Have you ever wanted something so much that you would do anything to get it? Would you lie, cheat and steal if it meant that you would be complete? God I wish it was that easy in my case. Instead I was forced to endure seeing her and not be able to say one word to her.

Why? Because I was a total asshole. I fucked up. I fucked up so royally that I didn’t even know if I could salvage what we could have been.

Shit.

Damnit.

I didn’t even know how to fix it. So I said Fuck it. I said FUCK IT. I told her it would never work. She was better off with a messed up looser like me in her life. All I would do would consisted of bringing her down to my level, which was lower than shit. I know, you think I’m a total nut case. But what was I suppose to do? I’m not in any condition to be with anyone. I’m bitter, I’m angry all the time. I need to calm down. I’m not man for any woman.

Maybe in the future... but right now... I can’t bring myself to be with her....