Time Passes. Even when it seems impossible.

BPOV

Five am to seven thirty am. Ninety minutes. That is how long how I stay sober for each day. How long I can think straight for. This was the only time in the day, whilst conscious, that I wouldn't consume the deliciously numbing liquor. I usually spend this time counting down the seconds until I could take my first swig, until I could tame the violent cravings that would spread through my body. I have been drinking everyday, all day, for as long as I am willing to remember. I even take secret swigs at school, luckily no one paid enough to attention to me to notice the slight slur on my words, or even that my walk was even more off balance then usual.

I had consumed my first bottle of alcohol exactly a week after Jacob had told me he could no longer be friends with me. Jacob was the one who had started to restore me again. When I was hanging out with him in his garage, watching him restore his Volkswagen rabbit, I couldn't help but compare myself to the rabbit. The rabbit seemed impossible to restore, to return it to its original condition. Although as Jacob spent more time on it you could gradually see as the days past, the rabbit was finally becoming more then just the shell of its former self. That was what was happening to me. I was gradually getting better. We had both known I would never fully recover, but I was becoming more then just a shell. That was all destroyed on the day he told me he could no longer be friends with me. All the time I had spent with him became just memories and all the time he had spent trying to rebuild me was wasted.

I had spent the next seven days going over what I could have possibly done wrong, why he just disowned me like he did. I had called his house over and over, although I could never get hold of Jacob. Billy would always answer and give me the same lie. That is until on the seventh day Jacob picked up. His words had destroyed and shattered the last remaining piece of Bella that was left inside of me. "Bella, stop calling here. I don't want to talk to you." Even now, the memory still hurt me. A single tear fell from the corner of my eye before I swiped it away. I had learned long ago that my tears would not bring anyone back. After Jacob had hung up on me, my breathing had become shallow and laboured. My head had spun as my chest flared agonizingly. The pain became unbearable as I had realised I was left by the two people I thought would always be there, the two people who had promised the opposite, to never leave me. I had started to hyperventilate as the pain intensified. I knew I had needed to get rid of the pain. I wouldn't be able to bear it for much longer. I had staggered towards the kitchen, clutching my torso. I could feel the pain starting to drag me under. I hadn't known what to do. The pain of being left by him andJacob was too intense. Tears pricked into my eyes as I had rushed to the sink, running the tap and letting it pool in my hands before bringing it to my face. The sudden coldness of the water made me gasp aloud. I lifted my hand up and the cold droplets continued to run down my face but they did nothing to soothe the pain. I had sunk to my knees, admitting defeat when a thought popped into my head.

In front of me was the cabinet under the sink. It contained spirits and bottles of drink that was giving to Charlie. He never drank them, preferring his beer, but the townsfolk still gave them to him, a thank you for a case that he and his team had solved. I had never understood why he didn't just throw them away instead of putting them here but at this moment, I couldn't be more thankful. I pulled open the door, still clutching my torso. I hesitated, looking at the wide selection of bottles. I thought about it for a second, wondering if I really wanted to do this. My question was answered when the pain made its presence known again. I couldn't take this anymore. I grabbed the closet bottle, practically ripping the lid off. The smell hit me and I smiled. Smirnoff, the label read. I bought the bottle up to my lips, throwing my head back. My face contorted as the heat travelled down my throat. I considered spitting it out, but I swallowed. I had already started to feel dizzy and I could feel the pain dim. Satisfied, I bought the bottle back to my lips, taking in the liquid desperately. I giggled as I felt myself become very light headed. "Smirnoff" I slurred, drinking more and more. "You my have just saved me." I took one last long swig before everything around me had become black.

Charlie had found me like that, sprawled on the floor with the vodka bottle broken in my hand. He had been completely shocked as he had not expected this from me, he had told me so the next day. He had carried me to the sofa in the living room, although I still didn't know how he managed it without putting his back out. After a while I had sobered up enough for Charlie to talk to me. He sat beside on me on the sofa, asking me why I did it. I broke down. I cried hysterically which had scared him. He didn't know what to do.

Between my sobs, I told him I couldn't take the pain anymore. He tried to reassure me that I could. He even suggested I go back to live with Renee, which had made me even more hysterical, I wouldn't have reacted like that normally, but the drink was still affecting me. Instead of saying anything else he gave me a while to calm down. After the hysterics went on for over thirty seconds, he became increasingly uncomfortable, giving in he promised me that he wouldn't force me to go back, which calmed me down. He gave me a blanket and a cool towel to place over my head to soothe the throbbing created by my first drink. Charlie left me alone that night, sensing that I didn't want to talk although I had heard him tip all the alcohol the sink, obviously worried that I would dive for it again.

