Author: angel puppeteer PM
Rape has never been this good... Especially if it's Sakura and her teeth on your zipper. “I’ll unzip your fabulous pants with my teeth.” SasuSaku. CRACK.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Humor - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Chapters: 5 - Words: 13,171 - Reviews: 398 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 08-07-09 - Published: 04-22-09 - id: 5011999
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
From Sou Dayo! Dai Ichi Ai! series, (because I am bored, and I need sugar and I love pink because Pink is emo and heavy metal)here is the full story of Crazy Baloney…
(because pink is the new chic
muffins and candies are sweet)
The day was, for the lack of better word, pink.
Hot and bright, with sporadic appearances of pink petals that made the world very pink, its fragrance lingering in the air.
Three pair of eyes blinked at each other.
Two pairs and one gray eye.
Dark eyes scowled while the other, a pair of nice shade of sky-blue eyes, wore a confused expression.
"…alright," said Kakashi carefully, cautiously since his two 19-year old male students, now co-Jounins, were liable to explode. Both hated mornings and late training sessions. "…this is…uh—" he lifted a hand to scratch his hair, unable to finish his sentence. His eye looked over to the distance expectedly.
But none came.
Uchiha crossed his arms. "You're early." He commented flatly.
Kakashi blinked, re-focusing his gaze, nodding slowly, cautiously. "I am?"
"…yeah, sure." Naruto drawled sarcastically. "Duh! Are you two stupid or what?! Sakura-chan isn't here yet!"
As if to emphasize the blonde's point, the wind blew pink petals, scattering around them. Annoyed, Sasuke brushed the petals off his bangs.
"She's late. That's what." He stated monotonously, shrugging. Naruto gaped at him.
"ARE YOU STUPID!? SAKURA-CHAN IS NEVER LATE!"
Kakashi silently agreed, almost hearing the capitaland boldletters. The only female member of their team was the punctual component of their group. Regardless of her condition, Sakura would always show up on time with a big smile on her face, sparkling vivid green eyes and pretty, pretty legs. Unless—
"OH MY GOD! SAKURA-CHAN IS DEAD!"
Seconds later, there was splash and we see Naruto, headfirst on the river, his legs sticking out of the water surface.
"Idiot." Sasuke muttered, pocketing the fist that he had used to send Naruto over the river.
Kakashi sighed deeply before backing away. With a grunt, the Uchiha leaned back to the railing, arms crossed, jaw set. The only evidence of his annoyance was the heavy frown on his face and the deep V of his eyebrows. Shifting his gaze, he glanced at the direction where Sakura usually came from.
Where the hell is that annoying pest?
"Gah!!!" Naruto yelled as he climbed back to the bridge, shaking his blonde head. He was about to yell at Sasuke but was interrupted with a shout from the distance.
Kakashi looked up from his book and frowned, surprised that Tsunade had actually left her comfy royal chair to see him in person. Now… that was weird. He should be careful in case something was up to the woman's sleeve, he decided, watching the Hokage approached them. As she neared, Kakashi noted she looked harassed, very stressed.
Her gaze met Sasuke's detached one. "And of course, Uchiha," She added, breathless.
"Yeah?" Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her.
"What about me?!" Naruto jabbed a thumb on his chest. "Aren't you going to acknowledge the great-supernova me?"
Tsunade rolled her eyes, "Well, uh— we have a problem," she said dramatically.
Sasuke snorted. "Don't we always?" Naruto snickered while Kakashi smiled.
The blonde woman coughed uncomfortably. "This one's… uh…" She looked extremely anxious and even more surprising, she was fidgeting, and that was so surprising. Regardless of the weight of responsibility that rested upon her shoulders, the Godaime remained poised and regal under any circumstances. However, the woman's stiff and haughty self-confidence was shattered today. Team Seven wondered, with morbid curiosity, what problem had successfully broken that self-confidence.
"Shall we say…" Tsunade continued, her expression was doom-laden which intrigued the three males. "This problem is something a male would love to deal with." She finished finally, cringing.
The males raised their brows.
"Get straight to the point." Sasuke said brusquely.
Tsunade groaned. "It's—" she started but stopped when someone landed behind her.
"Oh, Sasuke-kun," said a breathy voice.
Sasuke frowned. Huh?
"There you are."
Curious, Sasuke tilted to the side and looked over Tsunade's shoulder. Instantly, his brows shot up.
WHAT THE FUCK?
Sakura was standing a few feet away from them, in her red dress, no shorts (because it was her Antidote-Making Lecture Day With Tsunade-shishou, therefore, it didn't involve catfights, fistfights and kicking-the-earth-open-and-Naruto's-head-open which will lift her skirt up once in a while), long legs and bare arms in view. Her cheeks were oddly tinged with red and her lips were glossy and pouty. Thick long lashes were lowered over her smoldering green eyes.
