Fuss

Mail Jeevas is born into a 'normal' family. His parents are intelligent, well-respected in their jobs and think the world of their son. They realise early on that he's special. He can read before he starts school and has a head for numbers. His parents send him to school so that he can socialise with other children his age, but they tutor him in the evenings; they nurture his talent and challenge him but never push. They love him and, naturally, he loves them more than anything. Mail Jeevas's future looks bright and he faces it with a smile on his face.

His world falls apart when his teacher takes him to one side, her eyes glistening with tears.

With no one else to look after him, Mail inevitably ends up in care. His progress at school is noted and he finds himself at Wammy's House.

It's a shock: he's used to being remarkable for his intelligence; here, he's just one of a crowd. He blends in easily.

He finds life at Wammy's House strange. Having grown up being told that he should always tell the truth, suddenly he's told to keep secrets: surnames, family members, place of birth. But the children tell each other their real names (what's the harm in someone knowing your name?) and accents give everyone away, anyway (although Mail's Scottish accent eventually fades and soon he sounds as if he's been in Winchester his whole life).

He misses his parents and never really gets over their death. He's only five when he enters Wammy's House and he's so scared that he withdraws into himself and cuts himself off from everyone. He takes the Game Boy from the playroom and loses himself in the make-believe world. He's quiet and likes being by himself.

His peace is shattered when a swirl of blond hair stomps over to him and snatches the console out of his hands. 'Let me have a go!' Mail is surprised to discover that his intruder is a boy.

'Hey, it's mine; give it back!' shouts Mail. The blond scowls at him and hits him. Mail punches him back.

The blond looks so stunned that Mail almost feels guilty. 'No one's ever done that before. Let's be friends.'

Mail shrugs. 'OK. I'm Mail.'

'Mihael.' Mihael hands the Game Boy back to Mail and pulls a bar of chocolate out of his pocket. Both of them sit on the large cushions on the floor. 'Can I watch?'

'Sure.' Mail's future is sealed in that one moment.

---

Mihael does something amazing to Mail: he makes him care. Mail's parents had been his whole world: since their death, nothing mattered anymore. But Mihael, Mihael with his loud mouth and persuasive grin makes Mail believe in something again; he brings him out of his shell. They become best friends so easily that it feels as if they were simply meant to be together. Mihael sneaks into Mail's bed with a torch, curls up next to him and watches him play Mario well into the night. They think nothing of hugging each other -- they're only children, so why should they?

But then they get a bit older (by now they're Matt and Mello) and maybe it's a bit strange for them to be as physically close as they are. 'Girls can do it, so why can't we?' Because we're boys, Matt thinks, but never says it because he doesn't want it to stop.

Puberty hits and Matt realises why.

They're fourteen by the time they consider themselves 'properly together'. They keep it a secret (although Matt does wonder quite why: they live in a house that grooms vulnerable children to put their lives on the line as detectives -- what's the age of consent in comparison?), but there are rumours, of course. Not everyone is comfortable with the idea, but no one dare go against Mello. (Near happens past their door (left unknowingly ajar) one night and smiles to himself, thinking that a distraction like that will keep his spot at Number One from being threatened.)

Even Mello can forget Near and rivalries and rankings when he's with Matt, if only for the briefest of moments. They're hanging out of their bedroom window, smoking into the cold night air of the English Winter and Matt is happy and he has the sneaking suspicion that Mello might be, too.

Matt's come to the conclusion that he's head-over-heels in love with Mello. He keeps it a secret and just puts an arm around the blond instead. They've got all the time in the world, so why not?

The next day, news of L's death reaches the House.

---

Mello refuses point-blank to let Matt come with him. 'It's too dangerous' (but no mention of 'I have no idea where I'm going to go, what I'm going to do or how long I'll even survive'). Matt does as he's told -- he's never liked fuss. Mello leaves with a promise that he'll contact Matt again. He doesn't know when (weeks, months, years?), but he will. Matt blurts out what he didn't say the night before, because he has this sinking feeling in his stomach that he may never get the chance to say it again.

Near leaves next. He and Matt had been on good terms (which they had had to hide from Mello), so he is sad to see him leave. He hugs him (and apologises as he does so because Near has never liked being touched) because he's leaving to hunt down Kira and Kira was able to take down L. Stepping into L's shoes is a brave thing to do (although Matt recalls Mello saying something about L not wearing shoes).

