Chapter Nine

Music is the medicine of the breaking heart.

---Leigh Hunt

Time stood still. Edward and I stood frozen on the piano bench, the mystery woman still standing in the doorway. She looked furious.

“Well?”

Life snapped back into motion, but I was still at a complete loss for what to do. I had a sinking feeling about who this beautiful, blonde bombshell was, and my instinct was to run for it before I was caught in the crossfire.

“What are you doing here, Tanya?” Edward asked. He sounded a little shook up.

“What the fuck does that matter, Edward?” Tanya spat. “I never needed an explanation for showing up at my boyfriend’s house before.”

I felt as though all the wind had been knocked out of me. Edward had a girlfriend. More than that, Edward had a girlfriend who looked like an even hotter version of Blake Lively. My instinct to run multiplied tenfold.

Abort! my mind screamed. Abort!

“Uh, I’m going to go,” I said awkwardly.

It was deathly silent as I swiftly left the den and grabbed my coat. It was obvious they were waiting to argue, probably about me, as soon as I was gone. Sure enough, I heard yelling the moment the front door shut quietly behind me.

“I can’t believe you’re fucking cheating on me, Edward!”

I heard a muffled roar. “Fuck! I’m not cheating on you!”

“What was that little slut doing here, then?”

I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I rushed out of the building, nearly blinded by my tears. I got a lot of strange looks as I rushed through the busy streets of Toronto, bawling my eyes out, but I didn’t have it in me to be self-conscious.

I thought I had handled the whole Edward situation stupidly before, but this topped it all. I had, being the idiot I was, actually thought something was going to happen between us. I’d thought he actually felt an inkling of what I did. I had obviously grossly misinterpreted our moment at the piano, just like I had misinterpreted everything that had caused me to think Edward was attracted to me. I had let my hopes skew my perception.

Edward had a girlfriend. A girlfriend. A beautiful, very angry girlfriend who called me a slut. Even though Edward hadn’t cheated on Tanya in the slightest, I felt like I really was a slut. I felt dirty, like the other woman. The other woman, who had been rejected. Not good enough.

Something was cutting through my self-hating inner monologue. A muffled, high-pitched voice, and it sounded like it was saying my name. Then I heard another voice, still muffled, this time male. I could make out what he was saying, but I caught the word “slap”.

“Huh?” I felt something hit against my cheek, hard, and I flinched in pain. “Ow!” I noticed I had somehow made it all the way home and was now standing in front of Alice and Jasper, apparently in some kind of daze of self-loathing.

Alice stood on her tiptoes to peer into my eyes. She looked seriously worried. “Bella, what happened?” she asked.

“Edward’s girlfriend showed up during our lesson,” I stated numbly.

Jasper frowned, and Alice gasped dramatically. “She did not,” she said in a scandalized tone. “What did she say?”

I had snapped out of my stupor by this point and was fully aware that Alice’s reaction was not normal for someone who didn’t know Edward had a girlfriend.

“What do you mean, ‘what did she say?’” I asked, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.

For all the times Alice had flawlessly pulled off a lie, she was caught in this one. “Fuck,” she swore quietly.

Jasper scratched his head awkwardly and retreated into the kitchen.

I didn’t want to scream. I didn’t want to yell. I didn’t want to make yet another scene, especially with Jasper here. I was so tired of it all. I didn’t want to spit hurtful words at the girl who had completely betrayed and turned her back on me. I just wanted her to be out of my face, so that I wouldn’t be so tempted to punch hers in.

I pushed past Alice roughly, almost knocking her over in the process.

“Bella,” Alice called after my retreating form, “come back! Let me explain!”

I didn’t want to hear her lame excuse for stabbing me in the back, at least not at the moment. I turned around, and I saw Alice’s eyes light up in hope before she caught sight of my expression.

“Please don’t talk to me right now, Alice,” I said evenly.

I heard Alice’s sharp intake of breath as I walked into my room. I pulled on my best comfort clothes - my old high school sweats and the oversized, matching hoodie - grabbed the Charlie Bone book I hadn’t yet had a chance to read and walked into the living room, claiming the couch. I wasn’t going to hide in my room, like I’d done something wrong. This was half my apartment, and I wasn’t going to be confined to a small space because Alice had been lying to me for God only knew how long.