It wasn't until the next day that Charlie had spoken to me properly about what had happened. What he had said angered me. Charlie had said that I should go to a counsellor. There was one at my school. I could go see her for an hour on Thursdays after school. I didn't want to, I just saw it as a waste of time. He had pleaded with me, saying he wanted his Bella back. When he said that, it had felt like I had been stabbed in my chest. His words had cut me deeply. Although as I looked at his face, I realised he didn't want to hurt me, he just wanted me to be alright, so I reluctantly agreed. I had honestly tried, but after the first two meetings nothing had happened. I didn't expect a miracle recovery, I didn't expect to walk in that door a wreck and walk out the door Bella again. But it wasn't helping at all. Infact it made me feel worse, made me crave the numbing the alcohol allowed me again.

That is how I ended up in front of Crowley's supplies. I walked in, knowing Tyler's parents weren't working. I walked up to the desk where Tyler was stood. He was looking extremely bored. As I had made my way over to him, he seemed to perk up, standing tall and smiling at me. I pointed at one of the bottles that was on display behind him, pulling my money out of my pocket. "Bella, you can't buy that." He pointed towards the sign that said I would have to be over twenty one to purchase alcohol. I inwardly rolled my eyes, realising I was going to have to play dirty to get my bottle. I had just hoped that he still fancied me.

"Tyler." I whispered, smiling at him. "It can be our little secret."

"Umm. I don't know Bella."

"Oh come on Tyler. I'll pay you, so what is the problem." I moved closer to him. I was now able to whisper in his ear. "Would you really reject me Tyler?" I hadn't known when this confidence had come from. I had guessed it was fuelled by my need for the numbing.

"Umm, no-no of c-course not." He stammered. I smiled once again as he grabbed the bottle and placed it on the counter. I was so thankful that Tyler was one of the few boys who seemed to want my attention. I couldn't imagine Tyler handing my over this bottle if I wasn't still thought of as the new girl that they wanted to be seen with.

"Thank you. Do you always work this time on Friday?" I quizzed as my placed my money in his hand. He nodded as he put my money in the register. "I will see you soon then." I took hold of the bottle and winked at him before disappearing out of the shop. That had become a weekly event, most of the time it was even more frequently. Tyler would be waiting with the bottle already in a bag for me. I would leave my money on the counter and remind him that it was our little secret and Charlie wasn't to know. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I heard Charlie's cruiser start. I crawled out of bed, looking out my window. He was backing out of the driveway. Finally I thought before pushing away from the window.

Swiftly picking up my black hoodie that I had chucked in the corner, I threw it over me. I could feel the cravings start to spread through my body. I quickly pulled on my grey sweats and my black converse before leaving the room. Running down the stairs, I pulled my hood up, shoving my hair into it. I practically sprinted through the door and to my truck, desperate to find the bottle under the passenger seat. I quickly fumbled with the keys that I grabbed on the run here, finally finding the right one and shoving it into the door slot. I yanked the door open, diving into my truck and pulling the door shut behind me. Sat in my seat, I bent forward, my hand frantically searching under the seat. I breathed a sigh of relief as my hand made contact with the wrinkled paper bag. My hand locked around it, pulling it out. I released my bottle from the bag. I hesitated as I realised I didn't have much left. Probably half of what I would normally drink. I considered savouring it, but my body had other ideas. Before I even realised what was happening, the sweet liquor was travelling down my throat. I revelled in the heat as my body started to relax again. With the bottle still attached to my lips I turned the ignition on. With one last guzzle I pulled away from the sidewalk.

I cut the engine and shoved open the door. I was never sure how I had survived the journey here. With my senses impaired by the alcohol, I should quite rightly be wrapped around a tree. Instead of contemplating it further, I staggered out of the truck, bringing the bottle to my lips once again. The wind blew around me, fiercely, blowing my hood down. I huffed once as my hair blew around my face before deciding that I really didn't care. Shoving my hair out of the way, I looked around at my surroundings. La Push cliffs. Where I had spent all my time recently. I took another gulp of the miracle liquid.

