Helloooo! It’s me again! And I’m proud to say that this chapter is very long-ish! It took me forever to think of Carlisle’s punishment, but I was very happy with it at the end. I’m not going to bother you with an extremely long author’s note so I’m just going to get right to the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight, Sports Illustrated, Youtube, Spongebob, My Little Pony or Twister.

Chapter 6

Crime and Punishment

Carlisle’s PoV

It was a slow day at work. I guess not many were injuring themselves today. I was just lounging in my office, minding my own business, when my phone rang. Hmm, I wasn’t expecting any calls. I wonder who would have to call me at one o’clock in the afternoon. Maybe it was Esme. Now that I thought about it, I really hoped it was Esme. I crossed my fingers, hoping that it wasn’t…

“Hello?” I asked, still having my fingers crossed.

“Oh yes, Dr. Cullen! I really hate to bother you, but I am calling about Emmett’s behavior. You see, we have been having a bit of a problem with him,” said the now-familiar voice of the principal. Oh great, this was exactly what I was wishing wouldn’t happen.

“Oh, what did he do this time?” I inquired, sounding as monotonous as possible. Why couldn’t Emmett be quiet and respectful like Edward or Jasper even? No, he had to wreck havoc in every way possible.

“He has been causing somewhat of a distraction during the student’s lunch period.”

“Exactly how has he been doing this?”

“Oh, Dr. Cullen! The list goes on forever! Placing bets on peach eating contests, starting a food fight… Why even today he had a little dance party!” She stopped to think of something quickly. “And, apparently he has done some strange, vulgar dance move on Mike Newton’s birthday!” I heard a distinct chuckle in the background. Oh, Emmett was in for it. I thought I had taught him better!

“Oh, thank you for informing me. And believe me, he will be rightfully punished for his behavior,” I said, trying to keep my cool. I loved all of my ‘children,’ but sometimes they got on my last nerves.

“Again, I’m sorry for the interruption in your busy schedule. Have a wonderful afternoon! And tell Esme I said hi.”

“Of course!”

Click.

Oh, I needed to think of a really good punishment for Emmett. Something that would make sure he never did this again.

***

“Carlisle, He even forced me into a tutu! It was pure torture! People will make fun of me for this until graduation, in two and a half years!” Edward shouted. Okay, it was only natural that I had to giggle at the whole tutu thing; Edward in a tutu is not something you see every day.

As soon as I arrived home, Edward bombarded me with his own recap of all of the week’s events. He was pretty annoyed.

“Okay, Edward. I’ll see what I can do,” I said.

“Carlisle, you better,” Edward grunted while shoving his hands in his pockets. “Because if you don’t, I will. And I really wouldn’t like it if Rosalie came after me for cutting her husband into pieces and putting him up in flames.”

I rolled my eyes and walked off to the base of the staircase. “Emmett Cullen! Get down here!” I shouted.

“Um, what?” Emmett said, his voice slightly rising.

“You heard me, Emmett!” I replied. His head popped around the edge of the staircase. “Do you need anything?” he asked in a screeching voice that was nearing Alice Octave.

“Get down here now, Emmett, or your punishment will be ten times worse,” I growled. Why did he have to be so impossible? It would be a lot easier for me if he just accepted the fact that he did something wrong and took his punishment like a responsible adult.

“Yes, Carlisle,” Emmett said with a bowed head. Slowly, he made his way down the staircase. “So, you heard about lunch?” He smiled like a little boy who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Yes, Emmett, and I must ask, what in the world possessed you to do this?” I said, my voice thick with irritation.

“It was all Jasper’s fault!” he screamed, pointing at his more responsible brother.

“What the heck, Emmett? Be a man and take the blame!” Jasper said, looking up from the Civil War book he was reading.

“Okay, okay. I did it because I was bored! Now what is going to happen to me? Please tell me you’re not taking away my Emmett and Rosie time again!” Emmett wailed.

“No, I’m not taking away,” I gulped, “your Emmett and Rosie time.” Emmett breathed a sigh of relief. “But I believe my punishment is worse. Emmett, since you decided that it would be so fun to torture Mike Newton, I thought it would be a wonderful idea if you acted as sort of a butler to Mike for Spring Break. I’ve already talked to his parents, and they think it is a great idea!”

Emmett’s eyes widened immensely, and I had to laugh. Edward and Jasper were rolling on the floor laughing. Alice was biting her lip to try and hold in her laughter, for Emmett’s sake. “Told ya so,” Rosalie said before rolling her eyes and walking off.

“Carlisle, why? That is going to be torture!” Emmett cried out. He dropped to his knees and grabbed the bottom of my pant leg. “Why?!”

