Naruto (c) Masashi Kishimoto

Dedication: My awesome parents, Sara, Melissa, Stichty!

The car was silent, save for the low buzz of the radio. It was playing some song that Itachi didn’t recognize; probably the latest American hit that traveled across the Pacific to insult the ears of the Japanese people. He seriously wondered what Americans heard in all this hip-hop rap crap anyways. Half the time it was so vulgar he turned the radio off because he was embarrassed by the song and he was alone in the car, the other half the music was so grabbled he couldn’t even understand it, and his youngest was just learning how to speak too.

Sighing, he flexed his fingers on the steering wheel, hearing the worn leather creak as he did so. He flicked his eyes to yet another billboard, oh how he hated those things; this time it had a picture of a bird, a cat, a goldfish, and a dog, and something about how pets bring joy to the lives of their owners. “How about a pet?” he asked. Hana, his wife, turned to stare at him as if he just grown a second head.

“Are you serious!?” Hana asked.

“Completely,” Itachi glanced at her. She blinked slowly, several times at him. Yep, she definitely was looking at him as if he had one more head than was the norm.

“Itachi,” Hana was using that you-better-listen-to-me-or-else-you-wonderful-pigheaded-Uchiha voice that she always used when he completely forgot something or was going to do something against any sort of better judgment, which translated into her better judgment. “We have three dogs!” Hana pointed to the far back of the car, where her three ash grey dogs sat, staring out the windshield. “And three kids!” she pointed to the kids, ages two to eight, that were happily bored in the backseat.

“Hn,” he did a lane change, ignoring his wife’s protest, as he scanned the road for the upcoming exit that would take them to his brother’s house. “I was thinking about a cat,” he muttered, more to himself than to his wife.

“Are we getting a puppy!?” Shiba, their eldest, asked.

“No, Daddy is being stupid,” Hana glared at Itachi. “Again.” Hana smiled at her daughter, before focusing her fury on her husband. “Itachi, cats and dogs don’t get along!”

“That’s what you said about kids and dogs,” Itachi grumbled, taking the exit he was looking for. “We have three of each.”

“No! I didn’t say that! That is what you said! So, don’t go putting words in my mouth, Uchiha Itachi!” Hana snarled, jabbing her finger at him.

“A cat will take care of itself, so long as we give it a clean litter box, food and water. Sasuke and I had a cat growing up. Two in fact.”

“No! No cats! I’m going to end up taking care of it!” Hana shouted, suddenly feeling over worked.

“Shibi can help, she’s old enough,” Itachi shrugged.

“The answer is no! And if you go behind my back like you did with that goldfish, you aren’t getting any tonight or any other night for that matter!” Hana threatened, jabbing her husband in the shoulder. Itachi sighed, remembering the goldfish, Sparky, as Shiba had proudly named it. The poor thing ended up living only five weeks, because Itachi forgot to feed it.

“What’s Daddy not gonna get?” Shiba asked. Hana felt her cheeks burn and Itachi felt the blood leave his face.

“Dinner sweetheart,” Hana smiled sheepishly at her curious eight-year-old daughter.

“Okay!” Shiba took the lie, hook, line and sinker. “Daddy! Don’t make Mommy mad, got it!?” Shiba shouted.

“Shibi, your brother and sister are sleeping,” Itachi smiled at his daughter.

“Itachi! Watch the road!” Hana jerked the wheel, causing the car to swerve wildly. Itachi pushed his wife’s hand off of his steering wheel, glaring at her with the infamous Uchiha scowl. Hana huffed.

“Daddy, are we almost to Sasuke-oji-san’s?” Shiba whined.

“Almost sweetheart,” He flicked his eyes to the rear view mirror to look at his daughter. “Don’t worry Shibi-chan, we’re almost there.” He smiled.

It was late by the time they got home. Hana complaining about living so far out of the city limits. Itachi tiredly replied that she wanted to live closer to her family and have a yard big enough for her dogs, and that the city made her trapped. Itachi parked in the driveway. Hana hopped out of their car and opened the trunk to let the dogs out, who were whining in happy anxiety at being home. The three ash grey hounds began romping around, yipping playfully in the night. “Sh, Yuzuki, don’t cry, Daddy has you,” Itachi whispered as he lifted his youngest and second daughter out of her car seat. “Shiba,” Itachi shook her eldest awake. “C’mon we’re home,” he smiled. Shiba rubbed her eyes sleepily, as he mechanically unbuckled herself from her booster seat.

“I’m tired,” Shiba muttered.

“Well, hurry up and take a bath then crawl into bed,” Itachi gave her a gentle push towards the house. “I’ll tuck you in shortly,” he smiled.

“Promise?” Shiba looked at her father, while hugging one of the dogs.

“Promise, now scoot,” he shooed her towards the house. Itachi watched Hana close the car, their only son, Sanosuke, in her arms. The four-year-old was the spitting image of Itachi, and he couldn’t’ve been prouder of his family, before heading into the house, before Shiba began getting impatient.

Itachi studied the Pichu on his daughter’s comforter. He wondered why Hana even bought it anyways. “Daddy?” Shiba whispered.

“Hmm?” Itachi flicked his black eyes up at his daughter.

“Were you serious about getting a kitty?” Shiba asked. She had learned to love all animals thanks to her mother.

“Of course I was serious,” he smiled kneeling on the floor to look less like a giant hovering over her bed. He absentmindedly began stroking his daughter’s forehead and bangs, his heart warming upon seeing her happy sleepy smile. “Daddies are suppose to be serious about everything,” he then began to mimic his father’s infamous frown. Shiba laughed.

