I'm screwing with all laws of Virtual Reality rooms, here. I hope the confusion level is at a minimum-this one gave me more of a headache than Unconventional did, if you can believe that. It's taken a while to churn out. But here it is... enjoy. Just use your imagination a little, mess with the actual VR room in Crisis Core in your head a bit... it'll work, with some effort. Any questions at the end? Ask away... I won't mind. :)

Oh yeah! There's now more Zack/Cloud fanfics than there are Seph/Cloud fanfics! This is unacceptable-we must win! Writewritewrite Seph/Cloud! WE CAN'T LET THEM WIN!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII. ;.;

It was ingenious.

Cloud knew that he—being a Cadet of little rank and even littler stature—was not ever going to get a chance with his hero, the great General Sephiroth.

But Cloud, being a boy blessed with a brain that he actually knew how to use (unlike some of the other Cadets enrolled in the SOLDIER program), sat down one day and thought hard about his little problem.

He thought the answer was fairly obvious.

If he couldn't have the six-plus feet of warm, gorgeous, sexy General, he'd have the next best thing: six-plus feet of pixilated, gorgeous, sexy, virtual-reality General, courtesy of the VR training room.

Cloud knew his plan was a little unorthodox. But after carrying it out a few times successfully (with a lot of practice), he felt confident about the whole sneaky business.

It was late. Cloud quietly hurried down the 49th floor's hallways, trying to be as quiet as he could. It was a pretty hard thing to do, as the hallways were metal (but, as he said before, he'd had practice).

Zack's swiped entrance card was thrust in the scanner. Access granted. Cloud's breath hitched in his throat at the sight of all the high-tech equipment.

He knew what to do. Cloud went for a big monitor first, that was glowing beside neat, futuristic-looking pipes and wires.

Enemy Level Settings? As low as it could go, baby.

Pain? Off, bitch!

Physical Make Up? Solid… Mmm.

Special Appearances? …Sephiroth.

The VR Training room was a wonderful thing. You could hack at low-level monsters only or whatever as long as you wanted, but if you were willing to get your ass handed to you by a SOLDIER elite, then you were welcome to.

Just for good measure, Cloud added a few little monsters into the fray as well. He could actually train too, couldn't he?

When he was finished with the rest of the settings, Cloud donned one of the expensive VR helmets. He stepped into the room and let the door slide shut behind him. Everything was bathed in an eerie red light.

The room itself wasn't very big; maybe about thirty feet by thirty feet. It was mostly clear in the center, but there were a few random things along the outside. Sitting in the darkest shadows of the room he could find behind a crate, Cloud pressed a few buttons on the side of his helmet.

When inside the VR room, you usually didn't move. Muscles remembered your virtual actions, though, and that was how you trained. Apparently some people actually dove or something if they were dodging a scary death blow, but that was rare. He'd heard that Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal routinely caused damages to the room—they moved. Swung swords. Jumped. That wasn't supposed to happen, but he supposed that it was just like Sephiroth to break rules like that. He always stayed behind his precious box, never moving, luckily.

Behind the crate, he wouldn't be spotted if anyone else came in to use the room. Hopefully.

Cloud pressed a last button, and the room transformed.

…His mission was to take out the last remnants of a monster pack. SOLDIER had come through and gotten rid of most of them, but there were still a few lurking around. He was the clean-up crew.

Gotcha.

Cloud rose from his seat behind a crate almost identical to the one his real body was hiding behind. The wonders of technology! He hefted his rifle, which had appeared in his hands, and gave the immediate area a once-over. Nothing. There was a high ceiling, dark shadows, and scary noises.

He seemed to be in a warehouse, as boring as that was. He walked slowly, ears listening intently for the sound of little, Level 3 monster claws or –gulp– heavy boots.

He wandered for a while, finger itching to pull the trigger. But he kept calm, and when there was a little squeak behind him, he shot a clean hole in the middle of the monster's skull.

Victorious, Cloud continued.

He had to smash his rifle into the body of this one weird globby monster that had gotten too close. He had the feeling his mission was almost completed before too long, and he didn't even have a scratch on him. Perhaps he was getting better.

However, Cloud knew that he was going to fail the mission, ultimately. He always did. And he didn't mind.

