"DISCLAIMER"

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM THE TWILIGHT SAGA (so Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn), BELLA, EDWARD OR ANY OTHER CHARACTERS. STEPHENIE OWNS ALL!! (until later when some new characters come in)
STEPH YOU ARE THE BEST!!! I LOVE YOU!! XOX
I LOVE EDWARD TOO AND JAKE (he is soo fkn hot!)
ALSO I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE SONGS OR LYRICS IN THIS STORY (any changes made to said lyrics will be bolded)

THANK YOU! HAPPY READING!!!

A/N: I have only got five chapters typed up but i do have the rest of the story written down. The rest will be up soon.

The La Push Pack
Chapter 1
(Bella's Misery)

Singing(centre aligned). Talking. Thinking(left aligned). Whispering.

"You have made it harder
Just to go on
And why? All the possibilities
Well, I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win
Whoa"

I sang as I ran the blade across my arm causing the scar from my 18th birthday party to re open. I always sang my songs in the shower and have only just recently started cutting myself. I need the release that it provides; that along with singing out my emotions is always the most peaceful part of the day. As the blood washed away, so did my pain. If only it would stop coming back.

As I was cleaning up the blood with the medical supplies in the bathroom, I continued singing

"I wonder, how am I supposed to feel
When your not here
Cause I've burnt every bridge I ever built
When you were here
I still try, holding on to silly things
I never learn…"

I wish I could just let him go but I'm not dumb, I know myself well enough to know that could never happen. Deep down I will always be waiting for him to come back, to tell me he really did love me, to make my life whole again.

As I was drying my hair, I heard a smash in my bedroom. Nothing really scared me anymore these days, but I was startled by the sound. I quickly pulled my clothes on and went to my room, slowly pushing the door open. Relief washed over me as I found Jacob standing by my bed. His body was shaking with anger, my shattered lamp at his feet on the floor.

"Jake?" I asked as I walked across the room. He had his eyes shut, clearly trying to calm himself.

"Bella, this has to stop…" his voice sounding very strained.

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Bella…" he growled, he was pissed.

"Don't play dumb, I heard you singing and I can smell your blood. You need to get over him, this hurting has to stop, NOW!"

With those words the pain came rushing back. I broke down, falling to the floor with warm tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I can't help it Jake," I cried out

"I love him!"

Jacob came running over and picked me up, we sat on the bed and he rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry honey, I just get really angry sometimes. I just want to see you happy again, not having to pretend anymore. I can't stand it when you hurt yourself. I'm sorry. Shhh… its ok" he hushed, trying to stop me from crying.

After what seemed like hours of cuddling into his side I was finally able to stop crying.

"Jake can you please pass me my song book? I want to write down those lyrics before I forget them."

I could tell he would prefer that I just forgot them but he sighed and passed it to me anyway.

My song writing was getting better, I was actually pretty good now. Jacob is the only one that has ever seen any of my songs. I never wanted anyone to see the pain I'm in. I guess that Jacob just wouldn't take no for an answer.

It's been eight months since Edward left me in the woods. Not one call, no letters, no emails, eight months and no contact at all.

"It will be as if I never existed…" he had said.

Like that was even possible, I could never forget him.

What was left of my life now? I had given my whole self to a love that was only ever one sided, I lost everything and everyone that day. I lost brothers and sisters, I lost parents, I lost my best friend, and I lost my whole future. I was stupid for thinking they cared about me. It felt like my life, my soul, my whole being was ripped out of me and crushed that day.

I suppose you could say things looked like they were getting better. I remember how the Cullens used to say that I was a terrible liar and a crappy actress but to anyone looking at the outside I was just a normal happy girl so I must have picked up some skills somewhere along the way.

If you looked close enough you'd see the truth, but no one ever cared enough for that. If you looked under the clothes you'd see my scars, if you looked through my eyes you'd see my pain and if you looked beneath my skin you'd see my missing heart. No one ever looked that close, no one knew the real me, no one but Jacob that is. Jacob, my Jacob, he knew me well.

