Chapter 2: Daylight

Ethan’s eyes opened, the room still dim around him. The small window above the bed let little light in, but he knew that the sun wasn’t up yet. Looking down, he realized the woman wrapped close to him. Her small hand rested on his bare chest and his instinctively went to cover it.

Then the memory pelted him with a relentless force…

Waking sluggishly with sharp inhales through his nose, Ethan turned his head to find Theresa’s open eyes staring up at him. His hand went to hold hers against his chest and she smiled.

“Hi, beautiful,” he said, pulling her close and kissing her forehead. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” She smiled, turning to him fully. “Did you sleep well?”

A devilish grin passed over Ethan’s face as he thought about the previous night. “Yeah,” he sighed with a smile. “Yeah. You?”

Theresa snuggled closer to him. “Yeah. Really good.”

The two laid together, staring at the ceiling content with the moment. Then a memory from the night before hit Theresa.

“We didn’t eat the dessert from last night,” she informed, hopeful that it was still around.

Ethan looked up, the smile on his face widening. “Yeah, we did.” He pulled her closer, his hand tracing up and down her arm.

Theresa’s brows scrunched together in thought. “Really? Hmm… What was it?” she asked, turning to Ethan.

Ethan continued staring up at the ceiling, the smile on his lips growing. He finally turned to her. But instead of answering her question verbally, he turned his head and took her ear between his lips. He lined the tip of his tongue down to her jaw line and sucked at the base where it met her throat.

“Oh…,” Theresa sighed. “Right.”

“Remember?” Ethan asked against her skin.

“Oh, I remember. Mmm hmmm…” Ethan laughed and pulled back from her neck. “Yep, it was incredible.”

Ethan nodded. “That it was. Yeah.”

Theresa lifted herself up a little, closing in on Ethan’s mouth. “Oh… what I wouldn’t give for more…”

Ethan pulled her waist closer. “Really? You want some more?”

“Yeah…,” she sighed.

Ethan leaned in, teasing her with how close he was. “I think I have a little more where that came from. That’s not a problem.”

Ethan pulled her face to his and kissed her deeply, passionately. Then he began undoing the buttons on his shirt that she had ended up wearing.

His mind flashed to the present and it only took milliseconds for his eyes to fill red with tears. His throat felt thick as he tried to swallow and he had to fight to breathe properly. Feeling tears about to fall to his face, Ethan removed his hand from Seven’s and pinched his eyes shut. He exhaled sharply and mentally told himself not to cry.

“You alright?” Seven’s small voice said next to him.

Ethan traced away any signs of moisture from his eyes before he turned down to her. “Morning,” he said plainly.

Seven smiled, closing her eyes and stretching her body, pulling her legs down and wrapping closer to Ethan. “Hmm,” she sighed satisfactorily. “I’ve never had that, you know,” she said against his chest as she rested her head against his shoulder.

Ethan turned to her in question.

“This—this tenderness. You know, the guys that come in here aren’t exactly teddy bears.”

She looked up at him and noted that he was looking up at the ceiling again. Sympathy filled her heart then. There was an unspoken sadness that he was fighting. She had been wrong about him. She suspected him another rich guy that had gotten bored with his trophy wife and came looking for excitement. But now she knew that Brazen was his escape from what as really torturing him.

“Tell me about her?” Seven asked softly.

Ethan stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, the old scars being stretched open at the memory that had just invaded his mind. For a second, he questioned just why he was getting memories. Whenever he went to Brazen, he went, got his mind cleared, and left. It was as if he were being given a momentary relief of what he most wanted to escape. But now, everything seemed to scream what he wanted to forget. Perhaps it was her dark hair or her height that made the memories begin to flood back.

As she asked, he began dredging up a few memories that he could bear to remember. But just as easily as he was able to think of only the slightly less painful ones, the ones that threatened to rip through him completely lingered just beneath the surface.

“Uh…,” he breathed, unsure if he had the strength to continue. “Theresa was uh… she was… she was beautiful. Full of life, vibrant.” He paused there, afraid of opening up more wounds. “And the craziest person I ever met,” he admitted.

Seven waited for him to continue, hoping he would. She wanted to know the woman that had so captivated the heart of such an obviously good man.