When he was down to the last monster, Cloud waited before moving in to kill it.

Sephiroth always appeared when he was just about done, probably so he could fail his mission just before he was about to succeed. How mean could you get?

Just like he hoped, a familiar figure stepped out of the grimy, wet section of warehouse to his right. The lighting wasn't great in the area (the windows were too covered in crap to let any substantial amount of light inside), but there was just enough for him to see what he wanted.

His hair shone and flowed like… like liquid mercury or something. Did mercury even get solid? Well, whatever—Sephiroth was so perfect, no words—least of all those from the periodic table—could describe him.

Sephiroth approached.

In real life, Sephiroth moved like a cat, strong and graceful. In Cloud's virutal fantasy world, Sephiroth moved like a cripple.

The General erratically limped his way towards Cloud. Cloud knew that it was the General's goal to kill him, this being training after all, but he wasn't scared. He had set it to 'no pain,' hadn't he?

"Sephiroth," Cloud sighed softly.

Cloud deserted the small-fry monster and gleefully ran towards Sephiroth. The General twitched madly and moved like his body was in a swamp. Cloud figured the only way to make such a strong man revert into level three was to give him some sort of brain damage or something.

Cloud jumped over rotting wood and (hopefully) empty TNT boxes. He almost twisted his ankle at one point, but he kept scampering towards the other man, who was fumbling for Masamune with too-clumsy fingers.

Finally.

Cloud leapt up and flung himself at Sephiroth, kissing those full, soft lips with his whole being.

This was it. What he stayed up so late every night for. Kissing Sephiroth? Nothing could be better.

Program-Sephiroth (who was deliciously solid and tangible, thanks to his settings) obviously didn't like it as much as Cloud was. He let out a dying animal noise—it would've been funny, had it been anyone else—and began frantically tugging at his sword, trying to get it free from its place at his hip.

Cloud knew his time was almost over. He didn't fight it, though, and kept placing sweet little pecks to the man's lips, standing on tiptoes and gripping the crossed straps of the SOLDIER belt covering the man's chest.

When Sephiroth finally got Masamune to pierce Cloud's chest, Cloud had fully enjoyed his time. He coughed up a substantial amount of blood on Sephiroth's neck and pressed a last kiss to Sephiroth's lips, biting the bottom one and drawing away, letting it spring back. There was a big, bloody smear on the man's mouth, but Sephiroth didn't seem to really care.

Their eyes met for a second, one pair glazed and unreadable, and the sword twisted inside Cloud's body.

The warehouse fizzled away, and a female voice announced, "MISSION FAILED."

Cloud took off his helmet and rose from behind the crate. There was an odd feeling in his chest, but he ignored it.

Cloud smiled widely and left.

When Zack asked him if he was feeling alright the next day (because it didn't look like he was getting enough sleep), Cloud just grinned tiredly and waved him off.

"Never better," he answered.

For a few weeks, Cloud continued his late-night 'trips' to the VR room. He was a pro.

It seemed the Sephiroth-program came up with new ways to kill him when on higher levels. He had been this close to worming his hand in Sephiroth's pants and giving him a hand job, but the General had snapped his neck. His neck! Technically being dead and having his head hang at such a weird angle with no pain had been… odd.

But so worth it.

He was feeling extraordinarily brave one day. He set 'Special Appearences' to 'SOLDIER.' Anyone and everyone would see him and the General, and he was happy with it that way. If… he ever did decide to do anything with the real Sephiroth… he'd be ready. He made sure to turn the sound in his helmet off—he could still hear anyone else speaking into the built-in microphones if they decided to use the room, but they wouldn't hear him. He couldn't risk getting caught because of his breathing or something.

Cloud huddled behind his crate as usual, making sure he was hidden from prying eyes, if anyone entered while he was 'busy.'

He hugged his knees excitedly, pressing a button on the helmet.

It was a city this time. Cool! Darkened streets, scary gutters, broken glass…

Cloud was now the proud participant in a level-eight monster mission. He had really started to improve his skills after doing this for so long—even his instructors had noticed.

It was slightly raining, but the tread on his combat boots prevented any slippage. Cloud clutched his gun and darted for the closest building, hoping to find something to use for cover.

