Found

It was well past nightfall when Djaq arrived back at Bassam's house, one of Rashida's men following at a safe distance. At the gate, she dismissed the man with a wave of her hand, not caring that this was not polite or in keeping with custom.

She had left Rashida's house nearly paralyzed with worry for Will. She did not know what sort of danger he was in—neither where such a danger might present itself, nor who the source of the danger would be. She tried to piece together what she knew, but it was a futile exercise. She had no facts, nothing more than a guess or two, and it frustrated her to be so helpless. The more thought she gave to the problem, the worse she felt.

Eventually, the worry fell away and was replaced by a fury Djaq had not felt in years. She was angry with Will for keeping his activities from her. What could possibly have possessed him to keep her in the dark about this, about anything? And what business did he have in a brothel anyway? Her mind shied away from the obvious answer, even as she pondered just how many secrets Will had been keeping. He had never been afraid to speak his mind before, not even when a little lie might have spared the feelings of another, or softened an otherwise deadly blow. She could not imagine him deliberately keeping things from her, much less actually betraying her. Her mind rebelled at the idea, even as her anger at Will made it difficult to think rationally.

A dizzying mess of thoughts chased through her mind, and she determined to put an end to all of this by simply confronting Will. He would tell her everything, and she would help keep him safe...just as he would do for her if their places were exchanged. She pushed exhaustion aside and squared her shoulders as she walked into the passage leading to Will's rooms. She was nearly at the door, her hand outstretched to turn the handle, when Faisal's frantic voice rent the air.

"Ya sayyidati! Come quickly!"

She raced out of the house and into the courtyard. Faisal was crouched on the ground, servants milling around him. They moved away as she approached, averting their eyes when she tried to question them. Finally, as the path ahead of her cleared, she could see what had caused the commotion in the first place. There, lying on the ground in a bloody pile of clothing and blankets was Will. She screamed, and the last thing she remembered was Faisal reaching out to catch her as she crumpled to the ground.

-000-

Djaq woke suddenly, jerked awake by nearly falling out of her chair. She rubbed at the crick in her neck and turned her attention to Will, lying in her bed, face as pale as parchment, with his body wrapped in bandages and smothered in healing poultices.

Once she had come to, Djaq had applied herself frantically to saving Will. Afraid she was unequal to the task in her state, Bassam had called his own physician, and together, they had examined Will and treated him. A blade had sliced broadly through Will's midsection. The wound was wide, but not very deep, and it had been a simple, if time-consuming, task to stitch him up.

Only time would tell if this had been enough. She was certain the wound was not infected, and he did not appear to have any internal injuries. But Will had lost a great deal of blood and had not awakened right away. For nearly two days now, he had been in a fitful half-sleep, tossing and turning feverishly. Djaq was forced to give him a sleeping draught so he would at least get a little rest.

She watched over him, keeping a near-constant vigil, with only Faisal—and sometimes Bassam—for company. Every now and then, Will would speak—sometimes her name, sometimes other things she did not quite understand. Every time, she would lean over to hear what he was saying. She would speak to him in turn and try to reassure him that she was near, but to little avail. Wherever he was now, it was as if he could not hear her.

Faisal sat at the foot of the bed, his eyes fixed intently on Will. It had been an odd sort of comfort to Djaq to have Faisal around. He worked hard, spoke little and asked no questions. There was no doubt about his loyalties, or about how stricken he was over Will's near-death. Djaq did not know how Faisal had found Will, whether he had actually gone out looking for Will, or just happened upon him. But she was thankful, nonetheless. He had been Will's guardian angel somehow, and now Will owed him a life.

"Thank you, Faisal. For all you have done. I do not know how I would have managed..."

He looked up at the sound of her voice, but said nothing. He merely watched her for a long time with narrowed eyes, his face betraying none of his thoughts. When he finally spoke, it was in a soft voice Djaq could barely hear.

