|Resident Fun 5
Author: Gerkyhen PM
A man hulk that runs around with guns, majini everywhere and...herbs! Disclaimer: Do not own Resi 5 for some reason. Bsaa are called Bssa in my story :D. R&E: Read and EnjoyRated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Chris R. & Sheva A. - Chapters: 36 - Words: 36,059 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 08-30-10 - Published: 06-15-09 - id: 5139982
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Resident Fun 5
*Le gasp!* Yes I am back, after basically a year...jeez, sorry. Sorry to anyone who randomly drifted past and was liek: 'Where's teh new chapter!'
My answer is: Tis here!
It won't be funny! Haha...Comedy...anyway on with Resident Fun 5's NEWest chapter...chapter 36!
Chris and Sheva ran up some stairs, then down some.
"Well this is extremely uneventful" Sheva sighed as some Majini arrived.
"Yes, and I'm extremely bored" Chris agreed.
"You know what would be interesting now?" Sheva said.
"That bat-crab thing coming back I should think" Chris said in a musing tone to himself as the pair approached yet another one of the ugly statues that plagued the Aztec Ruins bit.
"No" Sheva hissed. "Don't be stupid"
"You're stupid" Chris growled back as he pushed his partner out of the way to grab the grenade launcher that happened to be there.
Suddenly the ground shook violently as yet more stairs went up...or down.
"See? No bat crab" Sheva sighed.
Chris didn't reply.
"Chris?" Sheva mumbled. "There's no reason to go into a mood just because I'm right and you're wrong"
"Help! Sheva! The bat crab!" Chris screamed.
Sheva turned to see the bat thing from before had landed on Chris.
"Why! Why would it randomly decide to come here!" Sheva demanded.
"Maybe..." Chris said from underneath the bat thing's disgusting tail. "Maybe...that fall ended up in the Aztec ruins?"
"Oh, don't be stupid Chris" Sheva snapped.
"You're stupid!" Chris shot back, before grenade launching the bat thing off of him; it flew upwards from the force of the grenade and hit the ceiling before crashing back down onto Chris. "Ow!" Chris yelped as all the breath was knocked out of him.
Sheva ran to her partner's aid, and began kicking the bat-crab in its disgusting tail. Chris made no effort to help himself and instead flailed uselessly underneath the bat-crab's massive weight.
"Chris! Do something!" Sheva ordered.
"Right" Chris nodded, he blasted the bat-crab with the grenade launcher again, it flew up, hit the ceiling and crashed back onto him...again.
"Ow!" Chris yelped as yet again all of the breath was knocked out of him.
"No, something different to that you douche" Sheva growled.
"Why? It's foolproof!" Chris shot back before blasting the bat-crab with the launcher again; it flew up, hit the ceiling and crashed onto the floor.
"Sheva, why did you drag me away?" Chris demanded. "That was foolproof"
"It wasn't foolproof because a fool was doing it" Sheva hit back.
"Oh, real mature" Chris sighed as he stood up. "Look, this grenade launcher is useless and smelly" He tossed it to the side, before taking out his shock stick.
"Chris...do not try and use that on a boss" Sheva said, approaching her partner gingerly.
Chris's reply was to hit the bat-crab thing. "Help Sheva! It didn't die immediately!" He yelped as the bat crab turned to look at him.
Sheva groaned as she watched Chris get boxed into a corner by the giant creature.
"Sheva!" He yelled.
Sheva jumped onto the bat thing's tail and began stabbing it repeatedly while Chris began lashing out wildly at the bat crab with his stun stick.
"I can't do this" The bat- crab sighed before dying.
"Yes! I killed it!" Chris celebrated.
"That was a combined effort!" Sheva shouted.
"Actually I think you'll find I died because I couldn't be arsed" The bat-crab interjected.
"You can't talk" Chris hissed before shooting it repeatedly in the head.
"Now that, that bat-crab thing's dead...I think something eventful might happen" Sheva said in a wondering tone.
Chris turned to look epically at her with a massive smile of excitement on his face.
"That's right Chris...let's roll" Sheva nodded.
"Jesus...why...why are there so many stairs?" Chris panted as he and Sheva climbed the massive staircase leading out of the Aztec Ruins.
"I...I...I...think it's because it's a temp..." Sheva began.
"It's...because...they're stupid" Chris agreed with what Sheva hadn't said.
Too tired to be angry Sheva wiped some sweat from her brow. "Chris...since you're the manhulk...couldn't...couldn't you jump up?"
