AN: Don’t own Naruto which is probably a good thing. If I did I suppose we would have seen what was happening to Kabuto by now. You know it’s a bit harder to cook up pranks than you think when you start to write one of these.

X_0X_0X_0

In the wee hours of the morning, Naruto was preparing for his daily work out. As he ran about to get warmed up he was joined by Itachi. The Uchiha joined him in his running for a time before deciding to start talking.

“So Naruto-kun, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I needed to talk to you about one handed signs if I could. Several of the nins I’ve encountered so far have been able to use them. Do you think you could show them to me while I’m working on chakra control after I get the physical portion of training over with?”

“I suppose that means you have fought more Kiri nin than just Kisame. Yes I can teach them to you as I’ve seen them used enough to know them. Actually it would probably be best if I taught it to both you and Hinata I think. How about I teach them before lunch to both of you? Besides I want to test you and see how badly you’ve been screwed over by the education system.”

Naruto hung his head but knew he wouldn’t get out of this. “Not as bad as it might seem. My social skills are admittedly shot to hell though but I did what I could with so much subtle hostility all around me.”

“I also have to ask why the orange? Anko and I taught you better than that back when we were both around to watch over you. Surely you didn’t forget our lessons in stealth.”

“That was for two reasons. One was to gain attention as people were ignoring me.”

“And the other?”

“Preparation for in case I ever had to flee from the village due to a mob or sudden change in leadership wanting me dead. They would be out looking for an idiot in orange while I could simply slip into something else and walk right by them. I won’t deny it was also good for stealth training as it is hard to go unseen in it while sneaking into secure locations.”

“Anko’s influence no doubt. Turn everything and anything to your advantage as she would say.”

“He is also keeping to your philosophies too, weasel boy. You should see his theory scroll. I would swear he was planning to make a Guide to Basic Ninjutsu book.” Anko jumped up to join the two. Seems she wanted in on this discussion amongst old friends.

“I suppose so since he wanted to pursue one handed seals. You observe anything else interesting that you need help working on?” Itachi was genuinely curious as to what Naruto had pieced together from observing over the years. He really had an issue with the fact that most modern ninja forgot their most powerful tool was their mind. So what if you didn’t have a sharingan, it didn’t mean you couldn’t memorize the hand signs and other variables and experiment when not on a battle field until you could use the jutsu too.

“No so much help working on them if truth be told. I have pieced together a few water jutsus though from when we were in Wave. I think I’ve pieced together the kirigakure no jutsu, mizu bunshin no jutsu, and finally suiton: suiryudan no jutsu. I am also working out how to use suiton: daibakufu no jutsu but that is slow going. I believe I’ve got the hand signs but have just not had the time or resources to try it.”

As they continued to talk the group found a nearby lake and began to run across it to get in some chakra control training on top of the physical workout. “Not a bad base to work from.”

Anko piped in. “He also has an even more impressive list of genjutsus he has encountered and figured out the signs for but with his shoddy control he can’t use them. I think you might want to help him tweak that as you are pretty good with those if I recall. After all if he hosts a fox he might as well take advantage of the psychological effects of that coupled with illusions and its impact upon his enemies. I’m off to wake the lady fair.” Anko ran back into the temporary head quarters for this group.

“Actually I do want to get a few of those working. I have some pranks but I’m going to need some very effective genjutsus for them.”

“Then that is what we will discuss once I’m done quizzing you.”

Naruto groaned as he was hopping to dodge the twenty questions.

X_0X_0X_0

Hinata rolled over in her bed exposing to the world the large and fairly lecherous seeming smile she was wearing. “Naruto… a little more to the left. Ahhh there, right there! Keep going!” Anko was actually impressed at the girl’s imagination if what she was hearing meant what she thought it did. Still it was taking the girl a bit too long to notice the snake up her pajamas in her opinion.

“Up and at ‘em, Hyuga. I don’t have time for you to gratify yourself with my pets.”

