Chapter 3: The False Gym Teacher

Sun set was going down in the ghettos. Card Guard Soldiers were letting the cartoons, anime, video games, and even authors all go making sure of their safety. Tifa had her head down walking with Barret and Seth, which she had on Seth’s lab coat to get her warm. She moves forward looking back at Gaston’s headquarters.

A radio transmission was heard coming from Draco Malfoy, “Why in the hell are we letting the K’s go. What about the poison gas they’ve stolen?”

“But it’s by order of Prince Gaston.” Informed a Card Solider.

“What about LeFou? Get the General staff on the line.” Malfoy ordered.

“There not at their post sir” The Card Solider stated.

“Are you telling me that Prince Gaston is alone in the con?” Malfoy said.

Back in Gaston’s headquarters…David approached him holding a gun in his hand up to his face.

“And that’s why I’m not allowed in the zoo any more… but to me it’s an average Saturday morning…ah hahahaha…” Gaston chuckled. “Any who, why are you here and what’s with that gun?”

“It seems that you have forgotten?” David said.

Gaston gasped with wide eyes.

“Why we were used as tools in the first place?”

David answers, “It was because my mother was killed…”

Flashback
“Well I had nothing to do with it. Honest!” Gaston cried. “You can even ask every last inch of my abs covered with… hair!”

Gunshots were fired from outside of a building shattering through glass windows sparking up the darken room with bullet shots.

“Mother held a title of Knight of Honor but was a commander by birth.”

On the stair steps poured down blood as a woman in a golden dress with armor on her shoulder and a headband crown over her head with red hair braided and green eyes clutching onto a young girl with brown hair braided and green eyes who felt terrified with her eyes wide open and her body shivering.

“No doubt the other Disney consorts held her in content.”
Lying dead with gunshots through the woman’s body were other soldiers of Surdana in gray army lying dead on top shot down with several people and one young boy looking down upon the woman and little girl frozen in his position.

“Even thou you made it look like the work of terrorist, I’m no fool… you people killed my mother!”

End of Flashback

“Liar!” Cried his abs!

“You know what they say? All is fair and love n’ war.” David said.

“You don’t even know what that means do you?” Gaston said.

“Shut up and look at this pigeon!” David demanded launching the red bird in his eye into Gaston’s.

“What pigeon!” Before Gaston could have said anything else the red bird shape went into his eye making him squealed like a little girl.

“Now… who do I have to chase around through the next 20 chapters of this parody?” David ordered.

“Second Mistress Maleficent and Second Prince Riku.” Gaston answered before him.

“Wait… how many children did that mouse have?” David asked.

“More than you and I can ever possible hope to count.” Gaston answers with a reply from his abs’ “Negative”

“Yeah… I’m done.” David said satisfied putting down his gun. “Oh, and one last thing. You remember how we use to kick your ass in chess when we were young?”

“Yeah… why?” Gaston asked shivering.

With an answer, the gun was point at his head, locked and loaded.

“CHECK MATE!!!”

“ EEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Said an Unwardil’s goat.

“Oh you just suck…!”

With that said by Gaston David pulls the trigger and the gun goes off taking us elsewhere to daytime at a school building with white doves flying up in the sky scattering as someone calls out ‘Random Birds!’

Back in school David is in his school uniform as he gets smacking on the head by a news paper article with the same girl having the yellow ribbons in her hair calls out to him.

“Wake up David!”

“Not the New York Times!” David answers.

“How many times have I told you not to day dream while we were in a meeting?!” The girl shouted, as she was beating David on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

David looks up at the girl, “Only do it if it relates to the plot or a copious amounts of fan service.”

“That’s right. And did we had any?” the girl asked

“When was the last time that a parody had a fanservice?” another girl with black hair tied in a ponytail asked, as she rolled her eyes.

“I think there was a shot of Jenny here without a shirt on.” David pointed towards J.D.

“…!” J.D. said responding back, “WWWAAAAAIIIIITTT…?”

“That won't do! We need proper fanservice.” The girl said

“And I get the feeling that she completely forgot why we’re all here in the place...” the black haired girl said

“You know, you didn't HAVE to come to the meeting Xibchi…” another girl with brown hair tied in pigtails pointed out.

