A/N: Slight implications of shoujo-ai between sisters. If this makes you uncomfortable, don’t read. Author’s warning!

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Cursed Promise

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Why does the night air seem so cold?

Even when we were in our house, when winter crept through the screens and crawled across the floors, I do not remember it being so cold. Even when we sat outside and the snowflakes drifted down from the sky above, I do not remember the same frost floating down to cover my heart. I remember shivering, but I never remember crying from the cold. Or perhaps it is not the cold I am crying from. Maybe I am crying for you.

You are sleeping. How, I don’t know. I don’t know how you could ever let your soul fall into rest in such a restless place as this. I don’t know why I’m sitting here with you, in this hollow tree, when I could be running. I could leave you. I know I could. And as soon as the thought enters my mind, I feel so dirty. I feel as if I’ve done something horribly wrong, something horribly twisted. I don’t know why you call me Yae, but I don’t want to be her. Never. If Yae has made you feel so horrible, then I will renounce her… forever. I will never make you cry, even if you make me sob. I will never make you even moan in pain, even though you make me scream with guilt.

When I had to leave you again, when you were locked in the cell, I nearly broke. I watched your pleading eyes, dead dark moons in a snowy face, the soft feathery hair falling gently to your shoulders. I saw the twisted leg, the tears falling to your cheeks. I heard you whisper: “Don’t leave me.”

I hated you.

It wasn’t my fault that you’d crawled into the cell. It wasn’t my fault that it was your stupidity that got us here in the first place. It wasn’t my fault that you were suffering. It was yours. All yours. And I had to deal with it, my dear Mayu, my sister, my heart. Once again, it is I who is taking care of you. Once again, I must clean up your broken shards and piece them back together. I cannot run, even when those pale fingers stretch near my neck and those leering empty eyes threaten to destroy both my sanity and my life. Because you are slow. You cannot flee. So I must protect you. I must look through the lens of an ancient camera, into the eyes of those tortured souls. I must recount their sufferings, see their hideous deformations, listen to their broken hearts cry out for release. I must feel their fingers scorch my flesh, as I stand in front of you. Not letting their scarred, torn, burned, icy limbs come near you.

So when I heard you cry out for me as I turned my back, as your broken sobs touched my ears like the blades of knives, I wanted to turn back. I wanted to yell at you. I wanted to sob. I wanted to tear the bars that enclosed you apart with my hands. I wanted to hold you forever. But I didn’t. For you, you flawed, limping girl, I faced death again and again.

And I will do it again. I will do it until you tell me to leave you. When your resentment for your torturous helplessness builds up within you, and you push me away.

My back is against the inner wall of the tree. You are draped over my chest, your breathing soft against my collarbone. I can feel your bones, like a bird’s. When I run my hands over your arm, and watch the soft underside glow like the sightless moon, I can count your bones. When I put my hands on your back, and feel your spine through the soft material of your dress, I can feel your every movement shifting beneath my fingertips. And when I put my hand to your cheek as you sleep, I can feel you tremble. It hurts. It hurts that you shy from me, even in slumber. It makes me think that even if we do survive, you will no longer think of me in the same way. You will forever see of me and think of the undead spirits, haunting you in this horrible restless village. And when I think of that, I want to cry.

I hold you in my arms, holding you close. The camera is at my side. But I don’t think that they will bother us here. You are sweet in your sleep. I wonder if you are escaping this place, if your mind stretches back home. If you remember us riding our bicycles up and down the wooded path. If you remember us, laughing and clinging and red with embarassment, as the thunder storm raged outside on our ninth birthday. I wonder if I will lose these memories, too. I wonder if when you wake up, you think that you fell asleep again. If you think that you are still at home, and this is the dream. This is the nightmare.

I wish it was.

You are stirring, now. I see your dark eyes flicker open, the silk of your eyelashes fluttering against my neck. And I see with sorrow that you’ve realized that you’ve woken up. I think you’re wishing that you never opened your eyes again.

“Mio… I dreamed… That you left me…”

That sickening sense of guilt, exploding in my stomach, as I remember what I’ve so recently contemplated. The twisting grief that moves within me as I watch your pale face turn into a snowy mask, afraid to think. “No, Mayu…Shh. I didn’t leave you. I promised… remember?”

“But Yae-“

Our eyes meet, and your eyes overflow with sudden tears. I feel my eyes burn with fire, threatening to crumble my mask. How could I ever have thought to leave you? How could I betray my Mayu? If I leave you, it would be like cutting off the left side of my body and making it out of the village that way. Now, watching your brown eyes twinkle with tears in the dim light, I cannot even think about it, much less consider it. I can’t imagine leaving Mayu-chan, my beloved younger sister, alone in this horrible place.

“No,” I whisper, afraid that I’m going to start crying. “Mayu, I will never do that. Please, don’t even think… don’t even think that I would do that to you. I’ll be with you…forever.”