Hinata woke up with a start and only a second to parse out what was said. “Waaaaa.” She jumped, dropped her pants, and assumed a juken stance all in the amount of time it would take most people to blink. Anko wasn’t sure if she should laugh her ass off or congratulate the girl. She settled on doing the first though as she had an image to keep.

“Mou… it wasn’t Naruto. Damn it, I was almost…. Eeep!” Hinata turned red as a beet since she remembered she had company. At this Anko fell to the floor laughing so hard she was certain she would have injured herself if not for some of the alterations her body had undergone when apprenticed to Orochimaru.

“Not fu…funny.” Hinata fumed while she proceeded to get her clothes together. “A little pr…privacy please.”

“Not a chance. I don’t want you molesting my friend there again.” Anko points to indicate her snake.

“I w…would never do s…something like that.”

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

“Wha…?”

Anko breaks out into laughter again at another Hinata blush. “Alright, I’ll step out. Just hurry as we have a lot of work to do. You and I are going to be going for a ten mile run flat out, no tree jumping.”

As Anko stepped out Hinata slumped to the floor for a moment. “Oh why don’t I ever just hit them when they make fun of me? I mean surely it would stop when they can no longer breathe.”

X_0X_0X_0

Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon were bored. Without Naruto to follow around and lead them there was simply nothing to do outside of the academy. Konohamaru had told the other two a bit more info about the real reason Naruto had been banished and the other two agreed that it was not a fair ruling. As a result they were determined to protest in some way.

Their chance came during lunch that particular day. Udon had spotted Koharu passing down the street nearby where the group ate. Getting the other two’s attention they quickly devised a plan. Paying for their meals they stepped outside and began to follow the elder.

Having followed the woman to one of the bath houses they hastily cooked up a plan that, while making all three shudder in revulsion, would really get under the elder’s skin. Using the oiroke henge, Konohamaru slipped into the women’s side of the bath. Finding the clothes Koharu had been wearing in a basket he snatched up the clothes and slipped them to the other two on the other side of the wall. Udon took the clothes and left to do his part of the prank. Moegi, after a quick check for sizes, left to get something in exchange.

Konohamaru was no left with the unenviable position of making sure the old woman stayed there for awhile. He, or rather she, slipped her feet into the water and sat on the edge keeping Koharu in her periphery. A few minutes later he heard a bird call that signaled that Moegi had already returned. Thankful that at midday like this the baths were usually mostly empty, Konohamaru padded over to the fence to collect what had been brought in. He slipped back into the dressing room and put in Koharu’s clothes basket the new outfit they had put together.

In place of her usual conservative clothes was something more appropriate for some teenaged street punk. Black leather jacket, grey t-shirt with torn off sleeves and a skull on the front, and leather pants. Moegi had even found a thong of all things to add into the gag. All the sizes matched as they wanted her to be able to wear the clothes. Quickly adding the final touch, a bit of itching powder to the underwear and pants, Konohamaru ducked out and returned to his normal form. Meeting up with Moegi they dashed into the town square in time to see the second part of the plan going into effect.

High atop the Hokage’s mansion, on one of the little spine like extensions that rise above everything else, were the old woman’s clothes strung out for display to the public. Udon had little trouble pulling this off after having made the calculations for how to throw the rigging of cloth, kunai, and wire and had even worked out a way to avoid been seen while doing so.

Their good deed for the day done, the group went back to school making it just in time for class. Their grins however would not go away and Iruka caught it. He really hopped his desk wasn’t going to explode or something because that is what he had come to associate with those wide grins on a student’s face.

X_0X_0X_0

Sasori sighed to himself. Here we was once again stuck traveling alongside the ever mouthy Deidara. ‘Really, why is he in this organization again? I mean yeah he blows stuff up but that is it. If he doesn’t shut up I’m going to ask him about his hygiene. It is really driving me insane how he takes care of that.’ “I believe we have arrived.”

Sasori was of course referring to the fact that the two were now standing outside of a cavern located in Rice Country. According to his spy this was where Otogakure was currently located. “Alright, Deidara be careful in here. We do not need it caving in on us.”