“Oh, oh… I know what you mean Haruhi.” The girl with brown hair and blue eyes said raising her hand up to the other girl name Haruhi. “Like more epic fight scenes or a half decent plot with no stereotypes, right?”

Haruhi simply laughed a bit and then said, “No, I mean... REAL fanservice... like THIS.”

“Uh… what?” The girl said looking up at Haruhi.

“This is not going to end well...” The pigtailed girl said.

“Oh Téa, how I look at you... it makes me want to go out… and buy a whole pack of ‘BAGELS!’ and eat them.” Haruhi said.

The girl name Téa covers herself up crossing her arms together a bit surprised responding to Haruhi, “Wait! You eat… ‘BAGELS!’?”

“Defiantly. Even with cream cheese.” Haruhi said.

“Wait? Are we talking about bagels or ‘BAGELS!’?” J.D. asked.

“Same thing really, at least in this context.” Said David.

Later that day, outside on the school grounds…

“Gees, our president is just a dirty old man in the inside. Filling the meeting with filthy mind.” Téa said.

“Yeah well… that Haruhi Suzumiya for you.” Said Mikuru.

J.D. chuckles, “Look on the bright side, we got the budget balance didn’t we?”

The three students, well almost the three, J.D. was considered the nurse at the school, walk to the class rooms where they heard a student by the name of Jason Vanhell calling out in alarm.

“They use poison gas?”

The three stopped hearing what Jason just said giving a ‘Huh’ expression.

“Man that’s scary.” Spoke another student by the name of Tom Henderson. “The Voi ghetto is only thirty minutes from here.”

Three students who were Jason Vanhell, Tom Henderson, and Sally Anne Browne were watching a News Cast on a laptop.

“Oh my gosh… I saw smoke rising up in Voi. It must have been the gas.” Sally said in alarm.

“Are they saying anything else about it?” Jason asked.

“Voi?” Téa asked turning her head over to David who just came into the classroom.

“I heard about it from a friend of mine. That’s why I called you yesterday.” David said.

“Hey! Check out the footage of those dead K’s.” Jason shouted.

Sally gasped. “Don’t look at that.”

“I don’ wanna!” Tom cried.

“This is strange…” David said thinking into his mind. “Why would they cover it up?” Just thinking about it almost made him throw up he covered his mouth trying to hold it in.

Inside the bathroom, David was washing off asking himself, “Are they trying to hide Gaston’s death just to fend off Anarchy?”

After finishing off he turns off the faucet.

“Well if that’s the case and they final do announce it…”

David looks up in the mirror giving a smirk. “I guess I’m not as tough as I thought I was.”

Meanwhile at the nearest Disney military base Samus and Draco's car was just being cleared to leave.

“So let me get this straight,” Samus said rubbing her forehead in annoyance. “Some lone nut job slipped past our defenses and killed our prince and we got totally pwned all in one day?”

“Yeah,” Draco replied with a shrug. Then he glanced Samus up and down.

“You know my cars sound proof...” He said casually but before he could do anything else Samus socked him in the face.

“No kid, not now. Not ever,” Samus growled.

“Ah screw it; I might as well go to class for once.” David said out of the blue walking into the classroom.”

“Mrs. Tifa! It’s been ages!” Cried a student by the name of Ray Lin.

“Are you alright?” Asked Ryoko. “Emiri has been worried sick all this time.”

“Your okay thou, right?” Asked Tsuruya.

“Yeah, I just have to go easy for a little while.” Spoke there gym teacher, Tifa.

David’s eyes widen with surprise seeing their gym teacher. “Of course. That’s why she’s so familiar.”

“Anyway if I stay home any longer I’ll never catch up.”

David takes his seat in the classroom from the back where the students were with the gym teacher. J.D. steps up to him from the back of his shoulders.

“What’s up buddy? See something you like?” He asked looking at the students and the gym teacher. “You gotta thing for her, don’t cha?”

“Just thinking this is a rare event.” David said with Téa sitting across from him in another seat looking over at him then back to her book. “She hasn’t been here in school since the whole term started.”

“Oh Tifa? Your actually here.” Said a teacher by the name of Dorothy. “Were you really that sick?” She asked with a smirk.

“Yep, it’s amazing what 19 straight hours of Freakazoid can do to you.” Tifa answered.