“No matter how many times we tried to get married, there was always something in the way.” He briefly got images of Theresa in various wedding gowns that she’d worn for him, and remembered feeling pride that they had finally made it only to be disappointed later. “But we kept fighting to be together. There was no other option. She was stubborn to a fault.” He laughed at the memory. “God, she was stubborn…”

Was.

The word echoed in Seven's brain just as soon as Ethan had said it. With a sudden maternal instinct, she wanted to cradle him in her arms when she noticed the torment in his eyes.

Her curiosity pressed forward. "What happened to her?"

As soon as she'd asked, she wished she hadn't. His eyes went dark for a second, almost as if he were suddenly lost in an empty memory that threatened to break everything he knew.

Ethan's chest moved farther than usual as he took in a deep breath and took a long while to let it out. He knew what had happened and every time he was forced to think about her floating with her lifeless arms to her sides as if detached, he thought he'd spontaneously combust in his pain.

"She drowned," he said suddenly, breaking the silence.

Again he cursed himself for allowing the memories of her to come flooding back into his mind. Not wanting to break down in front of a woman that he didn't know, and without knowing anything else to do, Ethan quickly threw the blanket off of himself and sat up. Seven was startled when he moved from her side quickly and she watched him begin picking up his clothes from the floor.

After his clothes were back on, Seven hoisted herself on her elbows and watched him sit back down on the bed, his back to her. She wondered if it was appropriate to say anything. What would she say anyway? Sorry was something she was sure he heard a lot. And also something he probably didn't want to hear anyway. No one would understand what he was going through and it was an insult to assume otherwise—her brother's death had taught her that much.

"How did--?" she began to ask, but was cut off by Ethan's answer to her barely-begun question.

"In the Gulf of Mexico. We went down there to get away, visit with some of her mother's family," he said softly, the story painfully unfolding as if it were around him.

"She couldn't sleep one night. I didn't feel her leave the bed." Then his voice cracked as if he had suddenly swallowed rocks that were cutting into his vocal cords. "She took her uncle's boat out on the water. She didn't even know how to use it." He had to stop to compose himself again. "It was too dark for her to see that she got out too far. A wave must have knocked her off the boat. She was a weak swimmer." And then he pinched his eyes shut again to avoid tears that were coming. "I... uh... woke up when I heard her screams. I ran out of the house and I started swimming to her, but it was already too late. I pulled her back to the dock, I tried to get her breathing again. Her lips were blue." Then the tears started. Either he had stopped caring, or he couldn't fight them anymore. "I held her in my arms... she never opened her eyes again."

Seven hadn't realized that she was crying as he told the story. She took a breath in and felt the shakiness of her chest and that's when she realized that the story had affected her more than she thought possible. Or was it Ethan that had touched her?

"I'm... I'm so sorry," she said without thinking.

Ethan simply let a slight laugh escape his throat. Sorry had become such a numbed word that came to mean as much as the word rock. Or maybe a dagger. Whenever someone apologized to him lately, it was in direct response to what had happened Theresa. And thinking about it sent swords plunging into his entire body as if he were a life-sized voodoo doll.

“I'm sorry,” she said again, this time apologizing for apologizing. "I know that's not what you want to hear."

Ethan turned to her, curious as to why she hadn't taken his guffaw as offensive.

"My brother committed suicide two years ago," she answered his unasked question. "I know what it's like."

Granted, she knew nothing of losing the love her life, but she did know that nothing could console a grieving soul.

“What did she look like?” Seven asked him softly.

Thinking about Theresa then, her beauty, sent a warm smile over his lips. He knew that he would never be able to forget what it was like to look at her. He had memorized her face millions of times. Every time he looked at her, he made sure that he etched her into his memory, unable to believe that she belonged to him. Her beauty would live forever in his memory.

Leaning closer to her, Ethan ran his fingers through the hair hanging just over Seven’s shoulder. “She had dark hair like you. Longer, though. She was a little shorter than you, came up to here,” he said, gesturing just below his shoulder.

Seven watched as he leaned in even closer, his face closer to hers than she thought he would care for in daylight. He brushed her cheek, surprising her with the warmth that spread into her body at that moment.

“Her eyes were… the color of milk chocolate.” The image of her bright golden-brown eyes was almost tangible. “I could get lost in them all day.”

“You loved her,” she whispered. A statement of observation rather than a question.

