All hail my Muse, Katie, for inspiring me to write an entire story based around Bones' infamous catchphrase.

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. Alas!

With no quarters aboard the Enterprise to call his own, Jim Kirk goes to the one person he can always count on.

Roomates

McCoy was being dragged out of sleep by a very incessant door chime. Practically sleepwalking, he got up and hit the button to open the door, intending to stop the person pressing the damn doorbell.

“Bones. Hi.”

Exhausted to the very core of his being, McCoy wasn't sure he was seeing clearly. He kept blinking his vision clear, only for all that work to be ruined moments later as everything fuzzed out of focus again. Damn he was tired. He'd never known weariness like the kind that had swamped him now that Nero and his band of merry world-destroyers were gone. Today had been one medical emergency after another but at last the wounded were resting easy and McCoy had left sickbay in the capable hands of his medical team. He knew he had to get some rest. And yet here he was, standing at the door and staring out at “Jim?”

“Yeah. Hey. Uh... Can I borrow your couch?”

Certain he'd heard wrong, Bones asked: “Can you borrow my what?”

“Your couch Bones,” Kirk answered, sliding into his friend's quarters without waiting to be invited in. Then again, he'd done the exact same thing in their years at the Academy so McCoy wasn't surprised. Kirk fixed his friend with a pleading look so genuine it startled McCoy. “I've got nowhere else to go.” He didn't need to say and I'm so tired I'm about to collapse and stay wherever I fall 'til somebody moves me; McCoy could read it in his friend's hooded eyes.

And that was when McCoy realized exactly what his friend meant. Of course Kirk had nowhere to go: he wasn't officially assigned to the Enterprise and therefore didn't have his own quarters. “Wait... where the hell did you go after I discharged you from sickbay?”

Kirk shrugged, the gesture uncharacteristically stiff. “Just walked. I was thinking.”

“You were just...” Bones found himself fully awake courtesy of a good dose of medical frustration. “Didn't I tell you to rest? Or would you like me to neutralize every painkiller in your system?”

“I told you, I had nowhere to go.” Kirk sat down on Bones' couch, clearly relieved to be taking the weight off his feet.

McCoy dug through a closet and chucked a spare pillow and blanket at his friend. He laughed, remembering the madcap antics that had ensued in order to get Kirk onto the Enterprise. It seemed like a lifetime ago. “I'd forgotten about how this all started.”

Kirk rubbed his bruised neck. “I hadn't.”

“Then why didn't you tell me sooner? We're friends Jim: you shoulda come straight here instead've wandering the ship for half the night.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

“And remind me to note that down in your medical history – severe allergic reaction to mud flea vaccine. May require further investigation.”

“You're not investigating anything.”

“I will if it'll benefit your health and stop anyone from injecting you with something that could lead to full-blown anaphylaxis which, in case you were wondering, is nothing to laugh at. Or did the swollen hands look work for you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kirk slowly lowered himself down until he was resting on his back. He closed his eyes. “Damn.” He breathed it out, the word containing every ache and pain in his body. “It's been a long day, days... whatever.”

McCoy retreated to his own bed. “I don't need you to tell me that.”

Groaning, Kirk shifted. “I think I've broken something.”

“Ribs. Two.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“You'll just have to deal with it. If I put anything else into your system you'll be risking an overdose.”

“Yeah, let's not do that.”

“Thought you might say that. Computer, lights off.”

The room was plunged back into darkness and the pair drifted into silence. McCoy was just about to tumble down into the depths of sleep when Kirk called to him. “What?” He demanded, tired and ready to not be awake.

“I... uh... I wanted to say thanks.”

“For?”

“For getting me aboard the Enterprise. I seriously owe you one.”

“Pay up now by letting me sleep.”

Kirk fell silent, but not for long. “They're gonna kick me out, aren't they?”

McCoy groaned. “Did you come here just to emote? Damnit Jim, I'm a doctor not an agony aunt. Go find the counsellor.”

“Bones, I'm serious.”

“Listen kid, if they threw you out they'd be shooting themselves in the foot. They can't afford to lose more people right now and you just saved the whole damn planet...”

“Not alone I didn't.”

“You did more than most. Anyway, Pike will stand up for you.”

“I hope so. We did kinda damage his ship.”

McCoy scoffed at the understatement. “Damaged it? The Enterprise is the damn flagship and we're limping back to base. It'll take a week to get back to Earth...”

“At least we're limping. That's more than most.” Kirk's voice was heavy with sorrow. Lost lives, lost classmates, lost friends... “Still, he's gonna be pissed.”

“He'll understand. And so will the Academy Board. They're not such sticklers for rules that they'd kick you out over that damn test, not after everything that's happened since. Hell, I bet Spock will retract his complaint. It'll work out.”

“Bones,” Kirk said with quiet disbelief, “was that optimism?”

“Ah, shut it Jim.”

Kirk offered a weak laugh. “I hope it'll work out, 'cause I have no idea how I'd break it to my Mom if I got kicked out.”

“Something tells me you've spent most of your life breaking bad news to your mother. If you had to, you'd work it out.”

“Hey... pick a side!”

“Shut up and let me sleep. I'm exhausted and I didn't get into half the fights you managed to lose today so I know you need it too.”

“Lose? I'm still alive aren't I?”

“Spock nearly had you.”

“Didn't.” A pathetic protest.

“You're damn lucky his dad was there to stop him.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They settled into silence again but this time it was McCoy who found himself breaking it. “Jim?”

He got a grunt in response.

“Did you get that memo? About graduation? You realize we'll be graduating a year early, right?”

Kirk was silent for a beat before he started laughing, quiet chuckles at first but he rapidly gained volume. “I told him!” He eventually managed to choke out. Laughing had never been so painful. “I told him I'd do it in three!”

All the laughter soaked up what energy he had left and Kirk cackled himself to sleep. McCoy shook his head and rolled onto his side. “Crazy kid.”

When the ship's morning cycle came around, McCoy awoke suddenly and completely as he always did. The lights set to at a gentle level that mimicked Earth's early morning sunlight, McCoy sat up and stretched out the night time stiffness. He looked over and saw Kirk sleeping on his back, head turned to one side, arms by his sides. Ever the doctor, McCoy got out of bed and placed the back of one hand on his friend's forehead. Cool. Good. Kirk didn't react to the touch, exhaustion written into every inch of his slumbering body. McCoy showered, dressed and even got a steaming cup of coffee without his friend showing any sign of moving or waking. McCoy considered waking him, knowing that even though Pike was once again Captain of the Enterprise, albeit flat on his back in sickbay, Kirk still had work to do. But the ship had clearly survived the night without him and it would manage for a few more hours yet.

Dimming the lights, McCoy left his quarters. He'd go back after his rounds with coffee and a hypo of painkillers. Jim Kirk had been his best friend for three years now and while this was no hangover, McCoy knew how to handle a post-fight Kirk.

Some things never changed.