IMPORTANT PLOT POINT

“Seriously? Is anyone gonna explain that reference awhile back?” David asked.

NOT IMPORTANT

“I heard that there was this game called Mugan, and you can play as any character you like, even the Samurai Pizza Cats.” J.D. stated.

NOT IMPORTANT… BUT INTERESTING …AND INAPPROPRIATE

“Tifa Lockhart. They say she’s sick or something. And she barely showed up at the school last year either. Still her teaching skills as a gym teacher are off the chart than any other teacher in this school.”

“I heard that!!!” Shouted Mrs. Dorothy.

“Man Dave, you sure do like older woman.” J.D. joked.

“It’s nothing like that.” David said.

“Ah you don’t have to hide it.”

Later outside, Tifa was having lunch with her students. She took a bit of her sandwich that she was going to set down when suddenly, her students shouted out a cry.

“There’s a Beedrill, a Beedrill!” Ryoko pointed.

“Oh my god Mrs. Tifa, run!” Cried Tsuruya.

A Pokémon called a Beedrill flew around the girls buzzing at them with Tifa slowly getting off her seat and making a run for it. The rest of the girls only screamed and panic from it.

“Let’s make a fangirl and split!” Ray Lin cried. “Wait…”

Tifa makes a run for it behind a bush kneeling down.

“I don’t get it. Why’s a Pokémon after me?” She wondered. “I wonder if there’s a hive nearby.”

The Beedrill spots Tifa kneeling down in the bush ready to make its move when Tifa does a spin kick, kicking it across from her into a tree.

“God I hate this. I’m sick of acting like a freaking school teacher. Do I really have to get this low to sink by?”

She takes out her piece of sandwich taking a bit of it, and then turns her head over towards David seeing him standing next to her.

“Crap, he saw me.” She said to herself.

“There’s no question it’s her.” David stated.

“Can I help you with something?”

“It’s depends on what you mean by the word, ‘sink?’” David pointed out.

“Was that an attempted at a sexual innuendo?”

“More like a different form of foreshadowing. You’ll see later.” David said beginning to have the bird appear in his eyes flying straight into Tifa’s eyes.

“What foreshadowing… AAAHHHHH!!! Bird in my eye!”

“Now, answer my question. Are they real?” David began to ask.

Tifa responds, “If you mean by my terrorism and love for Fan Fiction, then yes. Thou I’m half Disney.”

“No I meant about your breast?”

“Huh!” Tifa said waking up from his control.

“Screw it, I’ll find out myself.” David said. “Mrs. Tifa, take off your…”

Tifa screams, “Ugh…! My eye! Why did you throw a pigeon into my bloody eye?”

“Wait!” David hesitated. “Are you supposed to be under my control?”

“What the hell are you blabbering about!” Tifa shouted at him. “You douchebag!”

David slowly stepped away. “Er… Téa help me.”

“Yay, I’m helping!” Téa cheered waving her arm out of the window.

“Ah damnit, never mind.” David slapped his forehead. “Run away…” With that he takes off.

“Get back here, you!” Tifa shouted.

Later that night, at a household…

“Well, what should we do?” Asked a young female voice. “He maybe late again this evening.”

“I’ll wait. He said we’d have dinner together tonight.” Said a younger voice.

In a bedroom were two young girls. The first was a ninja girl with short black hair and brown eyes wearing a maiden’s outfit. The other was another young girl with long brown hair braided with her eyes closed shut not able to see anything at all. She wore an orange long sleeve shirt, white shorts, orange socks and shoes and had a pink ribbon. She appeared to be sitting in a wheelchair.

The maiden held in her hands some sort of origami paper in the shape of a crane, which she made. She gives it to the girl in the chair with her eyes closed.

“There, this one’s finished.” She said.

The girl lets out a cry gently taking the paper crane from the maiden’s hands to hold it in her own to feel what shape it was in. She gasps.

“A bird?” She said.

“Yes! It’s a crane.”

“Amazing… The Fictionites are so skillful.”

The maiden ninja smiles at her then looks at the girl with concern seeing her turning her head over to the door.

“Lady Kanami?” She said.

She turns her head to the door as well. The door opens up revealing David coming in the room.