Half an hour in, where he had shot an array of monsters while wishing he had a sword, a strange thing happened.

There was a crackle in his ear, and a voice said, "Hey—let's not cause too much destruction, okay?"

Another voice whined.

Cloud curiously peered around the corner of an older building, looking for the Angeal and Zack programs. He had heard them…

And sure enough, Zack came sprinting down the street, sword flying everywhere. He didn't see Angeal, though.

"Time to save the people!" Genesis' voice fizzled into his ear, "try not to kill any of them this time, Seph."

There was a quiet sniff of laughter that echoed in his brain after that, and Cloud changed his mission.

This 'SOLDIER' setting had been a good idea. All four, here? Cloud gripped his gun tightly and ran, trying to find Sephiroth.

Cloud actually didn't know programs could speak like these were. He didn't know why he could hear them in his helmet. But he didn't care.

He spotted Genesis doing some fancy flip in the air, launching fireballs at a… dragon? What? (Cloud didn't remember adding dragons into the mix.)

Whatever, Cloud thought. He narrowed his eyes and kept running, shooting occasionally.

And at long last…

There, standing in a darkened intersection and checking his PHS, was Sephiroth. The level-eight version was a far cry more sophisticated than the level-three.

His excited breathing must have alerted the man to his presence, because he looked up.

And surprisingly, Cloud didn't see the urge to kill him in his eyes.

Sephiroth stared at him for a long moment, and Cloud stepped forward shyly, blushing and ducking his head. For some reason… this Sephiroth felt a lot more like the actual, real Sephiroth than the others did.

"…I see a Strife program," Sephiroth said, sounding pleasantly surprised. Cloud heard it in his ear—he must've been talking to the other 'men.'

…It was so cool that the SOLDIER programs were so real! Cloud loved technology!

"Woah, really?" 'Zack' said. "Resist, Sephiroth! We're not here to molest Cadets, no matter how cute they are!"

Program-Genesis snorted, wherever he was. Maybe in the dragon's stomach.

"I won't," Sephiroth said absently, already walking towards him.

Cloud was prepared for a surprise attack or something, but wasn't complaining when Sephiroth bent a little so their faces were closer and said, "Hello, Cloud."

There was a momentary bit of panic (if he spoke, anyone else using the room—Gaia forbid—would hear him). But then he remembered how he had turned the sound off in his helmet specifically, and said, "Hi—Sephiroth, Sir."

Zack laughed in their ears. "Hold up—I'm coming over there. This is gonna be good!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes and said, "What are you doing in a place like this, Cloud?" He laughed, like he had said a joke and reached out, pulling Cloud closer to him.

He tilted the boy's head and gently moved the spikes covering his one ear. "Looking as beautiful as ever, I see," he murmured into his ear, lips brushing the lobe. Cloud shivered in pleased bewilderment—what the hell was program-Sephiroth doing? Was this a new way to kill him?

Two big hands squeezed his butt with absolutely no warning, and Cloud squeaked into Sephiroth's neck, unable to help it. If Sephiroth thought he was a program and wanted to have mad, rabid, program-sex with him, was he going to protest? No! Cloud leant up to kiss the man like he had been for weeks, but Sephiroth stood up and drew away, looking at something over his shoulder.

At least fourteen high-level—and he meant high-level—monsters appeared out of the shadows of the city, creeping forward in a way that was totally, completely terrifying. They didn't look level eight; they were eighty, at the very least! He couldn't feel pain, but damn!

Sephiroth didn't seem fazed. He caught the horrified look on Cloud's face and said, cupping his cheek with a gloved hand, "I'll protect you." He smiled, turned, and was suddenly chopping the shit out of the monsters. Poor things.

Cloud watched Sephiroth kill with a sort of morbid curiosity. Sephiroth was an absolute beast—but, in a good way. He ducked low and took out some freaky ball of flame with his foot, then swung Masamune around and cut the head off of some nasty winged thing. He really was a pro; never in all his time at Shin-Ra had Cloud seen a display quite like the one Sephiroth was giving him now.