I still couldn’t quite believe that Edward even had a girlfriend, let alone that Alice had known about it and not told me. It wasn’t the sort of thing one normally kept secret. I wondered what she was like? It was a little too painful to think about, so I immersed myself in the fictional problems of a twelve-year-old boy with magical powers. It was far enough from reality that it kept me distracted.

While I was reading, Alice bustled around the apartment, forcing poor Jasper to do her bidding. I was curious as to what exactly she was doing, but I didn’t want to talk to her unless completely necessary. I wasn’t going to childishly ignore her, I had simply lost all trust I’d had in her. Alice had turned into someone I didn’t even know.

Thankfully, she saved me from having to question her.

“Shit, Bella forgot to get jello for the shooters,” I heard Alice say to Jasper. “Would you mind running over to the store really quickly?”

“Sure,” I heard him reply.

Jello shooters? What on earth did she need those for? Then I remembered the party. The fucking party I had completely forgotten about in the tumultuous events of the afternoon. It didn’t matter how shaky my and Alice’s relationship was; there was no way I was going to be able to cancel this party. Shit. How was I supposed to attempt to gain some semblance of inner peace while reading a book if there was a crowd of noisy drunks in my home?

I realized that while I couldn’t stop the party from happening, I certainly was not going to be forced into partaking in it. However, a small bit of alcohol couldn’t hurt. I placed my book down on the coffee table and headed into the kitchen to check out my options.

Alice was in the kitchen when I walked in, preparing the jello mix. She turned around when she heard me come in.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said.

“Who did you think it was going to be?” I asked flatly, trying to ignore the bubbling anger that appeared when I saw Alice. There weren’t going to be any more screaming matches. She didn’t deserve even that much from me.

“I thought you were Jasper,” Alice replied. She looked as though she were struggling to keep her composure. She let it slip for just a moment.

“Are you going to let me explain now?” she asked.

“I really don’t want to hear what you have to say,” I said. “Excuse me.”

I moved around her, trying to get to the bottle of red wine I had my eye on. Wine would be nice, it was a relaxing drink.

Alice blocked my path to the wine, which wasn’t helping the anger in the pit of my stomach. I needed that wine.

“I know you’re really mad at me,” she said, sounding almost angry. What the hell did she have to be angry about? I’d done absolutely nothing to her. “But if you’d just let me try and explain everything, then – ”

“I already told you, I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t want to talk to you right now, and I’d appreciate it if you would respect that. Now, excuse me.”

Alice grudgingly finally got out of my way, and I grasped the bottle of wine like a woman dying of thirst. I poured myself a large glass, then headed back out to my book.

“Are you at least going to get dressed for the party?” Alice called out to me. Was she that much of an idiot?

I didn’t respond, but I did see Jasper look awkwardly over from where he was tidying shoes near the front door. I felt bad for him, having to put up with all the fighting that had been going on with Alice and me lately. But it wasn’t my fault he was always at the apartment. That was his choice.

By the time I had finished my third glass of wine, Alice’s first guests had begun to arrive. I had no idea who most of them were, but I recognized a couple from Alice’s student recitals.

They arrived in two groups, like they were scared of coming by themselves, or something. Music school kids were weird, even weirder than science students. The first group consisted of James, the prick who was always trying to give Alice advice on how to be a better musician even though he knew virtually nothing, and some skanky-looking girls, only one of whom I recognized. Her name was Jenine, or Jessica, or something like that. I didn’t really care.

Alice herded them all into the kitchen, and I wasn’t bothered by their presence. Who knew why Alice invited them in the first place. She sure as hell didn’t like any of them.

The second group arrived shortly after the first, and this crowd was mostly guys who looked as though they weren’t sure exactly what planet they were on. It was your typical, guitar-playing pothead musician. Shortly after they arrived, they all went outside for a smoke, taking James with them, so they didn’t bother me either.

Unfortunately, the skanky girls decided to make themselves right at home in the living room. They all gave me openly judgmental glares as they took me in; messy bun in my hair, dressed in sweats, splayed across the couch reading a children’s book. There were three of them, and they gave me a wide berth, as though afraid I’d give them some kind of disease.