“Hai Sasori no Danna. I know. Once we are clear though I’m going to debut my latest masterpiece, un.”

If Sasori still had a body of flesh he would roll his eyes. ‘One of these days I will discuss with Leader why I was stuck working with this retarded twit.’ Confident that Hiruko could handle any simple ninja and that if needed Deidara could at least half way be useful in taking on Orochimaru if by doing nothing else but caving the place in on the snake, he led the way in.

Deidara started to have a funny feeling the longer they walked down the worn slope of the cave. It was similar to how one feels while drowsy and it progressively got worse. ‘Just sleeping gas I think. No wait that can…’ Deidara started to collapse as Sasori spun around to grab his partner. It would seem he had been double crossed after all. He decided to lug his partner out since Akatsuki could ill afford to lose another member and ring. When he neared the cavern entrance he noticed a hissing sound. He turned to see what it was only to be plowed over by a giant snake thus leading to him dropping Deidara.

As he began to fight off the giant summons he spotted silver hair and the glint of glasses land next to his partner. The figure bent over and snatched up the unconscious Akatsuki member before snatching him up and taking to the shadows. “Damn it.” Finishing up with the snake with a swing of Hiruko’s tail he had no choice but to give chase to the already fading figure. ‘Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.’

X_0X_0X_0

Sasuke awoke to find an empty hospital room. He looked around quickly to try and ascertain where he was. Judging from the looks of the place and the somewhat familiar feel of the sheets and bed it had to be the hospital back in Konoha. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen. Did I at least manage to get the mangekyo?’ Sasuke began to look around for anything with a reflective surface. Failing to find any he attempted to leave the bed and go to the bathroom where there would be a mirror.

As soon as he had tried to place pressure on his feet to stand he fell to the ground in a lump knocking one of the monitoring machines near him over resulting in a bit of noise. An Anbu opened the door immediately upon hearing the sounds inside to check and see what was going on. Finding the Uchiha awake the Anbu immediately called it in so that the proper people could be alerted. “Uchiha-san, please calm down. You are back in Konoha. A medic should be up soon to check you out and assuming they give their approval I am to take you to meet with the elders. A lot of things have happened since you were last awake.”

“Mirror, I need a mirror.”

“Don’t bother. If you are thinking of checking to see if you have the mangekyo I can tell you that you will not find it.” Kakashi stepped into the room from the window. “I’ll take it from here Anbu-san.” The Anbu member nodded their head and walked back out into the hall.

“You were caught before you could escape, Sasuke and it was all thanks to Naruto. If he hadn’t found you in time you would have woke up to find yourself the host to that old Snake.”

“I see. I’ll have to ‘thank’ him later. So how am I to be punished for my little defection? I doubt the council would let me be executed without collecting samples first. They going to take my eyes and give them to the idiot?”

“As much as it pains me to say you will not receive so much as a public whipping for your betrayal. Team Seven did lose a member though Naruto survived you putting a hole in him. The council exiled him for harming you and exposing you to a ‘corruptive influence.’”

“So there was something with that red chakra. Why is it that he can use that? If I had it I wouldn’t have been tempted by this seal.” Sasuke jerked a thumb at his shoulder.

“Well I guess you’ll never be able to call upon it now can you? With Naruto gone he won’t be able to be there to help you hunt your brother down.”

“I will take Itachi on my own with my own power. I do not need anyone helping me.”

“You don’t realize your power alone will not be enough because it is all ego. Your brother is ahead of you not because of his eyes or name but because of his effort. I know you saw how he worked, observed, altered, reworked, tested, prepared, and studied in order to be as good as he was. You will need to do the same to have a hope of beating him.”

“Hmph, I will manage it and I’ll do it without either of those two idiots weighing me down.”

“So you don’t believe in the power of the group? Do you need an example of where it is stronger than one alone? Last night Itachi attacked the village and destroyed the Uchiha sector. If not for Anbu chasing him down he would have come to kill you. His partner was already taken out by Jiraiya before he could cause too much trouble for everyone. Without all those well trained ninja working together you would have been just another dead Uchiha.”

