|The iPod Human
Author: Madame-Bovary-was-framed PM
The young shadowhunters decide to take the night off and go out. They soon discover Clary has a rather funny habit when she gets drunk. One-shot. Or two.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Clary F. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,957 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 09-17-12 - Published: 05-17-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5067420
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
HOLY BANANAS I'M UPDATING! In excitement over the movie, I said to myself, 'You know what? I should get back into ' and so I did! So old readers and new, for the first time in 2 years, here's another one shot of our favourite people. Ps. Yeah, no beta and I should be doing an essay currently so grammar is just, blah, and also this is a bit suggestive at times. Little ones have been warned, yes. Love, Bowvs.
Disclaimer- Just the stupidity is mine, not the characters.
People may come and go, but friends stay forever.
But not long enough to clean up afterwards.
Thy will not be done apparently.
Tonight I couldn't have wanted things any simpler: a movie, maybe, and take-out for dinner with the usual crowd.
But seriously, not this.
"Jace why are you making me do this," I asked, more to myself then him. Why oh why was he doing this to me! I looked at the clear bottle of alcohol in front of me, and folded my arms.
"Hey, I'm not making you do this at all. You invited everyone over including Magnus who has the power to sway anybody's will and testament," He replied, pulling two six pack of drinks from the fridge and grabbing a bottle opener from the cutlery draw, "Besides, you don't have to drink. I mean, sober is just as good especially when it comes to you. You don't need any more crazy."
"I believe the term is 'high on life'," I said, taking the bottle opener from his hand and grabbing the vodka I had previously been staring at, "But really, crazy should be much preferred to drunk criers."
He smirked and leaned over and put his chin on my head. "That's true. I'm glad you manned up, Fray."
I let out an exasperated breath and poked him in the stomach. "Awesome is a gift, Lightwood. Don't forget it." I ducked under him, grabbed some plastic cups stacking them on the bottle and waltzing out of the kitchen with a slight booty pop in Jace's direction. He just rolled his eyes and followed me down the hall to our large living room.
We'd been renting our own place for a year now, giving us some space from the Institute. It wasn't like we weren't there most days anyway but I liked having my own place that wasn't my mother's. I'd been a Shadowhunter for 4 years now and the privacy away from the ever-watching eye of Maryse is a god-send!
Simon had finally come back from college, looking like a kid genius, for the mid semester break. He'd moved to Florida in hope that the heat and sunlight would deter any vampire rumours or threats of recognition that occurred in NYC. Isabelle had pined for a while, but eventually chose to go between here and Florida, staying at Simon's apartment every third week. Alec had moved out into Magnus's apartment as well leaving the Institute almost desolate once a month when Izzy was away.
So taking the opportunity, I'd invited everyone over for a get together as well as Maia and Jordan for dinner and a movie just to chill and not having to worry about assessment or demons for one night. Yet, knowing my friends, I shouldn't have assumed a quiet one was in order.
Being greeted by the sight of multiple asses in the air is something no one should probably witness in their lifetime yet somehow we witness a lot of things that no one does ever see. Jace opened the door to the living room and there, mid game was Isabelle, Simon, Magnus and Alec and Maia all connected to a Twister mat with Jordan slumped in the arm chair spinning the directions. Izzy had stuck her iPod in the dock by the TV, blaring something about teenage dreams.
"Right hand blue Izzy," he called out. Izzy swivelled slightly to the left, bumping into a humming Maia setting her slightly off tune and looking at the closest blue dot.
"I'm so sorry Alec but I refuse to lose!" She said in a strained voice. She visibly shuddered and proceeded to put her arm through the gap between Alec's legs, her head now leaning against his butt. Her facial expression said it all. Magnus just laughed while the blood rushed to Alec's face.
"Don't worry Alec, incestuous love especially adoration of cute butts is nothing new around here, am I right Clary?" Magnus said, raising an eyebrow in our place of observation by the door.
"Well…that escalated quickly," Jace said, closing the door behind him and guiding me by the small of the back towards the loveseat where half an hour previously we had been piled on or on the mattresses on the floor watching Pulp Fiction. Boredom was often something that became this household when forced to take a night off. I put the bottle of vodka and cups on the coffee table in front of us where the soft drinks were already sitting from before.
"Ahhh, beer!" Jordan cried, tossing the spinner to the side and relieving Jace of one of the six packs and resumed his position the recliner, popping one of the caps with a claw and took an appreciative swig.
