Disclaimer—I do not own anything related to the universe of Harry Potter. It all belongs to JKR. I am merely borrowing them for a little angst and fluff for my own amusement. Hopefully those reading will enjoy.

I do own a Gryffindor tie, prefect pin, and the first three seasons of Supernatural.

A/N--This takes place after all the drama of the war. The 19 years later bit never happened. As far as I am concerned, Hermione and Ron never kissed either.

She’s Hangs Brightly

August

Hermione looked out the window at where Harry stood in the backyard of the Burrow. She could tell from the way his shoulders sagged--hands shoved into his pockets that he was thinking about the past few months. So much had changed and so many people had entered and left his life. She’d do anything to get him to smile again, even that small crooked one. It had been so long since she’d seen it that she often wondered if it had been a figment of her sometimes over active imagination.

Since their return to ‘normalcy’ (if you could call it that) life had been difficult. That went without saying for Harry. Ron had adjusted fairly well; she attributed that to his large supportive family he was able to return to. She, herself, was doing as well as could be expected. There were moments of course where she became lost in her thoughts--memories, but she pulled herself from them quickly when she caught him staring. She knew she needed to be strong for him still, especially since they returned and discovered…

When she awoke and was greeted by the familiar faces of friends who were now the only family she had, she never expected to see the large space separating Harry and Ginny. Everyone assumed that once the war was over and the whole ordeal put behind everyone involved, that they would naturally return to what they had. It seemed forever before she was able to get Harry alone to question him about it, and then, of course, he didn’t want to speak about it. Why would he? Finally, after enough badgering (he probably just told her so she’d leave it alone already) he explained that Ginny simply didn’t want to get back together.

He spent a lot of time alone then. Until someone else came along to distract him from his guilt, memories, and darkness. He didn’t seek her out to talk, instead keeping it bottled up inside until someone stepped too far and pushed him just right. She hated it when that happened and tried to defuse any situation that may lead to that. Harry’s well being was always at the forefront of her mind. Lately though she wasn’t able to help and that caused an ache inside her.

Hermione had always had many secrets. All girls do and they would continue to have them until the end of time. Of course the one secret she held close to her heart and never thought about (except every other minute of the day) was that she might love him. Yes, him. She tried to never put his name with it because that made it too real and she didn’t need anymore disappointment in her life. By not saying his name made it more of superficial type of crush. Something her old dorm mates would partake in. She was smart enough to know that there was nothing superficial about it though.

So when she heard those words leave his mouth, the fluttering in her chest she always ignored could not be ignored anymore. Could there be a chance? Did he?

The heartbreaking look on his face made her think not. He was only torn up about the latest girl. Never knowing if she was with him for him or simply because of who and what he was. Would he ever know?

So now it seemed that Hermione was falling deeper and deeper into her depression. Ron told her she needed a vacation. Somewhere with a beach and sun.

“Go away somewhere with your books.” Yes, that will fix her. Ron seemed to think that spending some time with beloved books would solve whatever problems she was having in her life. She truly appreciated Ron’s concern and told him that she was fine.

People were beginning to notice that she was avoiding spending time with Harry though. At first it was just anytime alone with him, but even with others around she was quiet and brooding. Once he even said something surprising her.

“I’m suppose to be the moody, despondent one.” He had had joked while draping an arm around her shoulders.

So now she just avoided him period. She hated being rude, but she didn’t know how to deal with this. No book could help her and there was no one to ask without implicating herself. Situations with boys were never her strong point even though she spent most of her life dealing with two very different ones. One would think after the two of them, she could handle anything, but being friends with them, and loving one are completely different things.

Especially when the one she loved had a perfect girl on his arm. A girl who was the complete opposite of herself.

She kept trying to convince herself this would all go away if she avoided him long enough. Give herself enough time to move on and focus on something new. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. Sadly Hermione was too smart to believe that.

Now Hermione isn’t surprised when Harry shows up at her door. She is surprise at how late it is even though she shouldn’t be. When Harry gets it in his mind to do something, he isn’t known for thinking things through. Always been a spontaneous kind of guy; its part of his appeal. So seeing him standing there in slightly rumpled clothing isn’t shocking at all. (He had probably came from her place and needed to talk to another girl about something. She swore Ron and Harry only saw her as a girl when they needed advice.)

