A/N: Okay. This is my first Twilight fic and my first crossover (as defined by the site). I'm warning you that I'm not a fan of Twilight, and the scales are heavily tipped in favor of Digimon, so be warned. There will be much making fun of Twilight and stuff. You have been warned, so don't say I didn't warn you. BTW, the title means "Three against three against two" in German. And this takes place after Breaking Dawn.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Drei Gegen Drei Gegen Zwei

Bella and Edward lay in a field, cuddled up with each other.

"Edward, I love you..." Bella breathed, since no one actually says anything in Twilight.

"I know, and I love you too..." Edward moaned.

The two leaned in, about to kiss each other deeply. This was absolute bliss, and no one could ever change that...

"CHARGE!"

Or, so the two thought. They ran out of the way and took a seat on a nearby stump, watching what was going on.

A wooden puppet was carrying a football, and he was running with another vampire. They were being chased by a woman in a red dress as they ran over to a huge reptilian creature with armor all over his body. The vampire grabbed the puppet by the boards and threw him hard. The reptile tried to stop the puppet, but it was too late.

"Touchdown!" the puppet yelled, causing the vampire and a court jester to run over to him and join him in the victory dance.

"Great job, Puppetmon!" the court jester cheered.

"Thanks, Piedmon!" Puppetmon replied. "We all gotta play this game more often. Right, Myo?"

"Erm...yes, it would be nice," Myotismon replied.

"Hmph," the reptile breathed, miffed at having lost.

"Don't worry, BlackWarGreymon!" a man in a blue coat encouraged. "We'll get a touchdown sooner or later! Right, Arukenimon?"

"Yeah, Mummymon," Arukenimon replied. "We will."

"Um, excuse me," Bella interrupted. "Could you please play somewhere else?"

"Why should we, humans?" Piedmon demanded. "We were here first!"

"Humans?!" Edward shouted. "For your information, we're vampires!"

"I don't believe you!" Piedmon replied. "Real vampires have fangs and capes, and they most certainly don't have golden eyes! I should know, since my lover's a vampire!"

"Golden eyes?" Puppetmon asked. "Wasn't GoldenEye that one James Bond 007 game?"

"Hey, you're right!" Piedmon declared.

With that, he and Puppetmon began darting around, singing the James Bond theme.

"Well, we are vampires!" Bella declared. "And our love is the purest love EVER!"

"Oh, really?" Myotismon asked. "Why do you love each other, pray tell?"

"Well, I think he's got icy perfection that makes him hot!" Bella proclaimed with a dorky grin.

"Yeah, and she smells nice!" Edward added with an equally dorky grin.

The two fake vampires stood there wearing dorky grins as the Digimon stared at them.

"So you think...he's hot...and cold?!" Puppetmon yelled. "I is a very confused puppet master!"

"Any other reasons for your 'romance'?" Myotismon inquired, doing the quote-unquote things with his fingers as he said "romance".

The two fake vampires thought for a moment.

"No, that's about it," Edward nonchalantly stated.

"Yeah, we're good," Bella confirmed.

"This is a load of Numemon sludge," Puppetmon muttered in a singsong voice.

"Puppetmon is right! We don't have time for this!" Arukenimon yelled.

She raised her flute to her mouth and began to play a melody. This melody was very soothing, and yet it was chilling at the same time.

Before long, Bella and Edward felt themselves being teleported elsewhere, and they were soon away from the Digimon.

"Where did you teleport them to, darling?" Mummymon asked.

"Oh, somewhere they'll never get out of, even with their so-called vampire powers," Arukenimon explained.

Suddenly, at that moment, it began to rain apples, parrot tulips, broken ribbons, and chess pieces.

"Aw, man!" Puppetmon complained.

"I'll take all of you home!" BlackWarGreymon offered. "Then we can all have a huge pizza party and try to forget this ever happened, okay?"

"YAY!" the other Digimon cheered as BlackWarGreymon took them to Piedmon's castle.

Meanwhile...

"Where are we?" Bella asked. She and Edward were standing on a platform with three triangles on it.

"Well, dear, there's a temple over there!" Edward mentioned. "Let's go in!"

"You want to go in the Water Temple?!" a third voice yelled from seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm calling the cops!"

"Why can't we go in?" Bella questioned.

"You really don't want to go in there!" the voice explained. "There's lots of monsters, a shadowy guy, and puzzles so tough your brains will burn out! Just wait there, and I'll take you somewhere safe..."

A few seconds later, Edward and Bella found themselves in yet another new location. This time, they were in a huge nerd lair, and the nerd in question (who had happened to be the owner of the mysterious voice) was standing in front of them. He was a chameleon whose swirly eyes were shielded by glasses, and he owned a laptop, a bunch of collectable items, and all kinds of robots modeled after cats.

"Hey, guys!" the chameleon began. "Name's Francis, and--"

He stopped short after seeing Bella. His eyes began to widen, he began hyperventilating, and he could feel his face growing warmer every second.

"Excuse me?" Edward began, trying to figure out what was wrong with Francis.

"A...a...a..." Francis stuttered before finally giving in. "A HOT BABE!"

He ran over to Bella, desperate to win her over. However, she just pushed him away.

"Get away from me, you freak!" Bella screamed. "I will never love you, ever! Edward is my husband, and you--"

"THAT DOES IT!" Francis roared. He couldn't believe it! Hot babes were supposed to be friendly, not rude!

He pressed a button on the wall, causing a bunch of cat robots to flood into the room.

"What would you like us to do, Master?" one robot asked.

"Why don't you and the others go pummel these low-technical jerks, okay?" Francis nonchalantly asked, pointing towards the two fake vampires.

"As you wish, Master!" the robots chorused before attacking the two intruders.

"Heheh, schweet!" Francis laughed, propping himself up against a wall and watching the fight.

A/N: People, I worked very hard on this, and I warned you several times about the content before you read this, so nobody better yell at me, okay? If you didn't wanna see any of this stuff, there was no point in reading! For those who don't know, Francis is from Super Paper Mario, which is a really awesome game.