“Whew! Lost her. Bu-ut… why is it nighttime now?” David asked.

“Welcome home big brother.” The girl name Kanami said. “How are you?”

“Yes master. Welcome home.” The maiden ninja greeted.

“No place like it, Yuffie. Right Kanami.” David smiled.

Meanwhile in a top-secret research facility hidden in the Midgar settlement Lefou was addressing the assemble scientists. Around the room were numerous high tech computers and strait jackets similar to the ones that had been on the woman with the blue hair. Oddly enough pictures of the said woman were littered across the table showing her hooked up to various testing equipment and one final one which looked strangely like a scene straight out of the First World War.

“Okay people we’ve basically totally screwed up. Project’s been a complete failure.” Lefou said grimly. “There for this research division is being gutted.

The scientists looked at him aghast.

“I've set up a place for you all in Jacinto.” Lefou added before continuing. “Despite the fact that I and the other senior staff officers have no memory of it we left prince Gaston alone on the command unit when he got capped.”
“Why are you using gang slang for death sir?” One scientist asked.

“Because I want to,” Lefou growled. “I'm probably facing court marshal and if word of the experiments reaches his majesty... well.” Lefou gulped. “Well you know.”

“Don’t worry sir we'll get right on it." A scientist said.

Back at the household with David and his blind sister Kanami, the two were having dinner together as David cut up her stake in pieces as she told him about the fun things that she and Yuffie did.

“Mrs. Yuffie was just teaching me about the art of origami. Fold a piece of paper the correct way and you can make birds, boats, almost anything.” Kanami said take a sip of soup off her spoon when she had a drip slid down on her face.

Both had gasps at this, especially David since he knows well that Kanami can’t tell what she is doing when she’s blind.

“Easy there.” David said taking a napkin and whipping her face. “You don’t have to tell me everything all at once you know. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you.” Kanami smiled.

“You’re very welcome.” David said.

Kanami giggles. “I’m so happy. Cause last night you scared me a little.”

“Did I? Sorry? I just have a lot on my mind is all.” David said.

“Hey?” Kanami said. “They say if you fold a thousand of these cranes your wish will come true. So if theirs anything at all you’ve been wishing for…?”

“No, not really.” David replied. “What about you? Do you wish for anything?”

Kanami thought about it. “I wish the world was a gentler place.”

“When the day comes when you can final see again, I’m sure that it will be.” David stated.

“Really?” Kanami asked.

“I promise.” David said.

‘The truth is, there are very few paths our future can take... The Suzumiya family sheltering us for now... But for how long? If the truth gets out, even J.D, Tea, and everyone will abandon us... Ending up being political tools... wait... Why the hell am I thinking this out out?’

Kanami places her hand on David's hand, lift’s it, and wrapped her pinky finger around his. David’s notices this, and looks at Kanami a bit confused.

“Yuffie showed me this the other day.” Kanami said “Cross my heart, hope to die. Eat a thousand needles if I lie. Pinky promise song.”

Kanami giggles happily, thou David a still a bit speechless and confused at the same time.

“Well that’s scary. Guess I might have to eat a thousand needles one day.” David said “That’s right, so you better not let me catch you lying, ok big brother?” Kanami asked.

“Don’t worry, I won’t. Not to you at least...”

The next day back at school…

“Now to go back to school and find out what’s happening.” David said.

On the side of him appeared a black screen that reveals the words of what he was thinking. WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE.

“God, I always hate this part.” David complained.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

“First thing to do in this town is buy the white crystal.” Spoke his teacher Mr. Lancer

“Yeah sure.” David said asking him a question next, “Teacher, tell me your life story?”

“Sure, it all started with…” Mr. Lancer began.

12 HOURS LATER

“And that’s why meat is more important than marriage.” Mr. Lancer finished.

“Al-right then, teacher, tell me your life story?” David asked once more only using his power this time.

“Well, it all started with…” Mr. Lancer began one more time.

12 MORE HOURS LATER

“Well… that wasn’t supposed to happen.” David said to himself “Alright let’s try something new…”

Mr. Lancer had final woken up from his power. David tried using it on him one more time asking for a different question.

“What are all the answers on the next History exam?”