And just like that, the monsters were gone. Sephiroth turned to face him, looking smug and completely unruffled. Cloud was sure he couldn't have been more in love with the man more, after that. It was so romantic…

(Some part of Cloud wondered how level-eight Sephiroth managed to take down those things, but the rest of him was too enamored to spare any brain cells contemplating it.)

At some part during the battle, Angeal, Genesis and Zack arrived.

"Shit—it is a Cloud program!" Zack said. It appeared he hadn't fully believed Sephiroth when he said it earlier.

Honestly, these virtual-reality versions of his heroes were so funny.

Cloud's blue eyes turned dangerous as he looked back at Sephiroth. This one had saved him…

Desire twinged in his gut, and before he really knew what he was doing, he was sprinting straight for Sephiroth.

Cloud leapt! He was half-caught by the stunned General but wrapped all four limbs around him anyway, just to be safe. He yanked hard on that pretty hair and attacked the mouth in front of him.

Cloud was vicious. He crawled and climbed his way up Sephiroth's body, literally sticking his tongue down Sephiroth's throat. He held the man's face still between his hands and didn't let him move away, lightly digging his fingernails into the man's cheekbones when the General tried to. Being dominant and aggressive really wasn't his thing, but sometimes you just had to man up and do it, as he had learned in all his time being a sick, depraved Sephiroth-fan sneaking onto the 49th floor at night.

When he was satisfied he had gotten the program's attention he cooled down, reverting into the more submissive person he naturally was. At one point Sephiroth had started kissing back, and now he was completely in control, for a change—and it felt wonderful!

Program-Zack and Program-Genesis were screaming something, but neither heard.

Sephiroth was confused, but he kept running his hands down the cute little holographic-but-solid boy's body, ignoring the shouts and hollers from the other three. He wasn't going to approach the actual teen anytime soon, so he got what could get. (Sephiroth was only too aware of how his reputation affected those around him, and he wasn't eager to scare away such a timid, shy-looking boy like Cloud Strife.)

There was an odd, absolutely gross noise, and Cloud finally opened his eyes.

In the side of Sephiroth's neck was a kitchen knife.

The offending tonberry swung its lantern at Sephiroth's ankle just to be mean and scurried away, into the sewers through the gutter.

Sephiroth's eyes widened as he looked down at Cloud, pain evident in them.

The city disappeared, and a female voice boomed, "MISSION FAILED."

Cloud wasn't behind his crate anymore. His real body had moved—moved! That was so rare!—while his mind was in the VR world, and was now…

Oh, shit.

He clapped a hand to the side of the neck of the person holding him up, feeling for a huge cut, a hole that shouldn't have been there…

But they were fine.

"…Cloud?"

Oh yeah.

Cloud pushed his helmet off his eyes and blinked at Genesis, Zack and Angeal, who were also in the room. With him.

Sephiroth and Cloud gave each other a long look.

…It was the real Sephiroth?

…It was the real Cloud?

Understanding dawned on Cloud slowly. His eyes flickered from the man's face to the floor to the others and back to surprised green eyes—

And Cloud's face turned a shade of red so bright, it was almost painful.

It made sense now. Why he could hear them in his helmet—they were actually in the room—and why Sephiroth had been able to take down those monsters.

…His life was going to end. He had interrupted (It was a bit more than "interrupted," a little voice inside him said with a snicker) Sephiroth during his all-important, special, late-night training time. He was so dead.

Why had he been so stupid? Why didn't he see the obvious signs for what they were, and gotten the hell out of there with his head still attached to his shoulders?

The four SOLDIERs stared at the little blond in Sephiroth's arms, who was red as a cherry and seemed to be deep in thought.

Cloud contemplated getting up and trying to run away, but a thought stopped him.

"Looking as beautiful as ever, I see."

…Sephiroth had said that. Sephiroth had thought that he was the fake one. He had distracted Sephiroth so much, he—with his enhanced awareness and reflexes—had been stabbed in the neck! Did that mean what he thought it did?

Awareness came back to Cloud's eyes, and they locked onto the General's.

Cloud coughed nervously, and both males gently let go of each other, taking a step back. Busying himself with smoothing out his uniform, Cloud avoided the other's gazes.

"You're blushing!"

Cloud looked up angrily to scream "No shit!" at Zack, but his friend wasn't looking at him.