“Promise?” Your voice is tiny, your tears sheerly brilliant in the shadows.

“I promise,” I whisper again, and you blink, finally, and the tears spill like glass over your cheeks. I wonder if they burn. I brush them away with my fingertips. “I’m not Yae.”

You look so strange to me after I say that, foreign and small and more delicate than a butterfly. “I… know.” Kami, your eyes are so wide and staring I can barely stand it. I glance away, feeling my own face tremble like a mirror about to crack. “And I- I’m not Sae. I’m not.”

My hand finds yours and squeezes it gently. You shift underneath my touch, sitting up and moving to lean against me and cradle your head against my collarbone. “Who is Sae?” I ask. “Is she the one who we saw laughing? The one with the bloody kimono?”

“Yeah,” you whisper back, your voice so fragile and soft it brushes my ears like butterfly wings. “The one who’s laughing…” I feel you swallow, because it racks my entire body. I wrap my arms around you. “But you don’t understand… she’s not evil, Mio… she’s just… sad.”

“She tried to kill me. Kill us.”

“She’s sad,” you repeat dully. “The one she loved most… she left her.”

“Hey,” you say next, suddenly. “You’re crying…”

“Oh. It’s nothing. It’s just because I’m cold.”

“It’s awfully cold here. We need to move on… do we have all of the pinwheels?”

I nod, numbly.

“Oh. Thanks, Mio.” Your eyes and voice are so grateful that I can barely stand it. “Without you… I never would have lived this far… oh, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t talk like that!” I insist, but keep my voice low and quiet. “Without you, I wouldn’t have a meaning to live this far, not here….” I take a breath. “Don’t worry. We’re going to escape. Don’t worry…”

“I love you, Mio-san,” you say, wrapping your arms around me and hugging me close, perfectly innocent and child-like.

“Love you too, Mayu-chan.”

“You know,” you whisper into my hair, causing the hairs along my neck to rise, “I… don’t think Sae was a bad person. I just think she was very confused…”

This is what I love best about you. Only you; only you, Mayu. Only you would show compassion for that young, terrible laughing girl in the bloody kimono after her ghostly fingers reached out to strangle you. Only you could find forgiveness and love –love—for her in your heart. Only you.

But you’re right, I think.

“She was very sad,” I say softly, and suddenly I feel like my face is trembling, as if with unshed tears. I blink fiercely, not understanding the sympathy suddenly flooding me. But I grip you tighter, smell the apricots and vanilla still lingering from your shampoo in your hair—and I know. It’s because of you. Your warmth, your gentleness… it’s consuming me. For once I can understand…or at least, I can try.

I gasp as a shock runs through me, so familiar to the other visions we’ve experienced… but so different….

--

“Please, Yae. Please promise me one last time…”

“I promise, Sae.” Two girls are clutching hands; they have identical almond black eyes and feathery hair that falls to their shoulders. Their faces are pained but brilliant with youth; yet somehow aged beyond all repair. The tears heavy and unshed are lingering behind glittering eyes; there are streaks, streaks of rivers of falling tears on pale cheeks…

“Okay… Okay.”

A quick embrace; a kiss on the younger one’s cheek.

“I promised, didn’t I?”

“Of course.” The shorter one smiles, timidly. “Of course, Yae. Let’s go… Itsuki is waiting.”

**

The boy is waiting for them. His hair is the color of a dove’s feather; pure and ghastly white, and his eyes show the terrible sorrow, the cruelest of sorrows, lingering in once-vibrant eyes. This is the pain of a Remaning; a pain so inconceivable, the rest of you; the rest of you will never know…

“Itsuki-san!” The one called Sae runs to him; she throws her arms around him and forgets her shyness. “Oh, kami, Itsuki-san… thank you so much, I cannot tell you… I can’t… Do come with us, Itsuki-san! Do come! I promise that we’ll be free and we’ll never—we’ll never—“

His face twists in agony. He is easily three or four years older than the girls’ fourteen, but is not much taller. He would be beautiful if not for the permanent sorrow masking his features.

“You know I cannot, Sae-chan,” he says in a voice as soft and fluid as a river. He pushes back her hair like a father would, embraces her quickly and then lets go, as if afraid to draw to close to human warmth. Then he turns to Yae; and he kisses her simply on the forehead, but it is not with that same paternal compassion. It is love, pure and youthful—perhaps the only other youthful thing about him, other than his appearance.

“I love you, Itsuki-san,” Yae whispers into his ear, and she pulls back, and his eyes are heavy with sorrow. It is clear that even with her love he is not complete. Some things… some things are so much worse than death. Betrayal etches an eternity of pain in the windows of our eyes…

“Let’s go,” he says, and his hand falls to his side. That last touch. He turns and begins to walk.

They follow.

**

“This is all I can do for you,” he says. They are out of the village; the forest breathes around them. “Now…”

“I know.” Yae’s voice is so tight it almost catches. Sae is clutching at her hand; her eyes are so bright that they glitter.

