Recompense

Falling asleep was always difficult when the one she loved wasn't near. It didn't matter if home was in space or in their apartment on Coruscant, so long as he was in her arms; wherever they were together was home. As it was, Dormé had to make do with a pillow, trying once more to fall asleep and having little luck.

For nearly two decades, Vader and Dormé had made a home together. In all of her life, Dormé had never been so happy. The only thing that would be able to augment her joy would be the gift of a child, one of their own flesh and blood, but after all of this time, it was a gift that she believed was not theirs to have. They had each other though and for that, this many years, it was more than she could have ever hoped for.

Their inability to have children was something that bothered Dormé more acutely during Vader's absence. It preoccupied her thoughts the most when he was away because she would think about her loneliness and innermost desires when other things weren't distracting her. She longed to have a piece of him with her when he was gone, to watch over, to protect, to love, to watch it grow and learn.

Tonight was no different and Dormé gave up trying to sleep. The middle-aged woman rose from their bed, drawing a robe around her shoulders before padding into the kitchen for something warm to drink. She always felt colder in the middle of nights such as these. She took the spiced tea—a scent that cordially reminded her of the Tatooine native—to the sitting room, but she didn't turn on the holonews. Instead, she sat until the mug of tea turned room temperature, inhaling the scent as she meditated on her beloved and tried to clear her mind of anything else.

She sat in quiet solitude, sipping on the beverage until the first light of morning peeked in through the glass doors opposite her.

Vader had asked her to go with him to see the Empire's latest super weapon, a space station dubbed the Death Star. At any other time, she wouldn't have hesitated to accompany him, but she hadn't been feeling well and the idea of leaving solid ground had not been a welcoming thought. It wasn't merely her fear of space travel, for she always felt safe with Vader by her side, but rather it made her stomach turn. So with reluctance, she had to decline and promised to see a medic if her symptoms didn't improve before bidding him a safe journey.

It was only at night that she regretted her decision to stay behind because it was then that her mind began to wander and due to the lack of distractions which were so readily accessible during waking hours. Dormé remained in the sitting room until the streams of light cascading across the room and touched her brow. It was then that she knew that it was morning. She didn't have a mind to close the curtains and return to bed.

She forced herself to her feet once more and returned to the kitchen in order to make breakfast for herself. She hoped that this sleepless night would allow her, if she had the chance in the afternoon, to have a solid nap later if her duties permitted her. Or, at the very least, she hoped it would allow her to sleep well the following night. It was the least she could hope for. As she worked on breakfast, she turned on the morning news.

'We don't know for certain, but the death toll is over a hundred thousand lives...' the reported relayed.

'...the largest and most lethal terrorist attack in the history of the galaxy...innocent lives lost at the hands of the rebels...'

Dormé stopped what she was doing, laying her mixing spoon on the table as her eyes latched onto the replayed image of the Death Star's destruction. 'No...you weren't there, my love...you weren't...' she murmured in disbelief.

'My husband was transferred there not more than a week ago. We were going to join him the day after tomorrow,' a young wife and mother sobbed. 'Now he's—' She couldn't continue and the holcam operated scanned the rest of the growing crowd outside the senate building.

'We want answers!'

'We want revenge!'

A crowd of hundreds, thousands of Coruscanti natives and families of the officers aboard the Empire's Ihope/i for galactic peace, destroyed by the ignorant rebels who attacked their Death Star.

'We want answers!'

Dormé couldn't bear to watch anymore and turned the news off. She was no longer hungry either and was unable to finish cooking the breakfast she started. She went straight to the holoprojector and attempted to contact Vader's personal comm. When she was unable to make a connection, she contacted security. 'Alert me the very instant you are able to make contact with or hear from Lord Vader, is that understood?'

'Yes, milady,' the officer replied.

Dormé paced the room as her brain racked over everything that happened and what could have become of her beloved. It was hard, but she tried to clear her head of all thoughts in order to attempt making contact with him through their bond. IPlease tell me that you're all right—that you weren't in that explosion...Anakin.../i

She didn't hear a single reply and it took all of her willpower not to succumb to tears. She swore that she wouldn't, not until it was confirmed...not until she saw his—No, she couldn't think of that. If she thought of his body lying on a medical table cold, stiff, she knew that she wouldn't be able to handle it.

Dormé tried to still the rapid beating of her heart, the rising panic warring in her chest that now ached. She breathed in deeply, letting the breaths out slowly. This was not how it was supposed to be... Even though she tried to think rationally, that Vader, her beloved, was the strongest Jedi and then Sith the galaxy had ever seen. He had survived much worse than a battlestation exploding. This was nothing.

Dormé could no longer bear to remain inactive, cut off from the world, in their apartment any longer. She felt as though she couldn't breathe, even though their apartment was filled with filtered oxygen rich air. Bursting out into the hallway, uncaring that she was still clad only in her nightgown and robe, Dormé flew through the hallway, demanding anyone she ran into that she needed to speak with Vader if they had any connection. Of course it was silly. None of them had closer ties to the second-in-command of the Empire than Dormé did, but that didn't stop her, in her desperation, from asking.

She headed for the emperor's private chamber, knowing he would be there, for it was still too early in the morning for him to be at the senate building. Certainly, he would have been informed of the crisis...of the destruction of the Death Star. But when she arrived at his apartment, the guards informed her that he was already at the senate building and then remarked that she might want to change into something more appropriate before attempting to speak to him.