So when she’s sees him standing there, she realizes it’s been weeks since she’s actually laid eyes on him. His face shows how tired he is and his hair is messier than usual (he’s definitely been running his hands through it). She can tell immediately that he hasn’t been sleeping properly or eating right. She wonders if he’ll ever be able to remember to take care of himself first (not all the time of course) and not always put others before him.

Seeing him in this state, her immediate concern is that something has happened, to him, to her,to Ron, to Ginny, to someone; but when he pushes his way into her flat, she knows it’s nothing life threatening.

Before she gets the door shut, she hears him.

“I’ve spent weeks thinking about it and I’ve asked everyone we know. I can’t figure it out. And I know I should know what it was that I did, but I don’t. And I miss you.”

She watches as he paces around her living room, his arms making wide gestures as he rambles. “It’s been hell these last few weeks without you around, and before that you were around but you weren’t. Merlin Hermione, coming back from all of that has been hell on everyone, but I’m trying here. People expect this kind of behavior from me, not you.” He finishes, pointing at himself.

All she can do is stand and continue watching at he walks towards her. He thinks she’s been hiding because of readjusting to life after the war. Harry still has no clue why she been holed up in her flat.

“I don’t know what I did to make you mad Hermione, but whatever it was I’m sorry.”

At that moment Hermione knows she could put it all out there right now. Let him know exactly what is wrong and why she’s been avoiding him like the plague. This is her chance. She couldn’t ask for a better opportunity. So why couldn’t she say it? She could feel her mouth opening and closing, trying to form the words she’s been needing to say for months. What happened to that girl she use to be? The one who always spoke her mind? The tears are welling up in her eyes and for the millionth time in her life she curses her self for being so emotional when it comes to him.

When she’s suddenly wrapped within his arms, she can’t hold back the sobs. She can feel him running his hands up and down her back and she swears he kisses her temple once or twice. This of course makes it harder for her to stop crying. She knows he’s saying things to her, but she can’t hear him since his voice is so quiet and her sobs are so loud. All she can do is try to stop the wretched crying and enjoy the feeling of being taken care of.

**~**~**~**

October

It was over. Hermione heard the news a few days ago. He had ended it with her a couple of weeks ago. Finally. Now she no longer had to play the supportive best friend who smiled and agreed that she seemed absolutely perfect in every way. Tell him that she wasn’t just with him because he was hero. Explain that she was a great match for him. Hide the fact that saying those words was little taking a blunt instrument and stabbing herself in the heart. Now she had to be understanding and supportive to help him get over the fact that the relationship had ended. Finally.

At first Hermione had agreed that she seemed nice and that she did fit in with the group nicely, but after a couple of months the joy had worn off. Never one to completely tell others how to live their lives, she didn’t speak all of her objections. She simply commented on the slight differences between Harry and Madeline. Madeline didn’t always understand exactly who Harry was, but few could, he had been through things people only have nightmares about. When he decided to go off and be alone, lost in thoughts and memories at times, she didn’t know that was when he needed you the most. But Hermione never really shared these things with her either. Those were her jobs and she didn’t really want someone completing them for her. It was her only connection to him it seemed.

So when she had heard that he had finally called it quits with Madeline, she wasn’t very sorry. Oh she was sad that Harry had to go through another trial where he possibly felt like he’d never get what he wanted—that he didn’t deserve it, but she wasn’t sorry to see her go.

Hermione knew that he was blaming himself for the relationship’s failure. Harry had a tendency to blame himself for any kind of failure that had any kind of connection to him no matter how small. Knowing him for so many years had made her somewhat of an expert on Harry she liked to think. She knew he was spending time with Ron lately doing those guy things that she had no intention of being a part of and she knew that he’d come and talk to her about it when he was ready. It was what he did before her and he would hopefully continue that act now that she was gone.

