Author Note: Unbetaed, so yes there are mistakes. This could be considered a kind of sequel or companion piece to "Why Not?"

No Matter the Cost

Aurora Sinistra had gotten rather well kitted out for this occasion, and she did not relish the thought of it going unnoticed. The headmaster had complimented her on the shade of her gown, observing how the royal blue silk brought out the warmth of her brown eyes, but Dumbledore was always noticing fashion. The man had a bit of a thing for a well turned heel, or a bespoke coat. It was the clothes he fancied, not the woman in them. No, it wouldn’t do. She needed to be noticed. It had been too long since she had felt like a woman.

Her eyes scanned the Great Hall, teeming with throngs of formally dressed, and hormone addled teenagers from all over Wizarding Europe. The Yule Ball was a nice touch, but nearly impossible to properly chaperone. She wondered what poor, unfortunate sap had been asked to head up the effort. If Dumbledore had had anything to do with the assignment then it had probably been Snape.

She looked around again. Just where was Severus, anyway. He would more than fit the bill for the sort of evening’s proceedings she had in mind. She enjoyed breaking him down—always had, always would. There was something satisfying in it. No man should be that tightly wound. It just wasn’t healthy. She looked upon it as her responsibility to the students and her fellow staff members, to help him unwind now and again, and he’d been looking exceptionally tense lately.

She navigated the periphery of the room until she reached Minerva, who was standing watching the students dance, and sampling a little of the eggnog from the staff table. The woman nodded in acknowledgement as she approached. “Aurora…”

“Minerva. Have you seen Severus tonight perchance?”

“He’s out on the grounds, I believe. No doubt deducting house points with relish. No one enjoys ensuring that the students are as miserable as he was in his youth as Severus. Do see if you can find and distract him before he inflicts too much gloom, won’t you Aurora…”

“You’re in luck. That’s exactly what I had in mind.” She winked suggestively which elicited a scandalized look and slight twitch of a smile from the older woman, and then set off through the throng for the grounds.

It was snowing outside, and the world was pristine and quiet. Occasionally she would pass small shadows huddled in alcoves, or behind bushes. Some would spring apart as she approached, and then, realizing that she had no intention of ruining their fun, would resume their previous activities. They seemed a little skittish. Severus had obviously been this way.

It didn’t take her long to find him. She just looked for students with glum faces, hurrying in her direction. When a couple of students from her own house passed by looking particularly chastised, she finally stopped them. “Oliver, Anne, have you seen Professor Snape this evening?”

Oliver Grant scowled. “He’s just there, behind the greenhouses.”

“Brilliant. Thanks. How many house points did he take?”

She couldn’t be sure, but it looked like the boy’s cheeks colored a little. “Fifty…”

“Each?!” She looked incredulously from Oliver, to Anne and back again.

“Yes,” Anne replied dourly. “Each.”

“Well Anne, that’s fifty points to Ravenclaw for honesty in the face of embarrassment. That ought to even out the scales a little.”

The girl beamed.

“Off you go then. Have fun while you can. Curfew is in a few hours.” The two teenagers hurried off into the darkness chatting excitedly, and she continued on her way. When she finally came upon Severus, he was bent over parting the branches of Sprout’s prized holly bushes with his wand, as though there might be some students brave or stupid enough to choose such a spot for snogging.

“What’s this I hear about you taking fifty points a piece from Oliver Grant and Anne Martin?”

He swung around at the sound of her voice, as though he had just been caught at something he shouldn’t have been about. He regained his aloof demeanor instantly, though. “I should have taken more.”

“Unless Grant was getting ready to deflower Martin or visa versa, I hardly think that so many points were justified.”

“Another few minutes and he very well may have,” he bit back, his face a mask of cold indifference and barely repressed bitterness.

She smirked. “Hmm… And how would you know that, Severus. I wouldn’t think that you would even remember what such a thing looked like.”

His eyes narrowed. His brain was failing him. Normally he would have some sort of nasty retort, but when shagging was the subject he tended to draw a blank. “Is there a point to this, Sinistra? I’m busy as you can well see.”

“Yes, I can see, Severus: busy ruining everyone’s fun; busy playing The Grinch who Stole Christmas.”

He blinked, head cocked slightly to one side as though confused.