Ethan let a smile pull at the right side of his mouth. “More than my own life… More than… I can feel at one time…”

With a strong and shaky sigh, Ethan left the bed and walked quickly to the other side of the room. Before Seven could react and move to see what he was doing, Ethan pulled the cord next to the crimson curtain and had it fly across the room.

Confused, Seven stared out at the dark curtain. Then she heard Ethan fall against the wall and suddenly heard his muffled sobs. She was still in the bed for just a moment, unsure of what to do. She’d never had a client start crying on her before. Yet, she’d never had a client quite like Ethan either. The tender maternal feelings came over her again. Quickly pulling the blanket off her naked body and ignoring the chill that came across her skin. Pushing through the side of the heavy curtain, Seven fell to her knees in front of Ethan. He was sitting on the floor, his knees high, face in his hands.

“I don’t understand why,” he said into his palms. He pulled his hands down and Seven was shocked to se his red eyes and the fresh tears on his face. “Why did she leave me? Why!”

I’m so sorry…

Seven didn’t know what to do. His pain was slowly seeping into her own chest. She placed her hand on his face and tried to comfort him. He looked up to her, his eyes searching for the answer he’d been waiting to get fro months. But her eyes were just as empty as the answers he’d given himself.

“She didn’t want to,” Seven whispered through his labored breaths.

Then Ethan locked his eyes on hers. The surprise of the answer mixed with the irrational hope that she somehow knew the truth had frozen him. And again his imagination transformed her into the woman his heart ached to both remember and forget. Without thinking, and not thinking clearly, Ethan leaned forward and kissed her suddenly.

Seven was surprised to feel his lips on hers, but something inside of her reacted in a very strange way. She liked it. Pulling back, Ethan’s mind cleared. He knew that it was Seven in front of him.

“I’m sorry.”

Seven shook her head. “Don’t be.”

Ethan’s hand lingered on her cheek, stroking down slowly to her chin. Without saying anything, Ethan stood up. Looking down at her, he stretched his hand out to her.

Seven wondered whether or not she should take his hand. There was a weird feeling in the air and she wasn’t quite sure why she hesitated. After a beat of uncertainty, she took his hand and stood before him.

Ethan’s eyes pressed her tenderly, a new clearness in them. Quietly and softly, Ethan’s hand drifted across her cheek and brought her face closer to him, but stopped short of her lips, waiting.

Seven’s lips started quivering, both afraid and eager. She closer her eyes and pushed forward to his lips. Again she felt the strange elation as she kissed him. She had almost forgotten that she was naked until Ethan’s hands caressed her bare skin. He pulled her body close to him, and Seven clung closer. While her skin was getting heated in sudden desire, than could feel the chill on her body. He pulled back, still holding her.

“You should put some clothes on,” he said softly, a smile in his voice. He followed her eyes down to the thrown silver bra and panties she’d worn.

“I’m fine,” she said, turning back to him.

Just as she was about to kiss him again, Ethan pulled back slightly.

“What’s your name?”

Seven was surprised. A client had never asked her name. Ever. She had to pull her tongue back from her usual “What do you want it to be?” She looked back up to him, her chest filling with the same hesitation.

“Rachel,” she whispered slowly. “Rachel Sandsbury.”

Ethan stared at her bottom lip and caressed it with the tip of his thumb.

Ethan…

“I have to go,” he said suddenly. He was afraid of the feelings that Seven—Rachel—was mounting in him.

Ethan…

He kissed her suddenly to make the voice disappear.

“Thank you… Rachel Sandsbury.”

Without another word, and only a smile, Ethan left the room and closed the door behind him. As he began his ascent to the main level of Brazen, she assaulted his senses again.

Ethan…Ethan, please…

The pain he was able to forget for a few hours began seeping back in. By the end of the day, he knew, he would have to return. But why she wouldn’t leave him, he didn’t know. Brazen was fix enough for at least a few days of numbness. Once, after Rose, he’d even managed to go almost three weeks. But it was the weight of the ocean crushing against a dam much too small to hold it in.

As he ran up the stairs, he forced himself to think of memories of the previous night. Thinking of the smell of Seven’s—Rachel’s—skin, the other voice got weaker in his ears. Rachel’s breasts against his palms faded her with a kind of static. Rachel’s neck against his lips silenced her soft voice completely. Satisfied with himself, Ethan searched for Sandy when he reached the showroom floor.