“Oh my God, you can’t be serious.” Jessica – I was ninety-nine percent sure that was her name – and her nasally voice cut right through my soul, disrupting me from my reading.

“As a heart attack,” one other girl said solemnly. “She actually started crying in the middle of her sight-singing exam. No one knows how she even passed the course back in first year. Poor Aaron had no idea how to deal with it. I mean, students usually don’t cry during his tests.”

I needed more wine if I was going to have to listen to this all evening. I refused to give in and retreat into my room, no matter how painful listening to these people gossiping was.

In the kitchen, Alice was talking quietly to Jasper. I determinedly walked – trying not to stumble – around them and grabbed the entire bottle of wine. It would be easier to take it out with me than to keep coming into the kitchen for it.

My cell phone buzzed as I was pouring myself another glass. It was a text from Angela saying that Ben had come down with the flu, so they weren’t going to be able to make it. That was fine; I didn’t know her that well in the first place, and it would be mean of me to have her over here, forcing her to endure this torture with me.

“Ugh, I am so not looking forward to next semester,” Jessica whined. “Tim’s going on sabbatical, and the replacement teacher’s going to be so shitty. How am I supposed to – holy shit, look at that guy. He is jacked. Delicious.”

All the girls, myself included, followed her gaze to the front door. There stood Rosalie and Emmett, whose tight shirt was making him look even more muscled than usual. My first instinct was to go over and greet them, but I held back and hid behind my book. Both Rosalie and Emmett knew Edward had a girlfriend, and neither of them had ever mentioned it.

I was sure they both knew I knew, and I was sure it was going to be awkward. I sank down lower onto the couch so that I wasn’t visible from the front door. Hopefully they wouldn’t see me. Unfortunately, Emmett decided to come in the living room and plunk himself down on the couch, right next to me.

“Hey, Bella.”

I slowly lowered the book from in front of my face to meet Emmett’s eyes, which looked pitying as he took in my pathetic appearance. I had forgotten they would be coming over, and I might have tried to look a little more presentable if I’d remembered. After all, I looked bad enough beside Rosalie as it was.

“Hey, Emmett,” I replied, giving him a tiny, awkward smile.

The front door opened once more, and the girls’ heads snapped toward it. Their eyes all glazed over, and my stomach fluttered painfully as I realized who it was. I couldn’t believe Edward had come after the scene in his apartment. And there, coming in right behind him, was Tanya.

Alice came out to take their coats as I peered over the couch. I could feel Emmett’s eyes on me, probably still looking at me with pity. I tried not to stare at Edward and Tanya, but I couldn’t help it. Not only were they a stunningly beautiful couple, but I wanted to know what Edward’s girlfriend was like. It was like a morbid curiosity of sorts.

Edward came into the living room, Tanya following close behind. I wasn’t ready to be around him, so I quickly hid behind my book again, trying to ignore the swirling of the words on the page. How much wine had I had?

“Bella, stop being antisocial,” Emmett scolded playfully. “What are you reading, anyway?” He snatched the book away from me, and I felt naked without something to hide behind.

“Charlie Bone and the Shadow of Badlock? What the hell is this?” Emmett said. “Bella, are you reading a kid’s book?”

I foolishly snuck a glance at Edward as I blushed. He smiled at me for a brief moment, sharing the inside joke, then he looked away awkwardly. To his left, I noticed Tanya looking between us angrily. This was not going to be a fun evening.

“It’s nothing, Emmett,” I answered. I made a move to grab the book, but he held it out of my reach.

Edward was staring at the book in his hands, looking almost dazed. I wondered briefly if he’d ever finished it. Then all of a sudden, he was up and off the couch. I looked up to see Tanya dragging him by the hand off to the kitchen.

I sighed, wishing I’d had the sense to just go hide in my room before everyone had showed up.

Emmett gently lay the book back on my lap, and I smiled at him gratefully.

“Bella, I want to apologize for never telling you about Tanya,” Emmett started quietly.

I hadn’t actively thought about it before, but none of them besides Alice should have even thought about telling me that Edward had a girlfriend. I was now sure that everyone knew I had feelings for Edward, and I was slightly embarrassed.

“There’s no reason at all for you to apologize,” I said sincerely. “Edward’s personal life is really none of my business.”