“Never mind,” she said. “You’re a spoil sport, a wet blanket, Severus. In short—you’re no fun.”

“I am a staff member of this school, as are you, I might remind you. It is not our job to be fun.”

“But can you be fun, if given half a chance, do you think?”

He stood up a little straighter, and crossed his arms across his chest as he looked her slowly up and down. “Is this about you wanting a fuck Aurora, because I’m not in the mood?”

She laughed. “You’re never in the mood lately, Severus. What’s happened to you?”

“Potter happened.” He spat the boys name with such loathing that she was fairly sure she saw spittle spew out into the darkness at the first syllable.

She cocked an eyebrow. “He’s just a boy.”

“He’s more than a boy, Aurora. He’s The Boy that Lived…” His voice was thick with sarcasm, but he had used her first name for the first time in the conversation. She was breaking him down.

“More like The Boy that Looks Like James…”

Severus clamped his mouth shut, and then turned and walked away. She followed. “So where are we going?”

He looked at her askance. “What do you mean?”

“Well we’re walking, aren’t we? So unless you intend to wander aimlessly for the rest of the night, you have a destination in mind.”

“I’m patrolling.”

“Ahhh yes, that’s right.”

They walked in silence for some time. They passed many groping shadows in the darkness, but Severus seemed not to notice. After some time, he broke the silence. “You are likely to catch your death you know. I’d no idea you were daft enough to go out on a night like this without proper apparel.”

She smiled. “Well, I could have worn a coat, Severus, but then you wouldn’t have been able to appreciate my figure in this dress.” She stopped and gave a little twirl. “So what do you think?”

“I think that you are one step away from catching double pneumonia.” He scowled at her pale, bare décolleté for a moment, and then sighed heavily and shrugged out of his own coat, placing it over her shoulders. She snuggled into the warmth gratefully, and rewarded him with a smile. He looked at her for a moment, and then made a face. It looked almost like a grimace, but she suspected that it might have been his attempt at a smile. She wondered how long it had been since he had smiled. She couldn’t recall the last time she had seen it.

He had been wearing a white shirt beneath his black frock coat, and it looked rather thin. “Don’t you think we had better go in? It is getting awfully cold out here…”

“All the more reason to stay out. I doubt the students will realize just how cold it’s getting given their choice of entertainment.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Won’t you get cold?”

“May I remind you that it is your inability to care for your person that has required I give up my coat. If you were to see reason, stop accosting me, and go inside, then I could have it back.”

“No fun…” she reiterated. “No fun at all…”

He made no comment, but they passed by a few more rustling bushes, and still no house points were taken. She’d gotten him distracted; that was good.

Aurora was convinced that Severus Snape could have had all the shagging a man could ever want if the women of the world had just known how to warm him up. He was not one of those men who turned on and off like a light switch. You had to work at him for awhile. He liked to talk, to play these little games of verbal sparring. And he liked very much to play hard to get. He liked a woman to be blunt, too, but still soft. She’d gotten overly crass with him once, and he’d closed up like a morning glory at noon. Lesson learned. She didn’t mind the verbal and intellectual foreplay. Once you got him primed the kisses alone were well worth the effort, and he rarely stopped at kisses.

“I’ve told you, Aurora. I’m not in the mood.”

She frowned. He was reading her mind again. She’d asked him not to do it in the past, but he seemed to enjoy it. She supposed it gave him a sense of control. Well, two could play at that game. She thought of the most salacious thing she could, and then visualized the two of them engaged in it, as vividly as she could manage.

After a moment, she felt a strange snap in the energy around them, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably beside her. She smiled. When she looked over at him in the moonlight, there was a deep flush on his cheeks, and it looked very much to be from more than just the cold. “That’s what you get,” she teased.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ve asked you not to do that, Severus—I don’t know how many times...”

They had reached the kitchen gardens and light from the kitchen windows shone out invitingly in warm patches onto the snowy ground. He stopped when they reached the door, and held out his hand. “May I have my coat back, please?”

“Are you cold?”

“Of course, I’m cold. I’m bloody freezing! And you’re going back inside, so there is no reason…”

“I never said I was going back inside.”

“I say you are going back inside.”

She brought a hand to her hip. “I don’t know how I feel about that, Severus. You ordering me about like...”

