Author: invigorate PM
He could feel the pleasure building as the blood flowed; he could tell it was almost gone. A golden claw took the blade and took him by the neck. He opened his blue eyes, as deep and troubled as the sea. "It's alright." He heard he heard him sigh.Rated: Fiction M - English - Angst/Romance - Cloud S. & Vincent V. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,510 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 08-04-09 - Published: 05-25-09 - id: 5088213
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
By: Sophie MB.
-I should kill myself-. Where the first thoughts that filled his head as he looked away from shocked and angry eyes. They disappointed; he was shit.
That was how Cloud often described himself, as shit. He would often tell himself that he was shit, that he didn't deserve to live, and that he shouldn't ever had been born. So many deaths had been his fault –two- and so many mistakes he had done. It was his fault after all, everything bad that happened was his fault. Whether if someone died in the other side of the world because that someone was sick, or if someone fell down, it was his fault.
That's how he saw it, that's how he saw everything lately.
His hair and clothes were flying as he drove as fast and as far as he could in his motorcycle. He wanted to get away from those that called him friends. He wanted to get away from those he had hurt, from those he had let down. He was shit.
He was fully aware of the fact that tears were now falling down his cheeks. His forgotten sunglasses had fallen as he had desperately tried putting them on; he had failed. His hands didn't seem to had been working right, they seemed to move clumsily trying to grasp the glasses.
To think it had began as a normal day, even as a day when he didn't feel too miserable. It seemed like it was true, when you've been sad for a long time and one day you wake up happy, it's because the worst is about to happen. He felt like that, and he was almost positive it couldn't get any worse. He let down his friends, the only ones that kept him alive. The ones he cared for the most and was afraid to let down.
It seemed like a good day. And it was a very good day until Tifa informed the blonde she was hosting a small reunion with all of their friends. He showed his disapproval for a second, which caused Tifa to immediately explain the reasons.
"I need… something to get my mind off of my friend. She was close friend, you know?" She had smiled. Cloud's expression softened as he gave a small nod and placed his right arm around her. She welcomed the warmth.
He had walked back to his room and made sure he had everything fixed –by that he meant having any sharp edge he used for himself well hidden and no blood that had gone unseen by the blond out for the prying eyes to see-.
It had been a Sunday. It was a beautiful Sunday, a few clouds on the sky, the sun shining beautifully, and the weather just perfect –not too hot and warm enough to feel cozy-. The first one to arrive was Barret, who brought Marlene with him. They arrived around four o'clock. Cloud was still in his room.
Vincent arrived at six. Cloud didn't want to leave his room. Cid and Yuffie arrived at eight. The blond let out a deep sigh. His room was locked; he was sitting on his bed. He could hear the chatting downstairs. It scared him. It truly scared him. What if they hated him? Those were only excuses he used to explain the fear he felt.
A knock on the door made him jump. He waited quietly, staring at the door intently. "Cloud-" He let out the sigh he didn't realize he was holding. The blond stood up as he heard the young brunette continue talking. He paced around the room for a second and then realization hit him. He would only disappoint them if he didn't go downstairs. Maybe he could stay there for a while and then say he wasn't feeling well.
Denzel's forehead was pressed against the wall, right by Cloud's door. "Come on, Cloud? They really want to see you."
He let out a loud gasp and stepped backwards as the door suddenly opened. The tall blond stared at him for a few seconds before he raised his pale hand to ruffle the boy's hair. "Come on." Denzel followed behind glad he didn't seem to be having any after effect of his self-harm.
He had noticed that, whenever Cloud cut, he would look sick and would bit his lower lip a lot -not to mention he wouldn't look up-.
Cloud was welcomed downstairs as his friends excitedly greeted him. The blond merely gave a few shy and polite smiles. He received a few hugs and hugged back slowly and lightly. Neither Cloud nor Vincent found the need to say hello since they had seen each other the day before.
They sat there chatting, joking, drinking and eating. He had to admit he still felt bad, but it was nice to have your friends around you once again. He had to admit, he felt happy.
"Say, spiky, what have you been up to? Took yah long enough t'come down 'ere." The big man, Barret, said as he placed his beer down and turned to stare at the younger man. Cloud looked up, trying to keep his cool. Still, Vincent noticed the way he pushed his lips together, the way he looked down for a second and the look in his eyes that said that he was remembering what he was doing. "I wasn't feeling too well."
"Heck! Is tat why yer not laughing?!" Cid asked as alcohol began filling his senses. Cloud was about to say something when Barret interrupted. "Oh, come on, Spiky, be honest with's." Even though they were laughing, Cloud was getting nervous. Vincent's arms were crossed and they stayed put, but his eyes narrowed as he stared intently at the blond.
"I don't-" The blonde began. "Something's obviously wreng wiz 'im! Tis so pale!" Yuffie joined in as she expressed that she agreed and suggested him getting laid or drunk. The blond kept looking back and forth from the table to the people around him. He felt exposed, even though they probably wouldn't notice and were most likely joking.
He felt his head beginning to spin as he licked his dry lips. His heart was beating faster. What was he doing there? How could he be surrounded by such people? He was shit, he remembered; he shouldn't be there.
He felt such an urge to just grab something sharp and slice his wrist a few times. He wasn't sure what had triggered him so badly, but he was aware of the fact that he was really triggered. "Cloud…" He looked up as he realized he had been caught up in his own world.
