Disclaimer: I own nothing. I make no money.

A/N: Here we go! I took my boards and in celebration, I wrote a chapter. Thanks to all the kick ass reviews! It gave me a few things to think about while writing. I owe a huge thanks to Sue (jgio) again for supporting this story and understanding what it means to me. Warning for heavy reading again, some of this chapter was difficult to write…so I imagine it will be hard to read as well. I listened to Jeremy Camp’s ‘Breaking My Fall’ and ‘One Day At A Time’ while writing this. I’m going to go hide now so the tomatoes can’t hit me. Enjoy!

GLORY

By

Kym

PART FIVE – Justified

They say the view from the top is the best.

You can look down at all the average peons running around and feel accomplished. There are no normal worries at the top. Food is found in abundance and money is plentiful. If worries are to be found, it’s usually that the maid cleaned something and now you can’t find it. And of course, there is the ‘How am I going to have time for the charity polo match and dine at the country club?’

I always thought I wanted to be a member of the elite. Certainly I wouldn’t mind someone cleaning up after me or having enough money in the bank to buy all the Gucci my heart desired.

But do they appreciate what they have, what they are given?

It’s not until you are at the bottom of the barrel, staring up at those average peons passing buy that you really learn the meaning of life.

There are no class ranks among the sick. If you are sporting a billion dollars, you might be in a private room of a hospital with a wing named after you, but it won’t change the fact that you have the same type of cancer as Jane Doe down the hall.

So, the view from the top is not always the best. Sometimes it’s the view from the bottom that truly puts things in perspective. And sometimes it takes someone who has been both places to set it right.

We aren’t meant to walk alone in life. But for a man that thrives on his solitary existence, it can be difficult to accept. And sometimes we have to swallow our pride, extend a hand and hope that help comes when we need it.

Maybe it comes when you least expect it and from the most unlikely source.

oOoOoOoOo

It was stagnant.

The days rolled together until I lost track. I couldn’t tell you if I’ve been confined to this room for a week or forty days. I didn’t particularly care either.

I knew this room as well as I used to know my lover’s body. I could tell you the number of cracks in the floor and how many white bumps were in the paint.

Who knew I had a head for numbers?

The bright white walls had dulled over the weeks and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was merely because I was seeing them differently. It’s ironic how different things appear when the glasses come off.

Who gave a damn about white walls anyways?

The television droned on like it did every morning since I’ve been here. It was yet another reminder that there was life outside these walls and it was going on without me.

Like I said, stagnant.

I’ve learned to ignore the nurses coming and going. I tuned out their small chit chat, more happy to stay consumed in my own thoughts and memories. It was annoying really, why would they want to talk to me? And did they have to be so god damned cheerful all the time? I wanted to kick one in the leg just to see what kind of response I would get.

Maybe that could be entertainment for later.

My fever has risen and I’m coughing more frequently. I couldn’t bring myself to be concerned. Poetic justice right? It certainly didn’t stop the nurses from shoving medication down my throat or from hanging yet another IV bag.

And so it went on.

The blinds were open and a quick glance outside confirmed that is was once again another day. The day shift nurse brought my breakfast in and I thanked her with a grunt. I was pleasantly surprised when she frowned at me. I looked at her a little closer and realized she must be new because she certainly hadn’t taken care of me before. I’d remember someone who frowned.

It was a welcome change….especially after all the fake smiles and placating pats. I glanced at her nametag. It read ‘Autumn’ and I was surprised to see her smiling in her ID photo. She was young. She looked like she wanted to say something, but instead left the room quietly and I rolled my eyes as the door shut.

I stared down at my breakfast of pancakes and bacon with distaste. Once upon a time, I would have consumed it with fervor. Those days seemed years ago. I swallowed about a quarter of my meal and pushed it away. Maybe they could send it to the starving kids in Ethiopia.

The shrill of a phone ringing shocked me to awareness. Thinking it was on television, I ignored it. Two rings, three rings, it didn’t stop. I finally stared at the phone beside my bed and realized it was my phone ringing. I looked at it for a moment before I picked up with an uncertain, “Hello?”

A beat of silence and a sigh of relief, then “Babe.”

I clutched the phone tightly in my hand. The sound of his voice released a plethora of emotions inside me…happiness to hear his voice, curiosity of why he was calling, sadness because I missed him, and finally anger. I didn’t know which emotion I wanted to greet him with…the handiest seemed to be anger and it cooled my voice several degrees when I answered. “Ranger.”

What else was there to say? Didn’t he say enough for both of us last time I seen him? Did he call to add a few insults to my intelligence? Maybe he wanted to jab another knife in my heart while he was at it?

I heard a groan over the line and I didn’t know what to think about that. The groan was followed by the one thing I never thought I’d hear in his voice, pleading. “Stephanie, please…”

I felt a flutter in my stomach and an ache in my chest at his tone of voice. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed just the sound of his voice until I heard it again. Something inside of me was calming, and only after two simple words.

He had power over me and I hated it. I refused to give him the opportunity to hurt me again, even over the phone. Did he think he could just pick up the phone and everything would be okay? No. No, even as much as I missed him, he burned this bridge. Its going to take much more than a pleading, husky voice to rebuild again.

Did he even know how dark my world has been? Did he give a damn at all?

I forgot I was still holding the phone. I shook my head and tightened my grip on the receiver. “Please what Ranger? I don’t think you have the right to ask me for anything. Why now? Why are you calling me now? Did they tell you I was broken and bent and you decided to swoop in and save the day when it suits you?”