“Mommy says that you look like an angry weasel when you do that,” Shiba traced the facial lines on Itachi’s face. “She’s right. Only Ojii-san can do that,” Shiba giggled. “Sakura-oba-san says it’s because Obaa-san hits Ojii-san all the time,” she then leaned in really close. “But Suigetsu-san says it’s because Ojii-san has a stick up his butt,” Shiba whispered. Itachi chuckled, trusting one of his brother’s friends to say that about his father.

“You know what,” Itachi leaned in real close to his daughter. “Suigetsu-san is right, Ojii-san does have a stick up his butt. A really big ugly stick,” Itachi kissed his daughter’s forehead. “And if you don’t tell Mommy what you just told me tomorrow at breakfast, I’ll take you to the pet store tomorrow after school and we’ll find the cutest kitten,” he tweaked her nose.

“Really?” Shiba’s eyes lit up.

“Really, really,” Itachi stood, tucking her in.

“But Mommy says you won’t get any dinner ever again!” Shiba gasped, trying to figure out which she wanted more, her father to eat dinner or a kitten.

“I can handle Mommy,” he kissed her forehead a second time. “Besides, I can always go to your oji-san’s house and eat dinner,” he headed towards the door, where one of the Haimaru Sankyoudai sat waiting.

“But Sakura-oba-san is a terrible cook! Chiyo-nee-chan said that sometimes the pudding comes alive!” Shiba shouted. Itachi placed his fingers to his lips, though he chuckled.

“Shh, go to sleep,” he opened the door, watching the dog trot in and curl up on the foot of Shiba’s bed.

“Night-night, Daddy!” Shiba shouted.

“Night,” Itachi whispered, a warm smile gracing his lips, as he left the door. As soon as the hall light was off, Shiba sat up and cupped the dog’s face in her tiny hands.

“Didja hear everything Ni? Daddy is gonna get us a kitty!” Shiba smiled her black eyes big and round. She then rubbed the dog’s head before going to sleep, Ni whined softly, before scooting closer to the girl, and resting his head on her tiny body protectively.

Hana felt her eye twitch as she stared down at her daughter, with two kittens, one black and the other orange, in her lap. Slowly, woman’s brown eyes with a murderous aura shifted to her husband, who was trying and failing miserably in hiding behind his newspaper. “I told you no cats!” Hana shouted, causing her dogs to look up at her.

“I only paid for one kitten,” Itachi squeaked. Hana would’ve laughed at hearing the Uchiha Itachi squeak in fear.

“That’s it!” Hana thundered. “No…se—Dinner! No dinner for you, Uchiha Itachi!” Hana slammed her hands down on the table, glaring at her husband.

“Mommy, don’t get mad at Daddy! Sasuke and Naruto made him!” Shiba gave a gleefully childish grin. “They’re evil!”

“Are you implying that your uncle and his best friend made your father buy two cats?” Hana rubbed her forehead, in the tired manner only a mother could manage.

“Nope!” Shiba gave her mother a big grin, before holding up the sleepy orange kitten to her mother. “But Naruto and Sasuke are evil!” the kitten opened its eyes, blue met brown, and the catling mewed pitifully, upset that it was woken from a good nap. “So, cute they are evil!” Shiba giggled.

“We are not naming them Sasuke and Naruto,” Hana growled.

“Oh, but Daddy said I could?” Shiba asked.

“Daddy said you could?” Hana glared at Itachi.

“Yep, but what about Kaji and Goma?” Shiba asked.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Hana sighed. “Go to your room,” Hana shooed her daughter away. She then rounded on her husband. “I’m blaming you for everything! I don’t know how or why it’s your fault, but it is! Everything is your fault?” she snarled, jabbing him in the chest.

“So, you marrying me and having three lovely kids is my fault?” Itachi smirked at her. Hana paused.

“Yes! It’s your fault! Everything is your fault!”

“Good to know,” he smiled. “I’m looking forwards to tonight’s punishment.”

“Is Mommy gonna spank you, Daddy?” Shiba stuck her head out of her room, the mewing sounds of kittens attempting to escape sounded.

Her parents blushed.

“Shiba,” Hana sighed.

“What gave you that idea?” Itachi asked, mildly curious.

“Zenji-kun! He says that his daddy likes it when his mommy spanks him and tells him he’s a bad little fox-boy,” Shiba said nonchalantly, blissfully unaware of the shade of red her parents newly invented.

“Shiba!” Itachi shouted.

“Right,” the girl closed her door. Itachi got up from his chair, and hugged his wife from behind.

“Who knew that Naruto’s son is a pervert,” Itachi chuckled, kissing Hana’s neck.

“Hmph,” Hana snorted. “Just be prepared Uchiha Itachi, I’m gonna spank ya long and hard, until you’re a good little weasel,” she growled.

Itachi chuckled, brushing his lips against his wife’s ear and purred: “All because I bought a couple of cats?”

Notes: Oji-san (Japanese for uncle), Oba-san (Japanese for Aunt), Obaa-san (Japanese for grandmother), Ojii-san (Japanese for Grandfather), Ni (Japanese for two).

I loved this! Its so funny. Its AU, everyone is happy. Heehee. I love Zenji, favorite NaruHina spawn. Neji’s brains, Naruto’s attitude and Jiraiya’s love of tits and ass. Haha! Poor Naruto. Shiba is just cute!

People say I write little kids very well. Personally, I think I write families in general really well. I base parenting off of my own parents. Who are the bestest!

Edit: Mizuki got a name changed! Its now Yuzuki.

Shibi is Shiba's nickname.

R’n’R or I’ll kick you!

DJ