'Although he won't confirm it, I believe Lord Vader is dead,' one of them replied. 'I'm sensitive to the Force and I swear to you on my life that I can't sense him anymore.'

Slowly, Dormé turned to look that particular guard in the eye. 'Say it again,' she said as though she was daring him.

'Lord Vader is dead.'

It was as though she hadn't heard him the first time. She shook her head in disbelief.

'Milady—' she heard one of the men calling after her as she stumbled past them, intent on getting away from them as quickly as possible.

Her exhaustion from sleepless nights and the furore coming over her from his words left the woman teetering blindly down the hallway back to their apartment. She mechanically dressed in a formal gown, preparing herself to speak to the emperor himself about this matter. He would know...He was a Sith Master after all...

It was hard for her to avoid the clamour and the reporters questioning her. 'How did you feel upon receiving the news of Vader's death? Do you have any words—'

Dormé didn't respond to them or answer any questions as she hurried into the senate building. She knew if she did, she would only break down in front of them and there was no need for that. She needed answers first.

The emperor was not making an address just yet and the imperial guards escorted her to his office. She made a proper bow before approaching his desk, though, as usual, he insisted it wasn't necessary.

'Have you heard—' Her voice cracked as she tried to ask him what she wanted to know.

'I have not heard from Lord Vader yet, my dear.' He sounded very sympathetic and this only served to bring Dormé to tears.

She rushed over to the man who was like a father to the both of them and flung her arms around him, sobbing.

She was unaware of how much Palpatine detested such displays of emotion and asked his guards to leave for the moment. 'My dear...you must be strong...for the child you are carrying...'

'What?' she asked, swallowing her tears as she loosened her grip around the older man in order to look into his eyes. 'What are you saying? I'm not—I couldn't be—'

'You are with child, Dormé,' he told her, his smile growing as he said this.

'They said I couldn't after the last time—' she said in disbelief.

'I'm sorry, milady,' the medical droid warbled, 'but it appears that you have lost the baby.'

'I didn't lose it—They were right here, right here...I didn't...' Dormé mumbled between heart-wrenching sobs. 'Why? Why...'

'I don't know why, milady,' the droid tried to explain, thinking that her question was actually directed to it. 'This isn't the first baby that you've lost, but these things do happen without cause or medical reason.'

'Shut up,' Dormé said to the droid, trying to turn it off without luck.

The door slid open and Vader strode in. 'Why are these medical droids here? Are you hurt?' he asked in concern as he got his mask off as quickly as possible.

In tears, Dormé continued trying to shut off the droid. 'I was pregnant,' she confessed. 'I'm not anymore...I lost the baby...They said it wasn't the first—I never knew...' She couldn't finish her statement and cried into Vader's chest, holding him tightly. 'I'm so sorry, Anakin...I never knew...'

Palpatine chuckled slightly. 'You must take that to heart. Whatever happens, whether he survived the destruction of the battlestation or not, you still have a part of him with you always...'

Instead of pleasing her, this made her even more heartbroken. Would he even know? Would he ever know? She let the emperor go and looked around the room, trying to sort out her racing thoughts. She was pregnant again... She had thought she was past the years in which she would be able to conceive and yet she was pregnant... How was this possible?

Dormé turned back to the emperor, asking, 'Can you sense him? Can you feel his presence through the Force?'

The emperor slowly shook his head. 'I can't...' After a moment, he added, 'But I can sense your son—strong in the Force...' he said with his eyes closed before opening them once more and smiling at her. 'I have my best team searching out escape pods jettisoned from the Death Star and I will let you know the very moment I find out anything about Vader. I promise.'

Dormé took a moment before exhaling and replying sombrely, 'Thank you, Your Excellency.'

It wasn't very long before Vader finally made contact with her. 'I've been so worried—they said you died—the reporters, the news—the imperial guards, everyone, so many people...' she exclaimed. 'Anakin, you're coming home...and we're going to have a baby!'

Dormé waited on the platform for Vader to return, unable to contain her hope and expectation. She couldn't wait to see him again in person, to hear his voice, to hold him... The ship was taking far too long to land, in her opinion, and the moment the landing gear began to hiss, she raced over to the lowering platform and ran up. She pushed her way past clone troopers, and elbowed a few on accident, as she went straight for Lord Vader.

He swept her up into his arms, spinning her around before carrying her down the plank and onto solid ground.

She was surprised when he started removing his mask, but then she too couldn't wait to see his face, to look into his eyes, and to kiss him. He was alive! She quickly aided him in removing the mask before his lips captured hers. After their kiss, she stroked his scarred cheek, smiling at him as she said, 'We're having a baby!' She kissed him again briefly before helping him put the mask back on.

She was all smiles as they walked hand-in-hand into the building. Even though she was beside herself with joy, she also felt sorrow for the families who recently lost loved ones due to the destruction of Alderaan and the Death Star. She would strive to do what she could, to be the Empire's liaison with those Alderaanians that were off world during the planet's destruction.

Even though she was on the receiving end of such joy and fortune, she didn't want those families who were grieving to suffer more. She went out of her way to help them rebuild their lives and cope with their loss. Even if she couldn't personally be there to visit each and every one of the hundred-thousand families, she spoke with the emperor about sending care packages, which included a small, but significant financial donation, to their families. It wasn't much, but she hoped it would help, if only a tiny bit.

Dormé wanted their baby to grow up with the knowledge that though there was evil in the universe, there was also so much good and so much to be thankful for.