Simon rose to grab a drink as well but Maia quickly interceded. "SIMON, we are still mid game! No drink until someone cracks to the awkwardness and falls."
"Yeah, by the way Magnus is stroking my calf with his polished and buffed nails, I'm pretty sure my dignity will give in first," he said dryly, "Spin the damn spinner, Jordan."
Jordan was too busy popping another drink so I grabbed the spinner instead. "Uh whoever is next, left hand red."
"Simon, my boy, you spoke too soon," Magnus said as he moved under Simon's arched form towards the closest red spot. Simon squeaked slightly as Magnus's spiked hair scratched along the soft skin by his belt, aware of the proximity of Magnus's head and his own crown jewels. Jace snorted into his drink and Jordan laughed at the sight.
"That's it, I claim awkward pussy. No give me a drink!" Simon shouted, scrambling backwards off the board. Alec let out a sigh of relief and Izzy quickly shuffled away from her brother's derriere. Magnus stayed in his spread eagle position on the board, declaring loudly that no one could get as low as he could.
"Do I hear a challenger?" Isabelle declared as she mixed herself a coke and vodka with more alcohol content then necessary. She turned on her heel, cup in hand, to Magnus now lying on the ground, given up on holding himself up.
"Sweetie, you ain't got nothing on me," he said, grinning.
She smirked. I knew that look. She was out to prove herself and was going to get extraordinarily intoxicated while doing it. I sighed. Alcohol was the only thing that was going to get me through this night. Sober was not an option. I grabbed a beer off the coffee table just to amuse Jace beside me; the smirk across his face said it all. 'Adapt or die' was the motto around here in more ways than one.
"Do not doubt my flexibility," Isabelle huffed.
"I'll vouch for that!" Simon said around his drink.
"Simon!" I spluttered, "Inappropriate much!"
He gestured around him at the laughing occupants in the room. "I see immature adults. I mean it's not like I heard you moaning last night around 12:30am while I tried to sleep in here. Your bedroom is right beside this room, remember?"
I blushed. Jace just put his arm around me and pulled me closer. "Simon you're just jealous Isabelle isn't this much of a spitfire in bed."
My mouth dropped open and I slapped Jace on the chest. He just raised his hands in a guilty manner and grinned, while Maia actually fell off her chair.
"My God I've missed you all!" She exclaimed, getting her 4th drink and turning up the music on the stereo, "Remember that time when Simon split his pants dancing drunkenly to this song at Isabelle's 18th?!"
I poured myself a vodka and coke, laughing at the memory. Alec was lying on the mattress crooning the song to Simon who had put his head in hands but his shoulders were still shaking in laughter. Magnus joined in on the song, sitting beside Alec with a cup in hand.
"IM BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY!"
Jordan slapped a palm to his eyes. "You guys have honestly the worst taste in music."
Magnus stood and pounded his chest. "Gay rights brother! Have some glitter," he declared, shaking some glitter from his hair in Jordan's direction.
Alec high-fived his boyfriend and gave a smug, proud look to the werewolf in the chair. Maia took pity and went and sat on her boyfriend's lap, whispering something into his ear. He smiled and nodded and they both stumbled to a standing position.
"We're gonna head off guys," Maia said, hold her boyfriend upright, "I have work tomorrow and Jordan is gonna stay the night at mine. I don't need him in a cab by himself and then getting sick."
"Aka, they're off to have wild sex and down more shots before the night is out," Jace said, of hand. Jordan grinned and Jace tipped the end of his bottle in the couple's direction. I punched him in the arm.
"You're terribly bad tonight, Jace. Leave them be," I said, finishing my 3rd large cup. He smirked and leaned in to whisper in my ear, but didn't get the opportunity.
"EVERYBODY!" Isabelle announced, "would you please step aside? I have found a long stick-"
"AHEM, Simon," someone coughed.
"-in the cupboard known as a broom and on this day it will be proven that I can go lower than Magnanimous over here!" She continued, unfazed.
"Yeah we're leaving," Maia called. I waved at her from my spot on the couch as they made their way out the door.
"Remember Maia, TimTams are cheaper than condoms!" I called out behind them. Jace raised an eyebrow.
"Are you suggesting we eat chocolate over having fun?" he said, pulling me onto his lap. I kissed his pouting lips and replied.
"For 24 fun times, I could be having over 30 moments of bliss in my mouth."