She had gone to see him after she heard the news, but in typical fashion, he said he was fine and moved the conversation on to other neutral topics. It happened anytime she tried to bring up the subject and she was use to it since Harry did it whenever he wanted to avoid speaking of his feelings. He’d talk when he was ready. She just had to wait it out. She’d been waiting two weeks now, but she was his best friend and she wait even longer.

So seeing him standing here before her like that again, looking like he hasn’t slept in days, clothes rumpled, hair every which way and hearing him say it’s because of her. She’s the reason he can’t sleep or eat or function. Hearing these words come from his mouth makes her think this is a dream or possibly the cruelest joke.

The “your best friend is a girl and you have very strong feelings for her” argument had been played before by girlfriends and family, but this is the first time he has ever reacted to it like this. It’s taking all she has to not jump for joy. He’s just confused and hurting and looking for an explanation and she tells him this while pacing the front hall and waving her arms about in a frantic way. There is absolutely no way that he feels like that. Yes, you feel like that about him, but you’ve been positive for quite some time now, years even, that he does not feel the same for you. No evidence has been found to prove otherwise.

She gasps and covers her mouth when the words leave her mouth. Normally Hermione plans her words carefully and filters out anything that may get her into trouble. There was a few times in the past where she’s slipped (saving people thing…so stupid…look where that got the two of them), but this was by far worse. This isn’t good. Nothing good can possibly come of this. Oh god if she could just figure out how to backup and start this whole conversation over again.

He’s smiling. That damn crooked, I just caught the snitch, I know you’re not going to tell McGonagall about me sneaking out, grin. She should never be allowed to speak again. She talks entirely too much anyway so it would be a lovely break for all if her voice took a holiday.

His eyes are shinning. His smile gets wider.

Hermione’s next plan of action was based on the age old question of “fight or flight”. Should she completely deny what she said or simply explain that it was all meant in a hypothetical sort of way (which she was even having trouble following)? This was quite the mess she got herself into. And Harry just stood there looking as if Christmas had come early. Was her slip up so funny that he had to stand there and enjoy it in front of her? Oh god, Ron would have great time with this one. The idea of flight was looking better and better.

She slowly (so as to not draw too much attention to her decision) began edging her way to her own front door. She was such a Gryffindor. Fleeing her own flat. To continue her distraction she began to explain exactly what she meant with her little comment about her “so called feelings” for her best friend. She used terms such as “I meant love as in the friendly way, you know, as in best friends” and “I know that meant the same, because that’s what we are, best friends”. Hermione couldn’t help but groan as nervous laughter escaped in between her words. It was only when Harry told her she was babbling, did she stop and notice that he had her pinned against her front door—hands resting on either side of her head.

“Harry, I’m sorry about what happen between you and Madeline. I know that you really liked her so you’re probably really confused right now and you’re just trying to forget and move on from it, but I can’t be that someone you do that with because I…well…what I said earlier…”

“Hermione.” His voice was so quiet but it made her eyes move to meet his and what she saw made her rethink her all her doubts. “Shut up,” was all she heard before losing herself in his kiss.

Moments passed before her brain began operating properly again. Lack of oxygen the most likely cause.

Her first thought was that this is wrong. She should be pulling away. Pushing him back…something, anything but kissing him in return. But lord she had been waiting on this for years and now that it’s here, in front of her, she can’t bring herself to care at this moment. All there is him and his lips and this feeling of finally. But then reality sets in with it’s annoying shrill voice and she remembers that he has never shown a bit of interest in doing this with her before now…before she opened her mouth and revealed her biggest secret.

Perhaps he felt that he could take advantage of the moment and try to heal his wounds, but then she remembers who this is in front of her (with their hands tangled in her hair and lips on her neck doing delicious things to her senses) and realizes that he would never do that. Harry had never been a typical guy who took advantage of situations like these so he wouldn’t start now. There had to be an explanation.

Maybe…just maybe he’d caught up to her. Perhaps Harry did actually feel the same way. That all of this was just them getting to this point. Now he was…..

“Stop thinking so much, Mione.”

And she did.

So here is my first posting on here. If you want to read more like this, check out my livejournal (link on profile). I post drabbles, shorts, whatever there.

Have in recommendations? Let me know what they are.

Leave some love.

Mags