"You should not have stayed here." He dropped his gaze and turned his attention back to Will. "You should have gone back to England.

"Instead, now, a good man will die. For no reason. All because of you."

"That is—"

Faisal looked away, refusing to continue the conversation. Djaq frowned, shocked at his impertinence and trying to think of ways to counter his words. But nothing came to her. She could not make most people understand why she had stayed behind in Acre, but it was no mystery why Will had stayed. If he lost his life now, it would be just as Faisal said. It would be all because of her.

Despair crowded out the other thoughts in her mind and brought her to the verge of tears. She shook her head, trying to dismiss the emotion, but it had nowhere to go, and soon, she was reduced to crying, the jagged sobs muffled only by her hands over her face.

It took a long time, but the tears ultimately gave way to emptiness, a calming retreat of all feeling. There was only one thing left to do, one place where she could find some solace. She closed her eyes and fell to her knees beside the bed. Faisal gave her an odd look, but ultimately bowed his head, joining her in silent prayer.

O Allah, merciful and compassionate...I, who have never before asked for anything, ask now for just one thing. Spare this man, your son, not because I ask it, but because he deserves to live. Grant me this one wish, and I will be forever your supplicant as I am at this moment.

She repeated the duā over and over until she could say the words by rote. She had no idea how much time passed, but exhaustion finally took her, and she fell asleep.

-000-

She walked, trudging over miles and miles of endless sand. The sun blazed in the sky, scorching everything in its path. There were no arrows this time, no men chasing her, nothing. Everything was desert, charred black, robbed of all coolness and as parched as the rest. The desert spirit watched her, sad and forlorn, but whenever she tried to touch him, he remained distant and out of Djaq's reach. In the middle of it all, a forest clearing suddenly appeared, and she made for it like a desert traveler seeking an oasis. But there was nothing save an eerie silence. A man carrying a Saracen bow shoveled dirt onto a wooden coffin in a shallow grave...

"Djaq." A raspy voice spoke in the distance, and a hand trailed gently over her shoulder. The fingers were warm, inviting, so she reached for them. But when she made contact, the fingers disappeared, and the dream dissolved. She woke in confusion and looked up to find Will watching her.

"You're awake!" She resisted the urge to leap onto the bed and smother him with her relieved embrace. Instead, she took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, delighted when he squeezed back.

He gave her a weak smile. "How..."

She smiled brightly at him, unable to think of any words that could convey her relief or happiness.

"Djaq...I..." He tried to sit up, but failed and fell back on to the pillows, grimacing in pain.

"No, later." She pushed a few strands of hair out of his eyes and gently kissed his forehead. "There will be time for talk later. For now, just rest."

She fussed for a few minutes, fixing his pillows and making sure he was comfortable. Will drifted off to sleep eventually, murmuring something to himself. Then, content she had done all she could, she curled up next to him and fell asleep, still holding fast to his hand.

-000-

Two weeks later

Will poked at the sand under his feet with a long stick, a weak branch he had stripped off one of the trees in Bassam's courtyard. For once, he was enjoying the feel of the hot desert sun on his back, its warmth dulling the pain of his wound and chasing away the cobwebs in his mind.

He had been restless, aching to be on his feet and doing something—anything—for days now. Djaq had refused outright at first, but at length, she had relented and allowed him to take short walks inside the house. It was as much as he could manage anyway, the pain in his side making it impossible to be on his feet for more than a few minutes at a time. He had refused to drink any more of the draughts Djaq had given him. They made him sleepy and dulled his mind at a time when he needed to concentrate and focus more than ever before.

He had only the vaguest recollection of what had happened. He remembered being captured by The Fool and his men, then inexplicably, joyfully, being let go. The rest of the details were almost lost to him. He had a foggy memory of being involved in some sort of scuffle, but he could not remember a thing that had happened afterwards. Obviously, someone had found him and brought him back to the house. Then, just as she had done for so many others, Djaq had saved his life.