Jace laughed. You really don't think when you've been drinking!"
I frowned and then slapped my hands over my mouth. "You filthy minded boyfriend!"
"Only for yooooooou," he crooned. I slap him on the chest again.
"Oi Clary, can you find some appropriate music for our limbo competition?" Isabelle yelled. Simon and Alec had already taken their positions, holding the broom at either end.
"SNAKE!" Simon shouted and then violently started waving the pole up and down, catching Alec by surprise, dropping the thing. Simon pouted. "Alec spoiled the game."
"Simon has had one too many to drink, me thinks," Alec called out.
Magnus held up his hands. "Darling, this must be decided once and for all. Isabelle, my foe, take your position!"
I scroll through the music on the iPod, smiling at some of the memories these songs have been involved in. Ah! Found it!
"Isaaaabbeelllleee," I call as the beat starts. She jumps with glee and intoxication, forgetting the competition as we start to dance.
"TO THE WINDOW, TO THE WINDOW, TO THE WALL, TO THE WALL, TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS DOWN MY BALLS ALLLLLLL YOU BITCHES CRAWL!"
"Oh hell, I'd forgotten about this song," Jace said, face-palming. Simon nodded and called out to Izzy.
"Woman I want to get this over and done with!"
"That is what he said," Magnus muttered with a strange tone of wonder to his voice. Simon shot him a sarcastic look, raising an eyebrow.
"LET ME SEE YOU GET LOW YOU SCARED YOU SCARED! DROP YO' ASS TO THE FLOOR YOU SCARED YOU SCARED!" Izzy and I continued to follow our old dance routine while singing much to everybody's impatience. When the song had finally finished, Izzy and I took our bows and she went back to her competition with Magnus. I put on the next song for her and she blew a kiss in my direction.
I went back to the lounge. Jace moved his legs off the chair where he had been reclining, but I straddled his lap instead of sitting beside him. He chuckled.
"Shorty had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the furrrrr, the whole club looking at herrr. She hit the floor, she hit the floor, next thing you know, Shorty got low, low,low,low,low,low,low,low!" I sing, twisting my hips on his knees.
"What are you doing, Fray? You're missing the limbo-off," he said smirking.
"Truth be told, you much rather me sitting like this and proving my own flexibility than watching them do it," I said, lazily outstretching my arms over his shoulders.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer and smiled, "You know me too well. Too well in fact that I'm going to have to pull out a few surprises sooner or later. You know, maybe drama just to mix things up."
I raise my eyebrow. "Like what? And don't you dare put a demon in the freezer or hide the toilet paper from me!"
He just laughed. "Whatever, that's my secret. But you may find no knives in the draw tomorrow for your morning toast."
"You bitch," I glare at him.
"You love me," he said, proudly. I shrugged and gave him an angelic face. He took my mouth with his and I leaned in further. I bit his bottom lip and felt him smile against my lips.
"You know I don't do careful, baby," I said slyly, releasing his lip and I pulled back from his grasp, "Teasing is something I will do however."
"Are you guys paying attention to Magnus's butt whooping?" Isabelle shouted.
I turn around on Jace's lap to face the vindictive woman behind me. "I am now, oh gorgeous one."
And I would just like to point out just how low that broom was. Izzy and Magnus were pulling out all their flexibility cards in the deck, but in the end Izzy did end up taking out the championship.
"Please, hold you're applause everyone! Bitches, I'm fabulous!" she declared, standing atop of the coffee table, "Aww man I don't feel too good…"
"Simon get her down and take her to bed. She's had enough for this evening. First to pass out or get sick had to sleep in here, so hah!" I said. Rules were rules.
"Alec, we shall take our leave with that. The apartment isn't far, thank all holy objects," Magnus said, picking up his satchel, "Oh and you owe me a massage-my back hurts."
Alec shook his head with silent laughter, "I think I can do that for you." He leaned over and kissed Magnus and turned back to say good bye to us all.
After Alec and Magnus swept out through the front door, bundled in coats and hands firmly grasped, Jace and I said goodnight to Simon and Izzy, them promising to help clean up before leaving in the morning. I snorted, and shut the door behind me. I turned only to find Jace, sweeping me over his shoulder.
"Put me down Jace or I swear-"
"Blah blah blah let's not spend our money on TimTam's and instead stuff worth buying."
I giggle uncontrollably as he carries me into our bedroom and shuts the door firmly behind us.