Now daylight, the club looked entirely different. The cloud of smoke had filtered out through the open doors. The light made the place look a lot smaller as if it had stretched in darkness. The floors were in a much worse condition than could be seen during working hours and the silver poles bounced light off the windows.

Spotting him, Sandy walked over to Ethan, a rag in her hands. On her walk over, she lifted a few chairs on top of a few tables and clapped her hands to dust them. “How’d it go?”

Afraid that the vice was going to start creeping into his mind, Ethan grabbed hold of the memories more forcefully than necessary.

“Umm… good,” Ethan said with a smile. “Very good.”

Sandy smiled and nodded enthusiastically. “She’s our new girl,” she explained. “Great response so far.”

But then, thinking about Rachel backfired. As he thought about feeling her soft and tight walls around him, he also remembered the emptiness that accompanied. While he did his best to escape Theresa’s memory for fear of intolerable emotional pain, he was also somewhat comforted because he knew that she hadn’t completely left him. And then she crashed on him as she noticed the crack in his solid wall against her.

Ethan… I’m here…

“Same time next week?” Sandy asked at his silence. “I can reserve her for you.” She winked and already began writing on the last page of her pad.

I love you… Ethan…

“No,” Ethan said suddenly—both to Sandy and to the invisible voice. “Um, no thank you,” he recoiled as he realized that he scared Sandy with his abruptness.

Confused, Sandy stared up at him in question. “But I thought you said…” Sandy scratched out the note she had just written herself on her pad. “What—what happened?”

Ethan could see the sudden disappointment in her eyes and shortly wondered if she would go reprimand her new employee for bad service.

“No, no, it’s not that,” he corrected quickly. “It was fine. She was great. It’s not about that.”

Sandy studied him, reading his expression and settled that he was telling her the truth. “What is it then?”

Ethan knew that she was afraid of losing his business. He was, after all, her most loyal customer.

“I… uh… I want Sasha,” he said hesitantly.

Ethan…

Shaking his head, Ethan freed himself of the pain and focused on the strawberry blond hair that would soon be between his fingers and the freckled skin that would be against his own.

Smiling, Sandy began writing down a few things and looked back up to him happily. “I knew you liked her. So when did you want to reserve it? Next week? The week after?”

Ethan watched her writing, wondering why she had to write so much. Afraid of a coming torture, Ethan brought up memories of Rose and began conjuring up fantasies of what it would be like to have her pressed to him.

“Tonight,” Ethan said quickly.

Sandy looked back up to him. “Tonight?” she repeated.

Ethan simply nodded, wondering if she was beginning to judge him. In his silence, she took advantage.

Please, Ethan… Please…

Clearing his throat more loudly than necessary, Ethan forced her back.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Tonight. Is that alright?”

Sandy hadn’t written anything down after he’d told her when he was returning. Ethan was a regular customer, and definitely not a cop. Sandy had given up her suspicions about him long ago, yet, there was always something that puzzled her about him. He carried so much mystery and darkness around him. In her curiosity, Sandy had pressed the girls about him. But none could ever say anything; they simply said that he was nicer than any other customer had ever been.

“Uh, yes, that would be fine,” Sandy agreed, her memories drowning in the present. Again she turned her attention to scribbling some notes to herself on her pad.

Ethan nodded and flinched as the voice in his head was beginning to pound against his consciousness. Noting that Sandy would take care of what he needed, Ethan headed for the front door and some much-needed oxygen.

“Wait!” Sandy called to him just as he turned. “What if Sasha isn’t available tonight? Did you want Rachel again?”

Ethan tossed that thought around in his brain. Rachel’s dark hair spun across his face, filling his nostrils with her scent and her skin moved against his. Almost like Theresa’s…

Ethan, I’m here… With you… Ethan…

Ethan closed his eyes, mentally begging her to leave him. The strength he had to remain standing without breaking down was waning; another few seconds of her invading him like that and he was sure that he would have collapsed into a broken mess on the dirty club floor.

“No,” he said, curtly. “Sasha.” Sandy stared after him, her eyes telling him that he hadn’t answered her question fully. “If you can.”

And with nothing else, Ethan headed out of the club and into the straining light of day.