XoX

EPOV

The photo laying in my hand was the only reason I was able to survive for this long. The edges were slightly crinkled from the countless times I would put it in my pocket and then pull it out mere seconds later. My beautiful Isabella was stood on the left, I was on the right. Her deep, wide eyes staring at the camera, her full pink lips curled up into a smile. Her naturally white teeth gleamed, her mahogany hair was curled and hung loosely. Alice had bought her a dark blue dress with a low v-neck and a layered hem which had allowed me the glorious view of her legs that hadn't been granted to me before in her usual jean attire. In the picture, instead of looking at the camera, my gaze was on my Bella. I had a smile of genuine happiness plastered across my face and I would be internally grateful for Alice suggesting I take Bella to the prom and for making her even more beautiful on that day. It was a memory that I would keep with me for eternity. Along side the memory of Bella, crumpled and broken on the floor of the forest. It didn't matter how long I lived. I would never forgive myself for breaking her like that. It pained me to think this, as the hold in my chest would become greater, but I hoped for my sweet Isabella's sake, she was able to move on.

Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back, resting on the tree that was behind me. I was sat on the damp forest ground that surrounded my family's new home. I was just far enough that I couldn't hear their thoughts. The pain was unbearable at the best of times, their constant thoughts of worry, sympathy, guilt and impatience didn't help. I had originally planned to leave my family and live as far away from Washington as possible, however I hadn't accounted Esme's resistance into the equation. I should have known that she wouldn't let me go without a fight and I was just to raw to try to argue. Reluctantly I agreed to stay with them, as long as I could have the time to myself when I wanted it, which they granted as they really didn't want me to leave. The snap of a twig alerted me to the fact that I was no longer alone. I opened my eyes and scanned the area of which the snap came from.

The scent hit me before her thoughts did. Please don't tell me to leave. Alice's thoughts almost begged me. Instead of answering I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. Alice walked towards me, slower then her usual pace. It was as if she was slowly walking towards me because she was worried that I would run away like a wild animal. Her thoughts confirmed this. I heard the soft thud as she fell into a cross legged position. She didn't speak, the only sounds where her breathing, and the beating of several animal hearts quite far off. "Alice." I breathed. She mentally winced, her thoughts letting me know it was because of my tone.I tried to block out her thoughts, but a few words managed to seep through. No emotion…dead. I wanted to scoff, to tell her that was exactly what I was, dead, yet I couldn't find the will inside of me to do it. Everything was just too painful. I could just barely trust myself to whisper a few words. "Why are you here?" My eyes slowly opened and my head rolled to the right, so that I now could see her. She was no longer the Alice that I had known for the last few decades. Her lips were curved downward into a frown, her lightless black eyes were haunted by a light purple shadow, her shoulders were slumped, she was so perfectly still and she looked…defeated. She picked at the small patch of grass at her feet as she opened her mouth. "Are you ever going to come back into the house." Her thoughts told me that she was anticipating a no.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. Alice's eyes darted to me face, her thoughts now filling with hope.

"Please Edward. Come back with me now. Esme, everyone, would love to have you back." I closed my eyes again, shaking my head instead of speaking, feeling the friction of the bark on the back of my head. "Please." She whispered one last time before I heard the sound of what I presumed to be her head falling forward into her hands. I opened my eyes to see she had indeed let her head fall forward into her hands. Her back was hunched up, she was doubled over, her shoulders shock from the tearless sobs. She had never looks so vulnerable. I lent towards her, placing my hand on her back. Why. Why does it have to be like this Edward?

"I'm so sorry Alice." She shook her head in her palms.

"No you aren't." She hissed at me through her almost hysterical sobs. "If you were truly sorry, we would be on our way back to Forks now!"

"I can't do that Alice." I answered in the monotone voice that everyone was now used to. I could feel the pain threatening to pull at me again. We were on the borderline of the one subject that made me feel a pain which was so intense I would rather feel the fiery grasp of the change for the rest of my existence.

"You just don't understand do you." Alice whispered, she had straightened up and the sobs no longer shook her small frame. "You are doing this to protect-" She stopped herself from saying her name, for which I was grateful, the pain was already starting to pull at my chest. Although her thoughts informed me that she hadn't continued her sentence because she couldn't mention her name. It was too painful for her as well. "To protect her. But all you are doing is making everything worse! She needed you to protect her!" I opened my mouth to argue but her fierce glare made me snap my mouth shut. "Don't you dare give me that crap that all you have done is put her in danger. She would have already been dead by now if you hadn't been in her life. Don't you remember the van? Or James?"

"James went after-" I swallowed, at an attempt to swallow the pain. I failed. "He only did because of my reaction."

"What if James went into Forks? She had by far the most appetizing blood." I hissed at her words although she carried one as if uninterrupted. "If he had smelt her blood he would have indeed gone after her." I shook my head at her which was returned with an exasperated look.

"Alice, they were leaving when we were playing baseball, their thoughts had indeed informed me of this. He hadn't smelt- her before then. She would have been safe."