“I’m sorry, Emmett, but you should have thought about that before you decided to wreck havoc on the student body. If you excuse me, I have a nightshift to work.” And with that, I turned around and walked out of the house, leaving Emmett and his antics behind me. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

I must say that this is my best punishment yet. Job well done, Carlisle. Job well done.

***

Back to our favorite prankster! Emmett’s POV

“Carlisle, why? That is going to be torture!” I grabbed Carlisle’s pant leg and tried my best to put on a puppy dog face. “Why?!”

This was outrageous! Why did I have to be stupid Mike’s butler? I had enough to do with my time let alone follow Mr. Stupid around and cater to his every whim. This had to be Carlisle’s WORST punishment yet! I can’t believe he would be this cruel!

I’m sorry, Emmett, but you should have thought about that before you decided to wreck havoc on the student body. If you excuse me, I have a nightshift to work,” Carlisle said before turning around and leaving the house.

I stared at the door, waiting for Carlisle to come back and say, “Ha ha! I got you there!” but he never came back. Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap… Carlisle was seriously serious about this punishment. That was not good. Not good at all.

***

Monday

“Now remember, Emmett, if I hear one word about you trying to pull one on Mike, I’ll have to pull apart your limbs and let them find their way back together,” Carlisle said cheerfully.

“Uh huh, Emmett! And I will gladly partake in the event of ripping you to shreds!” Edward smiled.

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” Rosalie said sarcastically. Oh, what a wonderful time for the return of Sarcasm Woman.

“I’ll be watching!” Alice grinned. God, she sounded stalker-ish.

Jasper just sat next to Alice, smirking in silence. I could feel the humor rolling off of him in waves. I tried my hardest to hold in laughter. Stupid warm and fuzzy powers… he was going to get me to laugh at my own misery.

“Have a nice day!” Carlisle smiled before pushing me out of the car. I stared, dumbfounded, as the black Mercedes sped down the road. I still couldn’t believe that I was going to spend my precious spring break following Mike around like a puppy. I grunted before turning up the sidewalk leading to the last place I wanted to be right now.

I knocked on the door grumpily, and it was answered by Mrs. Newton. “Hello, Emmett,” she sighed. “Mike’s in the living room; he is waiting.”

“Great,” I mumbled under my breath before pushing past Mrs. Newton and stomping into the living room. “Okay, kid, what do you want?”

“Um, I’m hungry. How about a ham and cheese omelet?” Mike said.

“I don’t freaking know how to make one of those!” I half-screamed.

“Oh well,” Mike said, inspecting his fingernails. Okay, that kid seriously had some issues.

“Fine,” I grumbled before stomping off into the kitchen. I walked over to the fridge and angrily pulled open the door. I pulled out three eggs and a block of cheddar cheese. I looked down to the meat tray. “What one of these is the freaking ham?” I said out loud. They all smelled the same to me. I grabbed one at random and threw it on the counter. I took what was left of a stick of butter and threw it into the frying pan.

After the stove had heated up, I flung the pan down and started throwing in ingredients. I cut up the mystery meat into large chunks and I just decided to chuck the whole cheese into the glob of eggs. After I was sure it was cooked (and the small fire I had started was put out), I called Mike into the dining room. I shoved the plate in front of his face.

“There. Are you happy?” I snapped. Mike shrugged and dug into the omelet. He immediately spat it back out.

“Ewww! What is this? Did you like use a whole block of cheese? And this isn’t even ham! It’s liver!” Mike screamed.

“Told ya I didn’t know how to cook,” I said.

“Okay, I’m never getting you to cook again. Just order me some take-out and then we’ll go to the mall. I have to get some swimsuit shopping done.”

Swimsuit shopping? Oh crap, I was screwed.

Tuesday

“Emmett! My feet hurt!” Mike wailed.

“So? What am I supposed to do about it?” I asked. For once, Mike didn’t have me doing anything at the current moment. It was as close to heaven as I could get in this hole. I sat on the couch flipping through a Sports Illustrated.

“Rub them!” Mike cried.

“Do I have to?” I grumbled.

“YES!” he screamed. I grunted, kneeled down in front of the idiot, pinched the bridge of my nose, and pulled off his shoes. I was never prepared for what I saw.

“You have girl feet!” I chuckled. His feet looked like that were often rubbed with lotion, peach-scented lotion, and his nails were perfectly rounded with a coat of clear polish on them.

“What’s wrong with taking care of your feet?” he asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking care of your feet, if you’re a girl!” I laughed. “Come on Mike, be a man!”

After several moments of silence, Mike spoke. “Well… your mom!”

“Is that all you got for a comeback?” I asked.

“Yeah…”

“Well, how about this Mike? You. Me. Yo Momma battle. Tomorrow.”

“You’re on, and whoever wins is a gay pony with sparkles in their hair.”