He thought of Djaq and allowed himself a chuckle and a long moment of indulgence. She smiled constantly now, happy and relieved he was recovered. But there was a shadow on her face, a look of worry and fear that put Will on edge. This added to Will's guilt over his own conduct, which had returned powerfully once he had come to. He had tried to tell Djaq everything, but she had mistaken his hesitation for pain and had not let him speak his piece.

Will sighed, and let his thoughts wander. They went, of their own accord, across the seas and the mountains and into the wind-lashed countryside of the English north. He found himself wondering what Luke was up to, helping Auntie Annie with chores, perhaps becoming a craftsman or apprentice himself. A fresh stab of guilt pierced his heart and mingled with an aching loneliness he had not felt in months.

It was only the sound of footsteps that brought him back to the desert. A gentle swish of fabric and a scent he could not quite place let him know Djaq had joined him, but he did not turn to greet her until she sat down next to him on the bench. He gave her a quick nod, a gesture she acknowledged with a smirk and an arched eyebrow.

"What are you doing?"

He scuffed out the scratch marks he had made in the sand with the heel of his bare foot. "Nothing, really."

"It does not seem like nothing." She came around and sat on the bench, careful to keep a distance from him. He chanced a glance at her and was relieved to see she was smiling, looking a bit tired but otherwise just like she always did.

He poked the sand with the stick. "It's...I'll show you." He scribbled a bit in the sand and then finished with a flourish, pointing at what he hoped was a reasonable facsimile of his name in her tongue.

She smiled brightly, clearly surprised. "Where did you learn that?"

"Bassam taught me. A few days ago." He shrugged and then added, "I think he thought I was bored."

"It's brilliant. What else have you learned?"

"Oh, just things. You know, table, chair." He grinned. "Wood."

She laughed, and for the next few minutes, they sat together in companionable silence, Djaq taking his hand and moving down the bench to sit closer to him.

After a few more minutes, Will's disquiet returned, and a quick look at Djaq revealed she too was anxious about something.

"Will..." She gave his hand a quick squeeze before she let it go. "How are you feeling?"

"Well. Much better than before, anyway."

She nodded. "Good." She fixed him with her gaze. "Now that you are feeling better...now that you are nearly yourself again, I would like to know how you ended up in such a predicament in the first place."

Her words were soft, but edged with displeasure, like a scolding delivered alongside a plate of honeycakes. Will recoiled and, without really thinking, moved away from her.

She frowned. "There is nothing you wish to tell me?"

Say it. Just speak your mind, and put her at ease. She deserves to know.

But the words would not form, and Will looked away, trying to stall and buy time. What was he going to tell her? That he'd been a spy who was unlucky enough to get caught? He was certain Djaq would not believe such a thing anyhow. He knew she would not thank him for keeping her in the dark all this time, either. Besides, he could not fight off the feeling there was more going on with this Malik business than he knew. He had a sense of a task left undone, and he could not tell Djaq everything until he knew all the facts.

She waited for several minutes and then rose from the bench, sighing heavily. "Very well." She pulled something out of a pouch at her waist and pressed it into his palm, curling his fingers around the object. "I thought you would want to have this."

He watched in awe and confusion as she walked away. When he was certain she was back inside the house, he opened his hand slowly to examine the object. It was a small, wooden camel.

-000-

The cage door clanged shut, its occupant squawking loudly in protest. Djaq sighed. The birds had been restless, making dissonant noises and beating their wings frantically. It was as if they had had picked up on her foul mood and were mirroring it in turn.

She had retreated to the aviary after failing to get Will to come clean. Anger at him and guilt over her own secrets warred with other, darker feelings in her mind.

What was the truth in the end? If Will had told her what she wanted to hear, was there any certainty it would be the truth? She shook her head. Will would never lie to her, but he was not giving her the truth either. Why would he keep something from her? Was he afraid? Was he forced to keep silent? Did he know something significant enough that someone would make an attempt on his life?