"It is possible to lie with your thoughts. I believe they were planning on going through Forks. Besides, it's a moot point. If you hadn't saved her the day of the accident, she wouldn't be alive right now!" The pain was becoming too much, I didn't know how much I could take. I silently prayed that Alice would stop. "Who knows what kind of danger she is-"

"Alice, stop!" I roared, cutting her off. The sound echoed in the trees surrounding us. She stopped immediately, her wide eyes staring at my face. I kept my head down as I took in unnecessary breaths, trying to smother the pain that was quickly drowning me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you that far." Alice whispered. I slowly lifted my head up to gaze at the small vampire sat in front of me. She was nervously twiddling her thumbs. I lent towards her, placing my hand on one of hers and squeezing before returning to my former position. Alice's thoughts rejoiced at the small gesture.

"I know Alice, I know." I breathed, my voice carrying little volume as I looked out into the forest. "It hurts so much, Alice. Even thinking about her," I briefly closed my eyes before switching my gaze to Alice. "I don't know how I can go on like this Alice." She gasped, her thoughts instantly becoming hopeful. Does that mean…? She trailed off. I shook my head once. "I have to let her have a chance at a normal, human life Alice."

"Edward please. What about having a happy life? Doesn't she at least deserve that? She will only be happy with you."

"She is human, she will forgot, she can move on and meet someone who makes her happy and gives her the life she deserves. She can be with them without having to give anything up." I begged with my eyes for Alice to see the truth in my eyes, instead she scoffed.

"You and I both know she will not just forgot. She won't just move on Edward. Do you have any idea how much she loved you?"

"Again, she is human, Alice. She can love more then one person in her lifetime."

"What if she can't Edward? You are her soul mate Edward. Everyone can see that, she is never going to find the happiness she found with you."

"She will still find love, she can go to college, follow her dreams, get married and have children, she can see Charlie and Renee and Phil. She doesn't have to give anything up."

"How can you guarantee she will fall in love?"

"You saw how many boys were falling over themselves to get her attention, Alice. She will find someone."

"You are full of it aren't you? You and I both know that those boys were driven by lust, not love. You can keep coming up with these excuses and reasons why you shouldn't return, but they are pointless. She is never going to be truly happy Edward. I know her better then you do, I know her better then she knows herself. She will always compare everyone to you, she will never let her guard down with a boy after-" She didn't finish her sentence and although she tried to keep her mind blank, I still managed to catch the rest. After you hurt her so badly. I hissed in a shaky breath as the pain stabbed again. "And you can't continue living like this! Are you just going to let yourself be swamped by the pain for the rest of eternity?" She was glaring at me, then her expression contorted, she must have seen something in my face to make the pieces fit together. Her thoughts suddenly became furious and violent. You're not going to live for the rest of eternity are you? I shook my head and something inside of her snapped. "You bastard!" She screamed, I leapt up anticipating the attack as she lunged for me.

Her shoulder made contact with my stomach with surprising force which sent us both flying backwards, snapping the trees in our path. I landed on my back with a grunt as Alice grabbed the front of my shirt in her first. "How could you even consider doing this?" She spat, tiny drops of her venom landing on the floor by my head. "How much pain can you inflict on your family? Isn't it bad enough that you took away our sister? Now you are planning to kill yourself when Bella dies!"

"Do you honestly believe that decision was easy for me?" I shouted back at her. "You know how much I love everyone Alice! I am not trying to deliberately hurt everyone, I am just trying to do what is best."

"Best by whom? Bella? The family? Or you?"

"Excuse me?" I whispered, my voice shaking in anger.

"This doesn't help anyone Edward!" She screamed at me again. "Leaving didn't help anyone. I guarantee Bella is broken and miserable, so are you and so is everyone in that house! And committing suicide when Bella dies! Do you have any idea what that will do to everyone? Did you even consider Esme and Carlisle? Rose? Emmet? Jasper? Did you consider what it would do to me?" Her voice cracked on the last word as dry sobs broke from her throat and shook her small frame. Her fist released my shirt as she rolled off of me and curled herself into a tight ball on her side. She looked so broken and vulnerable that although I thought it was impossible another part of me broke.

"Ali?" I whispered, feeling myself break down as a sob ripped from my throat. I placed my hand on her shoulder but she just shook it off. I drew my hand back, hurt by the rejection although I fully knew I deserved it. I pulled my knees into my chest, wrapping my arms around them and resting my chin on my knee. "Ali, I am so sorry, for everything. For every mistake I have made over the last months. I am so sorry for every bit of pain I have inflicted on our family." I had opened my mouth, taking in the air as I prepared to speak but instead decided against it. Alice heard this and her heavy lidded eyes travelled to meet my gaze. She knew exactly what I had intended to say, psychic or not.