“Deal.” I shook Mike’s hand. That kid was going down. No one, absolutely NO ONE, can beat Emmett Cullen in a Yo Momma battle.

Wednesday

“Yo momma is so stupid that it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!” I yelled. Mike and I were sitting opposite each other at the kitchen table. Mike had invited some spectators to watch ‘Emmett be crushed.’ This only made it ten times more fun when Mike lost because now there were people to rub it in.

“Well, yo momma is so fat that people jog around her for exercise!” Mike responded. Oh, that was so simple. Even Edward could come up with a better Yo Momma joke.

“Yo momma is so old that her birth certificate says ‘expired’ on it,” I said.

“Yo momma is so old that her first car was a Ford Model T!” Mike yelled. I shrugged; it probably was.

“Yo momma so ugly that when she tried to enter an ugly contest they said “Sorry, no professionals!” I said. That was probably one of my favorites. “Oh, that was good,” Eric mumbled from among the crowd of teens clustered around the table.

“Well, uh, yo momma is so ugly that she made an onion cry,” Mike said. Ah hah! He was starting to crack.

“Yo momma so dumb that she got stabbed in a shootout!” I said.

“Well, yo momma is so poor that she, uh, drives a peanut,” Mike said. Okay, that was one of the stupidest yo momma jokes I have ever heard, and I think that everyone else agreed with me.

“Yo momma so ugly that she made a blind kid cry!” I said, knowing that Mike wouldn’t be able to beat that.

“Well, yo momma is so gay that she’s… gay,” Mike spit out before he collapsed to the ground.

“I believe we have a winner!” Tyler announced. “Emmett Cullen, you are the Forks, Washington Yo Momma champ!”

“Well, who’s the gay pony with sparkles in their hair!” I laughed, pointing at Mike. He kept trying to say more yo momma jokes, but only his lips moved. “Ha, give it up Mike. I am the Yo Momma champ! Bow down to my awesome-ness!”

Thursday

“Emmett, this is relatively simple. You just need to make sure that everything is recorded,” Mike explained. He shoved the video camera into my hand. This was ridiculous! I had to be a camera man for Mike’s YouTube show. Mike stood out in the middle of his room. “Okay, Emmett. Do the county-down thing!”

I unenthusiastically held up my fingers to count down the time until the camera began rolling. After I reached one, I mumbled “Action.”

“Okay all you viewers! It’s your favorite home-boy Mike Newton bringing you another episode of Mike’s Party! Today we have a special guest camera man! Say hi to the loyal viewers, Emmett!”

I turned the camera to face me, stuck out my tongue, and said, “I hate you all.” This was utterly stupid. Who would even want to watch this retard-fest anyway?

“Today we will be paying a tribute to everyone’s favorite sea creature, Spongebob Squarepants!” Mike announced.

“Spongebob? Are you kidding me? Are you dedicating this whole show to a sponge that’s pretty much constantly on a sugar high?” I laughed.

“Yep, Emmett, now let’s let my fans watch this little video I have constructed!” Mike smiled. He walked over to his laptop to pull it up. In the meantime, I aimed the camera at different areas of the room. As I was doing this, something caught my eye. I zoomed so the camera could get a clear view of it, and the ‘loyal fans’ could see Mike’s little collection of My Little Pony. Dude, that kid had them in every color! This was gold! I had black mail now! I reached into my pocket, grabbed my phone, and snapped a picture.

“Okay guys! I hope you liked my little Spongebob slideshow there! Now, I’ll do our usual inbox, where I read e-mails from viewers like you! Okay, first one’s from George B. It reads, this is gay, please stop this torture… uh, okay, I’m not going to finish this one because someone can’t appreciate real entertainment!”

I turned my head so I could get a clear look of the computer screen. This George guy is definitely on the same page as me. I couldn’t have described this retard-fest any better myself.

“The next e-mail is from Jessica S. This one reads, I love you Mike!

“Our last e-mail for the day comes from Alice C! This one says, you are freaking retarded. You’re a party pooper who never lets anyone have any fun. I should have hit you in the head with a soda can during the food fight. If you wouldn’t have told on us then I could have went shopping this weekend. I hope your show crashes and burns. Signed, Alice Cullen.”

“Go sis!” I yelled. I almost dropped the camera because I was laughing so hard. No matter what I had ever said before, I loved that little pixie psychic! She always knows how to make things more fun.

Meanwhile, Mike’s eyes narrowed as he stared straight at me. “You made her do this!” he accused.

“Nope!” I said popping the ‘p’ “but I really wish I did!”

Mike growled, but then smiled again. “Okay, sorry about that guys! We’ll just finish off with our last segment, Spring Break Style!”

I hit my forehead with my free hand. Thankfully, there was only one day left of this torture. Ugh, another ten hours with this moron. Oh joy…

And finally… Friday!

