|Harry Potter Barely Features
Author: Howrude PM
A normal young woman becomes a teacher at Hogwarts, as evil starts mustering. But not everything is as clear as it seems. All constructive criticism welcome, actively encouraged.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - 10th Doctor & Severus S. - Chapters: 24 - Words: 54,858 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 12-18-11 - Published: 05-05-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5041552
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Just a little bit of life after the end of the story...
Since the discovery of what Trish would have called being 'technically' a witch, the school had decided that she need training in magic, which meant that in her spare time Trish was attending lessons. She didn't mind this so much with Flitwick or Hagrid or Sprout, they were quite fun, had quickly lost their condescending tones and generally she was making some progress. However, all the other potions teachers had felt they had too much work teaching the OWL and NEWT classes so Trish was inflicted with Snape as her potions teacher. So far she had been unsuccessful in completing a potion. Mainly because Snape's idea of teaching her potions was to write it up on the board and spend his time marking or reading the paper whilst she made a mess. She came in a couple of minutes late one evening with a small pile books from the library to help her.
"Bring those here, there is no cheating in this class" said Snape, glancing up momentarily and then pointing without looking at a spot on the desk in front of him. Trish stood for a second, walked slowly over to the desk, held the books at arms length in front of her then simply let go. They made rather a satisfying bang as they hit the desk and Snape looked up annoyed as Trish glared at him and walked back to her desk where a cauldron was already set up.
"The instructions for this week's potion are on the board. You have an hour" said Snape not looking up from his page. Trish read...
Trish looked at the board and then at Snape and raised an eyebrow. Surely there had to be a more interesting potion than this. She went to open her mouth and then an idea, a very dangerous idea sprang to mind. A sly, clever grin spread over her face. Quickly she memorised the name of the first ingredient, and then headed to the potions cupboard. Snape never got the ingredients she needed out for her. Big mistake. Sifting among the dusty shelves Trish located an empty bottle. She glanced round, she could still hear the sound of Snape's quill scratching on the parchment as he told students off for errors they hadn't made. Very carefully and very quietly she tipped a tiny amount of liquid from a number of different bottles into her own. A cure for chicken pox, cured beetle juice, extract of Ivy, ant venom, something with a small skull floating ominously in it. She grabbed bits of vegetables or animal that were lying around and stuck them in her pockets then calmly walked out of the cupboard. Keeping her eyes sharply on Snape she poured the contents of her bottle into the cauldron and lit the Bunsen burner or whatever it was with a lighter she had smuggled in for the purpose. Calmly she started adding the other ingredients from her pockets and stirred it. She went back to the cupboard a couple of times before Snape asked
"What are you looking for?"
"Erm...the pickled cat's ear" came Trish's reply.
"It's on the bottom shelf behind the horse's liver" replied Snape and continued.
Trish knew this, it was already in her concoction, as well as the horses liver, poisoned dragons' kidney, toads eyes and scramble duck egg. She had only a few more things from the cupboard to add before she had the whole collection. She moved quickly and decisively and stood there stirring it, and occasionally chopping things to look authentic. Just before she finished she remembered she had one last ingredient in her bag. She opened it, rummaged and took out her bottle of coke. She opened it with a loud hiss. Snape looked up and stared at her. She took a nonchalant swig and pretended to put it away before she poured a bit into the cap and this into the cauldron. Stirring it for a few more minutes she poured it carefully into a bottle and labelled it with a tag, cleaned up and left.
Half an hour later, when Snape had finished his marking he went to inspect Trish's work.
"Not the right colour, or consistency. That shouldn't be in there!"
He looked at the label
"Trish's Marvellous Medicine. P.s. Sorry I used the last of the newts brains"
Trish was sat in the staff room, concentrating very hard on a Nintendo DS when Snape burst in. She was sitting in Snape's normal seat, the high back initially hiding her, when he came bursting into the room.
"Where's the muggle?" demanded Snape of Hagrid, who was sitting opposite Trish, also holding a DS.
"I'm here, what do you want?" asked Trish not looking up.
"I want to know what you thought you were doing wasting some very rare and expensive ingredients, and some very tricky potions on this worthless pile slop?"
"I call it civil disobedience in protest at your attitude! Hagrid where are you?" said Trish, turning back to talk to Hagrid as if Snape were not in the room.
"Route 209" said Hagrid, who was concentrating so hard it was debatable if he even knew Snape was in the room.
"Where's that?" asked Trish
"Between Solaceon and Hearthome" he said calmly.
"What? No fair, I'm in Oreburgh"
"I can't beat the Gym Leader"
"It's not my fault, Hagrid chose Pip..." Trish trailed off as she saw that Snape was still standing glaring over her, gripping the bottle of potion so hard his knuckles had gone white.
"Severus, you can stand there as long as you like, I am not going to apologise. And I'm not having any more potions lessons with you. They have served their purpose."
"Which was what precisely? You have not mastered even the most rudimentary of potions."
"So that I know what your students mean when they walk in moaning about how awful their last class with you was."
Snape looked like he was about to strike out and Trish jumped to her feet to shout at him again.
"What in the name of Merlin's bleached white beard is going on in here?" shouted McGonagall coming in just as it looked like the argument might actually become violent.
"The muggle took it upon herself to experiment..." began Snape, but Trish interrupted.
"He wasn't teaching me, he just wrote up a potion, then sat there and watched me fail! It's psychological bullying. I'm tempted to make a formal complaint!"
"Miss Glossop, from now on you will follow Professor Snape's instructions to the letter." Trish folded her arms and pouted, not making eye contact with either McGonagall or Snape, who was sneering triumphantly.
"And you, Severus, will start being a little more helpful. Any more of this passive aggressive behaviour and I will have to reconsider your position as head Slytherin of house."