Break Even
By Saffiya Scarlett

A/N: I'm still crying about how Series 4 ended… I just watched it again, and Rachel/Eddie is breaking my heart… I have a serious case of Head-teacher's Daughter Syndrome, I think… Anyway, I didn't know that other people wrote WR fan-fics, but I do now. I also know that other people feel as bad about Rachel/Eddie as I do… So this is my offering – my finale to cap of the finale, whilst we wait for series 5… (*sighs*, such a long time…)

Lyrics in this story are © The Script; 'Break even'. Perfect song for this. And it always makes me cry. YouTube it if you've never heard it. Seriously.

Let me know what you think – I hope you like it. Xxxx Saffy

Part One - Break Even

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in,
'Cos I got time while she got freedom,
'Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even…

She was staring at the note again. She'd being doing it all summer… and she knew that she should stop, but… she just couldn't. On that piece of paper, that tiny little scrap, was everything that she had meant to him... that she still meant to him? Only six hours 'til the holiday of a lifetime X

And now, well, now she was back in the office where it had all started, so long ago, and yet no time at all. She knew it was a cliché, but she'd felt it from the start; from that very first second, and it had only grown… She felt like a teenager again – one of her pupils, the irony! – as she glanced at the photo of the two of them that had been taken at some staff function or other, and that she had always kept hidden in her desk draw, so that she didn't embarrass herself… but that was futile now. Everyone knew. Absolutely everyone.

Smiling slightly at the irony of it all, she lifted the photo frame, and hugged it to herself, a substitute for the person it showed, and a sad, solitary tear trickled down her cheek. She couldn't help herself that she loved him. He hadn't exactly given her a choice, coming in here so… perfect, and kind, and intelligent, and helpful, and, well… Eddie…

As she sat there, watching the rain pour down the window pane of her dreary office window, the typical signal of the day before the start of term, Rachel Mason had to admit to herself that she was breaking. She was crazy to be coming back here, after everything. Eddie might well have handed in his notice (leaving a convenient gap for Mr Treneman to fill)(lucky Kim…), but this place was full of ghosts of him. Things he'd done, changes that he and his kindest of hearts had made and his… his… his… step son? Well, anyway, as soon as term began again, tomorrow, Phil would be returning to Waterloo Road. Phillip, of all people, was just about as broken as Rachel was. He might not have liked to admit it to his Auntie's face, but he was slowly starting to recover, and he'd begun to see Rachel and Eddie as his parents, in place of his mother, when she left him. He didn't have to tell her this; Rachel could see. She, too, had been starting to think of them as a family. She'd never had a family, not ever, not whilst she was growing up, or in the wilderness years of her life, and the reason that she had always been able to give so much to that stupid school was because she saw the kids as her kids, and the staff as her siblings, and nieces and nephews… and, well, people say it's possible to be married to your job, but Rachel Mason had been, in every sense of the word, until Eddie had finally come to his senses…

It had hurt her to see him with Melissa once, but it hurt her even more now, now that she saw what they could have had together, and now that she knew how much Eddie would rather have been with her.

"I love you, Rachel."

"I know. And I love you, too. But… that's not going to change anything…"

She had to do it. She didn't have a choice. She couldn't have been the sister, and the Auntie, and the step-mum (assuming that things would ever had got that far…), could she?

She had to keep telling herself that.

Nothing could change her decision now; Eddie and Melissa weren't living together, weren't even "together" in that sense of the word, but she had caught a fleeting glance of them together in a café once, whilst she was wandering the streets, crying, again, and… well, they didn't exactly look happy – or conventional, even – but they had to be strong, together. This baby… it was so unexpected, such a surprise, but Eddie had already lost one child, and it had done to him what this was doing to her…

She couldn't condemn him to this life… She just couldn't…

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks no it don't break even, even no…

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces…

"Rachel… Rachel… RACHEL!"

There was a voice calling her, and she could tell that it was drifting to her from the doorway of her office.

"Rachel?"

She couldn't respond. She wouldn't respond. This wasn't her problem. This… person, they could take it elsewhere. Technically speaking, she didn't have to be here today. The caretaker opened up. Security Dave was closing up. She was just here so that she didn't have to stick around at home any longer…

"Rachel?"

The voice was closer this time, leaning down, over her, its hand on her shoulder.

"Rachel?"

She still couldn't bring herself to look up. Although… well, either this person had popped in, and happened to see her crying her eyes out, or they knew that this is where she would be… but, either way, they had to care about her? Surely? They had to be here to make her better. And Christ, she needed something to make it better.

"Aunty Rachel?"

That was what did it for her. That was what finally sent her over the edge. Phil. Phil… Oh… "Oh, Phillip…" she sobbed, engulfing him in a hug, and crying her broken heart into his shoulder. It was unconventional, but, for now, it would have to do.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in,
'Cos I got time while she got freedom,
'Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break, no it don't break, no it don't break even, no, no…

No.

A/N: I've ha such a nice response that I'm continuing the stor. Reviews please! xxx S