Mr. Lancer started to walk away. “I’m gonna pretend to ignore that and not give you an ‘F’. Oh, and stop throwing that bird in my eye or I’ll claw out yours.”

“Y-yes sir.” David said. “Well, despite that unexpected term of events I’ll go with good old logic and assuming I can only use it once. Now for class.”

ONE CLASS PERIOD LATER

“Wow he was right. I only got a C- this time. Where’s the kazrow for the two for one coupon for the mud bath medium. Eh, never mind that. I’ll just use her instead.” David said walking up to Tifa.

The students and Tifa all looked at him, curiously. Tifa especially.

“What do you want?” Tifa asked.

“Say, you wanna go out for a snow cone?” David asked.

Tifa shrugged. “Sure, I was wondering when you were going to ask.”

“!!!” The students cried hearing what their gym teacher said.

Elsewhere…

“Okay… are you absolutely sure no one will find us?” Tifa asked.

“I’m positive.” David answered. “No one uses this room. And theirs no reason it should be used today. That will leave us completely and utterly all alone…”

“Found it!” Téa called standing up with some sort of chip in her fingers.

“Ugh! God Damn You Irony!” David shouted.

The door opens, with Haruhi bringing in pushcart of food with her. “Sorry David, I couldn’t get you your snow cone, but I brought the next best thing: An insinuation party with Ms. Tifa with the whole Student council!”

“I think I rather have the snow cone.” Both David and Tifa said at the same time until both realizing it, “Hey!”

“Well, for exposition sake, I’ll just introduce myself, I’m Haruhi, the president of the Student Council.” Haruhi said.

“And I’m J…”

“And I’m Téa!” Téa cut J.D. off leaving him to moan.

“Oh C’mon…”

“Um… hi there. My name’s Mikuru.”

“And I’m ChibiSkitty, thou most people here call me Chibi for short.” Chibi said.

She looks over to Xibchi, who wasn’t even saying anything.

“Well, don’t you have something to say?”

“What? Fine... I'm Xibchi. I got dragged into this by pigtails here.” Xibchi said.

“It’s… nice to meet all of you.” Tifa said.

“Téa. I’m sorry but do you think you could set these on the table for me.” Said Kanami, coming into the room in her wheelchair holding on her lap deserts.

“Oh sure, thanks Kana.” Téa said heading up to her to help.

“Kanami? What are you doing here?” David asked.

“This is David’s sister.” Haruhi said.

“I’m still in the middle school group. So I can’t be on the council yet.” Kanami said.

“That’s alright. You’re an honorary member in our book.” J.D. stated.

Suddenly the door to the clubhouse was sent flying off its hinges and went flying towards J.D.! “Holy sh!” J.D. had time to yell before he was slammed into the grand staircase. Everyone winced before turning their attention to the very tall brown haired man in a green coat who stood at the door holding a pair of hand guns, one silver and one gold. He had a sword hanging on his back and he slowly seemed to realize what had happened.

“Oh crap, I'm in the wrong fic aren't I?” He muttered.

“Yeah Ranger, you don't show up until a cameo next chapter.” David replied.

“Oh shit, this is Code Fiction?” Ranger said alarmed.

“Yeah,” Chibi replied sweat dropping.

Ranger smiled sheepishly. “Eh sorry about the door.” Then quick as a flash he ducked out. J.D. pushed the door off him rubbing his bruised forehead.

“What the hell was that?” He asked.

“Oh just a random badass having a mix up,” Haruhi replied with a shrug.

“Right…!” J.D. said setting a champaign bottle on the table. “Shall we kick this off with a toast.”

“Huh?”

“Champaign?” Téa said.

“Yeah, but were on the student council. We shouldn’t.” Mikuru said.

“I thought that annoying commercial said there would be real fanservice and I have yet to be fanservice one bit.” J.D. complained.

“No way! Were gonna get in trouble.” Téa said trying to take the wine battle from him by popping out the cork.

“What’s going on?” Kanami asked with Haruhi giving her a glass of orange juice in her hands.

The two fought over the wine bottle as J.D. passes it over to David. “David, heads up!”

David catches it making a shrug, “Oh well, its as they say, good things come when spraying woman with booze.”

“I don’t remember that saying?” Tifa stated.

Téa pushes J.D.’s head down running up to David trying to take the bottle away from him. “You’re not getting away with this either, David.”