The questions pooled in Djaq's mind, building into a great mass of contradiction and making her head throb from the effort. She was terribly distracted as she fed the birds. One of them clipped her hand with a beak, and she withdrew with a sharp cry, dropping the basket of seed on the floor.

"Are you alright?" Will was leaning on the doorjamb, looking pale and tired.

She nodded in his direction and returned to her task, wishing he would go away so she would have a chance to think. But Will seemed determined to make conversation, and she sighed as he walked into the aviary and sat down.

He held up the wooden camel. "I know where you got this.

"I wasn't there for...Djaq, I promise I wasn't...whoring about. If that's what you're thinking."

She let out the breath in a long hiss and turned on him. "Do not presume to know what I think!"

Until that moment, his expression had been soft, even contrite. But now the wan smile fell from his face, and he narrowed his eyes, watching her closely. She turned away, discomfited by the intensity of his gaze.

"I know where you got this," he repeated, the softness of his voice nearly masking the true meaning of his words.

Djaq stiffened. She had not considered he might be curious about what she had been doing in a brothel in the first place. She held her breath, waiting for him to speak.

"But I won't ask you what you were doing in a whorehouse. Because I trust you.

"Don't you trust me, Djaq?"

"I..." Say yes…yes, I've always trusted you. "I don't know any more. You have been lying to me for so long now."

His gaze did not leave hers. "What do you want from me anyway?"

"The truth, Will. I want to know why you lied to me." She turned back to face him, anger making her voice soft and low. "I want to know if I can forgive you."

He scoffed. "Time was you could forgive a man...even one who was lying to you."

She gaped at him, shocked he would bring up Allan at a time like this. "That is not fair. It is not the same thing."

"Why not? He lied to you, to all of us...more than once." He was standing very close to her now, glaring down at her and frightening her a little. "But you forgave him."

"It was..." She struggled for just the right words. "I trusted him."

"But you don't trust me?" Will gave a mirthless chuckle, the sound making her hair stand on end. "Did you trust him better than me?" The timber of his voice matched hers, low and dangerous. "Did you love him better than me?"

"Get out." She shoved him hard, and the movement was so sudden, it caught Will off guard. He lost his footing and stumbled awkwardly, doubling over in pain as he hit the floor. He clutched his side, and the blood ran out of his face.

"Will!" The anger went out of Djaq almost instantly. She knelt in front of him and helped him to sit properly.

He winced and spoke haltingly. "It's nothing...I just..."

"Let me take a look." She lifted up his tunic to examine him and noted with dismay that a few stitches had come loose and the wound had opened a little. She ran a hand over the spot, checking for any other damage, just as he began to shudder. She looked up to make sure he was not in any pain and then pulled away in shock. Will was crying.

Several minutes passed, and her surprise gave way to a rush of sympathy. She reached a hand up to his face and scrubbed at his tears. "Will, are you..."

He clutched at her and pulled her blindly into his chest. Words tumbled out between jagged sobs, bitter and confused. "I...I wanted it all to be over. I'm so sorry…I thought if you and I could be...then everyone could be like that, too." His anguish was terrible, and Djaq felt it like a tangible thing between them. "But the world is...horrible...broken...I can't fix it...no peace."

"Shh, shh. It is alright." She wound her arms around him and stroked his back gently, letting him cry for as long as he needed. Eventually, she felt him relax, and the sobs turned into whimpers and then, just long, ragged breaths. He stroked her hair, his hands gentle but uncertain.

After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke, his voice small and tired. "I love you."

She tightened her grip on his waist. "I know."

-000-

Author's Note: I apologize to anyone who has been reading this, for the huge delay in updating. I've been struggling with writer's block, with being insanely busy in real life, and more recently, with a busted laptop. You know how it is...

Anyway, many thanks to Wenrom31 for talking me through the writer's block, and for reading my rough drafts. Thanks, as always, to rebeldivaluv for teaching me spelling and grammar. :)