What the hell is wrong with her face?
Her eyes had a dreamy and orgasmic look.
That's the WORD, man. His inner-self commented, proud at his maturity.
Indeed… she looked as though she just had orgasm. But anxiety made him want to ask where she had been.
"Sakura, where the hell—"
"Sasuke-kun!" Her throaty greeting made Sasuke cringe as she sauntered towards him, her arms spread.
"Uh, Sakura—" Tsunade began but the girl walked past her to Sasuke whose expression was sour.
Automatically, he glared, his personal space threatened. "Stop right there—" Sasuke growled but the girl was quick and later, his eyes widened, his body stiff as Sakura pressed her plump lips against his. Her hot tongue penetrated his parted mouth and a moan from her sent a violent shudder down his spine.
His inner pervert underwent a seizure
(that's the way, girl, go girl, go deeper—)
as her tongue explored his mouth, teeth and tongue.
Sasuke began to feel the beginning of breathlessness and embarrassedly, arousal. His face burned, and burned harder when Sakura pressed her full perky breasts (which were larger from what he remembered) against his chest.
A least, it wasn't Naruto's lips, Naruto's mouth, Naruto's tongue… and Naruto's chest.
Sweet lips. Warm mouth. Insistent tongue. Perky breasts.
And warm, warm kisses.
Soft touch. Soft hands.
And… Sasuke's dark eyes widened, his erogenous areas warming.
Were those… nipples?
In the background, Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto stared open-mouthed at the kissing couple… or at Sakura harassing Sasuke.
"No, no, no, nooooo— Sakura-chan!" Naruto wailed, clawing his face.
But Kakashi's reaction was positive.
"THAT'S MY PUPIL! GO SAKURA!" He yelled with a whoop and a giddy clap.
Tsunade and Naruto yelled "STUPID!" and kicked him. Naruto cried purple tears as he watched his innocent Sakura-chan tongue Sasuke excitedly.
"Noooooo, Sakura-chan, noooooo—" he cried, trying to pull them apart but Sakura's grip on Sasuke neck was tight.
Kakashi shoved Naruto away from the couple and stepped closer to watch Sakura expertly slid her tongue in and out of Sasuke's mouth. "THAT'S EXCELLENT!" Kakashi yelled, showering them with pink confetti. "Man, this is better than Icha Icha PARADISE!"
Sasuke would have to agree, but… the hell… her hands? Her hands on his pants—
He started to struggle. But he was unpleasantly reminded that Sakura had monstrous— or rather, possessed a superhuman grip that neither his Sharingan nor Chidori can break.
Damn it to hell—
He tried, very, very hard ("but it wasn't hard enough, you bastard!" cried Naruto later on) but his hormones were traitor, bouncing and screaming with joy ("YEAH! SEX SEX SEX SEX!") as they urged him to kiss her back, touch those breasts and be a man and get on with it but being THE Uchiha Sasuke he was, he restrained himself and tried ("I fucking tried my best to get her off me!" he later told the furious Naruto) to push her away. But she moaned
and kissed him deeper, so eagerly, and started to unbuttoned his pants—
(we're going to be raped! We're going to be raped— GIRL, I WANT IT ROUGH!
he punched his inner pervert)
And with all the strength he could muster, he grabbed her hands with his and pulled them up. At the same time, he tried to push her off him, cursing Kakashi for doing nothing but to ogle and watch him being violated ("but you LIKED it!" Kakashi later argued). No, no— he didn't like it— he was being violated, for fuck's sake—
His eyes snapped even wider and he almost groaned in pleasure (but repressed it quickly) when Sakura began to rub herself against his thigh, coupled with erotic moaning while chewing on his bottom lip causing it to swell. It was so erotic and nearly sent him shivering with ecstasy.
No! This is not Sakura! The thought made his insides turned over and his skin to crawl. A random Henge was violating him?
Empowered, he managed to shove the girl off him, but still holding her wrists. She gasped, her eyes flying open to reveal dark green eyes.
The voice… that pretty voice—
"No!" He snarled, breathless. "You're not Sakura."
"I am Sakura!" She bit her puffy bottom lip, looking so painfully arousing. "Please… Sasuke-kun…" she started breathlessly. "…please, please… help me feel orgasm—"
Tsunade shrieked and clamped a hand on the girl's mouth, pulling her away from the panting Uchiha.
"Oh, student of mine! THAT WAS VERY WELL SAID!" Kakashi exclaimed like a psycho, clapping giddily.
Sasuke panted, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, forcing himself to forget the taste of melon-flavor lip-gloss and fresh scent of pink hair. A wild look made his eyes darker, staring at Sakura who was gazing at him lustfully, a hand on her mouth.
"What the fuck… just happened?" he growled. "Why… why…why…" he seemed to have troubling speaking all the while trying to catch his breath. "…she's not Sakura!" Violently flushed, he turned away to button his pants.
