After the world was safe from Darkside, Shao Kahn and their unholy love child known as Dark Kahn, Superman thought about his priorities. The caped superhero sat atop of the Daily Planet with his knuckle under his chin and his elbow propped up on his knee.

Even with Dark Kahn defeated, Earth was still busy messing itself up with crime, terror, war and anger. Superman could hear everything with his super hearing. They were the cries of women, babies and men that pleaded for help. Superman was annoyed and thought to himself, “Can’t mankind let me have some peace?”

He realized as he sat there, “Has the Rage changed me somehow? I use to spend my lunchour saving people.” The Rage was a powerful magic that had overtaken the minds of the majority of people in the universe and forced them to act far different than they normally would. It was aptly named, because it clouded judgment and sent many of its victims into a willingness to fight against one another. No one was immune to the effects, not even Superman.

Then he heard a plea from the only mortal that mattered to him. It came from the plain and aging harpy that he called, “Lois?” This was Clark Kent’s girlfriend of decades. While Clark remained the same age and looks, this out of shape reporter named Lois aged and she had a few grey hairs and crows feet next to her dull brown eyes.

The super hero perked up, his girlfriend needed him. He heard her scratchy smoker’s voice call out, “Super Maaan! Where are you Super Maaan?” Most people only called him Superman, but when she bellowed his name, the screechy ugly voice like nails on a chalkboard always extended the word man. No wonder he could always isolate her voice so well, because it was nails on chalkboard.

This was the woman that cheated on him with his alter ego, but they had both come to terms with that. After a year of fighting and smarmy comments, his pussified alter ego Clark Kent gave in and let her have her way that he was wrong for having two personalities.

He bolted from his place high atop the Daily Planet and flew faster than a speeding bullet to her high rise apartment in Metropolis. After hurtling himself, he came to a graceful stop and touched onto the balcony with his toes and stepped in where he saw her screaming, “Where have you been?”

Superman asked, “What seems to be the problem Lois?” She stood there very pregnant, with a large belly, grey streaks in her hair with a cigarette in her hand.

Lois bellowed, “Well, it’s about time Clark! I could have been being crushed in my car or needed the refrigerator moved!”

“When I’m in the suit,” Superman started to say, but Lois cut him off, “Oh I know. You’re Superman. Call you Superman. Well Clarky, don’t tell me what to do. You’re just lucky I haven’t reported on your secret identity yet. Not that anyone would believe me.”

Superman popped his eyebrows up for a second and uttered, “Point taken.” The man of steel has always been spineless around the love of his life Lois Lane.

Superman looked at her big belly and asked, “So when are you due?”

She waddled past him and said, “Two weeks from now. This little bundle was just as expected as the last.”

“Smoking isn’t good for the baby,” said Superman.

Lois ignored him and muttered to herself, “At least this time I know who the father is this time.” Then she asked, “Guess who called me today?”

He wondered with good nature, “The Daily Planet? Do they want you back? You really are quite a good reporter, underrated in a way.” The man of steel stammered in the way that he always did. He was charmingly befuddled around Lois Lane.

“Oh stop sucking up Clarky; I’m still on maternity leave,” she spewed, before she said, “Wonder Woman called me and told me all about what you two have been doing.”

Superman looked as if he had something to tell her in his defense, but the love of his life stopped him. Lois wondered, “It wasn’t just the universes that were merging was it?” She folded her arms and gave him an evil eye as she said, “I’m leaving you.”

He wondered, “You’re the one judging me for what I did with Wonder Woman?” Then with a gesture to the refrigerator, Superman commented, “You’re married.” On the refrigerator were photos of Lois’s charming husband and her along with their seven year old son. On the walls were pictures of Lois and her husband. On the entertainment were the same photos. The pictures were everywhere. Each photo had her husband smiling with a wonderful toothy grin, while Lois had a demure smile.

She retorted, “If you didn’t take off seven years ago to that Krypton of yours would have married you and now we’d have to go through a great big divorce all because of that Wonder Whore.”

“But Lois,” he said, “We’re just...”

Lois butted in, “I don’t want to hear it! Here is a news flash for you reporter. Dark Kahn is gone, your worst enemy, Lex Luther a changed man now and investing in green companies instead of committing crimes against humanity. I think my Pulitzer Prize said it best, ‘The world doesn’t need Superman.’” She then jammed her finger on his steel chest and said, “And either do I!”

He looked down to her finger that caressed the Superman logo of an S on his chest. He gave a little smirk and asked, “That’s why you called me here? Has anyone told you the story of the boy who cried wolf?”

He walked to the balcony and leapt into the air and flew away. Lois was left cursing, “Go to your Wonder Whore and don’t ever come back!” Her fist was in the air and her teeth showed with anger. When she lowered her hand she folded her arms and took a puff from her cigarette. Then she muttered, “You should have used more X-ray vision on me!” Then she stomped her foot and screeched, “I wouldn’t be stuck in a loveless marriage because I got pregnant.”

Later that day, Superman met his good friend Captain Marvel. The two of them looked like twins. Superman wore a blue bodysuit with red boots, a red cape and red underwear. Meanwhile, Captain Marvel had a red bodysuit with white boots and a matching white cape with gold trim. Superman had a red S for a logo on his chest while Captain Marvel had a golden lightning volt across his chest.