“Inside!” he growled. It sent a little shiver through her. This was an entirely new game, one they had never played before.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

His eyes gleamed with something dark, and she wondered if he would reach out and grab her and force her back through the door behind her. She didn’t know quite what she felt about that, but it could be interesting, and if pressed, she knew that she could honestly say that she would trust Severus Snape with her life, so…

“In…” he said again, through gritted teeth.

“Make me,” she challenged. They sounded like two school children. There was something terribly exciting about it.

He took a step toward her, but then stopped, as though his brain had finally caught up with the rest of him. How disappointing…

He glared down his nose at her. “You’re mad, you know that…”

She nodded. “Was there ever any question?”

“Well you seem to crave a fuck from me now and again, and Merlin knows that goes against all logic, so…”

“None of that if you please…” She hated it when he said things like that, and she’d forbidden it in the past, on more than one occasion.

He just sneered and pulled away again. “My coat…”

“Come and get it,” she replied, and then turned and walked into the kitchens.

The place was wild with the frenzied scurrying of busy house elves. One hurried over as soon as it saw her. “Does mistress require any refreshment?”

She shook her head but then thought better of it. “Yes, you know, I wouldn’t mind a bottle of wine. A Shiraz, if you have it…”

“Planning on getting drunk?” the very voice she had hoped to hear said behind her.

She didn’t bother to turn as she replied. “Don’t be ridiculous Severus, a person can’t get drunk off of a half a bottle of wine.”

“Half a bottle?”

“Well, you’re sharing it with me, of course, so half for you, and half for me…”

He said nothing, but there was something in his closeness, in the fact that he had followed her into the kitchens, something in the energy between them now that told her she had won. The elf returned with the wine, and Severus leaned down and snatched it out of the creature’s hand, before she had the chance. He glanced at the label.

“Not this. Go back and get the ’86 Elf made.” The creature bowed again, took back the offending bottle, and hurried back to the wine cellar.

“What if I don’t like Elf made wine?”

“You’ll like this Elf made wine…” There was a subtle change in his tone. Confidence, and a kind of relaxed attitude. They probably wouldn’t even end up needing the wine. When the elf returned, he snatched the new bottle out of its hands, and nodded a brief acknowledgement to the creature, before turning to her. “My room or yours?”

“Gentleman’s choice.” She winked.

To her surprise he led her in the direction of the dungeons. She had never been in his rooms before, not even after all these years. The first time they had ever come together they had been in the staffroom after hours. They had worked their way around the castle after that, but they had both been younger then and free of cares—well, more free than they were now, with rumors of another war looming on the horizon. She couldn’t remember the last time they had done this. It had been months. Sometime in the weeks following Sirius Black’s mysterious escape from custody at the school, now she thought about it. If ever there’d been a time Severus had needed to blow off a little steam it had been then!

His rooms were warmer and more inviting than she would have imagined. He always seemed to conduct himself with all the order and modesty of a cleric. She supposed that she had thought his rooms would reflect that, but he had nice things, she saw that immediately, the finest he could probably afford, and some things she knew he probably couldn’t. But, then, he was friends with people like the Malfoys, so it was possible some of the nicer books and the particularly fine desk in the corner had been gifts. Once they entered the rooms and he had cast a charm to light a fire in the hearth, she moved immediately to the shelves across the room, and the yard, after yard of books.

She let a finger play lightly over the spines relishing in the feel of fine leather under her skin, and the unique energy given off by certain volumes as she passed over them. He had been holding out on her. Surely he must know that for a Ravenclaw there was no better foreplay than this. She glanced over her shoulder. He was standing at the table, a corkscrew in hand, and staring at her in a way that left her breathless. Of course, he had a talent for that. She suspected that it was his long, dark lashes.

“You never told me you had such nice books, Severus.”

“You never asked.” His voice was deeper somehow, he’d practically purred that last phrase. There was no way they were going to make it through that bottle of wine. He was starting to look almost predatory. Well, then—let the games begin!

She slipped his coat off of her shoulders, and turned, laying it over the back of a nearby chair. “Are you going to open the wine?”

“No.” He set the bottle down with a soft thunk, and then strode around the table, across the room, and pulled her to him, almost roughly, his lips crashing against hers, his tongue plunging into her mouth.

