I’m Sorry

By supernaturaldh

Tag to Lucifer Rising – Spoiler Alert

A/N – Well, this is just something to occupy my mind while the show is on hiatus. I am bummed. So I decided to do my own take on what could happen right after Lucifer rises. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. – Denise-

Disclaimer: Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW.

Summary: Sam is overwrought with grief as he watches the bright yellow glow of light, one thought repeats itself over and over in his head – Oh my god - I did this! A limp Sam, big brother Dean Story.

Chapter One

Dean starts forward pulling out the knife, as Ruby stands.

“You’re too late,” she says.

“I don’t care,” Dean growls, and raises his arm.

Just as Ruby is about to move, Sam grabs her arms from behind, keeping her still and Dean stabs here in the stomach. She falls to the ground, dead.

Dean slowly raises his eyes to look at Sam.

Sam looks back at him.

“I’m sorry,” Sam says.

At that moment, a light suddenly appears in the middle of the circle of blood, and the circle begins to turn. The boys watch in horror. Dean slowly raises his hand and grabs Sam’s jacket, just as Sam reaches for his.

“Sammy, let’s go, “Dean says.

“Dean,” Sam says weakly, “He’s coming.”

The boys hold onto each other as the light burns brighter. Lucifer is rising.

The next moments are a blur. Dean feels Sam’s fingers clutching at him tighter as his little brother seems to shake violently from fear. Dean knows they need to move, but he is momentarily mesmerized by the bright white glow of light. Is this the end? Where are the freak’n angels?

Suddenly the building seems to sway, cracking and moaning in the mayhem. The light beam grows larger and brighter and Dean’s mind finally springs back into action. Shit, got to get Sam out of here.

“Move Sam, MOVE!” Dean yells above the rumbling of falling debris. He grips Sam tighter and nudges him forward with excessive force.

Sam stumbles, but stays spellbound, eyes staring blankly into the amber glow of light.

Dean clutches at Sam’s shoulders, giving him a little shake.

“Sammy?”

He can feel Sam’s body shuddering beneath his hands. He darts concerned green eyes up to look at Sam’s face, realizing immediately that something is going on with his little brother. Sam is too pale, sweat beaded up against his forehead, hair sticking wayward and wild around his eyes. His pupils are wide and unfocused and his breath is coming out in tiny little gasps. Dean isn’t sure if his brother is afraid, or in shock, either way, they need to move their asses, now.

Dean grabs Sam’s jacket with both hands and jerks him forward just as the room begins to sway. The light is now a dark tawny color, as the building begins to roar and moan. The air is thick and stagnant as time seems to suddenly just stand still. But, Dean is relentless as he pushes and shoves his staggering little brother toward the door. “Jesus, Sammy, move faster,” he screams above the howl.

The ceiling begins to reign down upon them, Dean’s hands flailing up to cover his face. He glances at Sam and realizes that he is not doing anything, just staggering along in a daze. He reaches forward, grabs Sam’s large hands and places them up across his head.

“Cover your head Sam,” Dean yells.

Sam just stares at him blankly, letting his hands fall limply back against his sides.

Dean pushes him forward. Shit, this is bad.

The large boulders and beams slam against the floor, crashing and thudding down around them. Windows crack as the screeching sound escalates to a fevered pitch, a low moan inside the bright red light that is rising to an ear shattering decimal. Dean’s hands press against his ears to shield them from the loud noise. “Sam, cover your ears,” he yells. But Sam does nothing, just looks wide eyed back at Dean, “Jesus, run Sam, run.”

The roar of the room seems to drown out any words that Dean may be yelling. Sam can see his brother’s lips move, but, it is like everything is going in slow motion for him. He is so scared. I did this I opened up the gate for Lucifer to raise up from hell. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. He can’t breath, his chest constricting so tightly that he knows he’s going to die from lack of oxygen. He pants to pull in air. Ruby lied, Ruby lied, she lied, I trusted her, she lied… He stumbles forward when he feels Dean give him another hard shove. Dean was right, Dean was right. Ruby’s words ring inside his head mocking him, suffocating him. You did this, you opened the door. He’s free at last. And it is written…that the first demon shall be the last seal. He glances back over his shoulder, eyes dark, and wide with fear. It was you, Sam, you’re choices – I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path. Every time! You didn’t need the feather to fly – you had it in you the whole time, dumbo. He feels Dean’s fingers gripping his arm, holding him steady as the room rocks around them. He stops abruptly; eyes staring fixedly back at Ruby’s dead body, his mind racing with her words. The humming noise is growing louder, and it feels like his ears are bleeding from the sound. He can’t breath, he can’t move. He did this. He feels Dean shoving at him, pushing, but he can’t seem to take his eyes off of the light, or Ruby, or what he’s done. This is a miracle! So long in coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lillith did, just to get you here! And you were the one who could do it! His sluggish mind is barely making out his older brother’s words as he stumbles forward. “…over your ears, run Sam run…” It had to be you, Sammy, it was always you. You saved us, you set him free! Sam stumbles again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” The words roll unconsciously off his lips as he is barreled through the doorway, Dean shuffling along behind.

Dean can barely hear Sam above the roaring noise, but he makes out the low whimpered words that his little brother seems to be mumbling to himself, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Oh God, this is such a freaking mess…Sam’s a mess…how did I let this happen? Where are the freaking angels?

A large explosion from behind them rocks the building, the room bathed in a red fireball of light.

Sudden realization that the roof is caving in sends Dean diving for his brother in one swift motion, barreling them both uncoordinatedly beneath a wooden pew. He vaguely feels Sam’s shuddering next o him as St. Mary’s Covenant shatters loudly toward the ground. A large weight plummets down upon him, and he gasps against the pain. He can’t feel Sammy anymore, as the darkness takes him down.