Author: Madhog thy Master PM
How can we have a proper adventure... Without pirates, monkeys and cursed treasures? Totally uncalled for, spin-off episode from my "Peripeteia" fic... Applauses are appreciated. Read it after chapter 2Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Zack & Wiki - Words: 2,136 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 05-08-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5047445
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Yes, I can see by the sheer size of those cartoon-like question's points up of your heads, that your simple minds have been mesmerized by the demeaning power of Uncertainty and Numbness… In other words, you look pretty confused, oh dear interacting users. It is so amusing, the reaction a simple deviation like this, can cause to your oh so fragile securities… But never fear, 'cause Dimentio's here! This is what you people usually refer to as a spin-off, a side episode linked to the main plotline that focuses on specific characters and / or events, but you already know that, don't you? Now, let me ask you a question… Do you have dreams? Aspirations? Goals that you wish to fulfill? Yes? No? Perhaps? I see a few of you had raised their hands, that's good for you… Having a goal in life, as ludicrous as it could be, is an important thing not anyone can hope to achieve. Pursuing it, on the other hand, is a whole different manner, as this young lad I'm about to tell you, demonstrated with his seemingly never ending quest… Now let me ask you another question, how can we have a true Adventurous tale… Without pirates, monkeys and cursed treasures? Let us begin…
Experience, intelligence, blind stubbornness and a lot of guts. Those were the fundamental qualities any respectable treasure hunter should have in order to successfully do his job and, although he tragically lacked of the first two things, he still was as knuckle-headed and gutsy as a crazy chimpanzee during mating season… Despite his young age and ridiculously small stature, this young lad managed to make a name for himself in the field, as a promising coins' collector. In all of his life, his greatest desire was to become the greatest pirate that has ever lived, to become greater than infamous legends like LèChuck, the demon pirate, or Barbaros, the master of treasures… Needless to say, that was not an easy goal to accomplish and his quest was just begun.
His name was Zack, just Zack, he was a very young and enthusiastic pirate with a sinful weakness for chocolate bars. He usually wore a consumed yellow jacket that, in his opinion, gave him the look of an experienced buccaneer, a purple belt that covered grand part of his exposed belly and blue fishing shorts. Old fashioned brown sailor's boots dressed his feet, while gloves of the same color covered his hands. A peculiar, bandana-like flat and red pirate hat, with the classical skull insignia drawn on it, stood on his head, held by a knot behind his ears. A pair of long horn-like orange hair bangs shot out of the sides of his head, giving him an eerie appearance. He had blue eyes, a white plaster cross on his right cheek and a wide mouth… Oh, and he was human, by the way.
During the course of his hopefully soon-to-be illustrious career, he has had the privilege, or should I say, the bemused displeasure (yes, that will do) to getting himself locked into the most puzzling and mind bumbling traps ever conceived: crazy riddles, item retrievals, unsuspecting and uncalled for booby traps, angry guardian beasts, were just a small sample of the impending dangers a true professional hunter had to face in order to retrieve the usual treasure chest… And he had to face them all in one single place, the very same place he found himself stranded right now.
If Luck was a woman… You can easily imagine the rest.
Thanks to an inhuman amount of patience and sheer intuition, the boy eventually managed to finally reach the very sweated for golden chest… Although he wouldn't have been able to seat for at least a month due to some blasted giant sea hedgehog he found on his way. With evident glee and eagerness depicted in his eyes and his huge, shiny smile, the young pirate confidently approached the chest, not noticing a rather small device on the floor. As soon as his foot threaded on it, a giant rock fell from the ceiling and started rolling towards him… Who, naturally, screamed as loud as a yelling ape concerto, right before starting to run like an archeologist pursued by a bunch of angry natives. He needed to think something quickly, especially since a rather ominous cliff was approaching. As if on cue, a wild beast that looked like an uglier, bearded and bigger version of a gorilla, came out of nowhere right in front of the running lad, who's sharp mind immediately devised a daring plan to kill two birds with a stone, or better, a rampaging gorilla and a giant rock. Before the ferocious ape could smash his fragile body for good, Zack jumped on its bald head with an impressive agility and grabbed a convenient stalactite that was right above it, then all he had to do was to watch the hilarious scene of the ugly monkey Kong getting rolled by the aforementioned rock in a cartoon-like fashion towards the over there cliff. The rising pirate couldn't help but laugh in satisfaction for his superior intelligence, after this, nobody could have said he was more stupid than a primate… At least, not anymore.
This time, he needed to be more careful, he certainly didn't want to repeat his previous mistake. While re-approaching the cursed golden chest from before, Zack couldn't help but wonder what kind of dreadfully fabled treasure could be contained inside of it… Something utterly prized for sure, as all those traps demonstrated… Or maybe, something completely evil and dangerous. Once the path was cleared by any kind of possible, let's say, surprise, the boy finally managed to open the chest. A clichéd blinding light spread out of the open vault as the boy put his hands in it, again with evident glee. Once the mystical ray subsided, Zack found himself holding a very peculiar object: a huge, golden clinking bell. As his blue eyes greedy inspected the prized artifact, his brain was already calculating how much money this item could make in his pockets… Then, for some reason, he felt the urge to ring it and thus, he did. He began ringing the bell as if possessed by a force far greater than his own, and a smooth, amusing sound was produced by the incessant clinking of its metal. He continued to ring it, again and again and again…
"I think that's enough, big guy!"
