A/N: Hello :D Long time no see, guys :) For some reason, my brain has been everywhere lately, and it only deigned to focus on this one recently... Hopefully, I'll be able to get to everything else... But after school starts, I probably won't have time again D: Rush, rush, rush!

Just as a recap for people coming back to this story, it's the role reversal one :D Zero is the pureblood, Kaname the pureblood turned human, and Yuuki the hunter :) Hope you guys like it *cross fingers and prays*

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To Find Him

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“A vampire’s thirst can only be quenched by the blood of their loved one…”

Kaname knew this was all wrong. He was wrong. He hadn’t meant for things to turn out this way, never. All he’d wanted, since he could remember, was his love, his care, and his attention. None of that was supposed to change; to advance to something else Kaname was much too embarrassed to name, even in his mind. Just the slightest inclination of it made him react in ways that were absolutely mortifying. It went far past embarrassment and into, ‘Please kill me now; so that if I were to be a spirit, at least then others won’t have to see me this way.’

The only other person who knew about it was Yuuki, and Kaname hadn’t even told her. Rather, she’d walked right into it and had herself a front row view of everything.

‘Geez, and I thought you were having a nightmare or something. So much for the concern.’ After one sleepy glower and disgruntled twist of her lips, the door was closed none too gently.

Kaname had nearly cried. The high-pitched wailing included.

Predictably, he couldn’t look Yuuki in the face for the next week without wanting to pull off a ridiculous imitation of a scared rabbit or some national high profile criminal hiding from the authorities.

Unbeknownst to him, his avoidance had been more than obvious to Yuuki, who found it aggravating, but cute. (The former due to not being able to find him during Guardian duties, and the latter due to it simply being Kaname. She gambled on whether to tell Zero anything – Kaname’s reaction to that would have totally made her day – but firmly decided she wasn’t that much of a witch, and settled for sending the older brunet a knowing smile.)

After a week of it, however, the aggravation was definitely weighing more heavily than the cuteness, and Yuuki had tracked down Kaname to the library and deliberately chose a seat next to him, calmly murmuring,

‘If I have to spend another day of being late for class changeover with Zero asking me – every single time – about where you are, I’m going to send him a special letter.’

Special letters. Those were always to be dreaded nowadays. It was much like a code between them now; something that only Kaname and Yuuki shared since children. It’d started out so innocently, with Kaname offering the idea of Yuuki writing small messages down to the people she missed (her parents) to alleviate if only a little of her pain. She then suddenly left a letter on his desk one day, and what could Kaname do, but write one back?

The frequency of the letters had petered out over the years, and had evolved to leaving teasing remarks or humiliating reminders of certain events only childhood friends would know about.

‘Wha—‘

‘About that night,’ Yuuki interrupted casually, writing something down in her book.

Kaname nearly choked on air. ‘Yu-Yuuki…!’

‘So, you either come on time this evening, or Zero finds out more about you than he’s ever wanted to know,’ she finished her writing with a flourish and snapped her book shut. Standing smoothly, she spared him not a glance before making a clean exit, extremely proud she’d had the guts to even make such a proposition. It was probably cruel of her to hold something like that over her childhood friend, but she needed a strong enough motive to get Kaname moving. He couldn’t avoid her or his prefect duties forever. A week was sufficient enough time to get over his girly embarrassment.

That had been a month ago, and things had only gotten worse when it came to…well, it. Even better – Zero had also noticed something was off, and wasn’t at all afraid to show his concerned curiosity over Kaname’s strange behavior.

The young brunet sighed, bowing his head, his dark locks fluttering around his face. He was glad for it, since the other students would surely think him strange, just sitting there with his cheeks flushed for no apparent reason.

He couldn’t stand the fear and insecurity he was constantly suffering from. Everyday, every minute, every second felt like an eternity; and when in his presence… Kaname roughly shook his head. This was getting pathetic. He had to do something, and soon. He couldn’t continue to worry both Yuuki and Zero, and at this rate, it would never stop.