"…she is Sakura."
Now facing them, Sasuke gawked, forgetting his grace and poise.
"But… but… why did she do THAT??!!" he almost yelled, panicking, near-hysterical.
He felt… violated.
In a good way. Very, very… luscious way.
His body seemed to agree, sporting a raging hard on.
"Was she good, huh?" asked Kaakshi slyly.
"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled, still breathless. He shifted uncomfortably to hide his hard-on. "Explain…now."
"Well…" Tsunade started but Sakura broke free and jumped on Sasuke (who panicked), lips slamming on his. Sasuke flapped his arms in panic, staggering at the momentum. Her hot lips slid down to his neck and were now sucking eagerly on his pulse.
"Sa…ku…ra—" he growled huskily that turned Sakura on. "Stop…it!" He seethed, pushing her with all his might. God, since when Sakura became this… sexually active? And damn, she was a great kisser. Don't think about it, you moron! He scolded himself. THINK ABOUT…
Sakura kissed him again—
REVENGE… no, oh shit, kiss her
back, NO! revenge,
Itachi, kill him, skin him, kiss her,
fuuuuck what the hell is she doing with her tongue—
She took his hands to her chest. Sasuke, panic-stricken upon contact of his hands on top of her chest, wrenched his lips from hers and yelled over her shoulder to Tsunade.
"Get her off me— Sakura!"
The girl grinned flirtatiously and ground her hips against him.
Red-faced, Sasuke angrily snapped, "Was she possessed or something!?"
"You're enjoying it, admit it!" Naruto accused.
"Shut the fuck up, Naruto! Just help me—" Sakura clung to his neck and was licking his earlobe, still grinding against his pelvis. "—get Sakura off!"
Sakura stopped and looked up to him with a sexy teary expression. "You don't like me?"
"I DON'T! So get off me."
"How about this?" she tiptoed and kissed him hotly, hungrily that made Tsunade, Kakashi and Naruto blush.
"AW! That's BETTER!" Kakashi exclaimed.
"KAKASHI!" Naruto's indignant voice filled the air.
Sasuke pulled away, gasping for air. "Sakura, SNAP OUT OF IT!"
"Oh, Sasuke-kun…" She whined, and it was, in Sasuke's mortified realization, throaty and sexy. "You make me so wet."
"WHAT!!"Sasuke shouted, horrified. With mad eyes, he turned to the Hokage, forgetting respect and decorum. "TSU—NA—DE… EXPLAIN!"he bellowed, now very hysterical, and close to tears.
Poor, poor Sasuke-chan.
Tsunade gulped. "Uh…"
It was next to impossibility that a Hokage would stutter in front of a subordinate, an Uchiha, who ranked as the most stubborn in all prestigious clans in Konoha.
"…I was teaching her how to concoct an antidote and well… she put something too much… stirred the brew too much… put something that is not supposed to be added and well…" A dribble of sweat was pouring off the Hokage's face. "…she started to add something else, this and that and this… she threw random ingredients and…"
"What?" growled Sasuke with Sakura clinging to his arm dreamily.
"…she drank it to test it for herself and she became like that." Tsunade finished in a small scared voice, shrinking back in fear.
Sasuke barred his teeth. "…that's stupid."
"You're sweating…" Sakura purred, caressing his cheek with the tips of her delicate fingers. Sasuke flinched at the soft touch, pressing his teeth together to suppress a delicious curl of pleasure. "Do you want me to lick it dry?" Her voice was a mixture of sheer innocence and sensuality.
Kakashi applauded while Naruto groaned aloud. Sasuke gritted his teeth, ignoring her with so much difficulty and glared at Tsunade.
"Bring her back to NORMAL— NOW." He ordered harshly as he fought back a nosebleed when Sakura pressed her breasts against his chest.
A jerk of primal emotion clenched his stomach, before settling into a raging sensation that made him want to close his eyes and shudder.
Those are breasts, virgin boy.
Oh, breasts! Come to meeeee (wink wink wink) I need milky milk!
FUCK OFF, I SAY. FUCK OFF.
Why, oh why was he having a conversation with himself? He's not the Crazy One, wasn't he? It was Sakura, who strangely, possessed an Inner Voice who was blunt enough to say he looked better in briefs than in boxers.
Was this some kind of karma?
Tsunade's answer confirmed his suspicion.
"I… I can't." Tsuande closed her eyes in reflex as Sasuke yet again shouted.
He wasn't the type to holler and he felt his pride burst into tears and disintegrated into pieces. Where is your pride now, boy? Sasuke can hear a sneering voice inside him. His brother— that fucked up, stupid, penis-for-brains-bastard will die of shame because baby brother had just hollered a panic-stricken cry.
A disgrace to Uchihas!
Pride, you ask?
Gone with the wind.
And he despaired.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH 3