups her security. But she ain't much of a princess cause everyone usually goes ta Mario for help anyway."
"So what's so bad about having to rescue a princess?" Amy questioned. "That wouldn't be bad. He would get to live in a castle and be married to a princess. Almost like a fairy tale," Amy sighed, clasping her hands together and closing her eyes as she imagined Sonic and her in the same position.
"Woah, come back Amy," Sonic said, snapping his fingers in front of her. "Don't hop aboard the Imagination Station's train just yet."
Amy blinked and faced him. "Sorry," she blushed.
"Its alright. Anyway, Mario never gets any reward. He once got a kiss, but now, he's lucky ta get a 'thank you'. Peach and him aren't even dating."
"That's just horrible!"
"Yeah, and it happens in a lot of games too. Not all, but a lot. Jackie? His girlfriend is the first ta die. Dom? They find his wife nearly dead and he has ta shoot her. I mean the only reason Cortana never died is cause the chief can't get too close ta a program."
They walked on in silence for a few minutes before Amy spoke up. "We could run away."
Sonic shook his head. "Can't. Too many cameras."
"So then why was I created if not to be with you?"
Sonic paused, putting his hand to his chin and rubbing it. "I guess...ya represent my female fanbase."
Amy sniffed and kept walking. Sonic realized she had gone ahead and caught up with her. "I still can't believe this."
"Well, its the truth. Unless we become some sort of RPG game, we can't be together. Unless, some other company takes us over and makes games with us."
Amy's head instantly rose, with a sparkle in her eyes. "Like the one that made the adventure where we met Shade and the Nocturne Clan?"
Sonic smiled. "The very one. Until then, I gotta keep runnin' from ya." He looked into the sky and saw a floating camera hovering above them. "Looks like somebody's playin' one of the games," he whispered to Amy and pointed up. "Ready?"
Amy nodded quickly. Then she grabbed him tight, pulling him into a hug. "I finally got you Sonic!"
"Ugh! Amy! Let go!" Sonic cried. He pried her hands off and dashed away, with Amy and the camera following.
Sword: Whee! That was fun!
Pen: HOLD IT! What's going on here?
Sword: I just did the story by myself.
Pen: What?! *looks into the audience* Is anybody hurt? Short of breath? Experiencing hallucinations? Starting to act like Sword?
Sword: Okay, you guys hold this and I'll-
Pen: Sword! Don't play with the audience! Oh no, the author is gonna kill us!
Sword: Hey out there! Review and tell me how good a job I did!
Pen: Good? Good?! You're gonna-
Sword: *kisses Pen's cheek* Hey don't spoil the fun. Join in.
Pen: *is so shocked he falls down*
Sword: Pen? Pen! Peeeeeennnnnnn!