Emmett smirked. “Oh, so we’re doing it that way, are we? Well, fine. I’m sorry for not telling you that Edward had a girlfriend, even though you are a completely unbiased, third-party observer.”

I sighed and gave Emmett a small, sad smile. He was such a sweet guy, and I knew he probably felt stuck in the middle of this weird non-fight Edward and I had been having. “Thanks, Emmett.”

Emmett grinned and put his arm around my shoulders, squeezing them tightly. “What do you say we get you some more wine? You seem to have run out.”

I looked at the empty bottle of wine on the coffee table. If I was going to get through the night with my sanity intact, more alcohol might be a good plan.

“You’re smarter than I give you credit for, Emmett,” I said with a genuine grin. I wasn’t sure what it was about him, but I was already feeling better just being in his presence.

As I stood up from the couch, I teetered dangerously. The extent of how much wine I’d had to drink had hit me, and Emmett put a large paw on my shoulder to steady me.

“Easy there, wobbly.”

The tiny kitchen was cramped with people. The only ones not in there were the antisocial music crowd, who had commandeered the living room. My stomach fluttered nervously as I took in the scene.

Alice and Rosalie were off in the corner of the tiny room, chatting loudly and animatedly over the music playing. Jasper was listening quietly, never taking his eyes off Alice as he sipped his drink. Then there were Edward and Tanya. Edward was leaning against the counter, looking almost as though he was trapped. Tanya stood in front of him, her back to us, and she was talking to him quietly.

I did not want to go in there and face them all at once. Alice, Edward or Tanya by themselves, maybe I could handle. But three of them at the same time? I hesitated in the doorway until Emmett gave me an coaxing push.

“Go on, get your wine,” he said into my ear.

“Can I get something a little stiffer?” I asked nervously.

Emmett chuckled. “You don’t need my permission. I’ll make myself a rum and coke while you’re at it, though.”

With Emmett’s encouragement, I ventured into the lion’s den to make myself a drink. When I stepped up to the counter to grab the ice, I noticed Tanya’s face. She was already quite tipsy, from the looks of it. But aside from that, she looked more upset than angry. Her eyes were red-rimmed, like she’d been crying.

I risked a quick peek at Edward. He didn’t look upset, but I recognized that familiar, stony expression on his face. I felt a stab of pity for Tanya upon seeing that look. I knew how horrible it felt to be on the receiving side of that.

I saw Tanya look at me out of the corner of her eye and frown, then I realized I’d been caught looking at Edward by his girlfriend. I ducked my head, turning the corners of my lips up ever-so-slightly into an awkward little half-smile before turning away.

“Geez, Bella, what’s taking you so long?” Emmett came up beside me and took the ice from my hands, plopping a few cubes into my drink. I hadn’t realized how cold my hands had been getting until he’d taken the ice out of them.

After being back in the living room for only a few minutes, Emmett was getting anxious. Every few minutes, one of the girls on the other side of the room would “accidentally” drop something - a napkin, their phone, anything - and would flash him a view of their cleavage, accompanied by an attempt at a seductive smile as they bent down to pick it up. It was a little sickening to watch.

“Let’s call everyone else in,” I suggested. Rosalie would have to come out as well, and I was very interested to see how that would affect the little scene in front of me.

“Good idea,” Emmett said gratefully. Then his face brightened. “Oh, I know! Let’s play a drinking game!”

I wasn’t too crazy about that idea; drinking games involved direct interactions with everyone else. However, if that was what Emmett wanted to do, I was sure it wouldn’t be too bad. And it was a good way to get more to drink.

“Stay here,” Emmett said, standing up from his seat and taking the empty glass from my hands. “I’ll get everyone to come in and get us another drink.”

“Hey!” I heard him holler in the kitchen. “Living room, flip cup, now!”

I heard Alice’s enthusiastic response and Edward’s grumble. I tucked my feet underneath me as I waited anxiously for them to come out. The girls had quieted down their conversation to hushed tones, and it was making me nervous. Especially by the way they kept sneaking glances over at me when they thought I wasn’t looking. I began to feel self-conscious about my choice of clothing before I remembered I was supposed to be angry.