She gasped a little at the unexpected onslaught, and then moaned. It had never been like this with him—never. He must be under a great deal more stress than she had previously imagined. He was taking what he needed from her, and seemed almost desperate to get it done.

She was aware that she was being herded somewhere, as she drown beneath the flood of his kisses, his touch, and then they were in his bedroom. He had actually taken her into his bedroom?! She wondered if she was the first woman to ever be there. As far as she was aware, he had not been with any other member of the female staff in his years as teacher.

His hands were at the back of her dress now, yanking on the buttons. She pulled away a little. “Magic, Severus, magic. If you tear this dress I will be most displeased.

With a growl of frustration he spun her around and pulled out his wand. She supposed he didn’t trust himself to do wandless magic at the moment. She was divested of every scrap of clothing she was wearing in an instant, including the rather nice under things she had carefully chosen just in case something of this kind was to occur. Apparently he wasn’t in the mood to appreciate such things.

He pulled her back against his body, and she was pleased to feel that he had rid himself of his clothes as well. She didn’t really have time to appreciate the long, lean expanse of skin, and taut muscle (Merlin, he had gotten skinny!), or even the evidence of just how aroused he was, because he pushed her rather roughly onto the bed.

She slid facedown onto the coverlet, and was stunned when he crawled on top of her, and plunged into her from behind without another word. This was not the Severus she had known all these years. The first time they had come together, he had still been a virgin, and he had been eager, but shy. He’d warmed after that, and they had grown accustomed to one another’s bodies quickly. He had been a remarkably considerate lover, and an eager student of anything and everything she could teach him. Soon, though, his skill had surpassed what she was qualified to teach (she suspected he had been reading up on the subject).

There had been a brief period in which he had tried out, what had seemed like practically every position in the Kama Sutra on her, but in the end, he had apparently decided that he preferred things more simple. It was the touch, and the affection even, that Severus craved. That was why she was so surprised by this new creature behind her, hammering into her with desperation and need.

He came with a shout and a shudder that faded in a groan as he collapsed on top of her. She didn’t move. He hardly weighed anything, and she was again struck with how thin he had gotten. She made a mental note to remind him to eat. He always forgot to eat when under stress. She knew that it had been a challenging year. It had been for all of them. With so many visiting students and staff, their normal schedule had been torn asunder, but there was something greater than that bothering him. That was clear…

His head was resting between her shoulder blades, and his breathing was ragged—hot, damp puffs upon her skin. After a moment or so, in which this did not subside, she realized that he was crying. Crying? Severus never cried. She had seen him do so only once before, and it was understandable as it was the first Halloween after Harry Potter’s arrival at Hogwarts. But even then he had been brief and discrete with his tears, as though ashamed of his own weakness.

That was why she continued to lie still now. If this was part of the release he needed, then she could allow him that, and it would be easier for him if she didn’t acknowledge those tears, if she just let him cry himself out. But he sounded like he was getting ready to come undone. It worried her.

She lay there for several minutes during which she could feel him try to master himself and fail, time and time again. It was getting ridiculous. She cast a non-verbal cleansing charm on them both and then attempted to sit up. He slid off of her immediately. He looked surprised when she rolled over on her side to look at him. She supposed that he had thought that she meant to leave.

Summoning the blanket from the end of the bed, so that it covered them both in the cold room, she lifted a corner of it and reached out to wipe the dampness from his cheek. He tried to scowl, and she just smiled. The sight of him like this made her heart twist painfully.

“Sod off, Aurora…” he muttered almost angrily.

“Oh, well that’s friendly, Severus,” she bit back. “Here I’ve just let you have your way with me, and that’s all the thanks I get?” She wasn’t really angry, but she did her best at pretending she was. It wouldn’t work on him, of course. He always knew. Damn Leglimency!

He looked away, and stared down at the coverlet beneath them. “Are you alright?” he asked after a moment.

“Sure. Brilliant.”

He took a deep breath, and looked up. “I mean—did I hurt you?” There was real, sincere concern in his voice now. There was the Severus she knew…

She smiled softly, again, and shook her head. “No Severus, you didn’t hurt me.”

He nodded, and then looked away again.

“What about you?” she finally asked. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” he muttered immediately. He didn’t want to talk about it, whatever it was.