“The Uchiha district was destroyed?” At Kakashi’s nod Sasuke just gave a snort. “Meh, no big deal. Nothing of value was still there anyway. Get the medics to let me go so I can get back to training.”

“I can see talk won’t get though to you. Listen Sasuke and listen well, if you try to run again I will not hesitate to put a chidori of my own through your chest. You will work with your new team mate and Sakura. I will not be pussy footing around this time. If you are old enough to try and use an assassination technique like you did then I will treat you like my old subordinates were treated. Meet at the bridge as usual at ten and be on time.” Kakashi stepped back out the window and disappeared.

Sasuke could still feel his eye on him as he waited for the medic. “Hm… something is going on around here.” ‘Once no one is looking I’ll make a break for it. It might take a week or two though before they back off enough to slip out at night.’

X_0X_0X_0

Jiraiya was again spying on the hot springs while working on his book. Despite the appearance of his usual perverse enjoyment his heart wasn’t really in what he was doing. The council would realize what Tsunade had done by midday at the latest. Once that happened he would actually have to be serious for a bit. Not something he wanted to do if he could avoid it. Still he would begin things off by locking down the Uchiha boy. He wouldn’t be so much as able to sneeze without a ninja nearby to hear about it. If the boy bolted he would remove the cursed seal but he would do it the faulty way. ‘Surely the boy could live with only one arm, right? Still I can’t just kill him.’ He chuckled at the image that put in his head while he continued to write.

X_0X_0X_0

Koharu had never been so embarrassed in her life. First her clothes were stolen followed by having no choice but to wear something only street trash would wear and then she had gotten an itching sensation that wouldn’t go away in a place a proper lady did not scratch. The fact her attempt to hide in a henge as a young person had failed miserably also helped exacerbate the problem. As she had been slipping through the square trying and failing to suppress the urge to scratch she had spotted her clothing blowing in the wind and that had led to her losing concentration enough to slip out of her henge. Some people were so spooked they insisted she was an outsider ninja and before she could say anything she had been hauled in by the Anbu. On top of that she was in this cell waiting a discussion with Ibiki and could take it no more. Just as she began to scratch the mind destroying itch the interrogator himself walked in.

“Uhm.. no offence elder but I’m not really into that kind of thing. We don’t do this so people can get their kicks.”

As she turned red in embarrassment she swore this had to be the demon’s fault somehow.

X_0X_0X_0

Kiba was not surprised at the news that Hinata was no longer with the team. With Naruto being exiled he figured she would be pulled from the team but he never figured the Hokage would pull her to be her apprentice. Still, that didn’t excuse this situation one whit. “What do you mean we will not have a replacement team mate ready?”

Shino felt it prudent to speak up at this point. “While I understand that Hinata is unavailable at the moment I too am curious as to why a new team mate was not provided to us. We need a third member in order to function as a cohesive cell.”

Kurenai was at a loss as to how to answer their questions as she personally found it odd that there was no mention of a replacement being arranged. Still she needed to get this under control fast. “Currently Kiba is still recovering from the mission to track down and retrieve the Uchiha. I believe Hokage-sama took this fact into consideration and that is why she has not assigned us a new member. Once she returns from her emergency rescue mission I am sure she will assign us a new member.”

The two boys did not seem convinced but knew they would never be able to argue a reason out of someone who didn’t know the answer. Kiba smelled something fishy about all of it. The timing was too coincidental and he would worry it like a bone before he gave up finding out what had happened. Shino had decided he would recall his bug from where he had left it with Naruto to confirm his own suspicions about all this and then would probably inform Kiba. He really didn’t need the boy digging his own grave while looking too far into what had happened.

X_0X_0X_0

Sasori pulled his body back together from where it had been dashed to pieces by an onslaught of snakes. He had lost track of Deidara once he had been hit by two of the giant snakes. It would seem they had just lost another member and Leader would not be happy. He began to trudge his way back to the nearest hide out they had as this wasn’t something that could wait.