I know I'll never really be okay again but somehow when I was with Jacob I could numb the pain. I spent most of my time with the pack at La Push, they were family to me now. It is spring break so we were all spending our day's together having fun. We joke and play, we're always pulling pranks. The boys have started to rub off on me.

My language had definitely been affected and I'm not so shy anymore. Sometimes we would go cliff diving or have races. Emily and I would obviously be sitting on the sidelines when a challenge was made to see who could make it to forks and back the fastest or something like that. We would always cheer for Leah, not because we knew she would win but because us wolf girls had to stick together.

Most nights would be spent by a big campfire with lots of food, some awesome stories and always, lots of drinks.

"Alright, everyone got a shot? On three… One… Two…. THREE!" Sam yelled as we all did a shot of bourbon.

Seth was easily the weakest drinker, spewing his straight back up. We all laughed. Never a dull moment at La Push, I thought. There was nothing funnier than a bunch of drunken wolves.

"Shut up Jake!" Paul slurred as he tripped over his own feet.

At least I'm not the clumsiest person here tonight, I mused trying not to laugh. When a small chuckle escaped I received a murderous glare from Paul.

"You stay out of this Bella or I'll make you regret it!" Paul threatened.

Did he really just threaten me? Oh... he will pay for that.

"It's not her fault that you're such a girl…" Jacob teased.

"MY FUR DOES NOT LOOK FEMININE!!!" Paul yelled.

Even if we hadn't all been drinking this would have been hilarious. We all cracked up laughing and that was it. It never took much to make Paul angry and we all knew what was coming next. He downed one more shot, wobbling slightly then bent down and exploded into a wolf.

I closed my eyes and tensed, I wasn't afraid, it was just an automatic reaction. I knew Paul would never hurt me and the others would always protect me if he lost control. My eyes flew open as I heard a defining roar of laughter, I looked around and then joined in laughing. There, lying in the exact place Paul had phased, was a big snoring pile of chocolate brown fur.

"He does look kinda girly…" Embry commented.

"Come on guys, now that we can't piss off Paul anymore we need to do something. I'm so bored!" Seth whined.

Jacob jumped up from the log him and I were sitting on.

"Oh! I've got an idea, we ca-"

"I've got a better one." Sam cut in.

Jacob crossed his arms across his chest and pouted, sitting back down. He looked so cute like that.

"Awww… Poor puppy, It's ok." I teased.

He growled softly at me and I was quite surprised at just how much I liked it. I laughed at myself and got a questioning look from everyone, I just shook my head.

"Ok everyone, who's up for Truth or Dare?!" Sam yelled.

After a long stream of HELL YEAH!'s and WOO WHOO's, Sam quickly turned to me.

"Bella you're up! Truth or dare?"

Shit, I thought. No way am I doing the first dare.

"Truth" I smiled confidently.

"Hmmm… ok I'll go easy this time, you are only human after all..." Sam teased.

"What were you laughing at just a second ago that you wouldn't tell us about?"

Easy? Right… The funny thing was that Sam really did think he was going easy on me.

"Shit, dare." I said hopefully and Sam chuckled.

"Was it that bad?" he asked.

"Well its too late, you chose and now you have to answer." he finished.

I sighed and looked down, unable to look at Jacob or any of the others.

"I was laughing at myself for the fact that I really liked how Jake growled at me the way he did..." I said in a quiet voice, extremely embarrassed.

I could feel my face go tomato red, even more so when I heard the boys erupt with laughter, whistling and mock howling.

Jacob lent over to me and seductively growled in my ear, resulting in even more hysteria from the others. It sent a shiver down my spin that I knew Jacob didn't miss. Oh he would pay... I pushed him away and punched him in the arm.

I knew it wouldn't do any good, he was much stronger than me and I only ended up hurting myself. Right then Paul woke up still in his wolf form and stretched. Perfect… double payback. Oh this was going to be so good. I burst out laughing.

"Payback.. is a.. bitch.. boys" I managed to choke out.