“We’ve a whole bottle of wine in the next room. Shall I Summon it? I could use a drink right about now, and you look like you could use one too.”

He shook his head, and she felt his hand slide onto her thigh, and move upwards. She swatted it gently away. “Don’t worry about that. I’m fine.”

“Maybe I want to,” he replied.

“Maybe you feel obligated to, is more like it.”

He scowled, but said nothing in return.

She summoned the wine and some glasses, and sat up to pour them each a glass. “I had better like this, Severus.”

She heard him sigh. “You’ll like it. It’s not too sweet.”

“Well that’s a surprise coming from you.”

“I know you like your wine dry.”

“And my wit, my humor…” She turned to hand him a glass, and caught the final moments of a brief smile fading from his lips. A smile! That was something.

When she finished pouring her own glass she turned and looked at him. He had the blanket draped across his lap, modestly, his left arm tucked beneath. The wine glass was in his right and he was sniffing at the wine inside. “What shall we toast to, do you think?” she asked.

“Courage…” he said after a moment’s deliberation.

She shook her head. “Over rated, and I don’t see any Gryffindors here. How about—to doing what needs to be done—no matter…” Her voice trailed off for a moment, as she was caught up in his gaze. His eyes were suddenly trained on her, as though every word that dropped from her lips was like a life preserver being thrown to a drowning man. “No matter what the cost,” she finished quietly.

He nodded once in acknowledgement and raised his glass to her before taking a sip.

“And to the solace of friendship,” she offered.

He snorted derisively. “Now you sound like a Hufflepuff.”

“To the solace of friendship,” she repeated.

“One cannot rely on such a thing when it doesn’t exist.”

“Oh Severus, now you’re just being purposefully glum. You’ve got friends, even if you are a miserable bastard. I wouldn’t have been doing what we’ve been doing for the last six years if I didn’t at least consider you a friend.”

He appraised her suspiciously, as though he thought she might be mocking him. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“Just what I said. I consider you a friend.”

He took a cautious sip of wine, staring at her, eyes narrowed over the rim of the glass.

“Oh, stop getting your knickers all in a knot. I don’t mean anything but what it is. You’re overanalyzing it. I can see it.”

The corner of his mouth twitched and he looked away.

Wandering over to the pile of her clothes on the floor, she pulled on her knickers and his shirt, and then went back to the bed. She climbed up beside him and leaned back against the headboard, sipping at the wine. “This is good wine by the way.”

“I told you, you’d like it.”

“So are you going to tell me what’s got you so anxious? Don’t try to deny it. Everyone sees it.”

“Who’s everyone?”

“Minerva, Flitwick, even Dumbledore I suspect.”

“So you’ve all been talking about me behind my back, is that it?”

“Yes, Severus; there’s been clandestine midnight staff meetings thrown just to discuss you and your stress,” she retorted sarcastically.

He grunted dismissively, and then looked her over. “Why are you wearing my clothes?”

“I was cold.”

He seemed to accept her answer because he went back to being silent and grouchy. Finally he lifted his glass and drained it in a single gulp. “Potter…” he spat.

She arched a brow. “Potter?”

“You asked me why I’ve been stressed…”

“Potter? Severus, he’s just a boy!” He opened his mouth to interject but she cut him off. “And yes, yes The Boy Who Lived, The Boy Who’s an Arrogant, Overly Confident Little Tossbag at Times, but a boy none-the-less. I would think that you of all people would have some compassion for him.”

“Why?” he ground out.

“Well, I don’t think those relatives of his treat him all that well. He seems downright neglected if you ask me. Thank Merlin that Molly Weasley decided to take him under her wing, but the boy needs positive male role models.”

“Dumbledore seems keen enough on him…” This was followed by a long string of other grumblings she couldn’t quite make out.

“Yes—Dumbledore does seem rather fond of the boy, but I—Well, don’t you ever get the feeling that perhaps his interest has more to do with the fact that he’s The Boy that Lived, than it does with an interest in the boys nurturing?”

“Such is the price of fame, I suppose…”

“Fame that little baby never asked for, if I might remind you.”

“But one he milks as much benefit from as he can, none-the-less…” Severus was eyeing the wine bottle longingly. She reached over, grabbed it off the night table and refilled his glass before topping off her own.