But could he simply change the way he was? Kaname’s throat tightened. To actually push those thoughts away; to push him away? Yes, it would help if he could – Kaname bit his lip, his heart trembling. But that couldn’t – it wasn’t – It just wasn’t possible.

But how to fix this…

“Hey, Hanabusa, get – Oh.” Akatsuki blinked as he saw his cousin sitting on his bed, perfectly awake and dressed primly in his white uniform. This was a first. He couldn’t remember a day where he hadn’t been his cousin’s last minute alarm. This day, however, or rather, this evening, he not only woke up on time, but seemed oddly occupied as well.

“Hanabusa?”

“I know, I’m coming, hold your horses,” the younger blond vaguely responded, his expression still pensive.

“Not that, did something happen? Is it Zero?” Whenever Hanabusa was concerned about something, it was always related to their pale pureblood. It’d always been that way since they were children. Akatsuki could clearly recall his cousin getting jealous of Ruka with all the attention Zero would place on her whenever they met. Akatsuki, too, had thought, perhaps Zero felt something more for her than simple friendship, but the older pureblood had made his opinions regarding that more than clear.

‘I don’t mean for this to sound harsh, but she simply reminds me of someone else I care for deeply.’

It was an honest answer Zero had graced him with as a reward for his daring to ask such a personal question. Despite the closeness Zero shared with some of his inner circle, he was still a pureblood, and they, mere nobles.

Well, with the exception of Takuma, Akatsuki corrected. The blond practically knew everything there was to Zero. It made Akatsuki wonder sometimes, with how close they seemed, but…

“That human came by and asked me a favor.” His cousin’s answer broke through his thoughts.

“What?” A human? “You mean Outo Yuuki?” He knew Hanabusa disliked her, and why. The slim brunette held not a shred of basic vampiric customs when approaching Zero, and it wasn’t just Hanabusa that opposed to her continued ignorance.

Akatsuki personally thought she did it deliberately, not out of mere ignorance, just to see their disgruntled faces, but he’d never know.

“No, the other one.” The younger noble groused, his crossed arms tensing with irritation.

“Kaname?”

“…He wanted to see Zero.” Akatsuki raised a brow. Well, that was nothing new. What was Hanabusa so worked up about?

Seeing his expression, the blond pouted, “It wasn’t that, it was just the way he said it, alright?” With all the blushing and shy hesitancy the taller brunet had never once shown in front of him. What was up with that? It’d made Hanabusa all the more cautious. What did Kaname want with Zero?

Akatsuki frowned. The way he said it? “Was he angry?”

“No,” Hanabusa grumbled. Quite the opposite, actually.

Akatsuki sighed shaking his head. This was getting nowhere. “Just tell Zero about it, it isn’t as though he can’t protect himself from a mere human.” Not to mention, the chance of Kaname ever wanting to hurt Zero seemed close to nil.

“Yeah, yeah, but I don’t like it,” Hanabusa mumbled, getting up from the bed. The older noble huffed a laugh. “When do you ever when it comes to him?”

Yuuki narrowed her eyes. “What’s wrong with you this time?”

“I’m—”

“You’re not.”

“But I will be,” Kaname smiled softly, if a tad awkwardly, with how nervous he felt.

Yuuki treated him to a long hard stare, and nodded satisfactorily. “You better.” She’d had enough of worrying. She didn’t mind caring about either of them, but she hated to see one of the people she loved most hurting in any way, and lately, Kaname had been letting out some quiet wistful sighs that had had her on edge.

She would’ve asked Sayori about it but felt that it wasn’t her place to go babbling about Kaname’s problems to someone he didn’t know well. Especially if that problem had anything to do a certain pureblood.

The hoard of screaming girls took their attention. It was time. Yuuki tied her hair back into a high ponytail and marched forward, keeping firm ground as she warned her fellow schoolmates to stay back and keep a safe distance. None of them knew just how close to death they came every evening, did they?

And if not for the main attraction – she gave the pale pureblood a quick glance – they might as well have died the first night the vampires had come to settle into the dorms. Yuuki had grown up with Zero for neigh on five years. She knew him, but she didn’t know the others, and would never trust them alone with a human in reaching distance.