“Good-bye, Itsuki-san.”

Good-bye, All God’s Village.

Good-bye, Father.

“Say goodbye to Mutsuki for me,” Sae adds quickly, impulsively, and immediately wishes she hadn’t. Itsuki’s face becomes twisted again, but he breathes evenly and forces a smile.

“If I see him, I will.”

“Ask him what it’s like to fly—“ she begins again, but Yae has a worried look on her face and nudges her sharply in the arm. Sae falls silent, dwelling in her twin’s shadow.

“I will.” Itsuki is smiling now; his face is so serene… as if he knows… as if he senses release, so soon to come. “Good-bye, Sae-chan, Yae-san…Don’t forget me, when you’re away and safe. Don’t forget any of us.”

“I won’t forget,” Yae promises. Sae nods and is smiling, but tears are dripping from her eyes.

“You must go,” Itsuki says. “They’ll notice your absence soon.” He turns back towards the village, then glances at them again, his eyes strangely empty. “Run!”

They turn and they flee, holding each other’s hand and running, running through the darkening forest. They run through unfamiliar territory; they run alone, for the first time in their lives. They run towards freedom, but with every step Sae flinches. With every step something draws her back.

Yae is tugging, tugging, and her pace increases. They are running along a river now, and the embankment is steep. She drops Sae’s hand and charges onward, heedless, tears flying from her cheeks. Sae cries out; “Wait for me, Yae! Wait!”

But Yae is not waiting; she is running, apparently sure that Sae can keep up. Her heart seems to burst out of her chest; she is panting heavily but she cannot stop. She runs like a pursued animal, determined to outrun her predators. For the first time in her life, she is in control. She can decide where to go. She has escaped Hell. She has escaped her home.

But Sae is begging now; begging for Yae to slow down, but her sister is so far ahead she is having trouble hearing. She turns back and yells at Sae to hurry up; to hurry up, they’ll be coming for them. Sae is panting heavily, sobbing, careless because she knows no one will hear. She doesn’t see the thick root in front of her.

Sae falls. She falls roughly, twisting her leg in the process, and her scream pierces the air as she tumbles down the embankment, thorns and sticks stabbing at her and dirt ruining the soft white kimono. Blood seeps from her thighs and arms as she tumbles helplessly, screaming, screaming. But Yae can’t hear her, lost in the thick forest.

No one can hear her.

She comes to a stop near the water’s edge, shaking and crying. Pulling herself up, Sae wipes her tears and examines her kimono. It’s dark with dirt and blood, and she cries weakly. “Yae! Come back!

Yae!”

But there is no answer.

Itsuki… is this how it feels to be you? Screaming with no answer?

“Yae-san! Please! Please! Where are you?! Yae—come back! Please!” She’s screaming, hysterical now, but cannot move because of her twisted leg. Sobbing and hoarse, her heart in a clutch of inescapable horror, she pulls hereslf to the water’s edge and stares in, but her cries do not weaken.

“Yae! Help! Help me! Yae! Yae! Come back! Please! Oh kami please—please come back! I told you we shouldn’t have tried to escape! Yae! YAE!”

The only sound that answers her is silence. Her face is raw; pain throbs in her entire body, and her twisted leg is close to useless. She falls down, pressing her face into the earth and crying, crying until something somewhat like sleep overtakes her, something that steals her away but does not give her rest.

There is no way to outrun the pain; the curse; the destiny. There is no way. It has never been done, and it never will be… Life is pain and pain is eternal. For you, that is. Your sacrifice… it will do the village good. You are saving us.

She cries weakly into the earth, but now is beyond tears. A flicker of crimson glints in the trees, and the vision slowly withdraws, looming above the scene as crimson butterflies flitter in the trees. They weep but shed no tears. They fly… but they cannot escape.

--

I’m crying now; tears are sliding down my face and numbing my cheeks. You curl into me, sobbing helplessly as the vision recedes. We weep quietly, ever aware of the place in which we live, but I have the feeling that not even they would dare to attack us here, not here, not now. It’s their sorrow… it’s their sorrow.

It’s my sorrow.

“Yae… she never hurt us, not like Sae did…” You’re crying softly into my shoulder, rocking back and forth. “Maybe that’s because… maybe that’s because… oh, I don’t know… maybe she could live and die with the pain… but Sae…”

“She was so sad,” I whisper, stroking your back. “So sad.”

Silence.

“They didn’t deserve it,” I continue helplessly, clutching you to me, grateful more than ever of your prescence. So glad of what I have. So aware. The fans spin around us and the shadows lengthen in the old tree, but we’re not moving any time soon. They can wait. They all can wait.

“And… Mio?”

You use my name.

“Yeah, Mayu?”

“I promise.” I can feel your nails dig into my back, but you utter the words regardless. “I promise that I’ll never leave you.”