"Hey...hey, yeah!" Chris agreed happily, before leaping up to the door way.
"I meant...that you took me with you..." Sheva moaned, before dragging herself up rest of the way.
Finally when Sheva reached Chris (who had helped her out by shouting words of encouragement) they turned to the doorway.
"Meanwhile...with Wesker" Chris narrated.
Sheva threw him a funny look.
But Chris was right; something was going on with Albert Wesker!
"The preparations are almost complete. Then we can leave" Said Excella Gionne (because that's who it is, even if Chris and Sheva don't know it yet!) as she took a needle out of a suitcase.
"Good" Replied Wesker before glancing nervously at the needle Excella was tapping.
Excella brought the needle to his arm.
"Argh! What the hell! I want a warning before you do it you stupid cow" Wesker hissed, grabbing his arm away from her.
"What...like a countdown?" Excella blinked.
"Yes...that sounds a grand idea...a countdown" Wesker agreed, before nervously bringing his arm back out, Excella stuck the needle in immediately. "Bitch..." Wesker hissed through gritted teeth. "I'm gonna windfall your head off one day"
Excella ignored this and then started gunning for a promotion. "You know, I was surprised Las Plagas was such a success"
Wesker ignored her and stood up as he thought of Chris...cuz that's what he did most of the time...think of Chris.
Excella apparently was unaware of this as she continued. "When you first arrived I had my doubts"
Wesker being the cool ass bad guy that he is didn't show the hurt that flickered on his face when she said she'd had doubts.
"And now Uroboros is complete" Excella said.
There was an uncomfortable silence that Wesker decided to fill. "...your position within Tricell is secured"
Excella smirked. "Oh...I have my eyes set on something much bigger" She murmured as she basically touched Wesker up.
"Umm" Wesker managed out, because he was extremely creeped out...and now he really wanted to windfall Excella.
After checking him out a bit, Excella continued. "You'll be needing a partner right? Someone suitable to join you in your new world" Slowly she placed her hand on Wesker's stomach. "I believe I've proved myself worthy, haven't I?" She said as she slowly stroked the patterns on Wesker's cool, ass clothes.
Wesker slowly brought his hand up and grabbed Excella's chin. "Stop. The. Blatant. Coming. On. To. Me" He said calmly.
Excella shook her head out of his grasp as bird masked woman entered the room. "The BSSA are here" She said.
"Don't you mean the BSAA?" Wesker enquired, turning to look at the bird masked woman.
"No...I said BSSA I meant BSSA" The bird masked woman shot back.
"I like your mask" Wesker commented.
"Of course you do...you picked it you jackass" The bird masked woman snarled.
"Shut up or I'll windfall you" Wesker growled.
"It appears your old friend Chris Redfield..."
Wesker's ears perked up at Chris's name.
"...have come to pay a visit" Excella said.
"What...he's literally came to visit me? Or he's here to stop my evil plan again?" Wesker said, turning to Excella.
"The evil plan one obviously" The bird masked woman sighed.
"Shut up!" Wesker hissed, before becoming cool again.
"Do I sense concern?" Excella murmured.
"Not about Chris...maybe a bit of concern of you trying to rape me in the night though" Wesker agreed. "But anyway, the plan is in its final stages, I won't tolerate delays"
Excella stepped back and shook her head in disbelief before grabbing the suitcase full of needles and storming out of the room.
"Woman eh?" The bird masked woman joked before following Excella out of the room- leaving Wesker to be epically cool.
He stepped forward a little and looked out of his little house at the factory place below before having a flashback:
"...a new superior breed of humans...creating a new world..." Said a disgusting old man in a wheelchair.
Wesker clenched his fist as he looked out at the storm, annoyed because he couldn't remember if he'd left the window in his car open.
"The progenitor virus" Gross old man continued. "You!"
The flashback flashed to Wesker looking angry again then back to the gross old man, who was continually babbling on...like old people do. "I was to become a god..." He said.
Suddenly it flashed to Wesker, whispering in the old man's ear (because this flashback is a very jumpy flashback). "That right is now mine"
The old man rolled to the floor.
Flashback ended. Wesker decided to speak to himself. "I believe I should thank you Spencer" He mumbled (remember the man from the flashback, that's Spencer!).
"Hey..." Chris piped up.
Sheva looked at him.
"The chapter's finished" Chris said in wonder.
"Since when?" Sheva demanded.
"It was that damn Wesker!" Chris yelled, before punching the wall.
And with that the chapter ended.
Probably a bit sketchy, I hope it wasn't a pain to read. R&R.