Especially one particularly annoying blond… Yuuki cast a suspicious narrowed eyed glare towards said vampire and resisted the urge to conk him on the head with her beloved Artemis. He was getting close to the girls. Again. And as always, she saw his eyes straying to their exposed neck, no doubt thinking about how far he could sink his fangs in for a taste of their blood.

Some vampires were just all the same…

“Yuuki, you know he won’t touch them,” a familiar soft baritone spoke above her shoulder. She blinked. “Zero.” She nodded. “I know, but if the girls ever came here with a scratch or something…”

“He won’t risk Zero’s anger,” Takuma smiled. In fact, all of them knew not to anger their pureblood. It could be considered as unfortunate, but they’d all seen Zero lose his temper that one time, and would never dream of having it aimed towards them.

‘That one time’ had even Takuma’s grandfather on edge the following days. It had been a reminder that, although he may physically look to be only in his preteens, Zero was still very much true to his lineage.

The blond noble had no wish to see just what his childhood friend was capable of now that he was nearing his majority.

“And Kaname,” Zero smiled, turning to the young brunet, “come see me after your prefect duties are done for the night.”

Kaname could only manage a nod, wanting desperately to at least give the older boy a proper greeting, but knowing he’d only make himself look like an idiot if he opened his mouth. Takuma sent him a sympathetic glance as he stepped in behind the pureblood. It was more than obvious, what Kaname was so afraid for.

He’d seen it happen with plenty of other vampires before this, from both genders. But while they had every right to worry, Takuma doubted the same could be said for Kaname. Zero cared about him in ways Takuma hadn’t thought possible of him. The pureblood was quiet, and from an outsider’s point of view, fairly docile, but as with any vampire, especially a pureblood, quiet and docile certainly weren’t words used to describe them, and in Zero’s case, characteristics such as those were extremely relative.

Yes, he inwardly frowned, to all, but Kaname.

Zero was always so careful when it came to the younger boy. He loved to tease him, to see his cheeks color, and he loved to make him smile, for those lips to lift just so, and those eyes to shine in just the right way. Takuma could tell Zero cared for Kaname like he would no one else. That his attachment was, most definitely, not one a pureblood should continue to hold.

Kaname was human. A young, fragile human that could die at any moment, and if Zero were to lose Kaname…

“I’ll be waiting,” Zero whispered softly, his voice so low Takuma thought the younger boy might have missed it. But Kaname gave another nod, his eyes warm, before turning back to the girls.

“Takuma,” Zero sent his childhood friend an exasperated glance, “just because Senri and Rima are gone doesn’t give you the right to make yourself comfortable in my rooms.” He swiftly took off his stiff uniform jacket to casually toss over one of the nearby chairs, completely loosening his tie, beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“I’ve been thinking,” Takuma started, resting his chin on his folded arms, completely ignoring the look the older vampire sent him, “when you mentioned a special someone, did you mean Kaname-kun?”

Zero paused from unbuttoning his shirt, his expression turning impassive. Takuma nodded. “So it is him.” His brilliant green eyes lowered concernedly. “Zero, with your condition…”

“Takuma, I know you’re worried; and I appreciate what you’re trying to tell me, but it’s fine,” Zero tried for a smile. “I’ve lasted this long with you and your grandfather’s help. I’m sure I’ll find other ways if this one stops working.”

“But Zero,” if you could take him… Takuma pursed his lips as Zero shook his head, his barely there smile turning resigned. “Once I’d found out about my ‘inheritance’, I’d already chosen how I’d live my life. I don’t plan on changing that.”

“And Kaname-kun? What of him?” The blond’s voice lowered. He still could not accept what his friend, his brother in all but blood had long since decided to do. He wished more than anything for an alternative, and as selfish as it may make him sound, if he needed to use Cross Kaname to prolong his friend’s life, he would gladly do so.

Zero looked off outside the window, his soft eyes determined, but pained. He could not bring himself to do as Takuma suggested. Kaname was all he had left of the life he’d been forced to leave behind. Everyday that he caught himself in that garnet gaze, he was reminded of the promise he gave to Juri.