He sighed heavily and I could almost see his expression. I wasn’t falling for his shit again. “Stephanie, I’m begging you….if you would just listen…”

I laughed coldly, to the point I felt a shiver run down my bag. “Oh that’s rich Ranger! If I would just listen? My ass! Funny, I seem to recall saying those same words to you not long ago! And did you give me the time of day? Hell no! So, no Ranger, I don’t think I will just listen. You see, I finally did as you asked…I grew the fuck up. Maybe you should try it. Or are you too good to practice what you preach?”

I didn’t wait for him to answer. I slammed down the receiver and felt immense satisfaction. He had hurt me; it only seemed fair to return the favor. After all, one good deed deserves another. Let him see how it feels to be on the receiving end of hateful words for once.

My smugness lasted an entire three minutes and what an outstanding three minutes they were. After three minutes, I felt remorseful for my angry words. No matter how much he hurt me, he didn’t deserve what I said to him. I’m not a spiteful person, but my actions proved otherwise.

Maybe I didn’t want to be alone in my misery. That still didn’t justify acting like an errant child on the phone. Couldn’t he have picked the phone up before now?

Suddenly a thought slammed into my mind.

Oh god. He reached out to me and I just slapped him down like an annoying bug. Why did I do that?

I narrowed my gaze as I thought about our non-existent conversation. Better yet, why did he let me do that? He was almost docile on the phone and the Ranger I know is anything but docile.

What in the hell was going on?

I sat in silence and brooded and more I brooded, the angrier I became.

For the first time in days I felt something outside of guilt and grief and loneliness. I was mad.

No, it was more than that.

I was bloody furious.

oOoOoOoOo

I steamed all night over Ranger’s phone call. Why didn’t he pick a phone up days ago?

The more I thought about it, I realized something didn’t make sense. I didn’t know what was going on, but I was damn well going to find out. I was damn tired of being left in the dark.

As I contemplated my position, I realized my mood had come full circle since the day before. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve been pissed at Ranger for leaving me in the shadows. It was a welcome emotion. I breathed it in, enveloped it, and welcomed it to me.

Oh yes, I wasn’t numb anymore. I wasn’t dormant at the moment either.

I suppose I have Ranger to thank for getting hot enough to snap partially out of my funk. I glowed, I glorified in my ability to feel. Something was going down, I could feel it…and my rat fink bastard of a husband was hiding something.

I was going to kick his ass seven ways to Sunday if I ever got out of the hellhole I’d been stuck in for weeks.

I laughed loudly and focused my thoughts around him. ‘Come to me the spider said to the fly…’

For no apparent reason, or one that I didn’t acknowledge, I found myself interested in the present again.

I had a mystery to solve and a baby I wanted to see.

oOoOoOoOo

Autumn showed up at lunchtime carrying my tray and wearing a smirk on her face. She looked calculating, almost if she knew something I didn’t.

As usual, I did nothing but grunt my thanks at her. I dismissed her with a toss of my head. She took a few steps away, but turned around quickly. She advanced on me with her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips. I set my fork down and stared at her. “Did you need something?” I asked flatly.

She pursed her lips in thought for a moment, studying me. “I don’t understand you Stephanie. He stands outside that door sometimes for hours, with nothing but his head leaning against it. He leaves, but always comes back.”

I rolled my eyes, not really sure what she was babbling about. She raised a lip in distaste. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

I sighed and set down my drink and pinned her with a glare. “Do about what?”

Autumn smacked her head like she was dealing with a slow person. “Are you listening at all? Him. Your husband! He stands outside your room. He wouldn’t let us tell you. But, I’m sick of your moping. You act like you have nothing to live for. If that’s he way you want to play it, fine.”

I went from indifferent to pissed in seconds. Who the hell did she think she was? What fucking right did she have to talk down at me?

I slammed down the lid on my tray and turned furious eyes to meet hers. “How dare you! How dare you come into my room and LIE to me! You don’t know shit. You have no idea what it’s like in here! So, until you do, I’ll thank you to keep your fucking trap shut OR I’ll shut it for you.”

A calculating gleam came into her eyes and she smiled, but it was void of humor. “I know more than you think I do Mrs. Manoso. I know your husband is hurting while you sit in this bed feeling sorry for yourself. I know that you’ve given up without even trying. Tell me I’m wrong. Or are you too scared of what you might find if you look in the mirror?”

I snapped. I picked up my tray and hurled it at her with everything I had. She ducked and it hit the wall and shattered. I picked up my phone and threw it too. I screamed, “GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!”

She transformed before my eyes. The scowl and coldness disappeared, replaced with an impish smile and dancing eyes. She walked to the door, but stopped and turned again. “Welcome back Stephanie. Maybe now you’ve stopped with the self-pity and the guilt trip you can find the path to learning how to live again.”

I threw the television remote at her and she ducked again and then smiled, “One more thing, if you want to really live, you have to fight and you can’t do it alone. Something you might want to think about.”

And then she was gone. But, as the door swung open, I saw him standing there. Our eyes met for the first time in days.

He looked like hell.

It was his eyes that stopped me. They were the eyes of a man that’s dead inside. I sucked in a breath and in those precious three seconds before the door clicked shut, I made my decision.

This wasn’t just killing me. It was eating away at my family too. I may not have known any more than that, but it was enough. It wasn’t about who hurt who or even why anymore. It was about moving on….past the pain.

And I had a direction now.

My compass was standing just outside the door.

I silently said thanks to Autumn, for helping me see what I’d been missing all along.

TBC

Well? Is it all uphill from here? Will things really be that simple for Steph and Ranger? Do you think Steph was justified in her actions? Will the doors of communication open? Did Autumn make the right decision?