GUYS! Oh my goodness, I was almost CRYING when I read all your messages of support. Not only did I get a couple of hundred reviews/PM's on MY ACCOUNT, but I read all the reviews you left on WillBellaPleaseJustDIEAlready's 'stories' and I was blown away. Thank you SO MUCH! Honestly, if I could fly around the world and hug each and every one of you, I WOULD!

So, anyway, this is my conclusion: You guys don't deserve to be punished for what she's done wrong, so I'm coming of my strike and updating ALL of my stories at some point during the day. She hasn't taken any of her copied stories down yet, but I've reported her so hopefully they'll be down soon.

Once again, thanks for all your support...and enjoy the chapter! x

BPOV

"Nothing you say will ever make me do this." Edward said stubbornly, folding his arms and sitting down on the sofa. "Nothing."

Alice glared at him. "You're pathetic! Do you want to get rid of James or not?"

"Of course I do! That's why I'm going to go hide in Bella's room when James get here, instead of the evil place."

I rolled my eyes. "Edward, come on!"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I refuse."

"It's just a closet!" exclaimed Alice. "And I'll be in there too, so I won't let any scary coat-hangers get you. Does that make you feel better?"

Edward stared at her like she was crazy. "Not at all! I'm scared that you'll be the one doing the coat-hanger-stabbing!"

Alice threw her hands up in the air and groaned. "Why can't you just get over-"

Knock, knock, knock.

I squeaked. "He's here."

"I know." muttered Alice, suddenly grabbing Edward by the ear. And throwing him into the open door of the closet under the stairs.

"OUCH!"

She turned to me as Edward crawled back out again. "You're going to be fine. We've gone over and over it. You know what to do."

"What if he sees right through it?" I whispered, as more impatient knocking rang through the house.

"Bella," Alice grabbed my shoulders. "He's an idiot. Just keep your fingers crossed and pray to God it works-"

Before she could finish her sentence, I was pulled into Edward's arms and kissed passionately.

I slid my arms around his neck, wishing I could stay in that moment in time for the rest of my life.

"This is really not the time." Alice muttered, but I could hear the reluctant smile in her voice. "Come on guys. Guys?"

We were both to caught up in our own little world to notice her until our heads were yanked apart. "Get in the closet, Edward."

He smiled the crooked smile that had made my heart melt for years and with one last hast kiss, he ducked into the closet, checking for any coathangers before he sat down. Alice winked at me and followed him in.

Mere seconds after the closet door closed, the front door burst open.

"For God's sake! Did you not here me?" growled James, storming into the living room.

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. "I was preoccupied."

"Whatever." he muttered. "What did you want? You do realise you interrupted something very important, don't you?"

"Yes, I'm so very sorry to prise you away from your clay model of my naked mother." I resisted the urge to gag. "I suppose I'm going to regret asking this later...but how exactly do you know what Renee looks like without any clothes on?"

James plopped down onto the couch, smiling indulgently. "Binoculars are a wonderful thing...and your dear, angel mother often forgets to close the curtains-"

I held a hand up. Yes, definitely regretting asking. "Thank you."

He shrugged. "You asked. So..." he looked around the room. "Why'd you want me to come over so badly? Can't resist me?" he grinned creepily. "I guess it runs in the family."

Riiiight...

"Um, no, I actually thought we could watch a movie together." I held up The Little Mermaid.

He screwed up his nose. "Ew. Disney."

I slipped the DVD into the player and pressed play before running back to join him on the couch. "I felt like watching something light at happy today."

James' expression suddenly changed. "Wait...Do I get popcorn?"

I sighed and stood up again. "I'll go make it now."

I pressed pause on the remote just as King Triton, Ariel's father, was turning her from a mermaid to a human. "See? Look, James? Isn't this nice? The king loves Ariel so much that he's willing to let her go so she can be with the one she loves!"

James popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth, he was onto his fourth helping and I kept having to get up and make more. This was irritating, I could really do without the creepy-voice-from-nowhere hissing advice at me everytime I walked past the closet. "Can you press play again now?"

I ignored him. "Wouldn't you do that for the person you love? Wouldn't you let them go if it meant they could be happy?"

Mwahaha. NOBODY can resist Disney morals. NOBODY!

James shrugged. "I dunno. But it doesn't even matter, because 1) I'm not a mermaid king, 2) Renee isn't a random ginga chick with a purple bra and c) Phil isn't as hot as Prince Eric."

I groaned internally. It was time for plan B.

I switched the television off.