X_0X_0X_0

Nagato and Konan stood overlooking Konoha from atop a nearby mountain. The village looked peaceful enough from up here but they both knew it was a rotten oak about ready to cut down to make way for new sprouts. They had initially come here with the intent on enlisting new recruits but found it impossible to infiltrate due to the large dome that would inform someone inside of their arrival. Zetsu’s ability seemed to allow him to bypass it but for any of the other Akatsuki members it would be nearly impossible to slip past undetected. He did not yet have his Pain Rikudo perfected so that was out and the victory would be sweeter anyway if he let it decay and rot in on itself a bit more. Currently he was just looking to see if there was any sign of Itachi hiding out nearby.

“Nagato, perhaps we could recruit his brother? It would replace Itachi’s role in the group. We could even lure him in by removing the cursed seal that Orochimaru gave him.”

“Very well, send word to the boy that we would like to meet him. Zetsu can sneak in and retrieve him to bring him here so that we might meet. I want to see what the little brother of the great Itachi is like.”

Konan nodded her head and set about the assigned task. Tonight they should hopefully acquire a new member. Besides, Madara would want the boy as well she was sure. They might as well kill two birds with one stone here since they had bothered to make the trip.

X_0X_0X_0

It had been an interesting day working with Naruto again. Itachi really had missed playing the role of a teacher for someone. Kisame usually listened and followed along with what he said but the man was ultimately Madara’s spy to watch Itachi. It was different to have someone who listened to you because they genuinely wanted to learn from your experiences in order to grow themselves. Why the village had never even tried to teach the boy he had never understood.

Just as he was about to enter his own room the coughing fit hit him. As he slumped to the floor coughing up blood he was spotted by Anko. Shouting to get Tsunade she walked over to help the Uchiha stand. “Kid, you should have said something. There is no reason for you to be this sick when we have the best medic in the world working with us. You will let her look you over and you will let her patch you up. Am I understood? The brat would kill me if he learned I didn’t get you healed up once I found out you were sick.”

Tsunade came rushing down the hallway followed by Shizune. The two took in Itachi leaning heavily on Anko, the blood in his hand, and his continued coughing fit. Tsunade recognized what she was seeing almost instantly. “Follow me.” She led them down to one of the experimental labs that would do as an intensive care unit for now. “How long have you been sick, Itachi?”

“Not too long, Hokage-sama. I only recently contracted this after an exchange with some of Hanzo’s supporters when I was dispatched to eliminate them for Akatsuki. I believe I got it from being there in Ame if I were to be honest. I never did take too well to continuously wet climates.”

“Heh, you might be a super ninja kid but you are still human. Allergies, disease, and other such unexpected natural elements of the world have felled many of our number over the years.” Anko piped in while the two medics went to work.

“Lucky for you I know how to cure this and it is still in the early stages as well. You will wind up with slightly diminished lung capacity but you will be fit and ready for action in a week.”

“I’ll let the others know that the mission is cancelled then.” Shizune began to leave to inform to other two apprentices that the mission to River was to be cancelled.

“No, I’ll take them. No need to let the mission be cancelled just because weasel here can’t remember to keep himself dry. I’ll play jonin and they can be my two men cell. It shouldn’t take us long and would have been a waste of wonder boy here’s talents anyway. Besides, we are trying to advertize the two brat’s abilities as much as those of the whole group. Itachi being their to save their asses would kind of defeat the point anyway.”

“Is that alright with you, Itachi? Do you mind leaving them in her care?” Shizune didn’t particularly like the idea of leaving the two alone with Anko. She felt like something might happen that the two were not old enough for yet. Still if everyone else was okay with it she wouldn’t stop it.

“I trust her with Naruto. She has been watching him since I had to run that night so I know she won’t harm Naruto. I also think she is a positive influence on Hinata. A bit more time of those two together will really get her to open up and then maybe…” He began coughing again.