His friends had silenced one by one as each one of them turned to look at the blond. Vincent was ready to stand up; he was just waiting for some kind of sign.
"Are you okay?" that question hit him hard. He didn't know how to answer. He couldn't answer. He couldn't lie to them like that. He stood up. He just stood up and proceeded to get away from them. As he neared the door, he felt someone sling on his left arm.
It was a reflex really. The way he reacted was a reflex. He pulled his arm away, as he felt it sting, and in the way hit hard whoever had been grabbing him. There were gasps. Vincent stood.
Cloud wasn't sure if his heart had stopped or it was beating so fast he couldn't feel it anymore. For a second no one moved. Even the blond; he just stared at the body as a small hand was placed on the now swollen flesh.
"You fucker-" suddenly it was loud. People were screaming, both trying to calm the man and rushing to help the fallen girl. Vincent was by Cloud's side, his hand placed on the blonde's shoulder.
Cloud was still staring at the girl. Barret barged towards the blonde and took the collar of his shirt. He raised the smaller man and began yelling obscenities at him. He was angry, and the alcohol wasn't helping too much. Cloud slowly looked in front of him, but not at the man. He half stared at the hand that was raising him and managed to open it; letting himself fall down. Vincent stopped Barret from doing anything as Cloud opened the door and walked out.
Vincent followed him.
"You should breathe" The older man suggested. The younger one was on his knees, his palms pressed against the floor. Vincent stared at the man who was on his four and considered getting closer. He let out a sigh and let his eyes travel around the blond.
A soft frown grazed his pale features as he placed his eyes on Cloud's left ankle. His attention turned back to the blond face as he saw him throwing up a little more.
There was a long pause, a long pause in which Cloud caught Vincent staring at his ankle. "What happened to you?" He dared to ask, wondering if the façade was still working. Cloud let out a dry chuckle that reminded Vincent of sarcasm.
"Hn. You already know, don't you?"
Red eyes looked down. He felt like smirking, since he knew the blond was not an idiot, but he didn't see it fit of the situation. He abstained.
"Why do you do it?"
The blond stood up and walked towards a large broken stool. He had been spending a lot of time in old abandoned houses, buildings that could no longer be reconstructed and just around places with no people. He pressed his back against the wall besides the stool and slid down until he was sitting on the floor.
He wanted to answer "because I deserve it," so badly, but he could not find enough strength to say it. Vincent examined the young features intently. Eyes that seemed lost, just looking at the air. A soft frown always pressed against the pale complexion, and lips constantly pushed together.
He had received no answer. The blond could see and hear Vincent's golden shoes as he walked closer towards him. The dark haired demon holder kneeled in front of the blond, blocking his view. Cloud looked away.
"You lick your lips too much." Cloud's frown deepened as he heard that. "What?"
In a swift movement Vincent took a hold of Cloud's left arm; the blond flinched. That moment reminded Cloud so badly of the one they shared a few years back. He frowned as he remembered how he had let the kids down before that. 'Marlene' His face fell with guilt as he remembered about her.
"You lick your lips too much, frown too much, and always look down. You've been drinking a lot lately. You're always scratching your left arm. You're always looking either unhappy or guilty. You've saved this world more than twice." He stopped, "What excuse do you have?"
The once tense atmosphere softened as Vincent watched Cloud's expression change. He was shocked. The man let go of the abused arm.
Cloud wasn't stopped as he stood up and walked pass the confused man.
'That smile… He thinks he deserves it.' Vincent cursed under his breath. Now was the perfect time to wonder what to do. Was he supposed to follow him and make sure he didn't hurt himself? Should he leave?
And so, he left.
He let the water relax his body as he pressed his forehead against the wall. Marlene and he had gone downstairs for some water and were there as everything happened. Denzel understood what had happened, and he was sure now that only he and Vincent –and of course Cloud- understood why he had reacted that way when Marlene took his arm.
He frowned as he looked at the ceiling, almost as if trying to find something interesting lying there, something that would allow his mind to think about something different.
"Fuck." He had to do something. Now he was really worried about Cloud. He perfectly knew that he would go do something Denzel didn't want to think about at the moment. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down as he kept reassuring himself with the fact that Vincent had left with him.
'He's safe with him…'
"What?!" He hissed. Everyone had either left because they didn't want to be there –Marlene and Barret- or gone to sleep in one of the guest rooms. Vincent was back, but he was alone.
"Fuck!" Denzel hissed a little louder now, pacing around the room, his hands rushing through his dark hair. He felt just like a father who couldn't find his little girl. He sat down, "Fuck."
"Hn…", Denzel stood up.
"Don't 'Hn' me! It's your fault he isn't here! You could've, I dunno, knocked him out or something and dragged him here! What if he's –he stopped as he almost fell down- passed out or something? Fuck!"
Vincent didn't seem touched by his words, "He'll be fine. He'll be here soon. We don't need him knowing you know too. Go to sleep."
The young boy looked at him in disbelief. Denzel took a deep breath and shook his head in disapproval. He was angry; yet, Vincent's gaze followed him as he walked upstairs. He could hear the boy's door half-slam.
He sighed as he felt his shoulders relax.
Crimson eyes looked out the window and then moved towards the door. He took a sit in his now beloved corner and sat there to wait. To just wait.