"Jake, truth or dare?"

Jacob leaned in close to me again and stared straight into my eyes.

"Dare" he answered slowly before he let out a long, low growl.

Oh he is so asking for it. As much as I did like it, he was going to pay. Lets see how you handle this Mr. Big. Bad. Wolf.

"Ok Jake, I dare you to kiss Paul." I spoke, sounding smug.

His face fell and I could see I had won, just like that.

"AND…" I continued, chuckling.

"… it has to be nice and sloppy, with plenty of tongue."

Jacob was still staring into my eyes as if he was trying to find something. I just sweetly smiled in triumph.

"You think you've won? You think I wont?" he asked.

Oh I know you wont, I thought, still smiling.

"I never lose." he said with determination.

He wouldn't…. A big grin spread across his face.

OH GOD! HE WOULD!

"Paul?" Jacob called as he turned to face Paul and with that Paul was off.

Jacob laughed and burst into a big reddish brown wolf, after nudging my shoulder he took off after Paul. The next few minutes were filled with laughter and more drinks.

"Nice one Bells, you're a legend!" Seth complemented me.

A few minutes later we all froze as a piercing howl rang from the forest. Sam quickly phased and then immediately yelped with a pained look on his fury face. As he turned human again he screamed.

"DON'T!!!!"

But he was to late to stop the others from phasing.

Their reactions mimicked Sam's, Seth even looked like he might chuck up again. What did they see? Just then something clicked in my head.

HOLY SHIT!

"Sam… he didn't, did he?" I asked in disbelief.

Sam just closed his eyes, pinching the ridge of his nose and nodded.

"They were thinking about it on their run back. Jacob had a bit of trouble getting Paul to phase back so that he could do it but it was very… graphic. Be very thankful you never have to see that Bella. Paul is not happy with you." Sam warned.

"Is he ever?" I laughed.

Ha! Just hilarious, I love these guys.

It was late so the game was put on hold for the next campfire. The next day I decided to clean the house up as I had been neglecting it lately. Suffering from a hangover, I started on the kitchen. I was in a surprisingly good mood today even with the hangover so I began to sing, making a new song as I cleaned.

"I count the days that we have spent apart
I've got a bad liver and a broken heart"

"Hmmm… it's a good start." I mused.

Great now I'm talking to myself, I must be crazy.

"You made my life completely miserable
You drove me to the edge
You've caused me all this pain
But I've always loved you
Cause you're oh so special
Oh so special

I'm broken, I'm alone and I cannot maintain…
So help me! Save Me!
Tell me that the end is near
Help me! Save Me!
Tell me that the end is here…"

I sighed. Happily singing a depressive song… I'm definitely losing it. I felt my happiness draining and lent forward onto the bench preparing for the onslaught of tears and pain.

I jumped when I heard a husky growl come from very close behind me.

"I'm going to kill that leech! That stupid, stinking parasite is still hurting you! If he thinks he can get away with this…" Jacob trailed off his growls becoming even louder.

"Jake please don't." I moaned wrapping my arms around myself trying to hold myself together.

"What?" he asked a little too innocently.

"I thought you liked to hear me growl…" he said trying to cheer me up but he was clearly still angry.

"Cut it out Jake" I complained.

Suddenly I was shoved sideways into the bench, I felt the bone in my arm break as it was crushed between my hip and the bench. I screamed out in pain and heard Jacob's vicious snapping and snarling.

Before I could realize what was happening Jacob howled out in so much pain that my tears for him were streaming down my cheeks before I had even seen him. I heard him thump down to the ground behind me and turned around to see him.

"Jacob!!!" I screamed and ran to his wolf body lying on the floor.

What do you think? Let me know. This is my first fanfic please go easy on me. :)

Will Jacob be ok? Whats going to happen to Bella? Who hurt Jake?

For the record Bella knows about Jacob because he was a werewolf when
Bella first arrived in Forks. So the Cullens know that she is friends with a wolf.

Please review!

xox kel...