“Kaname is human, Takuma, he can only live for so long. Their lives are extremely short in comparison to ours. I will live to see his last breath.” He would never leave Kaname on his own. He would be there for the younger boy in whatever way he needed him.

Takuma stood up, his gaze fierce. “Zero—!” Stubborn pureblood!

Yuuki frowned. “You’re going to see Zero? Now?” She checked the clock hanging on their kitchen wall. The chairman had managed to find someone (how she’d never know; his ‘connections’ reached far and wide) to handcraft a clock that had Zero and Kaname’s stylized faces as the two pointer hands with her own face replacing the numbers twelve, three, six and nine. They’d all thought it embarrassing, but the chairman refused to put it down, and as he seemed to enjoy looking at it so much, they hadn’t the heart to take it down themselves. Soon, the clock would be reaching its third birthday since it’d started to tick.

“He asked for me,” Kaname sipped some of the hot chocolate Yuuki had prepared for both of them.

Yuuki raised a brow. “And if he asked you to jump off our roof, you’d do it?”

Kaname blinked. “Why would he ask for such a thing?”

Yuuki paused, her mug halfway to her lips, and shook her head. Whenever it came to Zero, Kaname just turned into a, a – well, she inwardly groused, she didn’t know what, but it was a something! She couldn’t understand how he could be so single minded sometimes. Even she’d needed a break from her parents back in the day she still had them. Kaname just wanted to be with Zero, period. She couldn’t remember a single moment he’d ever mentioned not wanting to see the pureblood’s face for a day. It was as though he couldn’t think of anything else he could want.

Did Kaname really care for Zero so much, or was he just clinging to him because the pureblood was all he knew since he’d lost his memories?

“What?” Yuuki looked up to see Kaname staring at her, his garnet eyes wide.

“Kaname, I—” She started to get up. She hadn’t known she’d been speaking her thoughts aloud.

“I do, Yuuki,” Kaname quietly set his mug down. “I do.” He whispered. His gaze was focused on the milky brown liquid below, streaks of smoky white traveling through from the melted marshmallows.

About to reach across the table, her arm outstretched (to do what, she didn’t know, she just didn’t want to have Kaname looking at her like that again) Yuuki’s hand faltered, her fingers curling, her arm slowly traveling back. “I, I’m sorry I said something like that. I really didn’t mean for you to hear it.”

“It’s alright, I know it’s…unnatural,” Kaname shifted his attention to the grains of the cherry wood table, “but it’s what I feel; I can’t simply change that.”

“No, Kaname, I didn’t say that,” Yuuki weakly protested, about to stand again. “It’s just,” she sighed, “I’ve, I’ve never felt like that for anyone, and it’s hard to understand. It’s hard to understand how you could give away so much of yourself without being scared.” Kaname never seemed to hesitate when doing so for Zero.

“I am scared, Yuuki,” he smiled sadly, “all the time.” Zero didn’t need him, not really, but Kaname did, and so desperately. Not to mention, Zero even lived a different life, completely separate from Kaname’s own safe, bland world.

How was he to keep someone like Zero close by when everything seemed to work in accomplishing just the opposite? It hurt terribly to know Zero wouldn’t always be there, to know Zero perhaps didn’t need him as much as Kaname would have liked.

“Kaname…” He was, wasn’t he? She’d assumed too much, only looking at the surface of his smiles, his warm eyes, the utter contentment he seemed to exude when with the pureblood. But it wasn’t just happiness that Kaname felt for Zero. In fact, the very source of Kaname’s greatest fears might as well be Zero.

Their somber atmosphere was broken by the cheery alarm from the clock, stating it was now two-thirty. Yuuki sighed. “Alright, make it quick. Just because we don’t have school tomorrow doesn’t mean you should take your time.” They still had things to do tomorrow as prefects, and Kaname hardly got any sleep as it was.

Kaname laughed lightly. “A little late for that, Yuuki, but I promise not to take too long.”

