Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate them big time, as always. Yep, very pleased indeed.
Oh wait, I was doing this ´thanks to´ thing now, neh? (Damnit, that neh is contagious!)

Thanks to... slouchingtyger, ~Lady, Zombiegirl2007, DoYouLikeWallfles309, Hina-86, Arbiterai Knight, Sorryl (neh?) and Tyrant Wolf for reviewing 7 and sending me them words. (That chatroom was way too popular, I need to do it again sometime.)
Disclaimer: No owny, okidoki? So sue me mary.
Inspired by: Nothing-at-all. I need a nap. And food. Teehee.
Warnings: Tiny amount of slash. Just a little. LITTLE! And yeah, IT'S LONG!

As requested more than once; Women.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wesker has a way with women.

"Albert! What did I tell you about sitting around, doing nothing at all? Boy, you've become more and more lazy, and you're not getting any younger either! Just because you look like someone in their thirties doesn't mean you actually are! I'm past sixty already but I do more than you do! Thinking about taking over the planet will not get you anywhere young man! It is a stupid idea and lord, I wish you'd become a doctor or a teacher!"

The first woman to ever enter Wesker's life had been his mother. Or technically he had entered her life, through the most obvious way we can think of. Yes, she stole him.
He had liked his mom most of the time, especially when she was at work, and he had known how to play her like no other.

"Albert!" Her voice carried through the hallway and Wesker's neckhairs suddenly stood up straight. "What did you do in the kitchen?!"

Wesker scratched his neck and adjusted his sunglasses. Giant sunglasses, straight from the seventies. Probably because it was during the seventies, but who knows, it's Wesker, we could be wrong.

"Albert! Answer me! The kitchen looks... Like something exloded!"

Wesker smirked. Something had exploded indeed. At the age of thirteen he had been extremely fascinated by anything that ran on electricity. He liked to play around with them, especially with the mixer. He had mixed pretty much everything he could find, only to see what would happen. That one day during the seventies something had gone awfully wrong and it had ended in a mess beyond anyone's imagination.

"ALBERT WESKER!" The door had slammed open and revealed a woman with a furious look on her face. "Please do explain yourself"

Wesker, at the age of thirteen already a manipulative bastard, had pouted. "Mom, I wanted to bake a cake." He sighed and gave his mom a nervous -fake- smirk. "But the mixer... I didn't get it. Something must've been wrong with it."

"Why on EARTH would you want to bake a cake?" Wesker's mom wasn't that surprised by the fact that her kitchen was a mess, but a baking Wesker didn't make a lot of sense.

"I wanted to bake one for you mommy..." Wesker rubbed his eyes behind the never-absent sunglasses. "Because your birthday is next week."

Wesker's mom had tilted her head and thought for a moment. "It is?" She asked confused. "Time passes by so quickly."

"Yeah... I know right. But I failed. I'm so sorry mommy, I'll never do it again, I swear!"

Wesker's mom walked up to her son and patted him on the head. "Never mind love, just... ask for help next time." She had smiled and hugged the evil teenager. "You know mommy loves you, right?"

It was a sad thing those arguments didn't work anymore, so whenever his mom would call now, yelling at him for being stupid, he'd just ignore it. He was Wesker, he didn't need his mom anymore. And way back when, when he still did, he had known how to play her very well.

"OH-MY-GOD!"

Then there were the women in his life that were pure evil. More evil than Wesker was himself. More evil than standing behind a tall dude at a concert. More evil than Satan. They were the... Fangirls.

"Oh ma God, it's you! You're you like... Oh wow! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Wesker couldn't stand that sound. The Squee-ing noises made his ears ring. Neither could he stand the 'Oh-my-God's' anymore. In the beginning it had amused him since the right to be God would be his soon anyway, but these days he just found it plainly annoying.

Some fangirls were pure evil, pure Satan-spawn that would almost frighten him, but some were more sneaky. They would wait for the right opportunity to catch him, and then they would... Tackle-hug him.