"HEY!" yelled James, jumping up off the couch. "I was watching that!"

"It was nearly finished anyway." I told him briskly. "If you want ti find out what happens next, go rent the sequel from the video store."

"There's a sequel?" he squealed in delight.

Yeah. So much for 'Ew. Disney'.

"What happens?"

I dug around in the bag Edward had bought over (pepper spray included, God, pessimistic much?) trying to find the CD. "Ummm...They have a kid and...she wants to be a mermaid."

"Aw! Ariel and Eric would make such amazing parents!" James gushed happily.

Ok, that was just sad.

"Mmmmhmmm..." I gave him a strange look. And finally found the CD. "Hey, can I play you a song?"

He made a face. "Will it take long?"

Only if you're difficult... "Nope."

"Fine." he huffed.

I placed the CD into the player and threw the cover onto the coffee table. "Now, I have to ask you something before I play the song."

"The answer is yes." James replied, thrusting the empty bowl he'd been holding at me. "Yes, I would like more popcorn."

I rolled my eyes. "No. My question is about Renee." I said gently, trying to make my voice sound concerned. "Did you ever really think it would work out between you two?"

James was silent for a moment, apart from whispering the question back to himself. "Did I ever really-" his eyes suddenly lit up with anger. "It is going to work! We're soul mates!"

"But she has a husband who she loves very much." I pointed out.

"She'll change her mind again when she meets me!" he muttered more to himself than me.

I gave him a knowing look and he glanced at his shoes, not meeting my gaze. "How can you possibly be sure about that?"

"I...uh..." he gritted his teeth, his hands now curled up into fists. "Shut up, Bella. Phil is nothing! Nothing! He won't matter when Renee meets me!"

I placed a hand on his arm which he immediately shook off. "Remember the movie? How the king let Ariel because he loved her-"

"WE'RE NOT MERMAIDS!" he interrupted furiously. "And I'm not Renee's dad."

"That kind of thing doesn't just happen to mermaids and between fathers and daughters." I told him quietly. That was my cue to press play.

As the music started, I turned away from James, not wanting to influence his decision in any way by being right there.

And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

"See?" I whispered. "If you really love her, you'll leave her alone so she can move on and have a life with Phil."

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure about this plan anymore. What if James wasn't stupid enough to have his mind changed by a Disney movie and a song? What if he got really angry and...violent? What if this only fueled his infatuation with Renee?

But any doubts I was having were too late. It had been done. All I could do was stare at the wall infront of me and hope to God it worked.

I could hear his breathing slowly becoming faster and faster. "You're right, Bella." What sounded suspiciously like a huge exhale came from the closet. "Renee isn't my soul mate."

I bit my lip to force back a grin and spun around. "She isn't?"

James shook his head. He was grinning, staring at something square and plastic on his lap. "No, she isn't."

I sighed in relief and walked over to him. "Good. I'm glad you see it my way. I mean, some people just aren't meant to be in a relationship. And not everyone has to have a soul mate..." Especially not if you're a psycho.

"Oh, I have a soul mate." James assured me. "It just isn't Renee." he sniffed. "I prefer my women a bit..higher up...in society."

I blinked. "Pardon?"

He stood up. "I appreciate you help, Beth, but I'm afraid you'll have to tell your mother I'm no long interested." He held up what he'd been staring at earlier: the CD case, and pointed to the picture of Kelly Clarkson on the front. "This is my future wife."

I suppressed a giggle threatening to explode out of me and nodded. "Kay."

"I'm glad you see things my way." he said, laying a hand on my shoulder. "It was nice meeting you, Beatrice."

"You too, James." I lied as he turned and headed for the the front door.

James paused just as he was about to slam it. "Oh, and Belinda? Say goodbye to your father for me." he winked. "Under all that toughness, Chuckie really isn't such a bad guy."

And then he was gone.

Ten minutes later, Edward, Alice and I were sitting side by side on my living room couch with identical shocked expressions on our faces.

After James' car had pulled away, they'd silently emerged from the closet and the three of us hand simultaneously plopped down on the sofa.

Of course, it was Alice who first broke the incredulous silence.

"Dammit!" she cried, jumping up. "That bastard took my CD cover!"

What did you expect guys? This is a Romance/Humor fanfic! It's not supposed to be too angsty! And James is an idiot!

Epilogue is next. Sob! I can't believe this story is almost over!

Please review and make me feel all happy about coming off the strike! I love you all! *takes virtual baking out of internet oven (?)* COOKIES FOR EVERYONE!