Author: AuraTheGreat PM
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ED-BOB SPARKLEPANTS!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Angst - Words: 1,473 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 06-15-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5140853
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Sitting in the corner of the Krusty Krab was the undead Patrick, his lustrous, raven black... mullet staying firm in place. Patrick had accidentally drove a nail through his brain and died months ago but he didn't notice/care. He stirred awake and saw Edward at a table. Using all fours, he crawled over to Edward and kneeled on his back two, barking at him stupidly.
Bellward also entered the Krusty Krab and noticed that Edbob Sparklepants was sitting near by. She smiled and walked up to him. "Hi Edward!" She said happily.
Edbob smiled "Hi Bellward. Do you want food? You eat food, right? I don't ever eat food because I'm-" he noticed the other people in the restaurant staring "A male model! And this is my dog!" he patted Patrick on the head like he would a dog and said loudly "They don't suspect a thing"
"Oh... Sure... Maybe... Later..." she smiled, sitting down. Bellward smelled very nice and looked extremely pretty and was wearing nice clothes and her hair was looking great and... Did I mention she smelled nice? Well, she did. I'm not joking. And she looked at Edbob and said, "I..." And then she fell out of her chair. "Whoops," she said, blushing so that her face looked even nicer.
Edbob suddenly got a look on his face like he REALLY had to go to the bathroom.
"Are you all right?" Bellward asked, leaning forward in concern.
Edbob suddenly grabbed Undead Patrick, deeply inhaling the putrid odor of his rotting flesh. "I'm better now, thank you. Your odor was causing me great pain" he said down calmly.
Bellward gasped. "I smell that bad?" she started to cry loudly. "Why? Why? I tried to smell nice for you, Edbob!" Her sobbing wouldn't stop.
Edbob began to shake and foam at the mouth, and gripped the table very hard "Y-You s-mell r-eally n-nice B-Bellward,"
The undead Patrick stared at Edbob in confusion. He lifted his arm and smelled his own armpit, which immediately downed a number of the customers. The stench was, to be blunt, the sense of smell's answer to screamer videos on Youtube. However, Patrick was rather pleased with the stench, which he believed was coming from his innumerable armpit hairs, so he yanked some of them off and stuffed them into his mouth.
This was too much for poor Edbob. He said quite loudly "PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT BELLWARD, I NEED TO USE THE MEN'S ROOM!" and ran into the Lav with an expression of utter panic.
Bellward was sobbing so violently that she fell out of her chair and almost DIED. But then, everything as a-okay and she got up, and she just had a bruise on her head. "Wahhh! Edbob Sparklepants thinks I smell like... Like... Like an old... S-shoe! I'm just gonna cry and cry and cry about it because I'm a SQUID! BELLWARD SQUID!" And then, she suddenly fell over again, because she is a klutz. And she looked amazingly beautiful, lying gracefully on the floor. The green, old, floor. She sniffed, curling into a ball. And then she fell asleep.
Still on all fours, Patrick now walked over to Bellward and licked her cheek. As a result, his armpit hairs were now stuck to the side of her face because he never swallowed. He then followed his believed master into the bathroom.
Edbob froze when Undead Patrick saw him sitting on the toilet without his pants down "I do pee sometimes, really...."
Patrick licked Edbob's pant leg. Unbelievably enough, he then climbed up the bathroom stall's wall, using the nail in his head as a sort of support, then, upon being level with Edbob's head, latched onto it and fell asleep in that position.
Bellward suddenly awoke, opening her brown orbs of lovelyness and stood up, her pale skin sparkling. "I'm not beautiful," she said sadly, sitting at the table again. "I miss Edbob! Edbob, my lovely love love lovely love love VAMPIRE, please return to me!" She swung her four legs elegantly and batted her eyelashes at the door of the bathroom, waiting for him to return with his terrible-smelling starfish-dog. She sighed, glancing out the window. "I hope he bites me someday and tells me I smell pretty..." And then, suddenly, in her amazing singing voice, she belted out "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story.
The door to the bathroom flew open, and Edbob trilled excitedly "I hear GAY PEOPLE!" he then looked around and sighed "Oh, it's just you, Bellward"
Bellward stopped singing and looked at him sadly. 'Do you think I'm gay?" she started to cry again because she was incredibly sad and she was feeling depressed. "Don't you love me? I thought you loved me! SMeyer had better plans for us than you calling me GAY! I am NOT gay and you should know that, but I still love you and think that you are lovely and sparkly and that you have amazing hair and everything else SMeyer said about you! Even the things that she saved in her... PERSONAL FILES! I AGREE WITH HER, EDBOB! PLEASE BITE ME!" And she kept crying, "I-I f-feel p-pretty.... Oh.... So... P-pretty..." She sniffed. "I feel.... P-pretty... and- and whitty a-and... gay... A-and I pitty... Any g-girl wh-who isn't m-me t-today..." ANd then, she was all okay and started twirling gracefully around the room.
"I for some reason see this behavior as incredibly attractive!" announced Edbob.
"You do?" she squealed. She ran up to him and grinned, kind of... Awkwardly. It was scary. But that's okay. She was still beautiful. She held her wrist up to him and said, "Please bite me."
He sighed, and proclaimed dramatically "I-I cannot! If I bite you you will never enjoy the experience of someday being wrinkly and smelling like soap! I CANNOT DENY YOU THAT!"
"BUT I WANT TO BE PRETTY LIKE YOU!" She screamed. "You have to do this! Because... Because I am in love with you and because SMeyer says so!" Bellward and her four-legged self started to throw a giant temper tantrum. "I am being difficult because I am a SQUID! BELLWARD! SQUID!" And then she leaned against Edbob, still crying.
Patrick stared at Bellward for a second or two and, going by animal instinct, again licked her cheek. She was now coated by even more slobber and hair.
"Who is Smeyer?" asked Edbob. He went to take a sip of his drink, but was too distracted staring at Bellward and smelling her that he slammed the glass against his head, spilling soda all over his face.
"SMeyer is a wonderful woman! Some think that her mind is terrible, and she has perverted things stored up there, but I know she doesn't and it's just a gift that she has to be able to write such captivating and romantic novels! She created you and says you have to fall in love with me!" She smiled, taking a napkin and wiping Edbob's face. "You look amazing even when there is soda on your head~!" she exclaimed.
Using an extendable tongue, Undead Patrick lashed out and snatched the soda-coated napkin from Bellward's hand, swallowing it whole.
"I don't understand what your talking about but your pretty!" said Edbob, ignoring the... thing... on his head.
"I am?" she squealed with a girlish smile. "Well, if you say so... You're pretty too!" Bellward stood, looking at him for a moment, then spinning around the room, singing an original song, written for Edbob, with her beautiful voice and looking beautiful. And then, she fell over. Tears formed in front of her eyes and began to stream down her face. "I think I broke my whole self!" she moaned, laying limply on the floor.
In a bizarre scene, undead Patrick released his grip on Edbob and scooped up Bellward, resting her on his back. He then walked into the women's bathroom, freaking out multiple ladies and sending them out screaming. He ripped off the flushing mechanism from one of the toilets, attached it to a sink, and stuffed Bellward into the sink. He then attempted to flush her down the sink and, after thinking it worked, galloped over to Edbob, barking happily.
Edbob rushed to her side, and sort of tried to pry her out of the sink... it didn't really work.... just, kinda awkward.