“He’s a teenage boy.”

“He’s an arrogant little…”

“He’s not James, Severus.”

He blinked at her, and then winced almost as though her words had pained him. “I have no interest in the nurturance of Potter’s brat!”

“He was Lily’s boy too,” she snapped in return.

He blanched. “What’s that to do with anything?”

“It should have everything to do with everything, shouldn’t it?” He looked almost panicked. “You mention James Potter all the time,” she continued softly. “You say his name easily, even if it is bitterly. It just rolls off your tongue. But in all the years I have known you; I have never once heard you mention her name.”

“So…?” he mumbled.

She smiled tenderly. “So…Sometimes we don’t say the things we want to say so that others won't know we want to say them…” He blinked at her. His face had grown flush, and then frighteningly pale again in the span of a few seconds, and she wondered if he was fighting back tears. “You omit her from every conversation. You purposely avoid saying her name. That omission speaks louder than any words. I’ve known for years that you were in love with Lily Potter. And I—I think that maybe you are still in love with her. That should count for something where her boy is concer…”

“That is none of your business!”

“Severus…”

“None of it!” he spat again, getting up off the bed so fast he sloshed wine all over the coverlet. “You should go,” he said coldly, as he walked to the wardrobe across the room in search of clothes. “I need to patrol the grounds another time, now that it’s past curfew.”

“Alright,” she said. She had pushed him too far, and he’d closed up tight on her again. “You know,” she added, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I might just keep this shirt of yours; it has a nice feel to it. Is it a silk blend?”

“You’ll do no such thing,” he stated plainly and firmly as though she were a student.

“Hmmm… But it is a terribly nice shirt…”

“Yes, and I paid dear for it, and I don’t appreciate errant colleagues running off with my hard earned apparel just because they feel they have the right.”

“My, you are grouchy now, aren’t you? I really don’t think that you should go out in the cold again until I’ve managed to work out some of those frustrations.”

“I’ve already fucked out all my frustrations on you, Aurora, with absolutely no consideration for your pleasure. Are you completely daft or do you actually enjoy being abused?”

She laughed outright at that. “You can abuse me like that anytime you want, Severus. It was nice to see you lay aside your inhibitions for once.”

He stared at her, slightly perplexed, and then turned away, grumbling as he shrugged into his shirt. A flash of something abnormally dark caught her eye as he did, and she reached out, snatching his hand, and pulling back his sleeve, before he could stop her.

The mark that had always been faded, and pale, stood out darker than she’d ever seen in. She looked up at him shocked, and he yanked his hand violently from hers, covering the mark again and hurriedly buttoned up his sleeve. Now that she thought about it, he had been keeping it out of her sight all night.

“How long has that been like that?” she asked, stunned.

“Some time.” He was pulling on his trousers. “I don’t think I need to tell you to keep this quiet.”

She shook her head. “No. Of course. But—what does it mean?”

He pulled the belt on his trousers tight. “It means exactly what you think it means.”

She felt her mouth go dry. Taking a step back she sank into a nearby chair. “And Potter…?”

“Obviously the danger to him is a serious concern.”

“And what about you, Severus?”

“What about me?” he asked, looking around for something.

“What will it mean for you?”

He stopped, and stared at her. “It means—it means doing what is necessary…”

“No matter what the cost…” she finished weakly, and blinked back the prick of tears that suddenly bit at her eyes.

He didn’t seem to know what to do with her sudden display of emotion over his fate. After a moment, he strode out of the room, and then returned with his coat. Standing before the mirror he did up the tiny buttons one-by-one. When he was finished, his tugged on the cuffs of his shirt, to adjust them, strode over to the night table to snatch up his wand, and turned to go.

She reached out for his hand. “Severus…” He stopped, but didn’t turn to look at her. She gave his hand a slight squeeze. “Be careful. Promise me…”

“I’m always careful, Aurora.”

“I know you are.” He moved to pull away, but she held on tight to his hand. “Promise me something else, too…”

“What?”

“Promise me that you won’t forget that you don’t have to be alone in this…”

He stood there, frozen, for the briefest of moments, and then she felt a small shudder pass through him. He stood a little straighter. “You’re wrong, Aurora. I’m sorry.” And then he pulled his hand from hers and left.