Greetings pals and gals! Here is the first chapter of Wallbanger. It's short, more of a chapterette. Just wanted to give you a taste. This is the first E/B story I have written, other than the one shots for Smut Mondays and Friday Free For All (I might have just pimped my damn self there) so I am a little nervous to send this one out into the world. I know most of you will be crossing over from I Love LA. This new story will be pure fluff. I do not anticipate any angst. Please enjoy the ridiculous with me.

And review! Let me know what you think!

*

Chapter 1-The First Time

“Oh God,”

Thump.

“Oh God,”

Thump. Thump.

What the fuck?

“Oh God, that's so good,”

I swum up out of sleep, confused as I looked around the strange room. Boxes on the floor. Pictures propped up against the wall.

My new bedroom, in my new apartment.

“Mmmm, yeah baby, right there, just like that....don't stop, don't stop!”

Oh no...

I sat up in bed, rubbed my eyes, and looked at the wall behind me, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I was still half asleep.

Earlier that day, my best friends Rose and Alice had moved me into my new apartment. It was the first time I had ever had my own place, no roommates. I was ecstatic. I was lucky enough that my boss and mentor Esme had let me sublet her old apartment, there was no way I could have afforded to live in this neighborhood in San Francisco. Thank God for rent control.

It was gorgeous. Large spacious rooms, wood floors, arched doorways...it even had a fireplace! Granted, I had no clue how to actually build a fire, but that was neither here nor there. I was aching to start placing pieces on the mantelpiece. As an interior designer, I started mentally placing things in almost every space I went to. It drove my friends mad at times, as I was constantly restaging their knick-knacks.

After soaking in the old and incredibly deep claw foot tub until I was past the prune stage, I packed my tired ass into bed and enjoyed the creaks and squeaks of a new home. I heard light traffic outside, and the comforting click click of my cat Clive walking around his new house, exploring. The click click came from his hangnail you see...

I fell into a peaceful sleep, so pleased with my new home.

Which is why I so surprised when I was woken up so abruptly at...let's see...2:37am.

As I gazed stupidly at the ceiling, trying to figure out why I was awake, I was startled as I felt the bed move underneath me. It jumped slightly, and then jumped again. I grumbled, and moved tiredly into the doorway. After growing up in Northern California, I was used to tremors. While I had never experienced a “big one”, I was of the better safe than sorry variety, and always followed earthquake protocol.

“Come on Clive, get over here,” I chided, noticing that he was still on the bed. He looked at me disinterestedly, and then raised his leg to clean his bum.

Huh, strange. Clive always went apeshit whenever there was the slightest tremor, in fact he was usually the one that let me know something was rumbling. Animals were the best predictor of earthquakes typically.

I didn't feel anymore tremors, so I yawned hugely and I shuffled back across my room. I heard another thump and I saw my bed move. The headboard first.

OK, that's weird...

Then I heard, very distinctly,

“Fuck Edward, that's so good! Mmm, yeah baby,”

Aw jeez...

I rolled my eyes, wide awake now and a little fascinated by what was clearly going on next door. I looked at Clive, he looked at me, and I swear he winked.

I climbed back into bed, and tried to settle back to sleep. I guess someone should be getting some. I had been in a bit of a dry spell for awhile. A very long while. Bad jackrabbit sex and an ill timed one night stand had robbed me of my orgasm...she had been on vacation for 6 months now.

Six

Long

Months.

I had carpel tunnel trying to get myself off, but O was on almost permanent hiatus. I don't mean Oprah.

I pushed the thoughts of my missing O away from me, and curled up on my side. All seemed quiet at this point, and so I began to drift back to sleep, Clive purring contentedly beside me.

Then all hell broke loose.

“Fuck yes! Fuck yes! Oh god...OH GOD!!!”

My painting of the Cardinal At The Vatican fell off the shelf above my bed and rapped me soundly on the head...Oh God indeed.

Rubbing my head and cursing enough to make the Cardinal blush, I looked back at the wall behind me again, and saw that my wrought iron headboard was literally banging against the wall as the fuckery continued from next door.

“Fuck me baby, yes yes yes!!!” I heard, and I sighed loudly. Then I heard, for the love of all that is holy, spanking. You can't misinterpret a good spanking, and someone was receiving a good one next door.

“Oh God Edward, yes. I've been a bad girl, yes Daddy yes, yes YES!”

Mother of pearl...

More spanking, and then the unmistakable sound of a low male voice, groaning and then growling.

I got up, moved the entire fucking bed a few inches away from the wall, and huffed back into bed, glaring at the wall the whole time.

I fell asleep that night swearing that I would bang on that wall if I heard one more peep. Or fuck. Or spank.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

*********

Well? Thoughts? Throw tomatoes? I know people feel strongly when Edward seems like he is just another manwhore, but please. Would I do him like that? And by do him I mean...

I have to rec a new series that is so damn hot I can barely type it!! It's called The Anonymous Series, by SinandShame. It is a series of oneshots featuring our favorite Mr Pattinson and a mystery woman. Right now there are 2 posted, on twi and ff. Hot Hot Hot Lick Your Computer Hot. A little on the deviant side, so be warned:) Mwa haha...

More Wallbanger on the way next week...stay tuned! And there should be a thread started later today, come and say hi!

Alice

xoxo