Chapter 4

Ezri stared down at her shoes, waiting for Jeran to emerge. Captain Sisko was standing in one of Odo’s holding cells, silent as Jeran’s memories took hold. Odo stood nearby, soundless yet completely engaged, waiting for any little thing that might endanger the Captain or Ezri.

Ezri clamped her hands together at her back, trying not to look as nervous as she felt. Jeran was hardly manageable when he was a part of Dax. How could she possibly handle him on the outside? In that moment, her smallness seemed extreme. She wished she was tall and imposing like Jadzia had been. Then, perhaps, she wouldn’t feel so intimidated.

“Ezri?” a strange, soothing voice asked. She looked up. Captain Sisko/Jeran was eying her carefully, his head set at a strange angle. A chill ran through Ezri.

“Yes?” she answered.

Jeran watched her carefully, a look of doubt on his face.

“You’re not what I expected,” he said.

Ezri looked away, not saying anything in response.

“I wonder at the wisdom of the Council these days,” he said. “First Jadzia, now you…”

“I wasn’t approved for Joining,” Ezri said. “It was an accident. An emergency.”

Jeran shook his head, clucking his tongue in disapproval.

“All the worse,” he said. “You shouldn’t have accepted it.”

“I was the only one,” Ezri explained, trying to keep her voice level. “There was no choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” Jeran said, his voice still calm despite his words. “You could have rejected it, let Dax die.”

“How could I do something like that?” Ezri asked. “How could anyone?”

Jeran shrugged.

“Perhaps it would have been better for Dax to die with so many good hosts than be soiled by bad ones.”

“You would have died, too,” Ezri pointed out, disturbed by what he was proposing.

“A worthy sacrifice,” he answered, smiling wickedly. “You’re not worthy of Dax. Jadzia’s worth was questionable. Yours is obvious. You don’t deserve to be Joined and even if you had lifetimes to live, you never would be. You’re just not good enough.”

Ezri’s eyes grew wide. Every fear she had ever had, every insecurity she’d ever let pass through her mind, was staring her in the face. All her thoughts were being spoken at her and hearing them was even more painful than thinking them.

She stood there, speechless, unsure whether to cry or to scream out, denying everything he’d just said. She vacillated between the two extremes. Jeran just glared at her, pacing in the cell like a tiger.

“Don’t listen to him,” another voice said. Ezri turned to Odo, surprised that he’d spoken.

“What?” she said. A bit of the tension melted from her.

“Don’t listen to him,” he repeated. “He’s not worth your time.”

Ezri stared at Jeran, deciding.

Was Odo right? Were all these things that Jeran was saying, the things that had been going through her head ever since being Joined, all worthless? Was she entertaining lies? Was doubt slowly killing her from the inside?

She continued to stare Jeran down. He stared back at her.

She decided.

“You’re wrong,” she said.

“Excuse me?” Jeran asked.

“You’re wrong about me,” she said. “My Joining may not have been approved by the Council, but I am not so pathetic that Dax doesn’t deserve me. Sure, brilliant and accomplished people have carried Dax before, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t. I’m no less than you or anyone else. You’re wrong and this conversation is over.” Jeran started to speak but she didn’t listen.

Ezri walked out of the room into Odo’s office. The guardian waited there.

“I’m finished,” she said.

The guardian nodded, heading toward the holding cells. Once he was gone, Ezri collapsed into Odo’s chair. A sigh of relief rushed out of her. Adrenaline ebbed through her veins and she couldn’t help but smile.

Odo stepped into the office. She got up from the chair immediately, muttering,

“I’m sorry.”

He just nodded.

Ezri paused, looking down at her hands. Then she said,

“Thank you for what you said in there. You made me realize what was really going on.”

Odo nodded, then said bluntly,

“It was my job to protect you. Sometimes forcefields can’t keep everything in.”

Ezri smiled, knowing this was as personal as Odo would ever be. Her fondness for him swelled up in her. Her instinct was to hug him, but she knew that was too much for him. Instead, she gave him a smile and said,

“Thank you. You do your job well.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“Tell the guardian I’ll be in the Replimat,” she said.

“Of course.”

With that, Ezri stepped out into the bustle of the Promenade, feeling as though she’d conquered the world. As she walked along the familiar route, she found she couldn’t stop smiling.

Ezri laughed for the thousandth time that hour.

“Curzon, you’re hysterical,” she said. Jake/Curzon smiled his thanks, then said,

“Do you want to hear the one about Benjamin and that woman on –“

“Not that one,” Captain Sisko cut in. “My son is right here.”

“But you forget, old friend,” Curzon said, “that I’m him now. He might already know.”

“Still,” Sisko said, “I’d rather we skip that particular story.”

“Very well,” Curzon said. “I have plenty of equally-interesting stories to tell. We don’t need yours. But why don’t get go to Quark’s for a few drinks? Maybe some Tongo?”

“No Tongo this time, Old Man,” Sisko said. “But the drinks we can do if you promise to go easy. I don’t want my son suffering a—“

“I’ll be good,” Curzon promised. “Now, let’s go.”

As they left the quarters, Ezri leaned over to Sisko and asked,

“Benjamin, is it really safe to have him out?”

Sisko laughed and said,

“He’s harmless.”

“Quark, my old friend!”

The Ferengi bartender eyed Jake/Curzon, obviously confused. Then he saw Ezri and Sisko approach and he said,

“I assume that crazy Trill body-switching ritual is still going on?”

“You assume correctly,” Curzon answered, taking a seat at the bar. Quark involuntarily took a step away, asking,

“What can I get for you?”

Ezri stared at Curzon and Quark as they interacted, trying to hide a smile. Sisko noticed. He leaned toward her and said,

“They have history.”

Ezri just nodded, thinking that there was never a dull moment in this entire ritual.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Sisko asked, his tone serious.

Tomorrow Kira was going to embody Jadzia.

Ezri turned to look her friend in the eye.

“Are you?” she asked. “You knew Jadzia. I’ll be meeting her for the first time.”

“I’m not the one you need to be worried about,” Sisko said. “I’ve been through this before with Curzon.” He nodded vaguely at Jake/Curzon who was still chatting with Quark.

“It’s the rest of the crew,” he said. “You might be seeing more people than usual after this.”

Ezri had already considered that. She was the station’s counselor, something that they desperately needed these days with the war going on, and she knew that her zhian’tara would have some negative effects on her colleagues.

“I know,” she told him. “But if anyone was opposed to it, I would have done my zhian’tara back on Trill.”

“I’m not putting any blame on you,” he said.

“I know.”

Sisko smiled.

“But that’s tomorrow. Today, we celebrate.”