I sighed to myself. I didn’t want to be angry. I wanted to be back to normal, the way I was at the beginning of the school term. Every time I thought back to that first recital, I couldn’t believe how much meeting Edward had affected me. I found it strange, remembering how taken I’d been with him when I hadn’t even known him. That didn’t normally happen to people, and I wasn’t sure why it had happened to me. A normal reaction to meeting Edward might have been a casual response to his good looks, but not much more than that. Why had I been so taken with him right away?

My musings were interrupted by a flash of strawberry blonde hair in front of my face. I blinked and looked to my left; Tanya had taken a seat right besides me, tossing her long, beautiful hair behind her back. She was absolutely gorgeous, and it made me feel even stupider than I already did. How could I have ever thought Edward might want me, when he could have girls like this?

Alice took a seat on the other side of Tanya, and I looked up in confusion. Where was Edward?

I saw him sitting on the floor with Emmett, on the other side of the coffee table. He seemed as uncomfortable as I was with the seating arrangements. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to enjoy sitting so close to Tanya without protection.

“Okay,” Emmett said, “who’s playing?”

The music school crowd seemed torn between not wanting to play drinking games and wanting to interact with Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Their lack of interest in interacting with us won out, and they chose to remain in the corner, talking quietly amongst themselves. I wondered why they were even here.

“Jasper and I are in,” Alice said, “as long as we can be on the same team.”

“I’ll play, I guess,” Rosalie added. “Edward, are you playing?”

Edward looked to Tanya, almost as though he was asking permission.

“I’m playing,” she said in response.

Edward turned to Emmett. “Sure, I’ll play.” He glanced at me quickly, running his hands through his hair. His eyes were tired, and he looked as though he would rather be anywhere but here. I couldn’t help but wonder what had transpired between him and Tanya after I’d left the apartment. Were they fighting? Did Edward hate me for putting him in that situation during my lesson?

I didn’t think he was mad at me; he certainly didn’t seem mad. Just uncomfortable, and I didn’t blame him. I was pretty sure he at least had an idea how I felt about him. He was in a really awkward position right now, as we all were.

The only thing to help with that was a good game of flip cup. However, there was an odd number of people.

Thanks to Tanya, I couldn’t help but think scathingly. If she weren’t here, I could be neatly paired up with Edward, even if it was really only for a game.

As the six others realized the problem we had, the atmosphere in the room grew even more uncomfortable. Emmett tried to figure out a way we could still all play.

“We could switch up the teams after every round,” he suggested. “I don’t mind sitting out for the first one.”

“No, that’s fine, Emmett,” I said. “I don’t think I’m going to play.” I was still really upset over the appearance of Tanya and wasn’t feeling up to playing games. Everyone else wanted to play more than me, so it wouldn’t be fair of me to take up a spot.

“Are you sure?” Emmett asked with a frown. “I’d love for you to play.”

“Thanks, but I’ll just watch,” I answered. I could still drink as I watched everyone else have fun. I just wasn’t in a very “fun” place at the moment, and I didn’t want to bring everyone else down with me. It wasn’t their fault.

Well, that wasn’t strictly true. It was Alice’s fault for not telling me, but no one else had done me any wrong. None of them owed me anything, so I couldn’t find fault with them. I still didn’t need to share my misery with them, though, so I let them play.

I went into the kitchen to make another drink, and I was far more unsteady on my feet than I’d been the last time I had gotten up. I didn’t feel like I needed to slow down just yet, so I made my rum and coke a double. When I got back to my seat, they had formed the teams.

Alice, Jasper and Edward and teamed up against Rosalie, Emmett and Tanya. They all knelt on either side of the coffee table, getting ready to start. Emmett was filling the cups with beer, and I caught the music school girls eyeing him appreciatively.

I took a seat at the end of the table and waited for the show to begin. It was a good show, too. Emmett whooped and hollered as Rosalie and Tanya chugged their beers after he’d finished his. Just his enthusiasm alone was enough to make me feel marginally better.

Alice wasn’t very good at the game, as she was horrible at chugging beer. She preferred girly drinks, and though I was mad at her, I thoroughly enjoyed the faces she made as she forced the liquid down her throat. Emmett’s team won the first two rounds, and they were all looking a little worse for wear.