Indeed, there was a fair smattering of pink on Sephiroth's regal cheekbones. Sephiroth tilted his head, letting his hair obscure his face and turned to the side, facing away from them. He said nothing.

Cloud coughed again. He resigned himself to his fate and said, "…Hello, Sirs." He held his arms stiffly at his sides and stared at the floor.

There was a squelch as Zack sucked his cheek in thought. Sephiroth still had not made a noise. Angeal was hiding a smile behind his hand, and Genesis was hiding his smile behind Angeal's shoulder.

"…Well!" Zack said loudly, clapping his hands. Cloud jumped. "It's good that you two have met, eh? I don't hafta worry about you two never getting together now, huh?"

As he spoke, he dragged Angeal and Genesis closer to the door, waving his hand in front of the motion sensor so it slid open. He gave Genesis' hand a particularly vicious yank and pushed Angeal through the door, calling, "Have fun!"

The door slid shut.

Sephiroth was as still as stone.

Cloud firmly clamped his mouth shut, telling himself to let his superior speak first.

Eventually he did. "…I was not… expecting you," Sephiroth said in a quiet, masculine voice.

Ditto, Cloud thought wryly.

After another short silence where Cloud's brain kicked it into overdrive, Cloud took a step forward. And another.

Sephiroth didn't move away when the little blond stopped right in front of him. Cloud figured that, since they were obviously both embarrassed, Sephiroth hadn't been joking or lying… and that really, not it just being his imagination, Sephiroth had…

Screwing his eyes shut, Cloud stood on tiptoes and gently kissed his hero. It was drastically different from the rabid kisses he had bestowed before, and still not like the nicer one they had shared earlier. When he drew back, Sephiroth's eyes were glowing.

The General peered down into the Cadet's eyes, an odd expression on his face. A predatory look flashed on the fine features for a moment, then he glanced around the room and smiled at him.

"…Where were you hiding?"

Cloud pointed at the crate.

"Smart boy," Sephiroth sighed under his breath after a moment. His silver lashes lowered, and he sent Cloud an amused look. Cloud swallowed.

The General put his hands on his hips and gazed all around the room again, falling silent. Cloud shifted in the awkward silence.

Sephiroth said, with maybe a hint of pink again on his perfect cheeks, "I never imagined anyone using this room the way you have, Cloud."

Hearing his name fall from the other's lips distracted Cloud to the point where he almost didn't hear what he had said. But eventually it sunk in, and he felt himself blushing again.

After a moment's thought, though, he smiled shyly and countered, "…Sir. I think you seemed to be using the room that way too. Sir."

And there it was! The pink was back, for sure! Sephiroth actually covered one of his warm cheeks with a hand and squinted at the Cadet. Cloud seriously doubted anyone knew how adorable his hero actually was.

"…I suppose," Sephiroth said softly, staring.

Words failed the both of them at that point. Sephiroth had never been too big on talking, honestly, and neither had Cloud. They both had been caught 'red-handed,' and both knew what that meant without even saying anything about it.

Cloud gingerly stepped forward and gently gripped the General's hand. Sephiroth put an arm around the teen's shoulder and squeezed a little. Cloud briefly let his head rest against Sephiroth's upper arm. Sephiroth kissed the top of his head.

They started for the door. "I am glad," Sephiroth began, "that you were here tonight." Cloud got the feeling that this was as much emotion was going to show him at the moment. But that was okay—his crazy, stalkerish plan had gotten him what he really wanted, hadn't it? His plan really had been ingenious!

Cloud giggled a little with relief and just about every other good emotion. "Me too."

There was a quick, sideways glance at the blond. "You know that there are some things you cannot do in this room, yes?"

Cloud looked up. Sephiroth was gazing at him with smoldering eyes. Cloud got the hint.

The VR room was indeed a wonderful thing. The training and extra experience gained from using it was pretty nice, but what he himself had gained from his ingenious idea was really nice.

But, as Sephiroth had said, it couldn't do everything. But Cloud didn't mind. He didn't have to practice his ambushing techniques on a fake Sephiroth for any longer. The real one seemed interested in taking the other's place.

He was more than eager to continue his "training."