She tries reaching out over David to grab the win bottle who was holding it over himself and Téa only to have fallen down with her on top of him with the bottle still in his hands but the cork shooting out launching over to Tifa who smacks the cork away from her but only to have the Champaign to spill all over her as it comes out of the bottle like a fountain leaving her soaked.

“What just happened?” Kanami asked while everyone else gave a surprising and awkward look.

Téa, Haruhi, Chibi, and Xibchi go off ahead washing up her clothes in the washer machine while Tifa went to take a shower to wash off…

IT’S CENSORED NOW…

“Oh great, not only did he have to go out and buy the unconcerned DVD raw footage of this scene. But he just had to put to extremely suggest Jazz music. Shows how much of a freaking best horn dog you are.” Tifa said washing her self off.

Record scratch

“Hey…!” Shouted Axel getting an early appearance. “I’m a post pubescent horn dog, thank you very much.”

“Fine.” Tifa said satisfied. “So long as no nice looking author males come in here.”

“Knock knock?”

Record scratch

Tifa hesitated. “Who’s there?”

“Irony.” Answered David’s voice.

Tifa groaned.

“Now now, I just came back to give you your clothes.”

“Well its your fault for getting me all wet.” Tifa stated.

“Oh C’mon. You enjoyed it, didn’t you?” David smirked setting her clothes down in a basket.

“Not as much as you’ll enjoy this?” Tifa said grabbing him by the wrist out of the shower.

“Well it would be my first time. Have you done this before?” David asked.

“Plenty, and I’ll twist it hard just for you.”

“And this will really hurt.” David said.

Suddenly the phone rings in the bathroom.

“My, this episode is full of awkward transitions.” David said reaching out to grab the phone. “It’s for you.” He gives Tifa the phone.

“Hello?” Tifa said. “You caught me at a wrong time.”

“I’ll say…”

“Shut up!” Tifa snapped. “Who is this?”

“You would remember me from such as… that voice and saving your ass.”

“Why you little…” Tifa snapped pulling opened the curtains.

“Look, just meet me at the train station in the next chapter. If you do, I promise there will be no more sexual innuendos.”

“Fine. You got a deal.” Tifa confirmed hanging up the phone.

On the other line was Yuffie holding in her hands a tape recorder that had David’s voice on it. She was obviously under the control of his power.

At the end of the message, was this left. “Did I mention I tend to lie numerous times.”

“Speaking of beep? Shouldn’t the censors be covering your butt right now?” David asked.

“Huh? What are you…” Before she knew it, she looks down to realize she was standing naked in front of David looking down surprised and shock. “Oh god!” She shouted ducking down and shutting the curtains.

“See you later then.”

Later that afternoon Tifa and David made their way back into the main school building.

"Hey David what happened to your voice?" She asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," David replied with a shrug.

Suddenly they came upon a strangely large gathering of students just outside of a class room.

"And what the hell is this all about? Did Haruhi fine Kyon’s hentai stash again?" David asked in confusion.

"Oh no its worse!" JD said breaking through the crowd to them.

"What could be worse?" David asked as JD pulled the two of them to the TV around which everyone was gathered. Not surprisingly enough it was the news.

"This just in! For the first time this chapter we've discovered that Prince Gaston, got capped." The newscaster reported. "We bring you live now to his loyal soldier and heartless pilot, Draco Malfoy... Yes, the ego molester from last week.”

“Malfoy… Malfoy? Where did you find the deceased body of Gaston?” Asked a News Reporter.

“Uh…” Malfoy went before going into a flash back.

“How in the world did you find us?” Lefou asked.

“Uh…Lucky guess?”

Back to the broadcast… As he struggled to explain his reason he turns over to the screen pointing out who seems to be the culprit of the crime.

“It was that author kid over there?” Draco pointed on the screen to reveal none other than Stephen was has been captured by Card Soldiers walking down with them on the streets. Stephen had tried to reason with them but was smacked in the back of the head to be silenced.

David only stood there in shock, only to have find his best friend caught guilty by the Disney Empire for the crime he did and that Stephen was blamed for. As Draco finished up.

“Now excuse me, as I need to get to my hot date with…” He chuckles, “Mrs. Ego.”