Caught by a sudden gust of justified bewilderment (note to self: use this line more often), the now scared to death pirate dropped the ancient tintinnabula on the ground and quickly backed away. His eyes grew wider as they witnessed that very cursed bell turning into a… Golden monkey!? Disfiguring fear was instantly replaced by mild irritation as the lad watched the awfully cute primate staring at him with its sapphire eyes and a rather dumb monkey smile… Amazingly enough, Zack didn't show any hint of surprise even when the monkey rose in midair with its helicopter-like tail and started speaking, such was his disappointment.
"HI!!!" It said, a little too cheerful and enthusiastic for the boy's tastes. "I'm Wiki, please don't make obvious jokes about my name." Yes… This was its introduction, or should I say, his. Zack just rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What's yer name, mate? Oh wait, lemme guess… Is it Zack?" At this, the namesake pirate made a face. How could he guess his name so easily? "Yeah… You kinda have the face of a zack." And what was that supposed to mean? The obnoxious, loud voiced flying primate continued. "Well, since ye saved me from eternal imprisonment, the least I can do is… TO BECOME YER LOYAL SIDEKICK!!!" The "zack-face" had to cover his ears in order to preserve his precious hearing from ultimate deafness. Then he relentlessly shoved the floating pest aside and tried to make his way out of this Davy Jones forsaken cave… Or so he hoped. "Ehi, yer not goin' ta leave me behind, eh mate?" He was going to, actually. "C'mon, gimme a chance… I like yer hat, can I wear it?" He just ignored him. "So… What happened while I woz asleep? Did apes conquer da world? Did someone finally figured out if the planet is flat or not? Am I bothering ya?" No. Yes. Definitely yes. "Did ya know that I can turn into a bell whenever I want and that my ringing can attract diamonds and coins like a magnet?" A rather loud ding could be heard, as the not anymore non-chalànt pirate stopped dead on his track like an embalmed roadkill, only to violently snap his head towards the sly monkey, with a blank stare. "Yup… I can sense a hidden treasure behind that rock over there… Why don't ya just try me!" With that said, Wiki turned into his previous bell form and positioned himself into the seemingly petrified pirate's hand, which ever so slowly approached the aforementioned random rock and began the ringing. As soon as he did so, a cascade of coins erupted from below and magically placed themselves inside Zack's pockets. A few seconds went by… Another few… Another… Before he started jumping like a deranged monkey boy on an all-drugs cocktail trip, yelling his utter joy like a maniac locked inside a women's locker room… Saliva dripped like a waterfall… A simple waterfall, nothing fancy, this time. "Sooooooooo… I guess we have a deal, eh boss?" The "boss" nodded in trepidation as his widened grin shined in delight. "Ya know, I think this is the beginning of a great friendship!" The cheerful golden primate-like sort of a bell, cheerfully stated, before his new owner greedily grabbed him and ran away at lightning speed, laughing like mad, all the time…
Too bad neither of the two noticed that Wiki's relentless sound managed to awake something else, or better, someone. As the improvised comrades left the cave at grand speed, a mysterious entity observed them, with hinted amusement in his hellish eyes. His huge, golden grin grew larger as he gave a good look at the glowing gem clutched in his ghostly hand.
"Time to fulfill my role." He maliciously said right before disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Spooky… Not really.
As the young pirate left the cave, his mind was already fantasizing about his sure to be bright future: all the possible treasures he would grab, all the women he would conquer… He was going to become the greatest pirate in Phantomile and all thanks to that little, flying monkey bell.
"I'm hungry… Can I have some snack, boss? CanIcanIcanIcanIcanIcanIcanI? Pretty please?" Correction, that little, flying, annoying monkey bell.
But it didn't matter, because he was also pre-gusting the stupefied face his current employer would have made once he would witness Wiki's abilities. As if on cue, he appeared right in front of him, making Zack jump in fear and Wiki just blink in unaware obliviousness. If there was one thing the boy never got used to, was his boss's abnormal speed.
"So, Zack… Did you find it?" All Zack could do in response were a series of untranslatable gestures that only managed to irritate the new comer. Wiki answered for him.
"Nope… He found me though!" The chimp stated, ever so enthusiastically. "Hya, I'm Wiki, a super powerful monkey bell that can attract treasures like a magnet!" If he could, Zack would have knocked that dumb primate unconscious for giving away such information so easily, instead he kept himself quiet, grinding his teeth in repressed rage. Needless to say, the other one showed a sincere amount of interest towards the bellmate's words… Get it? He is a bell and a primate, a bellmate! Oh, just ignore me…
"Interesting…" Said Zack's employer.
"Wow, ya look so dark and cool with all those red stripes, the black fur and those spiky hairs… Is yer name Shadow?" The bellmate guessed.
"Good guess." Shadow replied, still undecided if that was a compliment or an insult. Then he added: "Okay, let's get out of here, I need to pay a visit to my… 'Nephew'." And with that said, he grabbed both Zack and Wiki's hands and darted away at super sonic speed. To the pirate's dismay, all of his precious coins fell out of his pockets in the process and his loud lament could be heard all over the land…
Like a clinking tintinnabula, of impending doom.
Applauses are appreciated.