“At last… I have the gem… This will make things so much easier-“

“AKU! GET YOUR IRRITATING SELF TO THE DOOR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”

Aku winced. The voice was loud, rough and screechy. He hated that voice. He headed for the locked portal quietly simmering in the corner of his lair and slammed a key into the lock with a look of pure and utter disinterest.

Almost before he’d even managed to remove the lock, the chains broke and the portal blared light at his face. And a mother at his feet.

“Aku! SORT THAT THING OUT! It’s disgraceful! Do all of your guests have that trouble with the stupid portal? Do they all fall over themselves right on yer mat as well?”

“Mother, I don’t tend to get many guests.”

“NO. NO YOU WOULDN’T WOULD YOU.”

“Ouch, my ego,” Aku stated in a monotone voice. The look of boredom ceased to leave his face.

“How long’s it been? Three thousand years? Maybe more? Well I got news for – put that rock down, Aku darling – I got news for ya. Yer cousin had a kiddiewink.” She reached into the portal behind her, rummaged around a little, and soon her twisted black claws returned along with a miniature black and orange puppy. “And this would be her.” She prodded it, and it gave her an adorable look before shapeshifting into a form more similar to his and his mother’s. She had two spines on either side of the top on her head that reminded Aku of rabbit ears, and a sort of green mask around her eyes. A flaming head of hair (literally) adorned her, as well as an air of being adorable and quiet.

“Get to it, then, love,” his mother hissed, pushing the smaller demon forwards. She smiled shyly up at Aku.

“…Hey. My name is Mina.” She had a firm British accent. Bloody foreign relations. He could barely believe how infantile their minds were.

“-Nice to meet you – Mother, what is this visit for?”

“Aku, don’t be so rude. Anyway, you’re to look after her while your cousin is ill.”

Aku froze for a few moments, and his left eye twitched once. “Wuh… wha- NO. I’m not going to babysit someone else’s little brat (no offense, Mina)-“

“None taken.”

“-when I’m so close to eliminating that stupid samurai permanently.”

“Now, now, I know how much it means to you, but I’m afraid you’ll just have to grin and bear it. You’ve had no contact from the family for years, now it’s your turn. You have to do your bit once in a while.” She ran a hand through the perm-like plume of fire atop her head and then slipped backwards into the portal. “Bye!”

“NOW YOU JUST WAIT ONE – damn it she’s gone.” Mina watched him with interest, eyes drawn to the shimmering gem in his right hand. “Oi. Keep your mitts off.”

“Uncle Aku, may I have a drink?”

“Fridge is over by the portal to the seventh plane of torment.”

“Kay.”

“But no alcohol.”

“Right.”

Five seconds later, she was sitting on a sofa he didn’t remember having, with five puppies he didn’t remember having, watching a television station he didn’t remember having and drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Which of course he didn’t remember having, of course not the vodka. Mumble mumble…

He stood there twitching mildly for a while.

“WHAT THE-“

“Aku, what do you do for fun around here? There’s nothing on.” She tapped at the remote, annoyance clear on her face.

“YOU LOOK LIKE A BUNNY.” And cute fluffy bunnies meant innocence and happy flowers and stuff… right? Or… what?

“Yeah, it’s great for deceiving people into thinking I’m innocent, isn’t it?”

“A BUNNY THAT WILL BURGLE MY HOUSE.” Yeah okay the green mask round the eyes was creepy but JEEZ IT’S JUST A BUNNY. “…ON FIRE.”

“And you look like an old person.”

Insert Aku sadface here.

“Now tune this thing into some peasants getting booted around. I don’t know how to work it.”

“Mina, you know as well as I do that that isn’t my TV.”

“Uncle, you know as well as I do that this is your vodka. Now do I tell your mother – oh, dear, this sounds pathetic, how old are you anyway? – or do we go samurai-hunting?”

A smile slowly began to haunt Aku’s face. “Ah. So you know of Jack.” Finally, a child who knew what she was doing. Maybe babysitting wouldn’t be so bad after all. The girl had flair.