Authors Note:
If you have read the sorty A Tale of Two Suitors and are now reading this, on behalf of myself and the cast of Red Dwarf that appear in my story, as well as the original characters I have created I would just like to say a big thankyou for reading and the many reviews we have recieved.
As a special treat we have put together the smeg ups for each chapter in the hope it will be of some entertainment to you.
Read and enjoy! Kind Regards. Jo (AKA Raging-Rambo-2006) and the cast of Red Dwarf x
Rimmer: By the way Jo owns none of us, although I'm certain she wishes she owned me! We belong to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor the creators of Red Dwarf and no one else!

Jo: Okay guys, so lets take it from the top...and...ACTION!
Rimmer: Lister, what the hell is this?
Lister: Oh Kochanski!
Rimmer: Eh? That's not the right line!
Jo: CUT! Lister we've only just begun and you've forgotten your lines already!
Lister: Oh yeah Krissie that feels so good, Oh yeah I love it when you play with my nipples!
Rimmer starts laughing.
Jo grabs an airhorn and throws it at Rimmer along with a pair of earplugs.
Jo: Put those in and wake that lazy goit up!
Airhorn goes off
Lister jumps up and bangs his head on the ceiling.
Lister: Oh sorry are we filming already?

Jo: Okay and ACTION!
Smoke billows from the cockpit
Caz: What the hell was that?
Rowan: No idea but we're in serious trouble. I'm sorry Caz...I've forgot my lines!
Jo: CUT!

Jo: ACTION!
Rimmer: Kryten what are the life sign readings?
Rowan jumps up from behind the pilots seat.
Rowan: They're all dead Dave!
Rimmer and Rowan start laughing
Jo: CUT!

Jo: Okay guys...ACTION!
Lister: Name's Dave Lister and that smeg head over there is bursts into song Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer, without him life would be much grimmer!
Jo: CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT! CUT!
Kryten and Cat: If you're in trouble he will save the day, he's brave and he's fearless come what may...
Jo: I SAID BLOODY CUT YOU BUNCH OF GOITS!
Rowan: Without him the mission would go astray!
Rimmer: I'm Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer...
Jo: Don't you bloody start!
A few moments later...
Jo: Master of the wit and the...OH MY GOD THAT IS IT! YOU'RE ALL BLOODY FIRED!