“Emmett, I’m bored!” Mike said.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” I said.

“Play a game with me!” Mike said, his face suddenly brightening.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked, but by the look on Mike’s face, he was absolutely serious. “Okay, what did you have in mind?”

“Twister!” Mike screamed excitedly. “Oh, I love playing Twister! Lemme go get it!” He ran out of the room and I could hear him digging through a box. This kid had seriously gone mad. People his age didn’t play games for fun, and they definitely didn’t play Twister, especially guys. I mean “Ow!” That would hurt in all the wrong places.

“Emmett! I have it!” Mike called from the doorway. He ran over and spread the mat over the floor. “Okay, how about if I win then you have to come over here tomorrow?” A devious smile spread over his face.

“Okay, fine,” I said, kicking off my shoes. I walked over to the game mat. Mike was busy stretching. His current attitude was almost Richard Simmons-like. He even had one of those creepy looking tri-colored bands on. This guy never failed to freak me out.

“You ready?” he asked.

“Let’s get this over with,” I grumbled. I spun the spinner. “Left foot green.” Mike placed his foot and went to spin for me. “Right hand yellow,” he announced. I sighed and placed my hand. This was going to be a long game.

***

My left and right feet were placed on yellow while my right hand was on blue and my left was on red. On the other hand, Mike’s right foot was on blue, his left one on green, his right hand was on red, and his left hand was on yellow. He looked just about to crack so I decided that I would make a little deal with him.

“Hey Mike, I have a little improvement to our deal. How about if you win, then I come for Saturday and Sunday, but if I win then you have to tell a person of my choice that you love them? Deal?”

“Deal! Get ready to come tomorrow!” Mike said. He spun. “Left foot green!” He laughed like he was certain I would fall. I acted like I was struggling, but successfully made it. Ha ha, mommy’s boy. How about them apples?

I spun, crossing my fingers that I would get one specific out come. I could see it now, it was going to hit the one beside it. I’m usually never cheat (I just bug the crap out of people until they forfeit), but I could make an exception. I flung my arm down at vampire speed and softly flicked the spinner so it hit…

“Right hand green!” I said. Mike, face filled with a cocky smile, place his hand down, but as he was doing it, I could see his legs wobbling. After exactly 2.495762 seconds, he slipped. I laughed with satisfaction as his face hit the ground.

“It looks like I won. I guess I have to pick out that one special person for you. Hmm, I guess I’ll have to say… Mr. Banner. And you have to do it during class so people can hear you!” I snickered.

“What!?” Mike looked shock. “I’m not doing that!”

“Oh yes you are, or revenge will be sweet. And I won’t get in trouble this time!” I smiled deviously.

“Fine!” Mike blew up. “I’m done dealing with your crap! I’m not going to let you ruin my life! I’ll follow out with your deal, but that just makes me realize that I’m the bigger man! Go! Get away from my house!”

“Okay!” I smiled while slipping on my shoes. “I’ll see you later, Mikey!”

Mwah ha ha! I was free! My punishment was over! I skipped out of the house filled with glee! I’m done! I’m done!

I looked back at the house one more time before I left. In the living room, Mike was in a fetal position on the floor, rocking back and forth, saying, “You’re being the bigger man, Mike. I’m a strong, independent woman… I mean man! Be strong. Feel the power.”

I laughed my big, booming laugh as I walked down the sidewalk. Alice was in Edward’s Volvo, waiting for me. Giddily, I jumped into the car. Alice immediately began laughing.

“You saw what happened?” I asked.

“Only the whole, Mr. Banner, I love you thing. I’m going to get Edward to record it. Anyway, I heard what Mike was saying. Let me guess, fetal position?”

“Yeah,” I said, still smiling. Alice sped down the road, demanding me to give a recap of the game. She seemed absolutely horrified when I mentioned Mike’s Richard Simmons outfit.

I’m free! I’m done! I’m free! I’m done! I chanted that to myself while doing a little cabbage-patch dance the WHOLE way home.

“I’m home!” I called while I was standing in the doorway of the house. Edward let out an audible groan. “And I am the king of Twister!”

“You can say that again,” my Rose said, accompanied with a wink. Oh, how I loved being home!

Well, what do you think? Good? Bad? I was pretty happy with it, not my absolute best, but pretty good. Please review cuz your chances of reviewing this story are running out! Only one chapter left! All I’ll tell you is that the last chapter is called “20 Years Later.” I bet that you can guess some things based upon that. Well, like I was saying earlier… review! And please don’t be mean! I’m already in a bad mood from the constant rain that’s battering the North-east! - Sarah \m/ (that’s my little rock hand thing… It’s my new craze. No one I know does it except for me… that makes me feel special!!!!) =D