Matt stays at Wammy's House. Maybe it's because he's a coward. Maybe it's because it's the easy option. He can stay in his room (he can't think of it as their room anymore because it hurts) and play video games as much as he likes, filling his remaining hours with more school work and hacking (governments, businesses, whatever takes his fancy). Matt is ready to declare himself out of the race to the line of succession when Roger all but dismantles the old system of Wammy's House. L's successor had been found. Current circumstances considered, however, Matt finds it strange that the question of who would replace Near if the need were to arise has never been raised.

It's for the best, really. Matt would be in the Number One spot and he really doesn't fancy all of the hassle that would go along with it.

So Matt goes back into his shell. It's easier that way and it helps when carers want to talk to him about his 'feelings'. Matt can't tell them that sometimes he just has to cry because his best friend might be dead.

(Fuck's sake, Mail, you're a teenage boy; not a three-year-old girl. Grow a pair.)

He can't bear to leave. He doesn't want to leave the place that holds so many memories of Mello.

Roger tells Matt that he's welcome to live there for as long as he pleases (because Wammy's House children aren't equipped for the real world).

So Matt stays in the safety of Wammy's House.

(Somewhere halfway across the world, a gun-toting Mello hopes that Matt's still under the covers playing Mario, where it's safe.)

---

On the 27th of November, 2009, the call he's been waiting for finally arrives. He's kept the same number just for this purpose.

The Zelda theme chimes from his mobile and wakes him up.

'Hey, Matt. It's Mello.' Matt is more awake than he's ever been.

'It's 5am, you wanker.' Matt can't help but grin like an idiot. 'Where the fuck are you?'

There's the crack of chocolate being bitten on the other end of the line. 'Listen, fancy a trip to New York?'

'If Wammy's has still got that secret decommissioned Concorde kicking around somewhere, I might be able to make it in time to piss you off at 5am.'

'I'm waiting.'

---

'You don't do things by half, do you?' He sits at the table in Mello's temporary apartment (although it barely seems lived in), cigarette in one hand, coffee cup in the other, tired from travelling but invigorated from seeing Mello again. They have a few hours before they are due to head back to the airport to keep an eye on the members of the Japanese Task Force. Mello has a lot to tell Matt (and a lot of it is hard to listen to); Matt feels rather inadequate in comparison ('I spent five years playing video games in my room and that's about it'). 'Jesus, that scar.' Matt shakes his head. 'Is it wrong that I find it sexy?'

'Yes, it is. You sick bastard.' Mello's smile says otherwise.

'God, I've missed you. Everyone else at Wammy's was so law-abidingly dull. Ah, I'll miss it, though.'

Mello looks vaguely worried, which unnerves Matt. 'Listen, this is as far removed from Wammy's as you can get. If you want to back out, I'll let you.'

'Dumbass. I'm here aren't I?' Matt stubs out his cigarette. 'Throw whatever you like at me.'

Mello makes his way over to Matt and straddles his lap, kissing him so as to avoid saying 'thank you'. Mello's hands are running through Matt's hair, goggles knocked aside, whilst Matt unzips Mello's top.

'Throwing yourself at me's a good place to start,' Matt laughs into Mello's neck before stopping suddenly.

Mello sits back on Matt's thighs. 'What?'

'Since you left, have you, uh, well, you know...'

'Of course not. Good little Catholic boy, remember?' Matt can see through that excuse. He paraphrases it in his head as there's only ever been you. 'And if you're as socially retarded as I remember, I needn't even bother asking you.' Mello has just crushed Matt's romantic illusions, but he would have been disappointed if he hadn't.

'You totally suck, Mel. Remind me why I'm friends with you again?'

The two fit back together so well, it's like they've never been apart.

---

Mello oversold the experience to Matt over the phone. He was expecting all kinds of Mafia-esque adventures and instead he's stuck inside (which, granted, does suit him rather well) watching a couple of men do nothing. He can barely contain his excitement.

'Mello, this is so boring. Swap you middle-aged men for Misa?'

'No. I know how much attention you pay around attractive blonds.' Matt can hear the sneer down the phone. Two can play at that game.

'Sounds like someone's jealous.'

'Huh. She's gone to bed now, anyway. I'm coming over. You'd better be naked by the time I get there.' Mello hangs up.

Matt considers that a victory.

---

Matt may have lived in four different cities within the space of a month, but there are still constants that last from as far back as their days at Wammy's House. Matt's still infuriatingly lazy and Mello's still diligent to the point of neurosis. They're living in Tokyo by the time Mello's birthday rolls around and Matt almost resorts to threatening Mello with his own gun to make him take the day off.

He already has the card: '"I was put on this Earth to buy shoes and eat chocolate,"' Mello reads and gives Matt an unimpressed look.

Matt grins. 'If you can prove otherwise, I give you permission to shoot me.'