“Then maybe she will get it through his thick skull she likes him. Yeah, this plan works for me as well if for no other reason than that. Besides Itachi won’t be in any shape for that mission at the moment and it needs to be done soon before they go to Ame or someone else to take care of it.”

“I’ll round up the brats and let them know. We’ll set out tomorrow morning.”

X_0X_0X_0

Jiraiya arrived just in time to hear a great deal of shouting form inside the council room. Pausing outside to enjoy the chaos he listened in for a bit to get an idea of what they were plotting.

"That upstart abandoned her post and all because of that demon. I want her hunted down and killed." Koharu screamed at the other two in the room with her.

"Sadly we can't do that. You saw the paper work. She is in the clear and we can do nothing to her. We can only sit back and hope someone else takes care of it for us now." Homura tried to pacify his old team mate.

"You mean the bounty hunters who will be looking to collect the reward you two offered? I wouldn't count on it. I have reason to believe that the boy will get some protection from one of the other hidden villages before the word will even get spread around enough for the hunters to start looking. My men reported Hanzo was moving toward the direction we believed the boy to have left." Danzo had given up trying to keep his smile off his face at this point. Hell he would help the boy now just because it was giving him the most entertainment he had seen in years.

"No doubt some anonymous person informed him I bet."

"Hello honored elders." Jiraiya felt now was the time to step in and calm the situation down a bit. "For what reason was I summoned?"

"Jiraiya, we have called you here because that team mate of yours abandoned the village." Homura was trying to keep this civil.

"That is hardly an immediate concern. Orochimaru has been gone for quite a number of years now."

"No, the blonde headed tramp. She up and left taking the entire Hokage's library and the Hyuga heiress with her. The only thing she left behind was a scroll containing some expletives. She made sure to absolve herself of wrong doing as she left too." Koharu was puffing at this point and Homura was working on calming her down. Her heart wasn't up to sustaining this level of stress and she would have a heart attack if she wasn't careful.

"It would seem, Jiraiya, that you were named as her successor. Will you accept the appointment or do we need to select a new one?" Danzo felt it best to control the direction of the conversation now so that the other two would not be able to try and gloss over any minor details such as the one he had mentioned.

"Sure, I'll play the part this time. When do we have the official swearing in and all that?"

"Tomorrow I believe. Do you two have anything else you want to discuss?"

The other two elders held their tongues because they knew Jiraiya liked the boy and wouldn't agree to put a hit on his own godson. At this point they had little choice but to hope that some hunters would find the brat and put an end to this whole mess.

"Before we dismiss this meeting, I must inform you all of an interesting letter from the daimyo that arrived the other day. It says he is sending some men to review some records. Something about fishy monetary transactions amongst the upper echelons of the city and wanting to see what all this business was about banishing the son of Kushina. Something about it not being something he approved of since the kid was technically a foreign dignitary that we were supposed to be protecting." He almost lost it and would have rolled in the floor laughing at the faces of the other two and would have if he were in less in control of his emotions.

"I had figured he would be looking into that soon. I was glad I sent a toad to tell him who it was that was being banished before he signed off on it." Jiraiya smiled as he had no reason to hold back.

"What? This is a lie. Her son died that night and the demon took its appearance to mock us you no good ack!" Koharu started to spasm and collapsed. Jiraiya and Danzo both shared a look and helped get some Anbu to come in and take her to the hospital.

"Too much excitement for her this evening I suppose. Well, I'll see you tomorrow when you put the hat on my head." Jiraiya left with a bit of a jaunty wave to the other elders.

"Danzo, do you know where the hat is?"

"Yes, Tsunade had it."

"Crud, now I've got to go wake the hat maker up to work overtime." Homura trudged out set to deal with yet another obstacle between himand a good night's sleep. 'If it wasn't getting Koharu out of trouble with the Anbu it was getting a hat made. If it wasn't one Hokage leaving it was another being sworn in. Really, when did the world stop being simple?'