“I think I need to sit out a round,” Tanya said, rubbing her temples. She rose from the table, wobbling as she collapsed onto the couch behind her.

“Lightweight,” Emmett scoffed. “Bella, take her place.”

“Sure, why not.” It did look fun, and you could never go wrong with chugging beer. I was definitely far better at it than Alice. I replaced Tanya at the table, ready to go.

Emmett went first, and he was definitely slower than the times before. He was still faster than Alice, but not by much. Alice was apparently improving with practice. Jasper and Rosalie started at almost the same time and finished together. It might have been some strange twin mind meld, but I couldn’t be sure.

That meant Edward and I were facing off to see whose team would win. Only Emmett broke the tension with his cheering as I frantically grabbed my cup. Edward and I locked eyes, the awkwardness suddenly gone for the moment as we shared an intense gaze. We kept our eyes on each other as we chugged. I drank my beer faster than I ever had before, wanting to win so badly. As I finished, I slammed the cup down on the table, my troubles momentarily forgotten.

“Yeah!” I exclaimed, pumping my fists in the air. Emmett and I high fived so hard that my hand turned red. It should have stung, but my limbs tended to go numb when I drank copious amounts of alcohol.

Alice punched Edward in the arm, saying, “Way to go, loser.”

Edward kept his eyes on me until Tanya cleared her throat loudly and said, “Okay, I think I’m good to go now.” He looked away, and it was awkward and uncomfortable once more.

I didn’t mind that Tanya got up from the couch and looked down at me expectantly. I didn’t want to play anymore, anyway.

“One more round, then I’m out,” Rosalie said.

The others agreed. As they were getting ready to play the last round, the doorbell rang. Alice and I both looked up in confusion. Who would be at the door? We hadn’t invited anyone else.

“Maybe it’s someone else from your school?” Rosalie suggested.

Alice shrugged and got up to answer the door. If it was anyone else from music school, I wasn’t particularly interested, and I turned my attention back to the coffee table. Tanya was leaned over, her face inches away from Edward’s, and she was whispering at him furiously. Edward ran his hands through his beautiful locks, looking weary.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it looked like they were arguing. Suddenly I heard arguing from the front porch that drowned out anything Edward and Tanya were saying. Curious, I staggered out to the porch to see what was going on.

I was drunk, yes, but there was no mistaking the latest addition to the party. Alice was standing in the front porch, blocking Jacob from entering the apartment. I knew he wouldn’t lay a hand on her, even to gently push past her, so he remained in the hallway.

Seeing Jake was like a breath of fresh air. I hadn’t thought I’d be even remotely happy to see him, but after the emotional turmoil the semester had brought so far, Jake was a welcome distraction.

I stood behind Alice for a moment, staring at him, still not quite believing he was actually standing right there. I hadn’t seen him in so long, and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol obscuring my vision, but he looked even better than I remembered.

A wide smile graced his face as he saw me, and I got a glimpse of his perfect, white teeth. He’d always had great teeth. He had cut his shaggy black hair into a neat crew cut, and it was slightly mussed on the top. I couldn’t help but return his smile with a lazy, drunk one of my own. He could tell I’d had a lot to drink, and it only widened his grin.

Alice turned around to see what Jake was smiling at. “Bella, I’ve got this under control, you can go back inside.”

I grew angry at that, the alcohol as my fuel. I wasn’t some child she could boss around. Who was she to tell me, or Jake for that matter, what to do?

“No, I’ve got this, Alice.”

Ignoring her bemused frown, I reached around her and pulled Jake inside. “You can’t stand out in the hallway all evening,” I said, taking off his jacket. I missed the coat rack the first time, but managed to hang up the coat on the second try. “Come on in and join the party.”

Jake wrapped his arm around my waist as we went inside. Normally that would have bothered me, but not tonight. After everything that had gone on, after all the change that had and was still happening, I craved Jake’s familiarity. He was comfortable, and I needed all the comfort I could get.

I felt very much in the spotlight as we entered the living room. I noticed the girls in the corner look Jake up and down appraisingly. Alice didn’t look happy at all and was whispering furiously to Jasper.

I was most interested in Edward’s reaction. He had lost the uncomfortable grimace he’d been wearing all evening, and had taken up an angry scowl. I tried my best to ignore him and everyone else as Jake and I took a seat on the couch.