"As long as she is safe, we aren't going back are we?" I shook my head once and her shoulders slumped, indicating her acceptance of defeat. Edward, her thoughts called me. I came to say goodbye. I threw her a panicked glance. Goodbye? What did she mean by goodbye? No, I couldn't loose her too! Calm down. I won't be away too long. Jasper and I are going to go away for a while. He feels so guilty about everything, and being surrounded by so much heart ache and sadness is making it worse. I'm worried I'm loosing him.

Jasper had taken all the blame for us leaving, stating that if he had been able to control himself better, he would never have reacted like that and we wouldn't have left. I had told him that the only person to blame was in fact me. Although he hadn't listened and I was indeed no mood to argue with someone. It was the best decision for Alice and Jasper to go away for a while. Jasper was dealing with not only his guilt, regret and sadness, he had to deal with our entire families. He could no longer come near me, the pain had become to unbearable for him. "Are you leaving now?" Alice jumped up gracefully and nodded in my direction.

This was my last attempt to make you see sense before I leave. Her thoughts informed me. I didn't reply, instead I watched as she turned her back on me and started to walk in the direction she came. Suddenly, after taking four steps, she gasped and stood still as her muscles locked her into place. I got up swiftly as I realised she was having a vision. I walked quickly over to stand in front of her. Her eyes started to glaze over as the vision started to take hold of her.

The sky is a dark, menacing gray. There are slashes of grays and swirls of black weaved throughout the sky. A sandy brown cliff, topped with grass which I recognized as one on La Push appeared to be the focal point of the vision. Waves from the sea were angrily hitting against the edge of the cliff, as in protest for something. The waves appear violent, as if waiting to claim a victim.

The vision was so strong I could almost taste the salt water in the air, feel the strong wind whirl around me. The vision then showed the edge of the cliff, where a girl was sat, her legs dangling over the edge. Her brown locks were blowing in the wind, giving her a mane, covering her face. . My body went on lock down, anticipated the pain. I instantly knew who this girl was, my Bella. Pain tore through my being and I wanted to pull out of the vision, but curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know what she was doing, I wanted to look at her.

She stood up, shakily, pushing her hair out of her face. The broken look on her face instantly crushed any bit of hope I had that she was okay. She was far from that. Her delicate mouth moved, she was speaking, although I didn't know who to, no one was around. A smile graced her face, but I couldn't help but think there was something wrong with it, something off. Her lips twitched once again as she spoke to nobody. Then she lifted her arms up above her head. I shook my head, no, no she couldn't! Her small body flew off the edge of the cliff and sliced through the cold unforgiving water. The vision then went black.

Shock had me held still. My Bella…had jumped off the cliff. The vision had turned black, could that she mean she had died? I could feel myself slipping, feel the pain take over her. The only reason for my existence, was no more. "Edward!" Alice's voice broke through my thoughts. "Don't you dare!" She screamed at me, I realised then I was slowly falling to the floor, my legs were collapsing under me. Her tiny hands locked around my arms, pulling me back up. "She hasn't jumped yet Edward. You need to go now! I think you may just make it!" Her words granted me hope.

"She-she isn't dead yet?" I stammered.

"No! But she will die if you don't go back Edward. You're the fastest. We aren't that far away from Forks and La Push, but you need to leave now to get there in time. Now go!" She roared at me, shoving me in the direction I needed to go. There was still hope, Bella could still live, but only if I got to her in time. I would do what ever it took to save Bella, even if it meant going back on my promise.

My legs started working quicker then my brain, I was already sprinting faster then I ever had before through the forest, destroying any tree that decided to obscure my path. Nothing was going to stop me reaching Bella now, least of all forestry. I am going to go get everyone else Edward, we will be right behind you. Just keep running. Alice's thoughts entered my head. I pushed my legs harder, determined to get to her. I couldn't let her down again.

Authors Note : Thank you for all your kind reviews. I am sorry to keep you all waiting like this, but I had said I would not update this until I had updated 'In My Arms'. I am hoping to update quicker then last time :D

I have prom today, and then I go on holiday for two weeks tomorrow morning. However, I can get internet, although it is limited, so I will be able to update whilst I am away. I hope you all enjoyed this update!

And also to brissygirl, I am trying to send you the old story, however hotmail is being a fail and not letting me. I will try again soon!