They looked like clones. Square chins, dashing good looks that made women in the 1920s wet themselves. Raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. Superman’s were literally more piercing, because they could beam lasers known as heat vision. With his heat vision, he could pierce through almost anything in only a matter of time. He had complete control of his heat vision and could either boil water or make surgical cuts with laser like precision. It could easily cut through a steel wall like the proverbial hot knife through butter.

The two of them met with a hand shake and an embrace so strong it would have killed a normal man. Captain Marvel with his dinky waist length cape asked, “Greetings Superman, how do you fair this day?”

Beneath them was Metropolis, honking car horns and anger in the streets. This was their view from high above on a balcony for lunch. There was no table set up, just a railing for them to bask in the sun.

“Lois,” is all Superman had to say for Captain Marvel to understand.

Captain Marvel boldly wondered, “Did she find out about you and Princess Diana on the side?”

“She’s a reporter,” said the man of steel, “I couldn’t hide it forever.” He looked out over the city and with one arm folded and the other beneath his chin, he pondered, “But why do I still love Lois and want her back?”

Captain Marvel gave a gesture with his hands to simmer down the super hero, “The way I see it, you protect mortals and like to feel needed. What man doesn’t my friend? Let me put it this way, no other woman gets herself into more trouble than Lois Lane. I would have let her die back in the seventies when her looks started fading, but no, you’re loyal to the end.”

“If I’m so loyal,” said Superman, before he awkwardly added, “Then why did I get busy with Diana?”

“Because you keep your loyalty,” said Captain Marvel, “While making new allies to be loyal to. If you weren’t loyal, you would have abandon Lois a long time ago.”

Superman tried to abandon Marvel’s thought, “I like the haze that you see the world through.”

Captain Marvel continued, “Now that Lois knows, I think you know what its time for.” He then added with a smile as he looked over the city, “You couldn’t even have sex with Lois unless you became mortal.”

Superman touched his shoulder and gave an affirmative nod, “You’re right my friend, I am better off without Lois.” With that said Superman took off into the sky once again, “But I don’t like being dumped, it leaves me with an empty hole inside.”

Captain Marvel screamed out, “Don’t go too far and make her kid an orphan!”

The man of steel turned around for a brief moment to say, “I couldn’t do that!”

Five minutes later, Superman landed at Lois’s expensive Metropolis apartment once more with determination on his face. Instead of gently landing he crashed through the balcony wall and entered her apartment without knocking.

Lois put down her afternoon glass of wine and looked at him with an angry stare. She blurted from her chair, “I knew you’d be back to beg for me Clark.”

“Lois,” he said, only to hear, “Yeah?” He then uttered, “How could you breakup with me for cheating when you’re the cheater?”

She blurted, “What? Cheating is sex in my book Clarky. I never cheated on my husband.” She stood up and waddled toward him, “You weren’t good enough anyway.”

Superman looked around to the apartment and leaned in his head and bobbled it in wonder, “Not good enough?”

She gave a broad gesture and said, “Look at this place Clark.” Then she looked at him, “It’s magnificent!” She then blurted, “Superman never gave me a fifty-two inch television or a high rise apartment.” With her finger in his chest, she added, “He only gave me lies about who he really was and sorry Lois, I gotta go save a school bus from falling off a bridge.”

“I’ve never seen you like this,” said Superman only to hear Lois mock, “Maybe it’s the Rage!”

The man of steel quipped, “Or maybe it’s the pregnancy.”

Lois told him, “You won’t have a job by morning jerk.”

“I can get a new job,” retorted Superman.

Lois was belligerent, “Doing what? You have a farm boy education. If it weren’t for the Daily Planet giving you a job you would have been a criminal a long time ago with Lex.”

“This is getting too ugly for me,” uttered Superman, “I’m going to leave now.”

“Fine, go, I told you not to come back in the first place,” she yelled, “There’s plenty of super heroes around here. Man of steel? Ha! I’ll find me a man of adamantium!”

Superman went to the balcony to leave, but Lois ran to stop him. She tried to apologize, “I’m sorry Clark, don’t leave angry. I didn’t mean that, it’s this damn pregnancy. Wild mood swings.”

As Superman began to slowly take flight he quipped, “You just want me to save you, whenever you get yourself into trouble.”

Lois then clung to his red boot that was at her waist level. She took hold of it, and Superman looked down to her, but then her hand slipped and she fell. Her body plummeted all the way down to the street below. On the way down, she screeched, “Super maaan!”

The superhero let out a sigh and rolled his eyes before he dove to her aide, but instead of saving her, he used his heat vision to laser through her stomach. Inside was the unborn fetus of Lois who was more than eight months pregnant. He grabbed the fetus out just before Lois slammed into the ground.

Superman landed gently on the pavement next to Lois’s bloody body that left a huge spider web of cracks in the street. He uttered with his strong voice, "Now that's what I call a Babality."

Everyone that saw came running and crowded around Superman. Several people asked him for an autograph, but the man of steel said to one blonde woman, “I’ll do ya one better. Here, have this baby instead.”

The beautiful blonde asked with a big white tooth grin, “Is it yours?”

“Chances are its not,” proclaimed the superhero. Camera phones took photos of Superman as he gave the newborn to the chipper blonde. Then Superman uttered, “Abortion is wrong.”

A ten year old boy happily asked, “Even in the case of rape?”

Superman grinned and cheerfully said, “A child should never be punished for the wrong doing of a parent.” He then messed up the boy’s hair and said, “That’s why I saved this baby today.” The headline that night read, “Superman saves newborn!”