Lilac eyes narrowed. “Takuma—” Two soft knocks cut off whatever he was about to say.

It was Kaname.

“We’ll finish this at a later date; Kaname comes first,” Zero said softly, his tone hard. Of all times for his childhood friend to bring up such a topic…

Resigned to getting his head chewed off when that happened, Takuma nodded and got up, sending Kaname a bright smile as he passed to get to his own rooms. He wasn’t giving up until Zero changed his self-destructive plans.

Kaname watched the blond go, his eyes thoughtful. “Was I interrupting something?” He asked concernedly, raising his hand to gently rub between Zero’s brows. “You…sounded angry.”

“It’s between Takuma and I, nothing for you to worry over, Kaname,” Zero smiled tiredly, taking the younger boy’s hand in his own as he led him to sit on the couch. “Are you thirsty? Would you like something to eat?”

Kaname shook his head, swallowing nervously. “That’s, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Zero shot him a glance, but turned towards the window. “Are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been giving yourself a lot of space lately. Have you been thinking about something?” Zero pulled the golden cords holding the velvet cloth back, letting the curtains fall shut.

Kaname felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach; maybe lower. Did Zero…know? But not even Kaname himself had known until recently! How could the pureblood have known?

“I – yes,” Kaname whispered, closing his eyes. There really was no use in hiding if Zero already knew. He could feel his cheeks heating in shame. What was Zero going to say to him now? His eyes nearly burned at the mere thought of the pureblood telling him how disgusted he was, for Kaname to keep his distance from now on.

Please, not that… Never that…

“Kaname?” Cool fingers stroked his cheek, coming to rest under his chin, gently pulling his face up. His heart pounding, Kaname tried to resist – he hardly wanted for Zero to see him this way – but those fingers were persistent.

The silky soft pad of a slender thumb traced his closed lids, fluttering across his lashes. “You’re trying to keep yourself from me,” Zero murmured, his gaze contemplative, “Why…?” He couldn’t quite refrain from letting the pained confusion show in his voice.

But no, this should have been expected, Zero reminded himself. It was inevitable, as Kaname grew older and more involved in human society. Zero, a pureblood, could not hope to continue cultivating a close relationship no matter how he wished for it. He would soon fade from Kaname’s life entirely, just watching over him from afar. Zero had long since prepared for such an outcome, truly he had, but now that the time was nearing, he was won’t to give up whatever connection he had left with the one person he’d come to treasure so deeply.

And yet, it does not matter what you wish or care for.

Kaname comes first. He will always come first.

Kaname’s throat tightened as he also took notice of the pureblood’s emotions. The resigned despair, pain, frustration, loneliness…

“Zero, please…” He whispered his own fear and anxiety fading at the sudden turn of events. If he could do anything to alleviate even a small fraction of what the pureblood was going through, he would do anything… Anything…

“What are you thinking of, Kaname?”

Lips trembling and hesitant, “To stay with you.” He’d finally dared to say it.

In an instant, the hand was gone. “Kaname, I think you should leave.” Zero’s voice was low and strained as he headed for the bedroom.

Kaname was already getting up, panic coursing through his veins at Zero’s – Zero’s – well he didn’t know what it was, but he needed to, or he would lose the pureblood.

I came here to prevent that, not push for it!

“Zero!”

The older boy stopped, pausing for a few moments, his head about to turn, before he turned back and reached for the knob. He couldn’t do this. He needed more time. Making sure not to bite through skin, he made a fantastic work of his bottom lip, his body tensing. It was horrifying to know he might not have been able to hold himself back if he’d stayed there for a second longer.

‘To stay with you…’

The sweetest of Temptations Zero couldn’t ever allow himself to have.

Disclaimer: No own Vampire Knight.

Thank you for reading!! *bows* (Now I'm bowing wherever I go - I bet it's the Korean/Japanese influence)

Did anyone figure out what Kaname was so mortified about in the beginning? XD I thought maybe Yuuki's line was a good enough hint XD Especially when she mentioned having thought of it as a nightmare :P