Matt's done his homework and drawn up his plan of action: breakfast at 'Le Papillon de Paris' (because the guide book tells him that that's the place to eat on a Sunday morning), free rein of 'La Maison du Chocolat' (and any other of the many French-sounding fancy chocolate shops they stumble across), a wander around the high-end fashion boutiques of Omotesando and Harajuku -- Matt really couldn't care less about some poncy designer's latest line, but he figures that if Mello's enjoying himself for a change, he'll hold his bags for him with a smile and spoil him rotten. (He can sit and play his DS whilst Mello's in changing rooms, anyway.) He'll even stop with the girl jokes.

'See, it's nice, isn't it, pretending to be an ordinary person?'

It can't last long. They're eating breakfast to the sound of Takada's voice the very next day.

---

Mello lights a cigarette and smokes it silently for a minute or so. 'We need to kidnap Takada.'

'Oh, wonderful.' Matt pauses his game and sets down the controller. 'I'm sure nothing would make Kira happier than us stealing his girlfriend. She has got some amazing tits, though.'

'Matt, shut up. This is serious.' A finger traces the rough ridges of his scar. Two miracles would be too much.

Matt sighs. 'Drama queen. What do you need me to do?'

'I'm still thinking through the finer details.'

So Mello thinks.

Matt goes back to playing his game.

---

'So what do you want to do today?'

Matt knows why Mello's asking him. They're kidnapping Takada the following day, so Mello's filled with gratitude and racked with guilt. Matt's just decided to leave it in the lap of the gods, so he might as well live whilst he's still got the chance.

'Akiba, of course. It'll be just like our Saturday trips to GAME -- but with a bigger budget. And in Japanese. But no Kira, no beating Near. None of that shit. Just Mail and Mihael, having a good time like they used to.' Mello frowns at him for using his real name. 'Oh, and you're paying, Mr. Mafia Boss.'

'Akihabara, fine. I'll buy you a solid gold Pikachu or whatever. Anything else?'

'Hmm...' Matt thinks for a moment and then laughs around his cigarette. 'Let's go on a date.'

'I never knew you were such a woman, Matt.'

'I won't settle for anything less than purikura. And buy me dinner. With, you know, candles and shit.' Matt smiles.

Mello shakes his head. 'You're a moron.'

'Pfft, fine. Beer and pizza will do. Honestly, sometimes I think all of the romance has gone from our marriage.'

'Just get in the car before I throttle you with your goggles.'

They have the best day of their lives.

---

There's a sadness that surrounds Mello that Matt can't help but notice. He was always such a force to be reckoned with; now it seems as if someone's taken away that spark. He's tired, so tired, but he can't give up.

Matt helps. Finally, after so many years, Mello can drop his guard. Matt expects nothing from him and Mello doesn't need to impress him. He can stop being in charge of every little detail. He can rest.

Mello's life has slowed down.

During their last night together, it's clear that he has accepted that it's about to come to a complete halt.

He cries out 'I love you' as he comes.

It's not something that Mello says often; Matt doesn't mind, because he knows how Mello feels, but hearing it out loud is so wonderful and yet it breaks Matt's heart at the same time. All he can do is say it back.

Afterwards, neither of them can sleep. They hold each other until an alarm clock rings that they can't ignore.

---

Matt really loves his car. She was a Christmas present from Mello: she cost a fortune to import and Mello had to pull a lot of strings to get her so quickly, but nothing's too difficult for Mello.

Matt finds it somewhat comforting to have her beside him at the end; she drives like a dream. This is better than any video game Matt's ever played: the adrenaline rush is amazing.

Too bad it's over so soon.

His brain is telling him to stay in the car. Fire the smoke gun again and get the Hell out of there. Under no circumstances get out of the car and annoy the men with guns who are on the side of the serial killer.

Then again, if Mello's certain he's not going to make it out alive, why not? Shot down in the middle of the road in front of crowds of people: he'll probably get on the news. Maybe cause an international incident, what with one of Britain's finest being gunned down in Japan. He could even become an Internet meme -- he smiles at that thought.

He's never been one for causing a fuss, but what the Hell? He gets out of the car. Makes a joke, keeps the atmosphere light (maybe he doesn't want to die) and... Fuck.

They shoot.

It really hurts. And they ruined his car, the bastards.

Near had better catch Kira after all this, because Matt's doing this for Mello and Mello's doing this for Near (although he'd never admit to it), because the children of Wammy's House are good kids, underneath it all.

There are worse things you can do than die for your best friend.

Matt really loves Mello, right until the very end.

And watching a special news report on a tiny TV screen, Mello feels the same.