Jake immediately draped his arm around my shoulders, and I nestled under his protective embrace. Unlike others in the room, Jake had never done anything to hurt me. He didn’t have a hurtful bone in his body, which was more than I could say for both Alice and Edward.

Just breathing in his scent was comforting, especially because it was nothing like the heady, sandalwood scent of Edward.

“Bella,” Emmett began delicately, sensing the edgy atmosphere “we’ve got an even number of people now, if your friend would like to join us.”

“We’ll sit out, thanks,” I answered sincerely. Jake and I needed to talk, but first I wanted to sit and enjoy the unexpected ease his presence granted me, aided by the alcohol or not.

Jake and I watched as the group played their last round of the game. However, it had lost all the casual fun of before. Everyone was very aware of Jake’s presence in the room, and it was ruining my state of tranquility. Edward’s eyes were heavy on me, and I couldn’t forget about Tanya.

I ran a hand through Jake’s hair. Edward’s eyes narrowed in my peripheral vision. “Jake, let’s go in my room and chat.”

He was all too eager to agree with me, and he grabbed my hand to steady me as I stumbled out of the room with him. His grip was warm and comforting as I felt Edward’s gaze burning into my back, making me feel even woozier than I already did.

As soon as we were seated on my bed, Jacob grabbed both my hands and looked intensely into my eyes.

“How long is it going to take for you to realize we belong together, Bella?” Jake asked, his eyes pleading with me.

I suddenly remembered why I had been avoiding his calls, for this exact reason. I tried to fight my need for familiarity as I responded. I trailed my fingers along his cheek, and he closed his eyes.

“Jake, you know how much I love you,” I said carefully. I grimaced when I saw his eyes fly open in hope. That hadn’t been the best wording. My mind was all fuzzy, and I couldn’t think properly. “You’re such a dear friend to me, and that’s the best way to love you that I know. I can’t force myself to feel something that I don’t.”

The desolate expression on his face was painful to see. “Just give me a chance, Bella. We were so good together.”

“Oh, Jake,” I answered with a sigh, cupping his cheek with my palm. “You deserve someone who can love you properly. Not me, who can only give you friendship.”

“I’ll try harder.” His voice cracked, and my heart broke for him.

“Jake – ” I was cut off by his soft, warm lips on my own. Immediately all thoughts of why this was a horrible idea flew out my mind, and I melted into his embrace. I was vaguely aware of how horrible of an idea this was, but my mind was covered in a thick veil of fog, and Jacob was so warm, passionate and comforting.

However, I was also painfully aware that just on the other side of the wall was Edward with his tall, blonde, beautiful girlfriend. And then there was Alice, who I had thought to be my best friend but who had betrayed me. I felt so alone, yet here was Jake. He loved me. He loved me. I knew how much I was going to regret this, how wrong it was, but I needed to feel loved. Edward didn’t want me, all the delusions I’d allowed myself to have had completely flown out the window with the arrival of Tanya. There was no hope left to have, and that was a more devastating feeling than I ever could have anticipated. It left a hole in my heart, and Jake was here, warm and loving, so ready to fill it. I needed it to be filled.

Clothes were kicked off, bodies under the covers, and I lost myself. It was like putting my bruised, weary feet into an old, worn-in pair of shoes. I took myself back to months and months before, where I was in a happy denial. Nothing was complicated back then.

I felt a familiar heat grow in me, and I closed my eyes. I let myself fall into a state of bliss I hadn’t properly known in a while. I just let myself feel wanted and good, it was so much better than the humiliation and constant state of utter desolation I’d been in. I was doing something wrong, but it felt right in the moment. So right. The amazingly pleasurable sensations grew and heightened, and I put away all those doubts and thoughts about how this was going to play out afterwards.

Fragments of thoughts, images, flashed through my mind as I reached my peak.

Green eyes glittering at me in the dark, long fingers dancing across the keys, warm hands. Edward.

It took all I had not to cry his name as I fell over the edge. Edward. Edward.

As I came back to myself, I caught a glimpse of shocked eyes and the quiet shutting of the bedroom door before Jake was in front of me, planting a soft, wet kiss on my lips.

What have I done?