First he thought he had found a solution to repelling them. His solution was to bring Krauser along. But for some reason that never helped. The fangirl would just attack Krauser, who apparantly had his own share of fans too. So he had to come up with something more usefull. Something to make sure they would stay the hell away from him, preferably forever.

Since Wesker had an insane amount of fangirls it would be really hard to kill them all. Especially on their Wesker-picnics, where they would all sit down in front of his office, staring through the window, eating strawberries and watermelons.

So he couldn't kill them. A bodyguard didn't work, killing wouldn't work and he knew for a fact that hosing them down wouldn't work either since they appeared immune to water.

Then one day he came up with the solution. These were fangirls, they all wanted to marry him. They thought he was straight, and they were damn straight about that, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

So on that day, while staring out of the window, watching the fangirls eat, he summoned Krauser. Krauser, more loyal than any random dog, appeared right away, obviously walking around in his mutant-armblade-form.

"C'mere, Jack." Wesker stated seriously. "We need to get rid of -them-."

Krauser walked up to the window and saw the gigantic amount of girls sitting on the grass. They were all staring at him and it made him very uncomfortable. "I agree boss, they're... Frightening."

"They want to marry us." Wesker frowned. "I can imagine that, but it seems ridiculous to actually hope that will ever happen."

"I got a girl already man." Krauser stated annoyed. "And she keeps telling me that if I don't stop hanging with fangirls, she'll leave me." Krauser sighed. "It's annoying as hell."

Wesker nodded. "I know, that's why I have to do this..."

With the speed of lightning Wesker appeared very close to Krauser and glanced outside to see if those evil fangirls were still watching. When he noticed they were he roughly grabbed Jack's arm and turned him around. Slightly repulsed but already amused by the confusion this would cause he leaned in on Krauser and pressed his lips on his bodyguard's.

Krauser, startled, tried to step back, but couldn't. Wesker's grip on him was too tight, and despite the fact Krauser was bigger, he wasn't actually stronger.

"Shhhh Jack, this will gross them out and they will leave!" Wesker mumbled, his lips brushing against Krauser's cheek.

"Ya think so boss?" Krauser smirked. "Well, if that's the case." He turned his head back to Wesker and waited for another kiss. Deep inside Krauser didn't mind at all, but he couldn't just let Wesker know... That would cost him his job.

The fangirls outside had been staring at the kissing men, mouths wide-open and eyes big as satellite dishes. Wesker was pleased to see this kind of reaction and was about to celebrate the joys of being free from fangirls, when suddenly...

"Oh-My-GOD!" A cheer came from outside. "YAOI!"

Even that had not worked... So Wesker just had to live with the fangirl-picnics outside on the grass until the day came that he would claim the right to be God. On that day... They were going down!

"Love is for the weak of heart."

His mother he could live with. His fangirls he could live with. His ex-girlfriend drove him up the wall.

"What do you mean, for the weak of of heart?!" She had yelled at him, thrown a hairbrush at him and she had almost cried.

"Love is what stands between me and world domination." Wesker had stated with a cold and biting tone. "I do not love you."

"Then what is this thing we have?" By then half of her make-up had already been throw at his face. "Lust? Passion? Fun-time?"

"Perhaps lust. Perhaps passion. But not love. And it wasn't always that fun either." Wesker had frowned and wondered what had gotten into that woman. "Could we just let it rest?"

"Hmpf, I knew I shouldn't have invested in you." She had slowly shaken her head and shrugged. "Well, for lust I only need one thing and one thing alone. My best friend of them all; Tarzan." She had laughed. "He's better anyway, and he doesn't even need sunglasses!"

Ada had left Wesker for a vibrator and Wesker had... Well taken matters into his own hands. It had been a sad thing, but it didn't really hurt him. It only hurt his right hand.

So, what have we learnt today?

Wesker has a way with women.

Sort of.

Heehee, sorry. I had to put a kiss in... Between dudes. I´m so sorry if that bothered you!!!!!!!!! (I like it myself, a LOT)
Anyway, you know... Reviews are lovely, flamers will be assassinated with plastic bottle.

Until next time I hope!